Out of Chances (6 page)

Dan swallowed hard. He hated it when she cried. Were they real tears? Tears because he'd broken her heart or tears because he wouldn't do what she wanted? He shook his head, glad he couldn't see her. She wasn't his problem anymore.

‘Because you made me choose.' He hung up before she could say anything else.

Then he buried the phone under cushions so he couldn't see it or hear it.

His hand shook as he took a long drink. She could still play him, pull on his strings. Yeah, but this time he'd resisted and had refused to dance. It was a small victory but he was claiming it.

Chapter 5

‘You are coming home for my birthday, right?' Indigo's almost eighteen-year-old sister was close to begging.

Indigo had been expecting the request, but she didn't want to go to Kalgoorlie and it certainly wasn't home. Going back was more of a duty than fun. Emma would want to go out to celebrate being eighteen and able to drink, legally.

She closed her eyes. Could she afford it? She knew exactly much she had in her savings account and how much she needed to cover the operation and her time off. She wouldn't be able to work at the gym or the bar for several weeks.

It would've been cheaper to go overseas but she'd heard too many horror stories. Her health and body were too important to her and her work. By the time her birthday rolled around she'd be a sexy C cup instead of a don't-look-twice A.

Going back to Kalgoorlie wasn't part of her plan. That would mean time off work and a train fare, unless she wanted to drive—which she didn't.

Emma took her silence as the reluctance it was.

‘Pleeeease. I miss you. We all do.' Emma was now officially begging. ‘We can go clubbing and hit the bars. You can catch up with everyone from school.'

There was no one she wanted to catch up with. The girls didn't like her and the boys, well, she'd dated and dumped too many. Gossip travelled fast and when she told one guy to rack off he'd been less than impressed. Apparently he'd been miffed he hadn't made the cut and he'd informed her she should've been grateful he wanted to date a slut like her. She'd only slept with one of her boyfriends at that stage, but because she'd had several boyfriends and had been the one to break up first, instead of being clingy and desperate for attention, the boys hadn't like it. They'd avoided her after that.

She'd been thrilled when high school was over and she could leave.

These days she was fussy and sometimes as soon as a man open his mouth she knew it wasn't going any further than one drink. Looks weren't everything, even if it was the first thing that caught her eye.

Now Dan, she'd quite happily see again. She shivered remembering his touch. She may have listened to nothing but Selling the Sun since Friday.
Lame.

As if someone like him was ever going to look twice at her. She glanced down at her chest. That would all change …

‘I don't know, Em.'

‘It's a long weekend.'

‘I'll have to see if I can get away. It's not as though I can just not show up to work.' The bar work was paying for her new boobs. Once they were done, a new car, or slightly less old car, was on the list. Then a holiday. She had plans for that extra money.

‘Ugh, you are so old and boring.'

‘Thanks.' She was only six years older and didn't think she was boring. But she was never going to find herself financially trapped like her mum. Between her and Emma was their brother. He'd joined the army and was driving trucks somewhere dangerous—anything to leave town. ‘How's Mum and Dad?'

Emma made a noncommittal noise. ‘Same. I think he has a new girlfriend. Mum has started a new diet.'

‘She should divorce him.' Instead their mother had stayed and their father had kept on cheating. It wasn't a secret. She'd first heard about it at school from a friend. At first she hadn't wanted to believe it. She'd gone home and tearfully asked her mother if Dad was leaving them to make a new family.

‘No, she'd never do that. It would mean admitting something was wrong.'

‘Everybody knows.' And with Emma turning eighteen there was no reason to stay.

‘She isn't qualified for anything, Indigo. She doesn't want to be on welfare.'

Indigo sighed. Why hadn't her mother started studying years ago? She was never going to be such a lettuce leaf when it came to men. ‘Why don't you come and see me instead. I'll pop you on the train as a birthday present.'

That would be way cheaper as she wouldn't have to sacrifice any shifts, or miss teaching any classes. She'd be able to pick up a few if other instructors went away.

‘Let me think about it.'

That meant she'd see if some of her friends wanted to come too. That was okay. They'd all bring sleeping bags and crash on the floor of her flat. ‘No underage kids.'

She didn't want to be getting a call from the cops.

‘I know.'

‘No drugs.' That was another of her rules.

‘You are no fun.'

‘I don't care what you do when you're out, but not in my house.' Nope. She wasn't going to have any of that.

‘Boring.' Emma sighed.

‘And how would you know?' But she knew what Emma got up to with her boyfriend.

Emma was quiet.

‘Is Jay dealing again?' Emma's boyfriend was walking a fine line now he'd turned eighteen. ‘He isn't coming over.' She didn't want him or his drugs in her house.

‘Fine. It's not like you were an angel.'

‘I was always in control.' She hadn't been escaping in drugs or alcohol. She'd been having fun and making sure that no one got the chance to toss her aside like a used condom. Too many of her friends had cried after being dumped. She'd never shed a tear over any guy. They weren't worth it.

‘Are you ever not?'

Indigo opened her mouth, but she hadn't let her hair down for a while. Not really. One afternoon with a rock star didn't really count. Now if it had been a whole night with more than a few drinks … or if he'd asked for her number. It didn't matter that it hadn't gone further. She'd had fun. She'd had Dan Clarke.

But something moved inside of her. She wanted more.

It had been ages since she'd had a second date. If they didn't offer, she didn't ask. She didn't need a man. No, but she did want more than one every couple of months. What she really needed was a fuck buddy. Someone where the lines were clear and there could never be any hard feelings.

‘I'm working two jobs at the moment. Talk to me when you move out and are on your own.' She didn't have to defend the way she lived to her still at high school sister.

‘You're never moving back, are you?'

‘No.' Had her family really thought she would? ‘But if you're planning on going to uni you can live with me.'

Her sister laughed. ‘I'll let you know. Not everyone is in a burning rush to leave town like you.'

That meant that Jay had no plans to go and Emma wouldn't go without him. It wasn't her problem, but she didn't want Emma to end up like their mother.

‘Just …' What could she say? There was no point in arguing. Her sister needed to see more of the world, to live, and to realise there was more to life than the wide streets and pubs and mines of Kalgoorlie. Other guys than the dope-smoking idiot she'd been dating for the last two years. ‘Take care.'

Indigo hung up, knowing that one way or another she'd be dipping into her precious savings.

The band had gathered in the Vincent's garage as they had so many times before. This time there was no pressure to get an album written and everyone seemed a little less edgy. Dan smiled. Today he had plenty to smile about and nothing was going to kill his mood.

Ed had picked up a bit of a tan while on his Bali surfing holiday. He also seemed more relaxed. However, before the holiday he couldn't have got more tense without snapping. Mike said nothing as he walked in. It was as if their private conversation had never happened. Dan flicked a beer cap between his fingers. It wasn't his first for the day, but he was celebrating getting his name off the lease.

The property manager had been more upset than he was about the ending of his relationship with Lisa. They'd had a conversation about the effects of long distance relationships. He had no idea what she thought he did, maybe FIFO on the mines, and he didn't care.

He was still quietly simmering at his father's bribery. He'd obviously given up trying to cajole his son and had started on the girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. Did he need to make it official?

Yeah. He should announce it.

He tapped the cap on the glass and got his band mates attention. ‘I'd like to thank Mike for a kick in the pants. Lisa and I are officially over. I have moved out and quit paying a share of the rent.' He gave a small bow and waited for the applause.

There was none. His smile faltered.

‘I thought you'd done that.' Ed frowned.

‘Nah … it was too hard.' And he was still avoiding seeing her face to face. He had no need to see her in the flesh ever again. ‘New-found freedom.' He raised the beer.

Gemma and Mike both lifted their water bottles, Ed had a beer. At least he wasn't drinking alone.

‘I'm going to be scarce this weekend as Ripley is in town. That okay?' There wasn't much for them to do right now and it was Easter.

Ed nodded. ‘Yeah. Enjoy the downtime and too many chocolate eggs.'

Mike grinned. ‘You going to do a Gemma and come out of the closet?'

Dan threw the cap at him. ‘You are a dumbass. Besides you're more his type, he likes men who are good with their hands.'

That drew some laughter, and for the first time in months he didn't feel the weight he had been dragging around. Here he was just Dan, he wasn't some loser boyfriend or son. When they'd started touring last year they had all expected him to be engaged by the time they got home. He hadn't looked at rings once.

He shuddered. If not for the ultimatum he might have caved and bought her a ring … he'd have put the problems down to the separation, not their growing differences. They weren't the same people they had been when they'd got together.

He wanted to be able to share the whole story, but when he looked at Gemma he didn't know if he could trust her. She shouldn't have told Mike or Ed about Lisa and the baby. Lisa had finally managed to come between them. He tried to ignore the pain that caused, because he didn't know how to fix broken trust. But he didn't want to give Lisa that victory. Gemma was a band mate as well as friend. Things couldn't be left to fester.

‘Don't be booking any long vacations or leaving the country, because it will be video filming time very soon.' Ed was smiling. He would be, he'd just had a decent overseas holiday.

Living at home meant he didn't have to worry about rent or feeding himself, the way the rest of them did. Gemma and her girlfriend, Ed's sister Kirsten, had moved in to Mike's house. His mother had left him everything, along with a mortgage.

‘More importantly, what is the first single?' Gemma said.

Ed stopped smiling. ‘“Gone from View” and it will be released in a couple of weeks. They are still talking about what the clip should be. Congrats, Mike.'

Mike winced and looked away. He didn't do much lyric writing but that song had been about his mother's death, and while Dan had worked on it with him, it hadn't been written to be on the album.

‘That mean they've started to schedule gigs?' Mike said, obviously concerned about how he was going to juggle being a sparky with being a rock star.

It would be a nice dilemma to have. And nice to have the extra money.

Dan had a pile of songs that he'd written that were never going to go anywhere because they weren't the right the sound for Selling the Sun. ‘Did “Seppuku” get on?'

He was kind of hoping that the powers that be had decided that it was too dark. It was too personal. It was too much about what he'd been going through. He regretted showing it to everyone, but it was too late now. And it was an awesome song, even if he did say so himself.

‘Yeah. We've got to work out a way to strip it back to play live. And if you checked your email more than “when I can be bothered”, you'd have seen the finalised order for the album.' Ed looked at him.

He'd had other things on his mind over the weekend.

‘Who cares about that these days? People buy a few songs. No one listens to a whole CD … no one even buys CDs.' Gemma pressed her lips together. ‘Seriously, we should just release a bunch of singles and forget the rest.'

‘Fans buy the whole thing. Thus the bonus content if they do buy the whole thing.' Dan took a sip of beer. ‘Plus if people like the single they go back and maybe buy a few more tracks. You got to put the options there.'

He needed options. A way to earn some extra money, because his short-term solution was just that. Short-term. There was only so much he could sell out of the things he owned. How had he burned through the money so fast? He could sell his car, but he still needed to get around and there would be more surprise maintenance on something old, and his father would know that things were getting tough and he'd apply the screws.

That was not an option.

There was one, but he didn't know if his band mates would be happy. Part of him wanted to just investigate the possibility and then discuss, but if they said no then he'd wasted time and gotten his hopes up. ‘Serious question.'

‘Uh-oh.' Gemma smiled at him but he didn't return it.

‘How would you feel if I sold some of the other songs I've written?'

‘Stuff we've worked on?' Ed was frowning now.

‘No, stuff I wrote but knew wasn't us.' He grimaced and took a drink. ‘Some of it is pop.' He muffled the last word with his hand.

Silence and then laughter.