Outcast: A Corporation Novel (The Corporation) (20 page)

Karis

“Excuse me?” The entire room has gone even more silent than it already was. Not even the sound of chewing is in the air.

I can feel everyone's eyes on Ethan and me and the back of my neck is getting warm, but Ethan holds his chin up and looks me in the eye. Which is surprising, since the coward has been avoiding my stare all night, but now I know why.

“The Further is where the answers are. The people of Neech are demanding them and we need them to defeat the Corp.”

“Ethan, you didn't even talk about this with me, we didn't decide—”

“That's right;
we
didn't decide. I did.”

My eyes widen only a little but I know they're filling with hurt over the anger. I’m pretty sure a slap in the face would have stung less, but he keeps going.

“This wasn't a decision that needed to be made together. We aren't going together. I'm not needed or safe in Neech any longer.”

“Not needed?” I say, in disbelief.

“Karis, I think this is a conversation to have alone.” He looks around uncomfortably and everyone's eyes drop to their plates.

“No, we'll have it now—your decision affects everyone. You're going out into the Further alone. You know how dangerous that is!”

“He won't be alone,” Dhevan says. My head whips in his direction, my eyes screaming the accusation of traitor. “I'm going with him.”

“You?” I can't believe this is happening, my hackles are up and I'm prepared for a fight; looking for one. “You're just now telling Journey about this, too?”

“We've already talked about it.” Dhevan takes Journey's hand in his, as if he's proving to me they're united on this. “Journey supports me in going with Ethan.”

“Journey, is this true?”

She gives me a confident nod, but it's more than just that. She's steeled herself against me, I can see it, like she feels she needs to be defensive.

“You didn’t think to pull me aside and tell me?”

“It wasn’t my responsibility. It was Ethan’s.”

All of my friends, against me. No one bothering to tell me about it before hand, to give me the illusion that I mattered in anyway. Instead, I'm worth only a half-hearted mention in passing before they put their lives on the line and risk us never seeing each other again. 

“But it's an irresponsible decision! We could lose them, Journey! How can you be so ignorant and naive?”

“Karis!” Journey snaps at me. “I told you the next time you took your hurt out on me, I wouldn't stick around.” She takes a breath. “This is about more than what you want and what makes you happy.”

“I never said—”

“This is about more than my Pairing or any one of us. This is about all of our lives and the lives of the coming generations. We need to stop the Corporation and Akin. If there is any hope of doing that—no matter how small or how dangerous—it lies in the Further. And it is our duty to go out there and find it, bring it back, and use it for our freedom.”

My friend has grown up and now I'm seen as the spoiled child, ignored and left behind because they were throwing a tantrum. Eta and Déjà and even Papa are looking at me with a mix of pity and agreement. No one is with me. Everyone is against me. I am alone.

Shame and embarrassment wash over me like a tide. All I want to do is find a hole to crawl into or a table to hide under, away from everyone so I can lick my wounds in peace while feeling sorry for myself. But there is no place of safety and privacy for me. I will have to carry this and get over it with as much pride left as I can. I swallow tears down a tight and burning throat. I try my best to put up a mature front.

“When are you leaving?” I ask.

Ethan clears his throat, his words a little more kind and sorrowful than before. “Tonight.”

No one else looks surprised. “Did you all know about this?” No one speaks. “I was the only one in the dark?” Still, no one speaks. All I can do is nod and excuse myself from the table. Without another word, I climb the stairs, the floor below me silent. I walk into Ajna's old room, shut the door, and cry.

७

After a little while, noise filters up the stairs and under the door. I sit on the floor with my back against the wall and my knees hugged to my chest, listening to dinner being cleared up.

Gandā is sleeping across the small space from me. I watch his chest rise and fall in a deep and steady rhythm.

“He’s leaving, Gandā,” I whisper through a thick throat. “Ethan is leaving me and going out into the Further. He didn’t even tell me about it. He had time to tell everyone else, but he didn’t have enough time to tell me.” I feel tears pinching the backs of my eyes and I take a deep breath to keep them at bay. “I don’t understand what happened to us.”

I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. There's a soft knock before the door opens. I expect Papa, coming to scold me for the way I behaved, but it’s Ethan. He slides down the wall and sits next to me. Our hips, knees, and shoulders touch, but he doesn't reach for me and I don't reach for him.

“You can’t go,” I say.

My anger for him is replaced by the sudden real fear that I may never see him again. I don’t want to remember our fight we had earlier about breaking up. I don’t want to think about how he chose to tell me last. I don’t want him to leave with that between us. I choose to be vulnerable and lay my heart out for him to see, bleeding and raw. To try and get him to change his mind.

“I have to, Karis.”

I don’t like how calm he is. “But you don’t know what’s out there.”

“Exactly. If we want to have any chance of fighting back, of winning, I have to go out and give us our best odds of defeating the Corp.”

I shake my head, not wanting to hear his reasoning. “Let someone else go.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s not who I am. In a way, I helped create this. I have to do everything I can to try and fix it.”

“It was Akin, not you.”

“But I have the power to help.”

How can I argue with that? “But I need you here, with me. How am I going to get Ajna back without you?”

“You were never going to wait for me to get your brother back, you know that.” His smile is sad but a little sweet. He’s right; I’d be getting Ajna back with or without him. But that doesn’t mean I don’t need him. “Plus, you have Gandā, remember?”

“You’re my other half, I can’t imagine you not being here with me.”

“I’m coming back, Karis. I’ll be home before the spring.”

“Please, Ethan.” I’m whispering now, widening my eyes against the coming tears. “Please, don’t make me promises you can’t keep. Just let it be someone else.”

“What kind of man would that make me, if I let someone else go in my place?”

I knew the answer. Not the kind of man Ethan Hughes was.

“I’m the best prepared for this.”

“How?” My fingers spread and reach across the floor to his, brushing our fingertips.

“I saw things, growing up in the Inner City, in my father’s office. He had plans, I didn’t know what they meant then, but I understand, now.”

“Plans?”

“For other settlements, other cities.”

“And you’re just now telling me?” My hand shrinks back. How could he have kept this big of a secret from me? We’re supposed to be working together. “My gosh, Ethan, how much have you been hiding from me? What else don’t I know?”

“I’m starting to remember a lot of stuff from when I was younger that I didn’t know I knew.”

“And this is one of them?” My words are a bit sharp.

He nods.

“How will you carry enough supplies? How will you survive?”

“We’re strong and resourceful; we’ll make it. Don’t worry about us.”

“Why do you always have to play hero? Why can’t you just work in the background?”

Ethan sighs. “Some people are meant to never be seen or heard; to live quiet lives. Others are made to be in the front lines, boisterous and agitating things. The change makers.”

“And let me guess, you’re the latter of the two?” I say with bitterness.

“And so are you. People like me and you, we’re the change makers. We are the voices and change makers for those we love and care about that can’t speak or take action themselves. The ones that work in the background. Without us, revolution would be extinct.”

I can see in his eyes how much he believes in what he’s saying. One thing is certain about Ethan Hughes, he cares about those around him. He wants to fight for what is good and right, so that everyone can have what they need.

“I know.” I bring his hands up to my mouth and kiss them lightly. “I just don’t want it to have to be you.”

“I’ll miss you, too, Karis.” He pauses. “Promise me something?”

“What?”

“Be safe while I’m gone. Don’t go looking for trouble.”

“Ethan—”

“I know you, Karis. And I know my father. Please, wait for him to come to you. And for all that is good and holy,
don’t
go into the Inner City trying to steal your brother back. He’s safe for now, and we need to know what cards are in the Corp’s hand before we take him back and piss them off more. If you go in uninvited, it won’t end well for you or Ajna.”

I grumble on the inside. How does he know me so well?

“Karis?” he asks, waiting for my agreement.

“I won’t start the fight, Ethan, but I can’t promise I won’t try to free my brother if the opportunity is there.”

“I figured that’s the kind of answer I’d get out of you. But, I had to try.”

“When do you leave?”

“Tonight, just before curfew.”

“You and Dhevan have thought everything through? You have enough supplies and a way out?”

“Yes, we have it all.”

“Papa and I got extra bread and greens. Have him give you some before you leave.”

“Thank you.”

“How exactly are you getting out of Neech?”

His eyes turn down a bit at the corners. “I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you that. I don't even know. Dhevan’s not even telling Journey.”

“Do I at least get to say goodbye before you leave?” I say with a bit of sharpness in my voice. “Or is this it?”

“Karis…”

“Wow, I don’t even get to say goodbye.”

“I’ll try to come by before we leave, but in case I can’t—in case it’s too dangerous—this has to be our goodbye.”

“And everyone but me knew about this, right?”

“Don't be like this, Karis; don’t pick a fight. This isn't easy for me.”

“And you think this is easy for me? Is Raj coming to? He’s the one who demanded proof, so it would make sense that he would force his way in.”

“Raj is going with us.”

I jump to my feet and Ethan follows. “It's a trap and he’s going to get you killed!” A new sense of very real fear has entered my body. This is what Raj was talking about to the Guard. This is the plan Ethan was being forced to follow.

“I know it's dangerous; I know my father wants me to go out there, but I don't have a choice.”

“Yes, you do!”

“No, Karis, I don't. Please don't argue that point with me again. My father won't harm me. He may have a plan for me, a purpose for getting me out into the Further, but I will be okay.”

“But Raj can't be trusted. I saw him before the last meeting. He was talking to a Guard, feeding him information about you and he said that the Corporation's plan for you would be put into action soon. This has to be part of that.”

“I know. That's why I've agreed about Dhevan coming. I trust him. It will be two against one if anything happens. I’m not going out there unprepared. Raj thinks he’s our only source of information, but he’s not. D’mitri got me a map—”

“Wow. You really thought all of this through, haven’t you? Prepared and done research and talked to people. I can't believe this is happening,” I run my hands through my hair and pull at the ends. “It's like I wasn't even worth the courtesy of a real goodbye or being told ahead of time what you were going to do. I bet you didn’t even consider asking me to come.”

“You wouldn’t have even seriously considered the invitation and you would have been upset that even suggested you abandoning your brother’s cause like that. You would have probably called me selfish, too.”

“That’s what you think of me?”

“Look, I'm sorry, I really am, Karis. But it all happened so fast, there was no other way.” He takes my hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. “I'm sorry our goodbye turned out this way, but I have to get going.”

“Great. Safe journey and all that.” I turn around, upset with how this is all playing out.

Ethan grabs my wrist after I take a step. With a quick tug, he spins me around and pulls me back into his arms. Without warning, his mouth crashes down on mine. I’m caught off guard, and for a minute, all I do is stand there.