Outside (12 page)

“It’s dangerous. It’s used to spread evil and it’s addictive.”

I watch a slow smile creep across his lips and he pulls the silver ring in his lip between his teeth.

“What’s so funny?” I say, scowling.

“Nothing,” he says, holding back a laugh.

“I’m glad my concerns are so amusing to you.” It comes out harsher than I intended and I’m immediately reminded of Mother. I sound just like her.

His eyes widen and the smile disappears quickly. “Hey, relax. I’m not laughing
at
you. I’ve just never…” The smile is back.

I sigh heavily and take another drink of my Coke.

“TV isn’t evil. And only rarely is it actually addictive. It’s for entertainment, not evil. Didn’t you have entertainment in Shiloh?”

The urge to say “no” just to spite him is strong, but I resist. “Of course we did. The men would play baseball and we would watch.”

His eyebrows lift. “Okay, yeah. Baseball is a good example. They put baseball games on TV. You can watch teams from all over the world play.”

I squint at him. “Really?”

He nods. “Yup. What else?”

“Painting? Some of the girls would paint pictures of flowers.”

He nods again. “There’s all kinds of shows about painting and stuff.”

“I was never good at it,” I admit.

Adam shrugs. “Not everyone is.”

I glance at the black screen. “What kinds of things do
you
do for entertainment?”

“Me? I don’t know. All kinds of stuff. I played drums for a while. Me and Drew play paintball sometimes. Most of the time we just hangout wherever, play Xbox, watch movies.” He shrugs. “Just kind of whatever, you know?”

I really
don’t
know, but I nod anyway, noting that he didn’t list television as a source of entertainment.

“TV isn’t dangerous,” he says after a moment. “There’s some messed up shit on there, but for the most part, it’s just something to do while you’re waiting for something better to come along.” When I don’t say anything, he reaches for the black phone-looking thing again. “I’ll show you. Just for five minutes. I promise you won’t die. Or get addicted. Or possessed.”

“Okay,” I say, gripping my can tighter.

This time when the TV comes on, I don’t look away. And I’m glad for it, because the first thing I see is a beautiful unicorn.

“That looks just like Windshadow,” I say, pointing at the screen.

Adam squints at me. “How do you know about this movie?”

“It’s not a movie, it’s a book. That’s Windshadow and the girl riding him is Avryn.”

“So you
read
this book?”

Without thinking, I blurt, “It’s why I was flogged. I took it from a library.”

His reaction is the same as Jacki and Serena’s. “They beat you over a stupid fucking book?!” His eyes blaze. “That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard!”

“It was evil,” I say. “I exposed the community to wickedness.”

He shakes his head. “It’s fucking fiction about fairies and shit!”

“I know that now. Serena told me it wasn’t evil. But Elder Berman-”

“Do you want to see the movie?” Adam interrupts.

Shaking my head, I frown. “It’s not a movie. It’s a book.”

“No, they made it into a movie. It just came out last weekend. It’s the same as the book, but instead of reading it, you watch it happen on a big TV screen. I’ll take you if you want to go.”

I lift my can to my lips to buy myself time to think. A movie? They never mentioned movies in Shiloh. Only the dangers of television. And since I’ve already read the book, it wouldn’t matter anyway, would it? I wouldn’t be exposing myself to any more evil than what I’ve already done.
If
it were evil to begin with.

“Okay,” I say finally. “When do we do this?”

He smiles, exposing a shallow dimple in his left cheek and his eyes light up. “I’ll take you Wednesday night, okay?”

I nod. “Okay.”

“It’s a date,” he says.

Beth brings a stack of books to my room when I get home from my paper route. They’re all about science and history, like she promised.

“Thank you,” I say, flipping through the glossy pages of a book called
Earth Science
.

“You let me know if you want any other subjects.” She leans against the doorway. “Once you get started on those, you may come across something you want to know more about.”

I nod. “Okay.”

“If you need
anything
, don’t hesitate to ask.”

For a moment, I consider asking for the rest of the books about Avryn and Hayze. But looking at the stack on my bed, I decide I should probably finish these first.

I talk to Adam every day leading up to Wednesday. If I don’t see him during my paper route, we message each other on the phone. Sometimes both.

He’s nothing like the sinner boys we were warned about in Shiloh. Adam is kind and funny and polite and he treats me with respect. That’s more than I can say for most of the boys I grew up with. When they weren’t ignoring me the way men are supposed to ignore women, they were making fun of my hair and freckles right alongside Naomi and her friends.

I’m nervous as I slip into my chair at dinner on Tuesday night. I haven’t mentioned these visits and phone conversations to Beth or Holly. But if I want to go to the movie tomorrow with Adam, I’m going to have to ask permission from Beth.

My throat is tight and my hand trembles as I reach for my glass of water.

Never in my life would I dream of asking Mother for permission to do something like this. Beth is not Mother, I remind myself. And what I’m asking isn’t unheard of out here.

“Alaina?”

I look up at Beth and then at Holly, unsure of which one of them said my name. “Sorry. I was…”
Not listening
. How incredibly rude of me!

“It’s okay,” Beth says. “Holly was just asking if you wanted to go with her to Teen Night at the church tomorrow.”

“They’re having pizza,” Holly adds. “And some kind of water balloon thing.” She shrugs.

“Tomorrow?” I glance between her and Beth again. “I, um…” My throat tightens again.

Just say it!
Beth is not Mother. Beth is
not
Mother!

“I can’t,” I blurt. “I was invited somewhere. With someone.” I might throw up.

Holly’s eyes narrow to slits. “Where, with who?”

My heart pounds in my chest. My skin prickles uncomfortably. “To a movie. With Adam,” I whisper.

Holly’s jaw drops. “Oh my God! She has a
date
!”

My shoulders draw up to my ears and I stare at my plate of uneaten chicken, waiting for Beth to tell me no.

When no one speaks for several long moments, I peek up. Beth is staring at me, a barely concealed smile on her lips.

“That’s so unfair,” Holly finally says.

“Why is that unfair?” Beth asks.

Sighing, Holly says, “Be
cause
! It’s Adam! He hasn’t actually
dated
anyone since Brittany.” She stabs her chicken with her fork. “If you’re not counting that thing with Bree. And that girl from Dunwoody.”

Beth turns to me, this time not trying to hide her smile. “I think it’s wonderful.”

My head pops up. “I can go?”

She nods. “Of course. Just make sure you take your phone. And call if you’ll be later than eleven.”

My shoulders relax and I grin so hard, I can see the tops of my own cheeks.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

ADAM

I wake up to Dad and Christine having a fight on the stairs outside my room.

I throw my sheets back and go to my door, whipping it open.

“What. The. FUCK?!” I yell, startling Christine, who’s leaning over the top of the handrail to scream at Dad in the hallway below.

“Go back to bed, Adam,” Dad says in his “authority” voice.

“Yeah right. With you two screaming at each other in front of my door?” I glare at Christine. Her face is blotchy and her makeup is smeared from crying, making her look like a cracked-out cocker spaniel.

“You should be up anyway,” she snaps. “It’s eleven in the morning!”

“Who the hell died and made you boss?” I snarl.

The corner of her mouth twitches and I realize my mistake. “Your mother,” she says, just loud enough for me to hear.

I’m used to her bullshit. It barely stings anymore. Rolling my eyes, I step back toward my room and call down to Dad. “Why don’t you just divorce the bitch already? All she does is spend your money and fuck the pool guy occasionally.”

He barges up the stairs, his finger in my face. “Don’t start! Get back in your room!”

Christine rolls her shoulders back, sticking out her big, fake boobs. “How dare you?! I am a good wife! A
faithful
wife!”

I smirk, “Yeah, whatever. Keep telling yourself that, crazy bitch.”

She raises her hand to slap me. I brace for it, but Dad catches her arm. “Adam!” he shouts. “Go to your room!”

Slamming the door behind me, I fall face down on my bed and imagine what life would be like if Mom never got in that car accident as I fall back asleep.

My phone goes off, startling me awake a while later. It’s a text from Drew.

I’m outside. Is it safe?

I text back:
I’ll let you in.

Drew hates Christine as much as I do, but it’s because she gets all creepy cougar on him when Dad’s not around. Faithful wife, my ass.

“I come bearing gifts,” Drew says when we’re safely in my room. He fishes a zip-lock bag of dark green bud out of the pocket in his cargo shorts.

“Thank god,” I mutter, turning on the TV across from my bed before going to the window on the far wall and opening it. Down below, in the backyard, I watch Christine float around the pool on a raft while she cackles on her phone.
I hope you drown, bitch
.

Fifteen minutes later we start playing Madden and I barely remember what happened this morning.

I don’t smoke much. Especially after all that shit with Brittany sophomore year. On days like today, though, I always make an exception.

By one o’clock, I’m starving. Sneaking downstairs, I check the driveway and the garage. Dad and Christine’s cars are gone.

“All clear,” I shout up to Drew.

He thunders down the stairs and we raid the fridge, eating everything that looks remotely edible.

“You going to that youth group thing tonight?” Drew asks around a mouthful of ham and cheese sandwich.

I shake my head, but it takes me a second to remember why I’m not going. “I’m taking Alaina to a movie.” Stoner paranoia grips me and my eyes dart to the clock on the stove: 1:11. I still have five hours to sober up and get ready.

“That cult girl? Holly’s cousin?” Drew’s already squinty eyes narrow even further. “How’s that gonna work? She’ll never let you bang her, dude.”

Scowling, I say, “I’m not trying to bang her.”

Drew smirks. “She’s pretty hot if you can get past the fucked up clothes.” As an afterthought, he adds, “I’d bang her.”

Dumping the crumbs in the bottom of the potato chip bag into my mouth, I wad it up. “You’d bang a hole in your mattress if you had enough lube.”

He snorts. “No need. I’m pretty sure Holly is DTF.”

I throw the chip bag at his face. It bounces off his forehead and lands in the bowl of ice cream he’s eating simultaneously with his sandwich. “Did you really just say DTF? Who says that?”

He grins, digging a bite out of the bowl without removing the chip bag. “
I
say that.”

I take a shower a while later, leaving Drew to smoke another bowl in my room. The hot water kills the rest of my buzz and by the time I’m getting dressed, I’m completely sober.

“Hit this,” he says, holding the bowl out to me as I walk out of my bathroom and pull my shirt on.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“You think she’ll dress Amish? Maybe you should like, grow a beard real quick so y’all will match.” He laughs in that annoying, high-pitched stoner giggle.

“Ain’t you supposed to be at that church thing in an hour?” I ask, scowling at him.

He shrugs. “I got Visine. I’m good.” He’s still holding the bowl out to me.

I take it from him and then hand it back without actually hitting it. Oblivious, he lights it and takes another hit.

Dumbass.

My palms are sweaty when I pull up in Alaina’s driveway. I wipe them on my jeans and get out of the car. It isn’t until I’m ringing the doorbell that I’m able to relax.

Holly’s mom opens the door.