Only the Lonely (13 page)

He told her to be out front by five o’clock. Tonight was their very special dinner and Madison missed Dad so much and she needed his moral support—now more than ever. Plus, Dad was making Madison’s favorite thing on the planet: french fries and steak. She’d first had it last year when she went to Paris with her parents—before the big D. She kept a postcard of the Eiffel Tower up on her wall to remind her what it was like when they were all together.

“I can’t believe he makes you
steak frites
!” Mom groaned. Mom hadn’t eaten meat in four years, a fact she was happy to share whenever the subject of beef came up. She didn’t understand how Madison could be an animal lover and eat meat, too, but Madison usually avoided that conversation. She liked animals but she just wasn’t willing to give up burgers—what was the problem with that?

Because Madison hadn’t seen Dad in so long, she tried to fix up her hair to look extra nice. She borrowed Mom’s yellow sundress, too.

“Why do you want to wear this, honey? It’s too big for you,” Mom stated, zipping up the back. Madison had to wear a white T-shirt underneath so you couldn’t see anything.

“I dunno, Mom,” she answered. “I just feel like wearing a yellow dress, that’s all.”

“It actually looks like the sundress Fiona was wearing the other day,” Mom observed. Of course, Madison had known that when she picked it out of Mom’s closet.

Dad arrived a few minutes after five, but Madison wasn’t fazed. Dad was always late. It made Mom unhappy that he didn’t understand “being on time.”

Mom had staked out the front porch with Phin at her side.

So as soon as he pulled into the driveway, Madison ran for Dad’s car. She liked it much better when Mom and Dad didn’t have to talk to each other face-to-face. Right after the divorce, for about a month, Madison wanted nothing more than Mom and Dad to get back together. Now, she’d rather see them on two separate islands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

“Gee, Maddie, your hair looks so pretty,” Dad said as soon as Madison hopped into his car. “And isn’t that a nice color yellow dress.”

Daddy always noticed those things. Madison smiled. She wouldn’t admit that the dress was really Mom’s. As usual, she went way out of her way to avoid the subject of “Mom.”

When they got to Dad’s apartment, it smelled funky, but Madison didn’t say anything. He was never there, after all. In Dad’s townhouse loft, Madison actually had her own room, so she rushed in to visit it. She didn’t have many things, just a photograph of her, Aimee, and Egg taken the summer before at the beach; a beat-up copy of
The Phantom Tollbooth;
a Magic 8-Ball; and one of Gramma’s hand crocheted afghans.

Dinner was served about an hour after they arrived. Daddy talked nonstop about his new Internet start-up company. Sometimes Dad would get so caught up in talking about himself and his job that he would throw out all these big computer programming words Madison did not understand. She kept listening though. She really wanted to know what the words meant.

Madison felt so safe in Dad’s house, watching him cook. He was a better cook than Mom, at least. The steak was yummy and Madison over-salted her fries too, as always. Of course, they had ice cream for dessert. It was Madison’s favorite flavor: Cherry Garcia.

“So, honey, I have been doing all the talking tonight.”

Of course this was nothing new. He
always
did a lot of talking. Just like Aimee.

“Maddie? It’s your turn to talk now. Tell me about Brazil.”

Madison told Dad how they went on a big plane; then a smaller plane; and then by boat all the way out to this small village.

“Mom’s making that frog-u-mentary, eh?” Daddy joked.

“Yeah,” Madison laughed out loud. She realized they were discussing the untouchable subject of Mom, but she continued. “I think Mom has to go back in a week or something, too. I dunno. You guys are both out of town a lot these days, I guess.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not forever, Maddie. Hey, so tell me all about your new school. How’s junior high?”

Madison said something about “too many people” and “too much work.” Daddy grinned and handed her a small, wrapped gift. “Here’s a little something for the
second
day of school. Maybe it’ll be a little less overwhelming. And a toast, of course, to my big girl. I really can’t believe you’re in junior high school. Your old man feels
old.”

Madison opened the box. Inside, Dad had bought her a pair of earrings with teeny moonstones in the middle of teeny silver-wire flowers. They were beautiful. Madison modeled them immediately.

When Madison was ten, Daddy had given her a moonstone necklace because, he said, moonstones had special powers. She had worn it everywhere until one day she lost it in the Far Hills public pool. Egg had tried to dive in after it, but the pool filter sucked it up like a leaf. She’d cried for weeks.

Now she had two new moonstones. Maybe these earrings would give her
new
power? They would be her seventh-grade lucky charms, for sure.

After they had cleaned up all the dishes, Madison started to tell Dad about everything she’d been doing on the new computer.

“I have these files, you see, so I can like, well, get my thoughts organized and all that. I think it’s working so far. Of course it’s only been two days.”

Dad thought the file idea was fine. “As long as you don’t have a ‘Things I Hate About Dad’ file,” he joked.

Madison gasped. “Never! Daddy, of course I wouldn’t.”

Of course, Madison knew she should probably never say
never,
but she said it anyway. She couldn’t imagine not liking her Dad. He was the one who always came to her rescue. He never said bad things about people. Even tonight, for a few hours, it was like he washed away all the yukkies of the previous few days. Madison found herself talking on and on about nothing at all and yet it all seemed so important, the way Dad listened. He was maybe the best listener in the entire world.

“Well, it’s funny you should mention all that stuff about going on the computer, Madison, because …” Dad handed her a small box before he finished his thought. It wasn’t wrapped or anything, just taped shut. “I have this for you, too.”

“Daddy, what is
this?”
Madison was perplexed. She opened it and found herself face to face with an e-reader. “No way!”

“I thought it would be a good thing for you to have. I even downloaded that Harry Potter book you wanted to read. And I stuck a photo of you and Phin right there. I hope you like it, sweetheart.”

Madison felt like crying. She was amazed at how Daddy always knew what to get, what to say, and what to do. With her laptop files of Madison Finn and an e-reader, Madison’s tech genius really did have
unlimited
possibilities. She just wouldn’t tell Daddy that Mom had already given her the book copy of the same Harry Potter. That sort of stuff happened a lot since her parents split.

“So what else is new, Maddie?” Dad asked.

Madison went on to tell Dad about her new friend Fiona and not-so-drippy-anymore Hart Jones and even Poison Ivy.

“I think I’m also going to take a technology class with Egg this year.”

She and Dad swapped stories until they both noticed the clock. It was already ten.

Dad sighed. “Time flies when you’re having …”

“… dinner with the best dad on the planet,” Madison finished his sentence.

Of course. Mom was expecting them back home a half-hour earlier. Madison pictured her out on the porch on Blueberry Street, playing tug-the-chew-toy with Phin, exhaling something not so nice about Dad under her breath. Mom hated when people were late more than anything else.

“We’d better go, Dad.” Madison decided for the both of them.

When they arrived at the house, Daddy walked Madison as far as the front-door threshold and kissed her on the top of her head. He walked back to carry her computer scanner up from the car.

Madison liked it when Dad walked her up to the door. It made her feel safe. Of course, Phineas and Mom were waiting up on couch. Mom opened the door.

“Hello, Jeffrey,” she said coldly. “Right on time, as usual.”

Dad didn’t seem to mind the chill. He jumped at the opening in the conversation. “Hello, Fran. I heard your trip to Brazil was a success? Hearty congratulations.”

“Yes, well, we’ll see you later, then.” Mom looked at Madison and then walked back inside.

Madison tugged Dad’s arm. “Thanks again, Daddy. The earrings are cool and the new scanner is cooler than cool.”

Through the living room bay window, Madison watched as Dad drove away. Rain started to pitter-pat against the sill. She pulled another one of Gramma’s afghans over her toes and watched her breath on the cool glass.

Upstairs, Madison slid into her favorite Lisa Simpson T-shirt and sat down at her computer. She opened yet another new folder and named it.

Mom vs. Dad


She certainly had a
lot
to say on this subject. Of course, it was all stuff she could never, ever say out loud. She wouldn’t even tell Aimee some of this stuff—and she told Aimee absolutely everything. After the lists were typed, she returned to another file.

Only the Lonely


My school psychologist told me last year that I had to be patient. He told me I had to let Mom and Dad figure out their own lives again. So I am trying. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine how two people could ever have let themselves get so mad at each other the way Mom and Dad did, but it happened and that’s that I guess. I still keep their wedding picture on my file cabinet just because it makes me think of when they were trying a little harder to be nice. They must have loved each other once, right?


I know I get mad at Aimee sometimes, but the truth is that she is still my best friend and I have to keep reminding myself of that fact. Besides, I can’t be mad at my BFF just because she talks too much, can I? What qualifies as a good reason to stay mad at someone?


There are no reasons good enough to stay mad forever. I mean, if I wanted to be mad at anyone it would have to be Egg because he is the most obnoxious boy who ever lived, but the truth is I am NOT mad at Egg. For one thing, he always remembers my birthday and for another thing, he sticks up for me in gym class even when I can’t make it on base in kickball.


Staying mad is a huge waste of time.


Some people have it so hard and my life is not that hard at all, even though I act like it is. What’s so hard about this? I can handle it. I will handle it.


Tomorrow I will find Fiona.


I will find Fiona and I will say I’m sorry.


I will not let Poison Ivy or
anyone
get in my way.


Most of all, tomorrow I will stop obsessing about this lonely stuff once and for all. And even though my nickname just happens to be Maddie, tomorrow I will get un-mad.


S
CIENCE “BLOCK” IN ROOM 411
felt more like cell block 411. The fourth day of school was practically over and Madison found herself alone again.

Mr. Danehy’s class was a collection of people Madison wasn’t sure she really wanted to be with.

Madison sat across from Poison Ivy, who was sitting next to the blond guy she’d been talking to in homeroom. Phony Joanie was across from him. Across the room, Madison caught Chet Waters picking his nose but he didn’t seem to care about getting caught and in the back of the class Hart Jones had his attentions focused on a redheaded girl who Madison had never seen before. Plus, there was a bunch of other kids from her old middle school and the other middle school in town scattered here, there, and everywhere.

“Hey, you were hanging with my sister, right?” Chet said.

Madison nodded and stuck her nose into her notebook.

It wasn’t that people weren’t
friendly.
Everyone was comparing summer tans and asking questions and Madison was in the mix. It was just that out of all the classrooms in all the schools in all the countries of the world. Poison Ivy and the others had walked into hers.