Out of This World (48 page)

We go see my sister in her bedroom before facing the parents. Molly's eyes widen in surprise.

“You're the girl I saw in Des's bed,” she says. “I
knew
I saw a girl.” Then she frowns. “But then you turned into a cat, except that's not possible, right?”

“I'm sorry,” I tell her. “We were just trying to avoid getting me into trouble with Mom. But it wasn't right to make you feel like you were crazy.”

“You're in trouble now. Big trouble.”

“I know. That's why I'm here, Molly-o. I'm going away for a while and I wanted to say goodbye.”

She looks at me, waiting for the joke that always comes when I tease her.

“For real?” she finally asks when she realizes that I'm serious.

I nod.

“With her?”

“Yeah. Her name's Donalita.”

Donalita lifts a hand. “Hey, dudette,” she says.

Molly's eyes start to fill.

“You love her more than you love me,” she says, half question, half saying it just the way she thinks it is.

“It's two different things,” I tell her.

Especially since it's still too early to say where this thing with Donalita is going.

“Why can't you love me like you do her?” Molly asks. “Because that would be creepy. You're my sister, short-

stuff.”

The tears are rolling down her cheeks now. “Why does it have to be different? Why do you even have to go?”

I reach down and wipe them aside with my thumb. “Mom and Dad are going to send me away anyway. This way, I leave on my own terms.”

She pulls away and shakes her head. “Dad'll never let you out of the house.”

“We'll see.” I go down on one knee. “Come here. Give me a hug. I'll be back to see you whenever I can.”

She wraps her arms around me, holding me hard and fierce, like if she puts enough into it, she can make me stay. I hug her back, my heart breaking, and feel a sudden anger at my dad for putting me in this position.

Finally I let go and stand up. I take Donalita's hand and we walk into the kitchen, Molly tagging along behind us like a mournful little puppy. Mom's eyes widen when she sees Donalita. Dad's face reddens.

“I thought we told you to go to your room,” he says. “And who's this … this
girl
?”

“I just came to say goodbye,” I tell them.

Mom looks like she's about to burst into tears.

“You're not going anywhere except where I decide, and when,” Dad says.

I shake my head. “Yeah, not going to happen.”

He stands up and blocks the doorway to the front hall.

“You are not leaving this house.”

“Except for when you send me off to military school? So I can be a good little soldier boy, just like you? That's never going to happen.”

He glares at me. “What have I told you about mouthing off?”

“Who knows? I stopped listening to your lectures years ago.”

His face gets even redder and that big vein pops out on his forehead, larger than ever. I've never seen him this angry.

“Get back to your room right
now
. And you,” he says, eyeing Donalita and pointing toward the front door. “Get out and don't come back.”

He's still a big guy. Stronger than me, for sure. But this time he's not getting his way.

“Uh-uh. That's my girlfriend you're dissing,” I tell him. “Bye, Mom. I'll try to keep in touch.”

Then I nod to Donalita and she steps us away into the otherworld. I have time to see Mom's stricken face, Molly running toward us calling my name.

Then it all goes away.

I have to sit down on the sand after we cross over. It's so weird. You can tell this is the same landmass we just left, but there's not a trace of Santa Feliz. There's just the wild beach and the ocean. The only light is from the moon gleaming on the sand and the water.

Donalita crouches beside me and puts her arms around me.

“That was harder than I thought it would be,” I say.

“He wasn't being mean,” Donalita says. “I could see it behind his anger. He just wants what he thinks is best for you.”

“That's the whole problem,” I tell her. “I know he cares about me, but he's a control freak. In his head, he's always right. He knows best—it doesn't matter what I think. He's never had any respect for me. If it wasn't for Mom, I'd already be in that military academy. I'd never be a skateboarder or a musician or anything that
I
want to be.”

“Is he still in the army?”

I shake my head. “Mom got tired of all his overseas deployments. She told him he'd done his bit and it was time for us to settle down in one place. That was years ago. I hardly remember the bases we lived on when I was a little kid. This is what I remember.” I wave my hand around. “Well, the
this
that's back in the world we just left.”

“I can take you back,” she says.

“No, I made my choice. I just don't know what I'm going to do now.”

“Me neither, dude.” Then she jumps to her feet. “But I'm hungry. Let's go catch a fish.”

“Sure,” I say. “Why not?”

She doesn't wait for me, but goes running toward the ocean at full Wildling speed. She's probably going to catch it with her bare hands.

My heart lifts a little as I watch her run. I guess this is what attracted Josh to Elzie. She's so full of optimism and the sheer exuberance of being alive.

Elzie.

Josh.

I look up at the night sky.

“Dude,” I say. “Why'd you have to go and die?”

Then I follow Donalita at my own slower pace.

The first thing I do after dropping off the Washington brothers at the Ocean Avers compound is head for home. I arrive in my own neighbourhood in spirit form and make a slow spiral over the blocks of houses until I finally reach my house. If anybody was outside looking up, they'd see a hawk drifting in an evertightening circle, but the maps in my head tell me that there's nobody watching. No FBI. No snipers from ValentiCorp's goon squad. No cousins wanting to either kill me or praise me. They all think I'm dead.

I float above the house for a long moment. It's been— what—a couple of days? But everything already feels unfamiliar. This place, my old life—it's like they belong to a stranger. I can't really connect to any of it.

Except for Mom.

It breaks my heart when I slip inside and find her on the couch, pulled tightly in a fetal position, enveloped in sorrow. Her breathing is ragged, but she doesn't seem to have any more tears left in her.

Crap. How could I have put her through this?

“Mom?” I say.

She goes still, but she doesn't turn to where I'm standing in front of the couch. Her face stays pressed against cushions.

I reach out and touch her shoulder.

“Mom?” I repeat.

She turns her face. Slowly. Then she sees me. Her bloodshot eyes go wide, wide. She jumps over the back of the couch and scrambles away from me until her back touches the wall.

“It's okay.” I speak in a soothing tone, like you would to a wild animal that's about to bolt.

“J-Josh? Is it really you?”

“Yeah, Mom.”

I don't know what she thought she was seeing. A ghost. A hallucination. But the freak-out ends as suddenly as it began.

“Thank you, God,” she says as she pushes away from the wall. She walks tentatively around the couch toward me, then reaches out and grabs me tight, holding on like she's never going to let me go. If I didn't have a Wildling's resilience, I think she might crush a few ribs.

“I've been so scared and lost,” she murmurs. “First I saw it on the TV, and then Agent Matteson came by, and then Des …” She puts me at arm's length and studies my face. “How can you be alive? Agent Matteson said I shouldn't look at your body … that they identified it. He thought it would be better for me to remember you as you were before the shooting. But nothing made it better, except for seeing you now.”

She lets me ease her back onto the couch where we both sit, but she keeps a tight grip on my arm.

“I know,” I say. “I would have come to tell you right away, but it took me a while to recover from what I had to do.”

“
What
did you do?”

“You were right, you know,” I say instead of answering.

“About what?”

“That I have to go away. Everybody wants a piece of me and they're not above coming after my friends and family. If I disappear, if they keep thinking I'm dead, nobody's going to come looking for me anymore.”

“But where would you go?”

“Into the otherworld. I've got a safe place to stay and I'll keep in touch with you.”

Her chest does this little hitch and her eyes get all shiny. She touches my face, fingers trembling. “But I only just got you back.”

“I know, Mom. I don't want to go. But I don't have another choice.”

She puts her forehead on my shoulder. “How long do we have?” she asks. “When do you have to go?”

“Right now. I'm just going to let Des and Marina know that I'm still alive, and then I'll go.”

“I hate this. I don't know if I'm strong enough.”

“I love you, Mom, and I hate this, too. But one thing I know for sure is that you're really strong. You're amazing.”

She raises her head and looks into my eyes. “I could not be more proud of you, honey. I can only let you go because I love you so much.”

I pull her in for another hug, and say quietly, “Thanks, Mom. You know, for this to work, you can't tell anybody.”

She leans away, takes my hands and looks at me. “Not even your grandparents?”

My heart aches, thinking about them. How they've always been there for the two of us—never judging, always solid, quiet
and discreet. I know where my mom gets her character. Maybe it will be okay.

“Can you make them understand?” I say. “It's so important that they keep it to themselves. That dog that tried to attack you? If word gets out that I'm alive, something worse could come after you. And anybody around you at the time would be in danger, too. Maybe even Grandma and Grandpa.”

I'm laying it on thick, but I have to. She has to understand— just as Des and Marina will—that they can't tell anybody. Not
ever
.

“I'll explain it to them,” she says. “They're on their way here. I can't lie and let them keep suffering the same torture that I've just been through.”

“I get that. It's okay. Tell them thanks for keeping my secret … and I love them.”

I gently pry her hands from mine and stand up.

“It's hard to let you go,” she says, standing as well. “You're still my little boy.”

“And I always will be,” I tell her. “I love you, Mom.”

She enfolds me in another hug. I squeeze her back, allowing myself to relax for just one moment more. I pretend that I'm not going away, that my whole life isn't going to be so different from now on. That my mom is going to be okay.

Then I pull back.

“You can't be touching me when I do this,” I tell her.

“Do what?”

“It's going to look like I'm disappearing. Bye, Mom. I love you. I'll be in touch when I can.”

She reaches for me, but lets her hands fall just short.

“And I love you, honey.”

Then I step away into the otherworld.

I stand there for a long moment, feeling more alone than ever. I still have to go through this again with my two best friends and it's not going to get any easier.

I call up my maps and find Marina on them.

“Huh,” I say when I realize where she is.

Now I'm going to have to wait until she's alone.

I have second—and then third and fourth—thoughts about leaving when Ampora finally comes out the back door with the girls in tow. Ria and Suelo are heavy-eyed and a little confused to see me standing in their backyard at this time of the night. Lupe is still close, hidden in the shadows. But all eyes are on me and my sisters never notice her.