I wake up alone on the couch. When I went to sleep, Nick was wrapped around me, but now he’s gone. I roll over and smell the heavenly scent of coffee. Dad is sitting at the table, talking with someone. At first glance I think it’s Nick, but it’s not. It’s the man from last night, and his wife, the one who talked to the 9-1-1 operator for me.
I get up and go put on something besides my jammies, and then I go out to join them. I touch Dad lightly on the shoulder and squeeze. His hand comes up to cover mine. I bend and kiss his cheek. “Have you talked to Mom today?”
He nods. “She’s awake and ready to come home.” He swipes a hand down his face. “I just have to disassemble the bed and move some stuff around, and then I’ll go pick her up.”
“Why do you have to disassemble the bed?”
“Honey, hospice is sending over a hospital bed and supplies.” He stops and watches me.
“Oh,” I breathe.
Matt breaks the stalemate. “Why don’t you let my brothers and me move the furniture around for you? We can get it done a lot faster. And we’ve done it before.”
“Oh, no,” Dad says. “We couldn’t let you do that.”
Matt waves a hand in the air. “It’s nothing. And my brothers won’t be happy unless you let us help. They’ve been dying to come over since yesterday, but I told them they couldn’t.” He laughs. “They’re nosy.”
“Why do you care?” I blurt out.
“
Carrie
.” Dad scolds me with just that one word, and heat creeps up my face.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur. I busy myself pouring a cup of coffee.
Matt pulls back his sleeve and shows me the cancer ribbon tattoo on his bicep. “I’m a survivor.”
I drop into a chair beside Dad. “Of cancer?”
He nods and takes a sip of his coffee. “Yes.” His wife’s hand slips under his on the table and he looks up at her with a smile.
“That’s how we met,” she says. She waves at me. “I’m Sky, by the way.”
“You met over cancer?” Dad asks.
She shakes her head. “We met because of our kids, actually. Matt met my half-sister when they were both in treatment. She had three kids, and I took them when she died. And I met Matt through the process. They stuck. The kids
and
the man.”
“To make a long story short,” Matt says, “we’d be happy to move your furniture around, so you can get some other stuff done.” He jerks a thumb toward the hallway. “Do you want to show me what you need to have moved?”
Dad follows him in the corridor and I watch. Sky says softly, “Matt has a tender heart. He’s faced his own mortality more than once, so he knows what your mother’s going through.”
“He survived, though,” I say. Emotion swells inside me, right when I least expect it, and I have to swallow hard to push it down. “My mom isn’t going to.”
“I know,” she says. Her eyes well and she blinks hard to keep the tears from falling over. She doesn’t say anything. She just stares at her coffee. Finally, she says quietly, “You’re lucky, you know?”
My head jerks up and I snort. “Define luck.”
“My oldest boy, Seth, he would give anything to have a few more minutes with his mom. So don’t take it for granted.”
“I’ve been a bit of a bitch, lately,” I admit.
She laughs. “You’re a teenager. That comes with the territory. Your mom knows that.”
“Not about normal teenage stuff. Not boys. Not periods. Not makeup or clothes. But just about life.”
“Sometimes life convinces us it sucks. And sometimes it convinces us
we
suck. It happens. You get over it. I would wager your mom won’t hold it against you.”
I look into her eyes. “You promise?”
“I’m a mom. So, yes, I promise.”
I nod.
Dad and Matt come back down the hallway and they stop to shake hands. Matt and Sky leave hand in hand, and Dad leaves to go pick up Mom. I look around and wonder what the heck I’m supposed to be doing. But then a knock sounds on the door and Matt lets himself in. Hospice is there with the furniture and supplies, so he shows them where to put everything. Following him are four more men just like him, and then one that’s not like him at all.
Matt introduces his brothers and his son, Seth. Seth is so darn good-looking that I wish I’d brushed my hair when I woke up.
They get busy with no help from me, and they move Mom’s bed over, making enough room in the bedroom for a hospital bed and equipment. It doesn’t take them long, but they do have to rearrange the whole room.
They leave the same way they arrived, with absolutely no help from me. The two that look just alike high-five one another, and one kisses Seth on the cheek. Seth shoves him back and grabs him in a headlock, until Paul barks at them to knock it off. He runs them out the door with apologies to me.
“We’ll see you later,” Matt says. He goes out, but then he pokes his head back in the door. “You okay?” His brow furrows.
Suddenly, I remember that I don’t know what happened to Nick. “Do you know where Nick is?” I ask.
He grins. “Oh, your dad rolled him off the couch this morning and told him to go home. He said he’d see you tonight.”
I scratch my head. “Dad rolled him off the couch?”
He laughs. “You should ask him about it.” He waves again. “See you later!” Then he disappears.
Now I need to find Nick and ask him what happened between him and Dad. But Mom will be home soon.
Nick
My mind isn’t on work at all. It’s on Carrie. Last night, I slept in her bed until her father came home. Holding her next to me felt…right. It’s the only thing that has felt right for me in a really long time. I feel like my days are all work. My nights are more work. And all so I can hold on to my parents’ place at the beach.
I remember when they bought it. They were so excited. They paid for it in full and we were supposed to stay there only while they worked to get something a little larger. But that day never happened. We were happy anyway. I’d be happy there forever, but now the property taxes and insurance are killing me.
When I look at Carrie, I see possibilities. I see a future I forgot I might be able to have. I see college and dating and marriage. I might even see kids one day. But right now, I’ll never have the future I want because I’m working too damn hard.
I toss a can of tuna onto the shelf just a little too hard and the store manager scowls at me. “You dent it, you buy it,” he says.
I look down at it. I could actually use a can of tuna because my cupboards are bare. I live mostly on favors. There are so many people who owe me favors that I always have enough to eat, but not much else. Just like when I took the firewood to the Reeds—I do that all the time. I get from one person to give to another, building up favors. Then I sometimes collect. The rest I keep on account. For the firewood, I helped a guy clean fish he caught after a day on his boat. I smelled like fish for what seemed like a week, but he gave me some fish to take home, and I got the firewood from him when I needed it.
That’s the way my life works. Sometimes I feel like I’m robbing Peter to pay Paul. I’m tired. So tired.
Speaking of Pete and Paul, I see two of the Reeds walking through the aisles of the store. Each one has a kid on his hip, and there are three little girls at their feet. “Hey Nick,” Paul says, and he high-fives me as he walks by. He sets one of the kids down so he can look at some buckets, and the kid toddles across the floor faster than anything I ever saw. Paul jumps up and scoops him into his arms right before he can up-end a display of goldfish crackers. Paul tickles his belly and he scrunches up, his little face breaking into a grin.
“Can I help you find something?” I ask them, getting to my feet.
Paul holds the kid out to me, his feet flailing. “Hold this for a second,” he says. I take him and settle him on my hip. He jams his fingers into his mouth, and then he reaches up and jams them into my mouth. Yuck.
“Does it have a name?” I ask around the kid’s fingers.
“That one is Matty,” Pete says. He holds the other one out. “Hold this one for a sec, too.” He settles the little girl on my hip. “Behave, Hoppy,” he says with a shake of his finger. He follows Paul and the three little girls to the other aisle.
This one doesn’t like me nearly as much as the other one does and her eyes fill with tears. “Um, guys,” I call. But they have gone around the corner. Crap. I have no idea what to do with babies. “Hey,” I call.
“Hey,” the little girl echoes, and she grins.
“Oh, you can talk,” I say and she jumps in my arms, flopping her hands around. She’s wearing a bathing suit and a little sun hat, and they must have just put sunscreen on her because she smells like coconuts and she’s a little slippery. Particularly when she does that jumping thing she’s doing.
Matty still has his fingers jammed in my mouth, and I realize he tastes a little like peanut butter. And jelly? Yep. Definitely jelly. I guess it could be worse.
Paul comes around the corner with a bucket and holds it up. “Blue okay, Hop?” he asks.
She swings her arms a little harder and he puts the handle of the plastic bucket in her fingers. She immediately flops again and hits me over the head with it. Paul laughs and walks back around the corner. He comes back with a yellow one. I run around to the other aisle before he can give it to Matty. One kid beating me over the head is bad enough.
When I round the corner, I run into Carrie.
“Oh my God,” she breathes. But she immediately breaks out with a laugh.
“I’m dying here,” I say.
“You want some help?”
“Please.”
She stops in front of Hoppy and claps her hands and makes a silly face. Hoppy jumps and that damn bucket beans me in the eye. But she goes to Carrie without any complaints. Thank God.
“That’s a big bucket,” Carrie says, talking in baby talk. I rub my eye. It’s a
huge
bucket. She pries the bucket out of the kid’s hand and replaces it with a soft, squishy ball she took off a nearby shelf. Hoppy immediately stuffs it in her mouth. “They have to taste it before they can play with it, I guess,” Carrie tells me.
I point to mine. “This one tastes like peanut butter and jelly.”
Carrie shrugs. “Could be worse.” She laughs.
“True.” I heave a sigh. Around fingers.
“You left before I could say goodbye today,” she says quietly.
I bounce Matty on my hip, because he’s starting to squirm. “Oh, yeah. Your dad threw me out.”
“He did not,” she protests.
I nod. “He did.”
Her brows form a vee. “Why did he do that?”
“Um, well…” It’s terribly inappropriate to tell her that guys wake up with morning wood and that dads don’t like it much. So I just say, “He didn’t like me sleeping over.” I shrug. “Can’t say I blame him.”
“I liked having you there,” she says quietly. Her face goes red and I can see the pulse at the base of her neck jumping.
“Can I come see you tonight?” I ask. “If your parents don’t mind.”
She nods. “I’d like that.”
I look at my watch. “I have to lifeguard from two until eight.”
“Okay,” she says.
Paul and Pete come back around the corner. “Oh, hey, Carrie,” Paul says. He takes the baby Carrie has, but he leaves me with mine. “You’re good with her. You ever do any babysitting?”
She nods. “Sometimes.”
“Well, let us know if you’re interested. We could use some help.”
She nods again and smiles. “Okay.”
Paul narrows his eyes at me. “Nick, you ever do any babysitting?”
I nod, too. I do just about anything that will earn money. “Sometimes.”
“Good,” he says with a nod. “It might take both of you to keep all of them in line.”
“How many are there?” Carrie asks.
“Lots,” Pete says drolly. “Sometimes I can’t count them all.”
Carrie laughs. “Let us know if you need help.”
“Will do,” Paul says. Pete takes Matty from me. Then Matty lets out the loudest fart I ever heard, and Pete groans.
“I swear to God that wasn’t me,” Pete says, holding up one hand like he’s testifying.
“I can’t believe you’re blaming a fart like that on a helpless baby,” Paul says, but he’s laughing too, and I suddenly can’t keep from doing it myself.
“You’re changing it,” Pete warns as they go out the door. The girls follow them, with their buckets, shovels, and other beach toys in their hands.
“Do you need help finding something?” I ask Carrie. I really just want an excuse to talk to her a little longer.
“Flowers,” she says. “I want to get my mom some flowers.”
“What’s her favorite?”
“I don’t know.” She bites her thumbnail. “She likes roses.”
My mom liked roses too. So I know just where she can get some. I give her directions to my house and tell her to take whatever she wants.
“I can’t do that,” she complains.
“Yes, you can. Someone needs to enjoy them.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. My mom would like that your mom is enjoying them.”
“Okay, thanks.” She smiles tentatively at me.
“So I can come and see you tonight?” I ask.
She nods. Then she steps onto her tiptoes and presses her lips to my cheek. She lingers there just long enough for me to catch the scent of her, and then she’s gone.
But I’ll see her later. That thought warms me all over, and I feel something I haven’t felt in a really long time.
Hope.
Carrie
When I get home, Dad’s car is already there. I have a big bouquet of roses and several pricked fingers. Roses have thorns when you cut them directly from the bush, apparently. I lift my wounded thumb to my mouth and try to suck the pain away. It doesn’t work.
I let myself into the house and don’t see Mom or Dad anywhere, so I go to the kitchen and put my roses in a vase. Then I go to put them in her room, but I open her bedroom door and pause. I hear murmuring from the bathroom and tiptoe far enough inside that I can see them.
I stop short. The rose vase tilts, and water drips onto the floor. I right the vase and wipe my foot across the spot to spread out the wetness. I stand very still so they won’t know I’m there.
Mom is naked, reclining in the tub. Dad is kneeling beside her and he’s rubbing a soapy cloth over her shoulders. He’s dressed like he was this morning, but she’s not wearing anything. He’s helping her take a bath?
What?