Outer Core (20 page)

I shake my head. “It's pretty amazing right here.” He kisses my lips and lets me cocoon right back. Holding me with one arm, he types with the other, allowing me to soak in him as he works.

I'm not sure how much time has passed till I feel him carry me to our bed. When he covers us and wraps his arms around me, I fall asleep even deeper with a smile on my lips.

 

I fight my droopy eyelids to open. Blinking a couple of times, the unfamiliar blurry surrounding comes into view. Colors and shapes blend, revealing a washed, formless scene. A voice softly says my name through the blur. It's familiar and soothing.
Daniel
? my mind says, but my lips, heavy and dry, are unable to cooperate. My voice stays inside of me.
Daniel?
I try again. Nothing comes out. I hear voices around me while I'm floating above, struggling to keep my eyes open. When a warm hand is placed on my cheek, I drift into nothingness once again.

When I finally manage to force my eyes open, the room has dimmed. A soft beam of light comes from beside me in the otherwise murky room. I try to swallow over the aridity in my mouth, letting out a small cough instead. Still drowsy, I look around, taking in the natural tones of what appears to be an ample suite.

“You're up,” Daniel's voice whispers from somewhere near. My mind is in such a muddle that I failed to notice him sitting closely to the other side of the wide bed.

For a confusing moment, I stare at him as he softly smiles at me in a dark Henley, holding a light pink bundle in his arms. My eyes trail from his beaming ones to the pink bundle and back, and it hits me, hard. Everything comes back to me, flashing before my eyes like scenes from a fast-paced action movie. Arriving at the hospital, the persistent pain in my lower back, the delivery room, conversations in low voices, hazel eyes full of concern and anxiety, being rushed in a gurney, right until the mask that covered my mouth and nose, to the quiet darkness that came right after.

His free hand finds mine. “You want to see her?”

I nod, anxious. Gently, as though she's too fragile to hold, he tilts her upwards, revealing the rosy little face to me.

There are moments in life that just catch you off-guard, no matter how long you've prepared for them. Moments that no matter how much thought you've given them, or the anticipation that has built inside of you, you're still not ready for. For nine months, you carry a little human inside of you, talk to it, feel it move, kick, bond with it, dream about it. But nothing,
nothing,
can prepare you for the instant you actually meet your child. I look at her, and with one sole awed glimpse, my heart multiplies to accommodate all the love I never thought was even possible. My eyes trail from my baby to Daniel, and that's all it takes to bring all the emotions I'm feeling into something so painfully sweet and overwhelming. The look he has on our little girl makes me fall in love with him all over again.

“You want to hold her?”

Still rendered speechless by my outgrowing emotions and awe, I nod. Unable to take my eyes from them both, I watch Daniel rise to stand and settle on the bed beside me. Carefully, he places our daughter in my arms. I study the little baby sleeping on me and swallow over the lump of immense bliss in my throat. Daniel brings a glass of water from the nightstand and places the straw in my mouth. When I'm done, he sets the glass back and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

“She's so tiny and beautiful,” I whisper.

“That, she is.”

I look up at him, mesmerized yet again by the look in his eyes, on her, on me. “Kiss me,” I say in a soft voice. And he does. Kissing me gently and slowly, conveying with his kiss the magnitude of the moment.

“What are we going to name her?” I ask as we ease back.

He shakes his head in thought. “What's the synonym for perfection?”

You
.

We smile at each other. Daniel kisses me before sitting up. “Hungry?”

“Famished.”

His lopsided smile makes an appearance. “Why don't I give my girls some alone time and go get food?”

My girls . . .
I smile back at him, watching him as he crouches to press a gentle kiss on the fair down on our daughter's head. Tilting his head to catch my eyes, his lip tips up before we meet for a chaste kiss. My eyes remain on him till he leaves the maternity suite.

“Hi you,” I whisper to the sleeping wonder in my arms. My eyes caress over her delicate features, her pinkish heart-shaped lips, the delicate fluttering eyelids. She is right here in my arms and it's still hard to comprehend that I'm actually holding my daughter, our daughter.

When Daniel enters the room more than twenty minutes later, my heart does a little somersault. This time, it's not as a gesture of appreciation to everything that he is, but to what he carries in his hands.
Bless you, D. Bless you.

It's been over two hundred and forty days since sushi and I parted ways. It felt almost morbid saying good-bye and all the more painful keeping my distance. The next few good moments are dedicated to our reunion. At first, I'm a bit hesitant, fumbling with the long sticks, finding the right angle to take the precious bundles into my mouth. Gradually my confidence grows and they slide into me, one after the other.

“I'm getting jealous over here.” Daniel gives me a wicked look from across the room, where he cuddles our little baby, lulling her to sleep in a rocking chair.

Inwardly beaming, I send my tongue out to lick the soy sauce from around the roll's thin dark warp. Taking the chubby piece into my mouth, I close my eyes and moan. Opening my eyes, I smile at Daniel, who watches my little show with a sinister smile.

I shake my head, my lips mirroring his. “Way too early, dude . . . Didn't you hear the doctor? Six weeks!”

Wicked grin intact, he says, “I see your mouth is in pristine condition, though. Fancy that.”

Our humored glances lock, and we break into a light unified chuckle. A healthy wail bursts the moment.
How can something so delicate and sweet produce such a deafening noise?

We lie in silence, facing each other, our cheeks resting on plump pillows. Daniel traces the smattering of freckles on my nose with the pad of his finger. His finger slowly descends to my lips. I give it a supple kiss before it continues to my jaw.

“It feels surreal,” I say in a thin voice, not to wake the fed, deeply sleeping baby in the crib next to the bed. “She's so precious.”

We exchange a gratified stare. His features turn somber. “You scared me earlier.” His hand cups my cheek, his thumb caressing my skin. “I was actually terrified when they said the two of you were in danger. It made me realize that up until that moment, there was one person I'd always put above myself. Now, there are two.”

I bring my hand to cover his that's on my cheek.

“Remember when you asked me how I felt about moving to Baja for a while?”

“Yes.” I search his eyes, somewhat confused by the sudden question.

“Do you still want to do that?”

“Can
you
really do it?”

He nods, contemplating. “I'd have to prepare. It can't happen immediately. I thought, maybe in a couple of months. You can work on that project of yours and Iris can help with the baby now that she's getting stronger. I think it'll do her good, having us close to her.”

“I think it will do all of us good. I think it's perfect.”

 

 

Surfboard under one arm and baby huddled under the other – a flailing and gurgling bundle of contagious, angelic giggles – I head toward the water. I straddle the board, holding Emma in my arms so she's facing me, and let the waters slowly rock us in calming little sways. She looks at me with those big brown eyes, full of joy, making my chest double with adoration and pride.

She brings her little hands to tap the board's surface, splashing water on us. Her eyes grow bigger with ecstasy along with her smile.

“Hey Em, say daddy. Da-ddy.” She lets out a string of sweet blabber that makes my lips stretch so wide. Taking in her amazing resemblance to Hayley, I smile at her. With the thought of her resemblance to her mom and how she'd probably look when she's older, I try another word.

“Repeat after Daddy, Em. Celibacy.” She giggles. “Say it, Em. Ce-li-ba-cy.” The sweet rolling sound continues with more water splashing. I chuckle and mutter, “No joking now. It's a serious matter.” I take her in my arms, hugging her close to my chest and inhaling her powdery scent. I sit her with her back to me, embracing her with one arm while paddling gently with the other. For a while, we float on the board, just me and my baby girl, enjoying the peacefulness till it's time to get ready.

“She looks like a little angel, doesn't she? Aren't you, tiny one?” Julie, Hayley's mom, kisses Emma's bouncy curls. Emma looks up at me with her smiley, gleaming eyes, holding her arms out. When I take her in mine, she rewards me with a sweet, happy sound.

“She's a mini Hayley, eh?” I plant a kiss on Emma's tiny nose. Stretching my arms up, I hold her above me, making her smile brighter.

“She is. It's like seeing Hayley as a baby all over again,” Julie confirms, smiling at us both. “Though, I think that smile of hers is you.”

I grin at Emma, studying her slightly crooked, adorable smile. “You got Daddy's smile? Sorry for that, Em.”

Julie squeezes my bicep, shaking her head humoredly. “We should get going. Do you want me to hold Emma?”

I shake my head. “We want her to be a part of it.”

Julie's eyes mist over. “I better go now. Congratulations, darling.” She gives me a one-arm hug before stepping out the patio door and heading toward the beach.

“Let's makes this happen, Em. You ready?”

Everyone is waiting on the white sand of our Baja home slice of private beach. Under the soft afternoon sun and light, warm breeze, Ian and Josh, Natasha and Rafa, Iris, looking healthier with eyes shining and some ruddiness on her cheeks, Steven, Hales' brother, his mother by his side and right next to her the only person who doesn't smile at me. There's a hint of warmness in Dr. Grace's otherwise solemn stare. That sliver of affection goes to the baby.
I bet my left nut on it.

“Thanks to you, baby girl, we finally made it here,” I whisper to Emma. She titters when I say, “Your mother finally agreed to get married when you were born, so Em, I owe you big time.” Emma looks at me with shiny eyes and lets out a string of adorable noises.

Noticing everyone's attention gradually shifting toward the house, I turn my gaze. With a shy smile caused by the attention, Hayley walks toward us in a simple white dress and small white flowers in her hair. However, nothing about her is simple. The light wind sways loose curls away from her delicate, freckled face, the soft sun bringing out her exquisite beauty. I'm sure the wild pummeling of my heart is bruising my ribcage.

I drink her in.

It's the breath you're holding because she's still a step away. It's this feeling you feel that's somewhere between bliss and pain. Another step, and another, her eyes meet mine and she smiles a smile that trickles into me. A flinch of ache constricts my chest with that smile because it's in response to me. I take her hand in mine and walk the three of us together. Reaching the priest, Hayley bites on a mischievous smile, winking at me. Unspoken, she sends me a private message I read loud and clear. It's somewhere along the lines of here I am,
yours
, forever and for always.

I grin at her, closing the gap between us. When I lean in to chastely kiss her cheek, she shifts her head so our lips meet. As our mouths touch, there's nothing chaste about it anymore.

“There's a wedding night for that, gorgeous,” Ian says, his words followed by a wave of short laughter around us.

The priest clears his voice, humor coloring his eyes as he looks at us. “You're about to make promises to each other.” He starts then Emma cuts him off with some demanding noises, asking to be held by her mom. Hayley takes her from me. Our baby looks at Hayley for a sweet moment and then makes it clear she wants to go back to me. Crowing and gurgling, wriggling my way with the most beautiful smile.

“Can't really blame her,” Hayley says with a smile of her own and shrugs. A few chuckles surround us as I take Emma back into my arms.

“Amen to that,” Ian says. I shake my head and nod at the priest to carry on.

“Here, you'll vow to be there for one another, take care of each other, find happiness and bliss together.” The intimate ceremony resumes, with these words, our closest people, the sounds of waves, and delightful baby tittering. As I slide the ring on Hale's finger, I tip down to whisper in her ear, “No going back, Mrs. Stark.”

Slowly, she lifts her eyes to mine, her lips stretching into a gentle smile. She puts the ring on my finger, pulling on my hand to slightly make me bend till my ear is close to her lips. “You're stuck with me now, Husband.” We hold a beaming stare.

“You may kiss the bride.”

“This will require my complete attention,” I say, winking at Hales. I turn to look at the people behind us and hand Emma to Ian. “Start practicing, man.”

“Hey,” I say to Hayley before lifting her in my arms. I let her slide just enough for our mouths to meet. Subtly touching my lips to hers, I gaze into her eyes. Like in a slow dance, our mouths part. Unhurriedly closing the distance. Slowly meshing with one another. Hayley's eyes flutter closed, mine follow as I savor her taste, her nearness. I hold her close to me, our mouths fusing in a perfect, sensual match. We slowly ease back, smiling at each other, bonded in a union that's sacred beyond words. Hayley's heavy leaded stare as though she's drunk by my presence alone, makes me feel larger than life. No one in this universe could ever rise up to her level. No one out of an entire humanity is her.