Authors: Matt Greene
It is A4 and bound in black leather, with a red ribbon bookmark that splits at the end like a snake’s tongue, which could be what beckons me in. The first page I open to has the day’s date at the top (27
MAY
2004) written in black ink, which smudges under my touch, which means it’s still wet. Then there’s a subheading (
DAY
7
W.T
.) and a paragraph of writing:
Mum said once wished shed had stutter to ready for parenting. “If you cant start sentences with M cant put self first anyway.”
Dont know if true. Who are you pretending for anyway?
D at group. Ha. Today lets talk grief v good grief!! & while were doing validation dont forget your parking tickets!!! Week now without talking. D says “take it day at a time.” Exact same advice F gave. What everyone says. As though it means anything. Like theres alternative.
The entry ends there with a red wine ring stain, like a massive hollowed-out full stop. I turn back a page and read another two:
25 MAY 2004
Day 5 W.T.
On train to work woman handing out leaflets: “C H_ _H. Whats missing?” Dont believe in God you told her “Thats okay He forgives you.” Could hear the capital. Wanted to scream at her: HE DOESN’T GET TO. Didnt. Ha. Isnt it funny? Guilt and Hope weigh the exact same. & isnt that just the kind of thing to make you believe in intelligent design.
24 MAY 2004
Day 4 Without Talking
I cant
I cant do this
. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
You must do this
. Even if he
never
speaks to you again.
Then I flick to the start (6 MARCH 2004 Hope is
not
the thing with feathers. Hope is anchor. What keeps you from floating away. Despair is weightlessness. What now? “Take pictures.”), and then forward again:
19 MAY 2004
F said last year: “Name of game now is Containment.” Then game is fixed. Becos black absorbs light. Darkness spreads. Spot → Blotch. Room → House. You cant shut the door lock it away. Doesnt respect boundaries. I blame the parents. Ha. Only difference? There are no benign secrets.
He was just there
. Just other side of door. < foot away. “Lucky for you I dont believe in round numbers.” Wanted to laugh throw open
door hug kiss hold. Instead? Caught the key. And then. What did you feel? What was that?
Relief?
Stop it stop fucking crossing out. Admit it.
Relief
. Anything that preserves
your
your fantasy.
There’s more.
But I stopped reading.
Gosling Lane • Oxhey Wood • Northwood • HA7 4HP
June 28, 2004
Mr. and Mrs. Graham
14 Pegmire Close
Bushey
Hertfordshire
WD23 8PA
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Graham,
I hope this letter finds you well, but to save you from unnecessary anxiety I will dispense with further preamble. I am writing with mixed news. Following confirmation of your son’s Common Entrance exam results I am delighted to formally
offer him a September commencement with us. However, at this time we are not in a position to award an Academic Scholarship.
Although it is our feeling that on the whole Alex performed impressively in his exams—especially in Science, Maths, and French (spoken)—his failure to achieve a passing grade in English (composition) has led us to this decision. Entrance and scholarship are, of course, matters of our discretion, and while we recognize in Alex the clear potential to transcend the implications of such an aberrant grade, I feel it would be improper to bestow a scholarship in this instance.
It is my sincere hope that this decision will not affect your own. I trust you will consider our offer regardless. On a personal note, young Alex made quite an impression on me when we met in May, and I would hate to think of us each missing out on the opportunity to learn more from the other!
Yours sincerely,
Mr. T. R. Sinclair
Headmaster
Gosling Lane • Oxhey Wood • Northwood • HA7 4HP
July 4, 2004
Mrs. L. Graham
14 Pegmire Close
Bushey
Hertfordshire
WD23 8PA
Dear Mrs. Graham,
Thank you for your letter. I am afraid in this instance I am inclined to agree with you. In fact, for such a grade to have been awarded there must presumably have been
several
mistakes.
However, be assured that I share your consternation. As I alluded to in my first letter, Alex’s English result does seem to represent something of an anomaly. It is, to say the least, unusual for a candidate to perform so ably in other essay-based subjects without recourse to the high literacy skills that the Composition module is designed to test. It is for this reason that I chose to overlook the result when offering Alex his place—an offer that I very much hope you are still considering.
In my experience, everyone has their off days. You should not let this result detract in any way from the pride you must surely be experiencing in light of the high bar that your son has already cleared. I am sure I need not remind you of the
extremely competitive nature of our admissions process. To consider his acceptance anything other than an achievement in its own right would be to do a grave disservice to all involved.
Yours in anticipation,
T. R. Sinclair
Headmaster
Gosling Lane • Oxhey Wood • Northwood • HA7 4HP
July 10, 2004
Mrs. L. Graham
14 Pegmire Close
Bushey
Hertfordshire
WD23 8PA
Dear Mrs. Graham,
Thank you for your swift reply. To address your points in order:
1) Yes, I was “trying to be funny.” I recognize now that my attempts at levity were, in this instance, misjudged. I apologize deeply for any offense caused. Be assured that in no way did I intend to satirize the certainty of your claim.
2) If you remain adamant of the “impossib[ility]” of Alex’s grade, then I suggest taking the matter up with the exam board. I am enclosing the appropriate forms. It is my understanding that any appeal must be lodged formally through the appropriate center—in this case, Alex’s past school—and received within three weeks of the board’s original decision.
And to make some points of my own:
3) While we encourage you to exercise your own discretion in this matter and by all means pursue an appeal
through the official channels, I must make clear that any subsequent change of result would be purely for your own personal satisfaction. At the time of writing we have awarded our full quota of scholarships for the upcoming academic year. Although we have so far been happy to hold a place for Alex—pending your decision—we would regrettably be unable to alter the terms of our offer, irrespective to the results of an appeal.
4) Without wishing to presume, we do recognize the occasionally prohibitive nature of our fees—which we believe are both appropriate to and essential for the standards of excellence on which we pride ourselves, as remarked on in this year’s
The Good Schools Guide
and evidenced by our standings in the latest league tables (both enclosed)—which is why, in exceptional circumstances, we do offer a small number of means-tested bursaries. If you would like to be considered for one of these bursaries, then please contact the admissions office directly.
I hope this matter can soon be resolved to your satisfaction. I should be glad to receive written acceptance of Alex’s place as soon as possible or not later than Friday, July 18, 2004.
Yours in expectation,
Mr. T. R. Sinclair
Headmaster
Grove End Middle School
Whippendale Road
Watford
Herts
WD17 1BB
July 14, 2004
Ms. L. Graham
14 Pegmire Close
Bushey
Hertfordshire
WD23 8PA
Dear Louise,
RE: Common Entrance Results Enquiry (OCEB)
A quick note post our phone chat to let you know we got your appeal forms okay and have now made an official Results Enquiry on Alex’s behalf. I have discussed everything with Alex’s English teacher, Miss Farthingdale, and we’re both behind you 100% of the way on this one. Personally, my best guess is they got the papers mixed up. Between you and me these bastards couldn’t organize a punch-up at a wedding.
We’ll be in touch soon. And tell Alex not to let it get in the way of his summer holiday!
Best wishes,
Mr. Clifford
Gosling Lane • Oxhey Wood • Northwood • HA7 4HP
July 28, 2004
Ms. L. Graham
14 Pegmire Close
Bushey
Hertfordshire
WD23 8PA
Dear Ms. Graham,
I have taken the liberty of interpreting your latest missive as a formal rejection of our offer.
As for your far-fetched accusations of misogyny and “condesension [sic]” I only hope these imagined slights are as real to you as the opportunity you have passed up on your son’s behalf.
I trust you have his best interests at heart.
Yours,
Mr. T. R. Sinclair, BA, FRSA, FIMgt, MInstD
Headmaster
P.S. If that’s the kind of language you use around the house, then it’s hardly surprising that your son failed his English exam.
Grove End Middle School
Whippendale Road
Watford
Herts
WD17 1BB
August 22, 2004
Ms. L. Graham
14 Pegmire Close
Bushey
Hertfordshire
WD23 8PA
Dear Louise,
RE: Common Entrance Results Enquiry (OCEB)
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but after the Results Enquiry OCEB has decided to uphold Alex’s original English grade. Not to worry, though. All this means is they didn’t physically lose the paper or give Alex someone else’s grade by mistake—you’d be amazed how often that happens. Honestly, I just thank my lucky stars they chose marking over midwifery.
What this absolutely doesn’t mean is that they weren’t wrong to award the grade. Our next step is a Stage I Appeal. We have gone ahead and submitted this and a copy is attached for your records.
If you want to discuss this, or anything else, for that matter, feel free to give me a call at any time. Please know that our thoughts are with you.
Best wishes,
Mr. Clifford
Grove End Middle School
Whippendale Road
Watford
Herts
WD17 1BB
August 22, 2004
Mr. M. Duberry
Secretary of the Appeals Committee
OCEB
Cambridge Office
14 Mowbray Road
Cambridge
CB1 2EP
Dear Mr. Duberry,
Results Enquiry July 2004-07-14
| Center: | 16411 Grove End Middle School |
| Candidate: | 5165 Alexander Graham |
| Syllabus No: | 2869 |
| Certification Code: | 7684 |
| Your ref: | EngCom |
Thank you for your letter of August 18, 2004, which arrived at this center on August 20.
I herewith wish to inform you of our intention to proceed with a Stage I Appeal in the module referred to above as outlined in Part 9B of the OCEB Handbook for Centers.
The reason for this Appeal is stated below:
Those staff members who taught Alex comment that his record of work was consistently good. They spoke to the keen interest and intellectual curiosity that he brought to the classroom.
His written work was described as imaginative, fiercely logical, strongly argued, lucid, and unwaveringly grammatical. His command of concepts was confident and advanced.
We were therefore surprised to learn that his grade in the module above was so low. In the professional opinion of those who taught him his work was certainly not of “U” grade standard.
It is our belief that in this instance internal procedures, as relating either to mark schemes, standardization or the arbitration of grade boundaries could not have been accurately followed.
I would be grateful for your acknowledgment of receipt of this letter.
Yours sincerely,
Tony Clifford
Headmaster
Grove End Middle School
Whippendale Road
Watford
Herts
WD17 1BB
September 6, 2004
Ms. L. Graham
14 Pegmire Close
Bushey
Hertfordshire
WD23 8PA
Dear Louise,
Sorry for the delay in contacting you. We had a bit of a setback: OCEB turned down the Stage I Appeal. But don’t worry—this isn’t the last they’ve heard on the matter. We’ve since told them we intend to pursue a Stage II Appeal. I have attached for your records copies of all correspondence.
The cost of the script return has been covered by the school. This is nonnegotiable. I will not accept a check from you. I’ve made it crystal clear to my secretary that if she cashes one she can start looking for a new job—so please don’t even try it!
Yours,
Tony
OCEB*
RECOGNIZING EXCELLENCE
Head Office
1 King Street
Cambridge
CB2 1EG
Telephone: 1223 302302
Facsimile: 01223 302303
www.oceb.org.uk
Mr. T. Clifford
Headmaster
Grove End Middle School
Whippendale Road
Watford
WD17 1BB
August 24, 2004
Ref: EngCom/16411/5165
Dear Mr. Clifford,
CE Examinations June 2004: Specification 2869 EngCom Appeal Against the Outcome of a Results Enquiry Candidate: 5165
Thank you for your letter dated August 22, 2004, in which you detailed your wish to make an appeal in the above specification.
I have decided to reject this appeal on the following basis:
- There was no inappropriate application of the marking scheme as alleged by the Center
- There was no evidence of procedural failure nor any reason to doubt the accuracy of the grade(s) awarded
I would draw your attention to Part 9C of the OCEB Handbook for Centers, which describes the procedure for further appeals.
Finally, be assured that the matter has been reviewed in the first instance by a senior member of OCEB’s staff who has had no previous involvement with the case.
Yours sincerely
Michael Duberry
Secretary: OCEB Appeals Committee
Enc: Appeals Against Results
Part 9 of the OCEB Handbook