‘This is not right. Mr Murray will be angry with me to treat you so. I am their guest.’
Dieter was uncertain but Maddy was unrepentant. ‘We love each other, no one is to know. “Come live with me, and be my love, And we will some new pleasures prove”,’ she whispered Donne’s daring poem into his ear whilst fingering down into his shorts, feeling the hardness underneath.
‘No, Maddy…This is for marriage. We must contain ourselves.’
‘Yes, but we’re doing what our bodies want us to do. What is so wrong with that?’
How could she be so brazen? But if John Donne could make love to his mistress when he was a minister, then so could she to her love.
‘I’ve never taken a woman, it isn’t right,’ he protested, but she kissed him and stopped his words.
‘And I’ve never done this before but we have so little time and who knows when we can meet again?’ she whispered, pressing his hand on her thigh. ‘What is wrong in giving each other pleasure?’
‘I don’t know…’ he groaned as she caressed him.
‘Like this?’
He groaned again and she placed his hands deeper between her thighs and squirmed until he was touching
the very centre of her excitement. They rolled together, feeling the tension mounting, writhing until they both burst with relief.
‘That was good, and we didn’t break the rules,’ Dieter sighed.
‘Oh, you are so strait-laced,’ Maddy laughed, and he looked at her and grinned. Then he became serious. ‘One of us has to be careful. We must not do that again.’
But they did. Every evening she rode out at dusk on Monty to the bank overlooking the foss where there was cover and shade and the rush of falling water.
They brought each other to climax and lay content as if there was all the time left in the world.
When Maddy looked back on those tumultuous days it was as if there was only sunlight and shadows, probing fingers and spilling fluid as he spilled over her and she lay, letting it soak into her. There was no risk, no blame, no breaking of the chastity rule against penetration. She was still virgo intacta in name but not in deed. How could such blissful innocence ever end? When he left she would write to him, and they would meet when visas and permits allowed.
On the last night they clung together, hardly daring to breathe, watching clouds scudding across the moon through the rustling trees, listening to the night sounds, the whinnying of the horse, the cascade of water over rocks.
They made love but not fully, and each time it got harder to resist that final joining of bodies, but Dieter pulled back and came with care.
‘How can I ever leave you after this? It is the most wonderful summer of my life.’
‘And mine too…I’ll see you to the station.’
‘Better not to come, Maddy. I might cry and everyone will know.’
‘I don’t care who knows that we are lovers,’ Maddy protested.
‘You will have to live here after I am gone. No one will thank you for choosing me.’
‘Time will change it, you’ll see.’
‘I hope so, Maddy. I pray so, Madeleine. I love your name. Always be proud of that beautiful name. You will send me pictures?’
‘And you will write to tell me your address. You have my new address in Leeds.’
‘It is in my wallet next to my heart.’
‘I can’t believe this is happening: that we should find each other and grow up like this. In spring I was just a girl, now I’m a woman and you have given that to me.
‘We are not as we were,
Liebchen.
I have wonderful memories to take to my grave, precious loving times. What we do I see now it is sacred and special.’
Maddy shivered. It was dark and damp and chill. Summer was over.
‘Don’t say that. We’ll be together soon. I’ll come to you, I promise. But we’d better go. It’s getting late.’
They walked the horse back slowly and Maddy felt sick that it was time for their dreaming to end.
Plum was anxious. It was dark and Maddy was still out with Monty. What on earth was she doing
till this hour, wandering over hills getting lost? The girl had seemed to be living in a dream for the past few weeks. She had that starry-eyed, half-listening head on her as if she was far away in another world of poetry and novels and private daydreams. Her cheeks had bloomed in the fresh air and sun, her skin tanned with the wind. Maddy had changed so much in the last year.
Why begrudge the child a bit of respite from exams and beginning real study? If the truth were told she was disappointed that Maddy wouldn’t go on to study for university but the girl was adamant she wanted to do the secretarial course in Leeds.
‘I want to come home every weekend.’
‘But London would be more exciting, or Oxford. Leeds is so…well, ordinary,’ Plum had argued.
Maddy had given one of her steel-eyed truly Belfield stares when roused. ‘Yorkshire is my home now.’ End of discussion.
At least she’d had a good summer and done Vera a favour in taking Dieter to the youth club. They taught him to play darts and she accompanied him at the piano in duets, laughing and giggling together.
‘That girl’s not getting silly over him?’ sniffed Pleasance after one performance.
‘Of course not. They’re still children,’ Plum had snapped back. She didn’t want to think of Maddy as growing up and away, especially as the child was at an awkward age. Poor girl was more aware of the imperfections of her shape and height, her bunches were gone and she’d jumped at the lipstick when it was
offered: nearly seventeen was a funny age, being neither one thing nor another.
When Plum was that age she was put out into the débutante circuit to hunt balls and cocktail soirées. She’d met Gerry, when she was barely more than a child bride herself. Thank goodness the war had changed all that nonsense. Girls were no longer just objects to be auctioned off like useless ornaments and had proved themselves in war work equal to men. Now they must make a future for themselves, homes or jobs, or both perhaps. Maddy was right to insist on practical training. When all the men came home, they’d have to compete in a different marketplace.
Plum leaned on the portico with her cigarette, relieved as horse and rider trotted up the avenue without a care in the world.
‘Where’ve you been, darling? I was getting worried.’
‘I went to say goodbye to Dieter. He leaves tomorrow.’
‘I know. You’ve been a good friend to him.’ Plum smiled, sensing there might be more in this but saying nothing.
‘I’ll just see to Monty.’
‘Cocoa?’
‘Super…Can we have a chat?’
‘Of course. You know you can talk to me any time,’ said Plum, suddenly feeling flushed. Was this going to be one of those birds and bees jobs? Oh Lord! What had she been up to?
Plum trusted the biology mistress had sorted the details out long ago on the section on rabbit’s mating.
Maddy was a country girl; she’d seen foals born, tups with the rams. Oh hell!
How Plum wished she’d been more informed on her wedding night. Her mother only whispered one bit of advice: ‘Don’t move, let him get it over with. It won’t hurt too much, you ride horses, you’ll be fine.’
Gerry had always been a bit of a tally-ho galloper, riding rough on her until he was satisfied. Not much fun in that department. How could she sour Maddy’s innocence with such details? The flushing spread over her body as it did lying in bed. Was this a sign of that time of life when her hopes for a baby would be over for good?
Gerry was coming home soon and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. They’d just have to make a go of it for the Brooklyn’s sake–and Pleasance. Divorce was unthinkable.
If only there’d been a son. Maddy was the nearest to an heir. It was all so complicated. Then she smelled burned milk in the pan and a hiss as it all boiled over.
Hell’s bells! I can’t even make a cup of cocoa.
Her job at the hostel was finished, but she was still warden, clearing up the debris of years, wondering what they would do with the building. Mainly it was back to listening to the moans and groans of her mother-in-law. She would have to find something for herself or she’d go mad. There was only so much voluntary work she could do. What would happen when Maddy left?
Maddy and Plum sat in the kitchen, as they did most
evenings. It was easier to heat and less distance to carry things.
‘Here you are. It’s a bit skinny on top,’ she apologised.
‘That’s OK,’ Maddy smiled. ‘Do you think I could visit Germany?’
‘To see Dieter?’ Plum smiled too. So it was this after all. ‘You’ve taken a shine to each other. I did wonder.’
Maddy was blushing. ‘We’re going to write to each other, pen pals like Greg. Golly, I’ve not written to him for ages. Gloria has…But can I go and visit Dieter?’
‘Has he asked you?’ Plum was fishing now.
‘Not really. It’s difficult for them with permits. His family’s very poor now.’
‘I don’t think you’d be allowed into Germany yet. Why all the hurry? Are you sweet on him?’
‘We’re a bit sweet on each other. He’s my first proper boyfriend and he’s so clever. Not like any of the other boys round here.’ Maddy was blushing as she spoke.
‘That’s because he’s a foreigner, a stranger from a far-off land…a Sheikh of Araby,’ Plum laughed.
‘But he makes the other boys look silly.’ Maddy looked so serious in his defence, it was touching.
‘I always thought Gregory was your special friend?’ said Plum.
‘Yes, but we’ve not seen him for years. He’s never bothered to visit us and his letters are grown up, all about making his fortune in bricks and mortar or some such. He thinks we’re still kids.’
‘You’re nearly seventeen, I suppose things are stirring…’
‘That’s old enough to die for your country and grown up enough to…’ She paused trying to avoid the word.
Plum was on alert. ‘Enough for what? You’ve not done anything you shouldn’t, Maddy?’
‘What do you mean?’ Maddy was on the defensive again. ‘It’s nothing like that. We know what’s right and wrong.’
‘Oh, that’s a relief. Only things happen when young love gets carried away.’ Plum smiled, trying to sound relaxed, but her heart was thudding.
Take it easy now.
‘Like Billy Forsyth having to get married to Eunice Billington?’
‘How did you know about that?
‘It doesn’t take a mathematician to work out little Sam was christened only six months after they came down the aisle, but there’s nothing wrong with making love, is there?’ She looked directly into Plum’s eyes.
There was still a slight turn in Maddy’s left eye but it was hardly noticeable now. Plum was trying so hard not to blush and fluster.
‘Of course not, in the right time and place within marriage.’
‘That’s just what Dieter says,’ Maddy replied.
Phew! What a relief, thought Plum. No danger there then. ‘He sounds a thoroughly decent chap with a sensible head on his shoulders. You must correspond with him, perhaps take up German again to improve
your letters. A secretary with good German might be able to get a position—’
‘Abroad! Brilliant, Auntie Plum. I could go and work in Germany while he is studying. I can do a night school class.’
‘That’s not quite what I had in mind. It’ll all take time and you’ll know then if this is just a crush or the real thing,’ Plum said, hoping Maddy would take the hint that first love never usually lasts, especially when separated by the Channel.
‘Oh, it has to be the right thing. Love comes just once,’ Maddy sighed.
‘You’ve been reading too many romantic novels.’
‘Just
Romeo and Juliet
and sonnets…’
‘And look how that ended. First love is special, intense, and you think it’ll never end but it’s a sort of practice loving to set you up for the real thing later,’ Plum said, thinking of how she’d fallen head over heels for the gardener’s son. They’d barely had time to blush at each other before Daddy whisked him away to farm work. ‘It’s like a firework, a burst of flame and then nothing.’
‘But it feels so wonderful. Dieter is kind and clever.’ I hope he’s been a gentleman too, thought Plum, seeing the ecstasy on Maddy’s face, luminous with rapture. What on earth did they get up to? Still, it all sounded innocent enough–stolen kisses in the park. How sweet!
She couldn’t ever recall feeling that about Gerald. It was all such a whirlwind of dances and parties, dress fittings and invitations. There never was a proper
courtship. If there had been she’d have soon realised that behind those tight-fitting trews and Green Howard jacket was a cool and calculating bounder, who played away whenever he got bored.
Sitting across the table, watching her niece bright-eyed and enraptured, Plum felt the green knife of jealousy twisting her guts. She’s young and has all her life ahead, she thought. I wish I’d my time all over again. I wouldn’t be sitting here, that’s for certain.
In the weeks that followed Dieter’s departure, Maddy was too busy gathering her stuff for college to think how they might meet again. There were eye checks and dental appointments, clothes to make and the trunk to send ahead to West Park, to her new lodgings. There were farewells and thank you teas for all the kind gifts people kept handing her for her new life: a lovely writing case from Plum and Grandma, hand-embroidered hankies from Grace Battersby, and a tapestry pencil case from Vera Murray, who told her they’d had a brief thank you note from Dieter with an address near Dresden. There was a powder compact and puff from Gloria and the new girls in the hostel. It was being let out now as lodgings.