Authors: Mahalia Levey
Derek
snorted. “Don’t inconvenience yourself and tell your parents the same. Like I
said, she’s already here resting, her things are here. I’ll have her call you
when she’s feeling better.”
He
snapped the phone closed, effectively ending the conversation. Ten seconds
passed before the phone began vibrating again. For all he cared
Deja’s
sister could leave a voicemail.
Derek
fished four aspirin out and popped them in his mouth. Steam coated his glass
shower stall reminding him to quit wasting his utilities. He dropped his pants,
then
stepped in to let the spray douse him. Piping hot
water hit his sore body.
Too
bad the water couldn’t wash away the day’s problems.
Think Derek.
As the water cleansed his
body, he recited the Serenity Prayer, to gain perspective. For the first time
in his adult life utter exhaustion took its toll. Both mentally and physically,
he went on autopilot, chanting the mantra over and over again as soap churned
down the drain. As he wiped a hand through his wet hair, the one scar left on
his body reminded him of life’s miracle. One day, he’d open up, share his past
with
Deja
, but only if she gave him reason to. He
turned the running water off and opened the stall, reaching for his towel.
Careful not to make too much more noise, he dried quickly off and discarded the
towel down the laundry chute.
The
rest of his nightly routine took only a few minutes. Once he finished, he
padded over to his bed and climbed in, moving in deliberate slowness to get
comfortable hoping not to wake up the snoring
Deja
.
She moved, then resettled, stopped snoring and sighed lightly. He watched her
in the darkness, not able to really see her, but gazed at her form all the
same. She murmured something intangible before rolling toward him, tucking her
chin against his chest.
“I’m
sorry,” her whimsical sleepy voice filled his ears.
“I
know.” He closed his eyes and counted sheep until sleep came.
Chapter Four
The
morning came bringing a sleeting hail.
Deja
woke up
curled against Derek’s hot body, feeling more rested but unsettled.
Until she got a load of Derek’s appearance.
Call it
cowardice but seeing his face cut up while recalling his haunted and hurt
expression her words wrought had her scrambling from the bed. When he didn’t
move a stitch, she breathed a sigh of relief, letting her shoulders slump, and
then left in search of coffee in his kitchen.
The
aroma of hazelnut roasted beans saturated the air with the decadent scent of
her addiction.
Coffee, sweet coffee, so heady, so explosive
on the taste buds.
The feel of the hot liquid sliding down her throat
brought a different type of lusty moan from her lips.
Deja
sat mesmerized by his coffee machine. Someday she’d
get one that did everything and made close to no sound. Hers could be heard
slurping a mile away before spitting coffee into the pot. His made a quiet hiss
as it released into a different part of the machine and flashed red when done.
All the waiting made her antsy. His coffee selection came from a local roaster
blended specifically for him. She’d be lying if she said after a few of their
dates,
his coffee hadn’t sealed the deal for her staying
overnight.
Ohhh
yeah
.
She
popped the cup under the spigot, watching the dark liquid fill her ‘I’m the
best’ sixteen ounce coffee mug. Still moving in a fog, she left briefly to
fumble around his refrigerator for her favorite cream. Derek drank his black,
how or why she hadn’t the slightest. Cream was a staple in her eyes. After she
found the vanilla flavored mixture, she spun and stopped dead in her tracks.
A
thousand things ran through her mind. She didn’t deserve his love or loyalty.
Not after her insane cruelness. Yet he came home and didn’t kick her out.
Instead he enveloped her in his strong arms. She remembered whispering sorry in
the early hours. In the aftermath—broad daylight, figuring out where they stood,
terrified her.
“Mornin’.”
Derek stood before her in a
pair of boxer briefs. She loved the stretchy material on him, hugging his
muscular legs. When she dragged her gaze back from his lower half she noticed
an odd expression on his face. “What?”
“You’re
drinking coffee?”
“Of
course, I do every morning.” She poured a generous helping of cream into her
cup. Just then her stomach grumbled. Taking a quick glance, she spied bagels on
the counter and crossed over to snag one. “Want one?” she asked, watching him
ransack his cupboard.
“Uh, sure.
Here’s the decaf.” Derek pulled another bag of
coffee out.
“I
made coffee Derek.”
Deja
dropped the two split bagels
into the four toaster slots and selected level four for crispy slices.
“It’s
caffeinated baby.” He slid an empty mug under the pot, drained the rest of the
coffee, and then dropped a brief kiss on her downturned lips. While he
assaulted her mouth with his, he dumped her cream and coffee down the kitchen
sink drain.
“Hey!
I was gonna drink that.”
“Whole point of wasting the cup.”
He pushed out of her
reach, quickly dumped grounds out of the reusable filter and ran the basin
under water.
“Give
me your cup.”
“
Deja
, just wait a few minutes, you’ll have your coffee. I
keep some decaf on hand for mornings when I don’t want a caffeine rush but
still want to enjoy the flavor.”
Deja
sucked a breath in. “Decaf, is sacrilegious. You are
no professional connoisseur.” She could feel the blood leave her face at the
thought of drinking tainted java. Derek just looked at her like she’d lost it
and then turned to fill the grinder with the new beans. God, she hated when he
wore that specific expression.
“You’re
pregnant. There will be some changes you’ll have to make if you plan on keeping
our child. No caffeine product is one of them.
“I
hadn’t thought of that. I guess we should make an appointment this morning.”
Deja
noticed him relax a bit as she moved past to grab the
cream cheese out.
“Good.
I want my two most important people healthy.”
“Derek.
I don’t know where the abortion outburst came from. I didn’t mean a word of
what I said to you. I’m ashamed for freaking and panicking. You didn’t deserve
what spewed out of my mouth. I’d never abort a baby let alone yours.”
“Thank
you for that. Now, let’s have breakfast. We can talk.” So he didn’t exactly
accept her apology, but acknowledging was a start. She’d find a way to show him
the love she felt but was incapable of copping to.
“About what?”
Deja
had to admit
the decaf smelled as decadent as the regular, she only hoped it tasted the
same.
“The white elephant in our life.”
Derek rinsed out her glass
and filled it back up for her. He handed her the creamer while he took his now
slathered bagel.
“Idioms?”
She layered her own with generous dollops.
“If the saying rings true.
There’s something you either
don’t want to talk about or don’t know how.” Derek grabbed his cup and joined
her. “I know you
Deja
. I know when you’re hurting,
when you’re stressed, or worried. Every time I attempt to get closer, bam a
wall slams up.
Never in private but always in public.”
“It’s
too complicated Derek. I’ll figure things out.” She didn’t know how to bridge
the culture barrier with her family. She worried about how they’d treat not
only him but their child. Denial meant she’d be able to ignore the issue for a
while longer.
“You’re
so good at avoidance and refusing to communicate.”
“Yep.”
Her hands shook as she poured the creamer into her
coffee. Ignoring him didn’t work. He resembled an immovable mountain.
“Can’t
fix an issue if I don’t know what the problem is.”
Deja
took a long drink of her coffee. “You can’t fix the
color of your skin.
Unless you can turn black.
I once
had a light skin boyfriend…even he wasn’t colored enough. My parents, grandma,
aunts and uncles all feel the same way. Although that was years ago. I doubt
anything has changed.” She paused before continuing, struggling for the right
words to make him understand her plight.
If he can’t use your comb don’t bring him
home.
“Even
at school, girls from families like mine didn’t date high toned men, no matter
how intelligent, athletic and sexy they were. Skin tone defined them, at least
by relationship standards. It’s horrible and at the same
time
such hypocrisy when those same guys are reamed for finding women of other races
to love them. How some of us treated men of our race was a shame. Instead of
giving them the same chance we failed to show them respect for being men,
turned them down flat and then went postal and judgmental when they found love
elsewhere.”
Derek
put his cup down. “That’s what you’re freaked about?”
“My
family isn’t pro inter-racial relationships if you heard any part of what I
just said.”
“I’d
be a liar if I said the color of your skin wasn’t what attracted me to you
initially. I love the tone of your skin, the flawless dark pigment. Your dark
brown eyes, full lips I love to kiss. I mean your prickly nature took a while
to grow on me, but I found your spark and bite sexy. Once I got to know you, your
drive for success heaped on top sealed the deal.” He could dissuade her worse
fears with his seductive tone when he wanted.
Deja
cleared the erotic vision from her head to concentrate on their topic of
discussion.
“You
know you’re the first white guy I’ve dated. I don’t think about your color
until I think about the reaction of my family.”
“
Ahh
.
This is the same family who
wouldn’t make time to rearrange their schedule to see that you were taken care
of?”
“They’re
just busy Derek, that doesn’t mean they don’t love me.”
Derek
sighed.
“What?”
Deja
polished her bagel off and moved to make another
one.
Anything to put a small bit of distance between them.
“You’re
a strong woman
Deja
, your strength one of the reasons
I fell so hard for you. I can’t imagine you letting anyone dictate anything to
you, most of all who you choose to be with. We can’t help who we fall in love
with.”
Deja
shrugged. “They’re just old school okay. In our
culture less than three percent of black women marry into our own race.”
“Times
change and adapting is necessary. I’m not letting you go
Deja
.
What’s the worst they can do? What are you afraid of?” He rose to place his
hand over hers.
“Hurt
you.” She swallowed past the hard lump in her throat. “Crack inappropriate,
mean jokes—ones that’ll make our life unbearable.”
“That’s
all?”
“Hate
me.” Tears filled her eyes. “Being the target of their hate will kill me.
Family is everything. I am not as strong as you think. Their approval means the
world to me.”
Derek
tipped her chin up. “Hey baby, if they hate you for loving me that’s on them.
We’re a team. We’re about to have the greatest miracle.”
“I
know but—”
“
Shh
.” He pressed his fingers to her lips.
“Why don’t we not worry about that bridge until we cross it, okay?”
“I’m
just scared.” As she felt her mouth wobble,
Deja
wished she didn’t feel like a goddamn crybaby.
“It’s
okay to be afraid.
Deja
we have plenty of time to
deal with whatever they toss our way. Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
She sniffled.
“Then
let me take care of you. Please.”
He
wore the devoted look well. His sincerity cracked through her defenses, warming
her heart. She didn’t deserve such a good man, but she didn’t want to lose him
either. She’d never find someone like him again. Not if she searched for the
rest of her life.
Deja
planned to have a family one
day, when she’d accomplished her goals. Life just didn’t work out the way she’d
expected. “I need you.”
“Babe,
I’ve been waiting too damn long to hear those words, but they were worth every
minute.”
Deja
laughed, tears slipping down her cheeks.
“I
promise you we’ll be okay but we have to talk our problems out.”
Her
gaze fell to the scrapes dotting along his knuckles as she pulled back to the
table. “What happened to you last night?”
“Couple of
asshats
at
Donato’s
club.”
He shrugged and drained his coffee. “More?’
“You…got
into a fist fight with someone?” She sipped her coffee. “Not yet.”
“Yeah,
some guys looking for trouble.”
Deja
peeked over the rim of her coffee tumbler at him.
“Guys as in plural?”
“It
was nothing sweetheart.”
“Your
face is broken.” She finished her drink and slid her cup to him.
“I
broke your heart and then you went out and broke your face.” Guilt assailed
her. “I’m so sorry I pushed you to that.”
“
Deja
, the only thing you did was
push
me to leave the condo before I said something we’d both regret. I chose to go
to the club and thought about having a drink. I didn’t though. I just stared at
it. Once I thought about what drinking would cost me I couldn’t go over the
edge. Either way, your words cut, but nothing you did caused me to fight. You
can’t be responsible for guys who decide to be pricks.”