We arrived at our stopping point in early morning, when drifts of whitish fog lay over all, ghosting the forest of prows and masts emerging from the water and the wreckage of crushed and capsized hulls spilling over the shore as if a tsunami had driven them to ruin. The majority (like the
Undine
) were adorned with painted eyes to drive away evil spirits, and these could be seen peering at us through the gauzy cover, seeming to blink as the fog thickened and thinned—it was an eerie and disconcerting sight, its effect amplified by the funereal silence that held sway, accented by the slop of the tide against the houseboat, an unsavory sound that reminded me in its erratic rhythm of an injured cur licking a wound. The people we had talked to along the canals would surely have told us of this obstruction, and it followed, then, that Phu Tho, this Phu Tho, must be a singular place designed to mark journey’s end for every Thomas Cradle (excepting those who failed to complete their journeys), and that in other Phu Thos, life went on as always, the canal busy with its usual traffic, and that I was, despite Lan’s presence, for all intents and purposes, alone.
I packed a rucksack with a change of clothes, protein bars, water, the gun, binoculars, a coiled length of rope, the Colt, a first-aid kit, an English-Vietnamese pocket dictionary, repellent, and my dog-eared copy of Cradle Two’s novel, thinking that his ruminations about the tea forest might be of value. Lan was waiting on deck, dour as ever; before I could instruct him, he said, “I stay here three days. Then I go. Bring police.” Phu Tho spooked him, though you couldn’t have determined this from his expression. I felt oddly sentimental about leaving him behind, and as I began my trek to shore, negotiating a path of slippery, tilted decks and slick hulls, tightroping along submerged railings, I speculated about his past and why he had stuck it out with me. I decided that it must have to do with habits cultivated during the Vietnam conflict—he may have been an army scout or ARVN and thus had developed a love-hate relationship with Americans. Before long, however, the exigencies of the crossing demanded my full attention. Twice I had to retrace my steps and seek a new route, and once, when I was up to my neck in water, I nudged something soft, and a bloated, eyeless face emerged from the murk and bobbed to the surface. I kicked the body away in revulsion, but I had the impression that the face had belonged to a man of about my size and weight. This was more than a graveyard for boats. I imagined that many more Cradles might be asleep in that deep.
A third of the way to shore, I stopped to rest atop the roof of a sunken launch. The sun was high, showing intermittently between leaden clouds; the fog had burned off, and though the heat was intense, I was grateful for it. I felt a chill that could not be explained by my immersion in water. The stillness and the silence, the corpse I had disturbed, the regatta of dead ships, looking more ruinous absent its ghostly dress and stretching, I saw now, for miles along the canal, a veritable boat holocaust: It was such a surreal scene, its scope so tremendous, I quailed before it; yet as always something drove me on. I was around fifty, sixty yards from shore, taking another rest, when music kicked in from one of the houses. It carried faintly across the water, but I could make out Little Richard telling Miss Molly it was all right to ball. The song finished, and after an interval, Sly Stone’s “Everyday People” began to play. That sunny jingle served to heighten Phu Tho’s desolate air. I wiped sweat from my eyes and scanned the houses, trying to find the source of the music. No people, no dogs or pigs or chickens. Banana fronds lifted in a breeze, but no movement otherwise. I took a look through my binoculars. On the fa¸ade of a pale green house was a mural like the one I’d seen in Stung Treng, and again in Phnom Penh, depicting a yellowish, many-chambered form. The next song was Neal Diamond’s “Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon.” Whoever was selecting the music had begun to piss me off.
The boats close in to the hamlet were relatively undamaged, still afloat, and this made the going easier. I scrambled ashore to the tune of “Low Rider” and rested on an overturned dinghy, the moisture steaming out of my clothing. I took the gun from my pack, tucked it into my waist, and headed for the pale green house, walking across a patch of mucky ground bristling with weeds and, apart from butterflies and some unseen buzzing insects, devoid of life. The vibe I received from Phu Tho was not so much one of abandonment (though it clearly had been abandoned), but of its impermanence, of the tautness to which its colors and shape were stretched over an inscrutable frame. It was as if at any moment my foot would punch through the rice paper illusion of earth into the void below; yet I had a firm confidence that this would not happen, that its frailty, its temporality, was something I simply hadn’t noticed before but that had always been there to notice—frailty was an essential condition of life—and that I noticed it now spoke to the fact that I had come to a place less distant (in some incomprehensible way) from the source of the feeling. This was a complex and improbable understanding to have reached in the space of a hundred-foot walk, with music blasting and all the while worrying about what was inside the house and whether it had been wise to swim in water as foul as that in the vicinity of the hamlet; yet reach it I did, for all the benefit it bestowed.
The song faded, and the
put-put
of a generator surfaced from the funk, the singer advising his listeners to take a little trip, take a little trip with him, and an enormous man stepped from the door. He was well over three hundred pounds (closer to four, I reckoned), and stood a full head taller than I, clad in shorts and sandals and a collarless, sweat-stained shirt sewn of flour sacking. His arms and legs were speckled with inflamed insect bites, and his complexion was a sunburned pink, burst capillaries reddening his cheeks and nose; but for these variances, his bearded face, couched in an amused expression, was the porcine equivalent of my own.
“You’re late to the party, cuz,” he said in a voice rougher than mine, a smoker’s voice with a country twang.
I was slow to respond, daunted by him.
“Better come on in,” he said. “Looks like you could use a sit-down.”
The floors of the house were of packed dirt carpeted with straw mats, and the mats were filthy with fruit rinds, empty bottles, crumbs, magazines (porn and celebrity rags), and all manner of paper trash. Center-folds were taped to the walls. A bare, queen-sized mattress took up one end of the room; at the opposite end was a mildewed easy chair without legs and two card tables with folding chairs arranged beside them; a small TV-DVD player sat on one of the tables, DVDs scattered around it, and there was also a record player of the sort high school girls used to own in the sixties to play 45s. Sitting by the record player, holding a stack of 45s in her lap, was a slim, worn-looking Vietnamese woman of about thirty wearing a print smock. The man introduced her as Bian, but he didn’t bother to introduce himself. He wedged himself into the easy chair—it was a tight fit—and sighed expansively. The sigh seemed to enrich the sickening organic staleness that prevailed in the house, and I pictured the individual molecules of the scent as having the man’s pinkish coloration and blobby shape.
“Want a beer?” He spoke to Bian in Vietnamese. “She’ll bring us a couple.”
She went into the back room, a thin silver chain attached to her ankle slithering behind her, anchored to a stone half-buried in the floor. The man saw me staring at it and said, rather unnecessarily, “I didn’t keep her on a leash, the bitch would be gone.”
“No doubt,” I said.
Bian brought the beers and stationed herself once again by the record player—taped to the wall above her head, like a dream she was having, an airbrushed redhead with pendulous breasts gazed at a porn star’s erection delightedly and with a trace of wild surmise, as if it were just the bestest thing ever.
My initial take on the fat man, that he might be the powerful Ur-Cradle, had waned. He was a gargantuan redneck idiot, and my astonishment at his presence, at having this sorry proof of what I had previously only supposed, was neutralized by his enslavement of Bian and his repellent physical condition. On the face of things, he was a step or three farther along the path to the true Cradle than I was, a distillation of the Cradle essence. I didn’t trust him, and I let my beer sit untasted. Yet at the same time I had a sympathetic reaction to him, as if I understood the deficits that had contributed to his character.
I asked where he had gotten the beer, and he said, “Some of the boys hijacked supply barges to get here. Hell, with what’s on them barges, a man could survive for years. I been here must be four, five months and I hardly put a dent in it.”
“By ‘the boys,’ you mean men like us? Thomas Cradles?”
“Yeah.” He groped for something on the floor beside his chair, found it—a rag—and mopped sweat from his face. “Not all of them look like us. I guess their daddies slept with somebody different. But they all got the same name, least the ones I talked to did. Most push on through without stopping, they’re so damn eager to get into the tea forest.”
“Apparently you weren’t that eager.”
“Look at me.” He indicated his massive belly. “A man my size, I’m lucky I made it this far, what with the heat and all. I was about half dead when I got here. Took me a while to recover, and by the time I did, the urge wasn’t on me no more. That was strange, you know, ’cause I was flat-out desperate to get here. But hey, maybe the animal can’t use fat junkies. Anyhow, I figured me and Bian would squat a while and make a home for the boys. You know, give them a place to rest up, drink a few beers . . . get laid.” He shifted about in his chair, raising a dust. “Speaking of which, twenty bucks’ll buy you a ride on Bian. She might not look it, but she got a whole lot of move in that skinny ass.”
Bian cast a forlorn glance my way.
“I’ll pass,” I said. “What can you tell me about the tea forest?”
“Probably nothing you don’t know. Some boys been coming back through lately, ones that didn’t make it all the way to wherever. They’re saying the animal don’t need us no more. Whatever use it had for us, it’s about over with . . . Least that’s the feeling they got.”
“The animal?”
“Man, you don’t know much, do you? The animal. The creature-feature. It’s painted on the wall outside. You telling me you never seen it before?”
I told him what I had seen, the murals, the creature in my opium dream, and that I had sworn off drugs for fear of seeing it again.
“Well, there’s your problem, dude,” he said, and gave a sodden laugh. “I mean, shit! How you expect to pierce the veil of Maya, you don’t use drugs? You sure you’re a Cradle? ’Cause from what I can make out, most of us stayed stoned the whole damn trip.”
It was in my mind to tell him that if he was any example, most of us were serious fuck-ups; but instead I asked what he thought was going on.
“ ’Pears we all see it a little different,” he said. “This one ol’ boy, he told me he figured what we saw wasn’t exactly what was happening. It was like a symbol or a . . . I don’t know. Something.”
“A metaphor?”
He didn’t appear familiar with the word, but he said, “Yeah . . . like that. Everyone I’ve talked to pretty much agrees the animal needs us to protect it from something.” His brow furrowed. “Those splinters you saw when you were high? I reckon they’re like these stick figures I saw. Every time I did up, I’d see them standing around parts of the animal, guarding it like. Fucking weird, man. Scared the shit out of me. But I kept on seeing them ’cause I couldn’t do without ol’ Aunt Hazel.”
The reference eluded me.
“Heroin,” he said. “I had a monster habit. First week after I kicked, it was like I caught the superflu.” He had a swallow of beer, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Now the next question you’re going to ask is, How come it chose us? Everybody’s got a theory. Some I’ve heard are fucking insane, but they all boil down to basically the same thing. Something about us Cradle boys is pure badass.”
His prideful grin told me that he was satisfied with this explanation and would be unlikely to have anything more intelligent to say on the subject. “You said some of them came back? Are they still here?”
He shook his head. “They couldn’t get shut of this place fast enough. If you’re after another opinion . . . way I hear it, some boys are still wandering around the fringe of the forest. They didn’t feel the urge strong enough, I guess. Or they were too weak and gave out. You could talk to them. The ones that come back used park boats, so getting to the forest ain’t nothing.”
Bian said something in Vietnamese, and the man said, “She wants to know if you’re going to fuck her.”
“I don’t think so,” I said.
He relayed this information to Bian, who appeared relieved. “You can always change your mind. Bian don’t care. She’s a regular scout . . . ain’t you, darling?” He reached out and chucked her under the chin. “You don’t know what you’re missing. She’s got a real educated pussy.” He settled back in the chair and gave me a canny look. “I bet you’re a writer.”
Surprised, I said, “Yeah,” and asked how he knew.
“I didn’t
know
. Us Cradles tend to be literary types more often than not. And seems like the boys who ain’t interested in Bian are mostly writers . . . though there’s been a couple like to wore her out. But what I was getting at, seeing how you’re a writer, maybe you can make sense of their scribbles. I got a whole bunch of their notebooks.”
“You have their journals?”
“Journals . . . notebooks. Whatever. I got a bunch. The boys that stop in, they figure they’re going to need food and water more than anything else. They buy provisions and leave their stuff for me to hold. If you want to check it out, it’s in the back room there.”
It took him two tries to lever himself out of the chair. Going with a rolling, stiff-ankled walk, he preceded me into the room and pointed out the possessions of other Cradles scattered willy-nilly among crates of canned goods and stacks of bottled water and beer: discarded packs, clothing, notebooks, and the usual personal items. Copies of
The Tea Forest
could be seen poking out from this mess, as ubiquitous as Lonely Planet guides in a backpacker hotel. I squatted and began leafing through one of the notebooks. The handwriting was an approximation of my own, and the words . . . The notebooks were a potential gold mine, I realized. If this one were typical of the rest, I could crib dozens of stories from them, possibly a couple of novels. It struck me anew how odd all this was, to be seeking clues to a mystery by poring over journals that you yourself had written . . . or if not quite you, then those so close to you in flesh and spirit, they were more than brothers. Intending to make a comment along these lines, I half-turned to the fat man and caught a blow on the head that drove splinters of light into my eyes and sent me pitching forward on my stomach into a pile of clothing. If I lost consciousness, it was for a second or two, no more. Woozy, my face planted in a smelly T-shirt, I felt him patting down my pockets, pulling out my wallet, and heard his labored wheezing. My right hand was pinned beneath me, but I was able to slide my fingers down until I could grip the Colt and, when he flipped me onto my back, I aimed the gun at the blur of his torso—my vision had gone out of whack—and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. My finger was outside the trigger guard. He grabbed the barrel, tugging and jerking at the Colt, grunting with effort, dragging me about, while I hung on doggedly, trying to fit my finger into the guard.