Out of Breath (Exposed Series Book 2) (14 page)

When I was that age, I felt positively immortal. Yet at the same
time, I was sure that my lifestyle would put me in an early grave. Maybe the 27
Club if I was lucky.

In fact, when my twenty eighth birthday came, I was a little
disappointed. That was the first time I actually considered the idea that I
might make it past thirty. Which was overwhelming enough. The idea of making it
past forty never even crossed my mind!

Back then, forty seemed ancient, and I was convinced I would
rather die than wear mom clothes and use a walker or have wrinkles and grey
hair.

Or so I thought.

Of course, I was only afraid of getting old because I took it
for granted. Like it was inevitable. But it was like anything else. You don’t
realize how bad you want it until you find out you can’t have it.

I glanced at Kate out of the corner of my eye as she drove.

I could tell she was concentrating because she kept biting her
bottom lip every time she checked her mirrors or made a left hand turn. And she
hadn’t touched the radio once. Which was good to see. Even if it was only because
I’d flipped out at her a few days earlier.

I guess I’d just become extra sensitive to unnecessary risks
that could lead to death. Or maybe I was just irritable because I’d finally
quit smoking. Regardless, when I saw her checking her phone while she was
driving, I just lost it. I even pretended I knew a family who was deeply
affected by someone doing that same thing. Even though I was just retelling the
story of a couple I saw on Dr.Phil like they were close friends of mine.

But now that I could drop dead any second, there was no time for
tact. If I thought of something important to say, I took the next opportunity I
had to say it in case I wouldn’t have another chance.

So unfortunately, saying what I was thinking plus my obsession
with preventable death plus her below average driving skills equaled stressful
car trips.

I would’ve rather driven myself, but I’d been much dizzier than
I’d been letting on, and she seemed so desperate to help me out. So I accepted
her offer to drive, taking comfort in the fact that it wouldn’t be long before
she could go back to worrying about herself again. Like kids are supposed to.

“Is that the one we’re going to?” she asked, nodding towards the
CVS.

She braked the moment I nodded and we both flinched as the
driver behind us laid on his horn.

“Sorry.” She cringed and turned into an empty curbside parking
space. “I swear I’ve been driving for years.”

“I hope you’ll be driving for many more,” I said.

I threw a few coins in the meter and pulled my favorite fleece
around me. It was a crisp day, and I probably should have brought an extra
jacket, but when we left the apartment I was burning up. Managing my own
temperature had become so ridiculously difficult I felt like I was getting a
sneak peak at menopause.

When we got inside, Kate was immediately distracted by a large
nail polish display at the front of the store so I told her to look around
while I picked up my prescriptions. Like most people, I wasn’t crazy about
going to the doctor, but I couldn’t stand the pharmacy either anymore because
it triggered a new mental illness I’d developed.

It was one of the many side effects of cancer that my doctor
didn’t warn me about. I guess the best thing to call it would be “illness
envy.” Basically, it meant that I got jealous of anyone who had anything that
was treatable.

Like I found myself feeling really envious of the guy who spent
ten minutes discussing the health of his prostate and the variable flow of his
piss with the pharmacist. And then- even though I knew he was only trying to do
his job- when the pharmacist reminded me to be careful with the pain medication
I was on because it could be highly addictive, I laughed in his face.

I don’t know. It just really tickled my funny bone. Like haha,
I
wish I was addicted to my pain meds!
No- wait.
I wish I had the time to
get addicted to them! Wouldn’t that be great?! I knew all about being an
addict! It would be just like the good old days! And that would be the least of
my problems! It would be a problem with a solution!

I didn’t say all that of course. Instead, I stopped laughing and
said I was aware of the risks so he wouldn’t change his mind about handing over
the pills.

Then after I paid for my goody bag, I went to look for Kate.

When I turned down the make-up aisle, I was relieved to see that
she was not sticking her fingers in the free eye shadow samples and then
touching her eyes. Maybe I had already ranted to her about that?

“Are you ready or did you want to get something?”

She held up a green tube. “I was thinking of getting this
mascara.”

“That’s the kind I use,” I said. “I probably have an extra at
home that you can have.”

“I’m pretty sure you don’t.”

“Oh?”

“And your tube is basically empty.”

“Is it?”

She nodded.

I rolled my eyes. Well that answered that. Obviously, we had not
discussed basic eyeball hygiene. Which was a topic I felt strongly about even
before my immune system went to shit.

“Well, you better get two then,” I said, trying to decide if my
eyes felt infected.

She walked to the register, and I went to wait by the door to
save myself the extra steps. I figured I’d save my wheezing for the walk to the
car.

“Dawn? Hi!”

I looked up into Craig’s beautiful face. “Oh hi!” I gave him a hug
and resisted the urge to not let go.

“How have you been?”

“Good,” I lied. “Fine. Thanks.”

He made a face like he didn’t quite believe me, confirming that
I had indeed lost more weight than looked healthy. I glanced down and noticed
that he’d already been to the register. And I could see through his transparent
plastic bag that one of his purchases had been a very healthy sized box of
condoms.

“And you?” I asked. “How are things?” I moved the bag of
prescriptions behind my back and stuck out what was left of my chest.

“Same old,” he said. “Though things would be better if you
returned my calls.”

He looked hurt. I wished I had the energy to make it up to him.
Boy did I.

Kate appeared next to me, and blatantly checked Craig out. She
must’ve have seen the apocalypse sized condom box, too, because when she looked
up her eyes were twice their normal size.

“Sorry,” I said. “I’ve been…” Swamped? “Crazy.” Shit! “I mean
things
have been crazy.” I grabbed Kate’s plastic bag and dropped my prescriptions
inside.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your sister?” Craig said,
smiling.

I squinted at him.

Kate stuck her hand out so fast it was like she’d shot it out of
a flare gun. “Kate,” she said, wrapping her fingers around his hand. “Nice to
meet you.”

“Craig,” he said, his eyes flitting around her young face. “And
the pleasure’s all mine.”

“Kate is my
niece
,” I said.

“Ahh,” he said. “That explains why she looks so much like you.”

I have to admit, I was flattered.

“And what are you studying, Kate?”

“Actually I’m still in high school,” she said.

“You couldn’t be!” he said, giving away- at least to me- that he’d
had impure thoughts.

“It’s my senior year, though,” she said, “and I’m already
eighteen.”

Craig and I both smiled at the fact that she thought this was
relevant.

“Any idea what you want to do?” he asked.

“I’m not sure yet,” she said, “but I think I might want to go to
school out East somewhere.”

“Is that so?” he asked. “I got my undergrad degree in econ at
Boston University.”

“Really? What do you do?”

“I’m a lawyer,” he said.

Not surprisingly, she approved. “Cool.”

His shrug was full of false modesty. “Well, if you’re curious
about Boston or decide you’re interested in law, I’d be happy to answer any
questions you have.” He lifted the bag of condoms in my direction. “Dawn’s got
my number.”

Kate looked at me like he’d said
Dawn built the pyramids.

“
Okay
.
Cool. Thanks.”

“Well, I have to run. I’m meeting someone for lunch.”

“Lucky lady,” I said, letting my eyes drop to the contents of
his bag.

He smiled out of one side of his mouth. “I wish it was that kind
of thing,” he said. Then he leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “I’m saving
these for you.” Then he stepped back again, turned towards Kate, and nodded.
“Nice to meet you.”

“You, too,” she said.

He locked his eyes on me. “Call me sometime, Dawn. I miss you.”

I smiled but promised nothing.

I was actually wishing the whole thing hadn’t happened until
Kate and I reached the sidewalk.

“How do you know
him
?”

“He’s a friend. I’ve known him for years.”

“Wait.” She touched my shoulder. “Just a
friend
?”

I smiled and shrugged. Which apparently told her everything she
wanted to know.

Her face lit up as she gasped. “That is the most attractive
person I have ever seen.” She said it like it was a scientific fact. “Ever.”

“He’s very handsome, yes.”

“Wow, Dawn. I mean,
shit
.”

“Alright,” I said. “Easy does it now.”

“Seriously, if I guy that looked like that called me,
I
wouldn’t just return his calls. I would do a lot more than return his
calls. I would-”

“Okay, I get it.”

“You have his number?!” She rooted in her purse for the car
keys. “Did you hear him? He was like
I miss you.”
She pulled the keys
out. “Wait- oh my god- what did he whisper in your ear?!”

I sighed. “Can you unlock the car already?”

“Not until you tell me what he whispered in your ear.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Right after you made a joke about his huge box of-” She looked
around and lowered her voice. “
condoms
. He leaned in and whispered in
your ear.”

“I forget.”

“You are so full of it.” She stared at me over the top of the
car. “At least tell me whether you have or have not had sex with that gorgeous man.”

I sighed. “Have.”

She shook her head.

I heard the door unlock and slid into the passenger seat,
setting the CVS bag down between my feet.

“You are a legend,” she said. “I can’t believe it.”

“I can see that.”

“Do all the guys in Boston look like that?”

“All the guys nowhere look like that.”

“Damn,” she said, crossing her arms. “What is his last name?”

“Just relax, okay. You can Google him when we get home.”

She straightened her arms against the wheel and pushed herself back
against her seat. “Oh my god you’re going to have to give me a second.” She
inhaled deeply through her nose.

I laughed. “Fair enough. Take all the time you need.”

She exhaled.

“There’s one more place I want to stop on the way home. Now
seems as good a time as any.”

“Okay,” she said, starting the car.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

And that's when I learned how many pre-law questions my car got
to the gallon.

As soon as my pre-law questions started to wear on Dawn, I
stopped thinking out loud.  

Plus, I was pretty sure I didn’t want to be a lawyer. Unless I
could definitely work with Craig. Mostly, I was just blabbering so I wouldn’t
ask her a bunch of questions about how
that
happened and how many times.
Because he was like obviously into her.

Though I got the feeling that Dawn hadn’t told him about her
situation.  Otherwise he probably would’ve been more worried about her health
than the fact that she hadn’t returned his phone calls.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but meeting Craig made the fact that
she was dying suck even more. I mean, having a guy like that waiting for your
call was as good a reason to want to live as any. And she was acting so casual
about it! Like she’d forgotten we’d run into him already.

“Left at the light,” she said.

I flicked on the turn signal and checked my mirrors even more
carefully than usual. The other night I’d had this horrible dream that we got
in a car accident and Dawn was hurt. Not killed and put out of her misery, but
like, paralyzed. It was so messed up. Ever since then I’d been nervous about
driving her around.