Outside Beauty (15 page)

“I miss you girls more than you can imagine. Don't make me worry, Shelby. I wanted to see you girls to make me feel at peace, not to worry me.”

I had temporarily run out of steam. “Yes,” was all I could say.

She said, “We had a lot of fun, didn't we?”

“Mom, when you get better, which you will, we'll still have fun. You just have to go to a parallel universe. You were in the universe where beauty
was the most important thing, and now you can go to the universe where it isn't.”

“Ain't no such universe,” my mother said. “God, I'm tired.”

“There is so. I'm in that universe! You'll still be beautiful, just not perfect. Shouldn't you be in the same universe we're all in? Then we can all be together.”

She started crying. “I had so much fun.”

The nurse came in. “Are you upsetting her?”

“No!” I exclaimed.

“I think we better send your sisters in,” the nurse said anyway.

Rats, rats, rats. I left as my mother was wiping away tears. I had said everything wrong and made her cry. I was an idiot.

But the nurse put her arm around me and said, “Time to go, sweetie.”

I squeezed my mother's hand. “I didn't want to upset you,” I said.

“I'll be fine, and then everything will be back to normal.” That wasn't like my mother at all. Usually she came up with a good cliché, like “Keep a stiff upper lip.”

Next Marilyn and Lakey went inside. Mack had
his usual unlit cigarette between his lips as he paced back and forth in the waiting area. Larry and Jiro were talking about the beautiful oaks that were getting cut down in Arkansas. Mr. Bronson sat with his arms crossed on his chest. He looked angry, but then, he always looked angry. Maddie separated herself from us and stood alone a few feet from the chairs. She rocked back and forth, her face a total blank. I knew that if my mother died, we would never win Maddie back.

Finally, Mr. Bronson snapped, “I never heard of taking a child your age to see someone in intensive care.”

“I'm sorry, sir,” Maddie said meekly.

I wanted to shout at her,
You don't have to call him “sir”!
Instead, I just looked at Maddie.

“Did you make your mother cry?” Mr. Bronson said crisply to me.

“We had a private conversation.”

“Here's the thing, Shelby. You are the least psychologically developed adolescent I've ever met.”

My father sighed, as if he might now be drawn into the argument. “My daughter good girl,” he said. “Very advanced.”

“She needs some discipline,” Mr. Bronson said.

“She my daughter, I raise her my way.”

“I could help you with that. Maddie is my fourth.”

“No need help,” Jiro said curtly, so curtly that he even managed to shut up Mr. Bronson.

A few moments later, the nurse came back with Marilyn and Lakey. “When can we visit Helen?” Larry asked her.

“I think she's a little too agitated now for more visitors,” the nurse said. “Hopefully tomorrow. I'm sorry, but she needs to rest.”

“Oh, I can't stand this,” Marilyn cried. “I need to get some air.” Maddie, Lakey, and I hurried after her down the hall. Once outside, I looked up at the moon and tried to let that beautiful glow inside my heart, but it wouldn't fit. I noticed a couple of other people gazing up at the sky to see what I was looking at. And then I looked at my hands, at my feet, and at the moon again. It was hard to believe I was real. It was hard to believe any of this could be real. I wonder if my mother felt the same way.

At home Marilyn didn't call one of our powwows. When I asked her to, she said no. It was the strangest thing. For a month all we'd wanted was to get back together, and now that we were, we didn't know what to do. We
didn't know how to be together anymore. Or maybe what we needed to talk about was too big to talk about.

Maddie picked up her pajamas and said, “I'll change in the facilities.” She walked out of the room.

“The ‘facilities'?” I echoed.

“I think she means the bathroom,” said Lakey.

“I
know
that. I mean, who goes to the facilities to put on their jammies?” I said.

“She's acting really weird,” Lakey whispered.

“We have to get her away from Bronson somehow,” I said.

“Shhh,” Marilyn hissed.

We heard a door close, and Maddie walked in wearing her pajamas, the pair with the pink feet that made her look like an imp. She wore those jammies all the time, even when it was summer. For a second I thought she was back to normal.

I took her hands and led her to her bed. “Maddie,” I said, “the day I didn't show up to get you, I
did
try to run away, but I got caught. Jiro was
so
mad at me! But I really did try. I went out in the middle of the night to the bus stop. I really, really tried.”

“Okay,” Maddie said.

“Are you mad at me?”

“No.” Then she said in a monotone, “Good night,
everybody. Pleasant dreams.” Now that was what she always said, except not in a monotone. Usually when she said good night, she said it in such a chipper voice that I thought she was wide awake. But as soon as she hit the pillow, she was always out.

But as we lay in our beds quietly, I could feel Maddie awake while Marilyn and Lakey slept. “Maddie?” I said.

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, are you okay?”

“I don't know what you mean,” she said.

So I closed my eyes and saw my mother in the hospital. It was almost as if I could even see things I hadn't noticed when I was actually there. Like I could see not only how awful Mom looked, but also how far away Maddie stood from me and how her face was a total blank. Now I heard Maddie's breathing settle, and I knew I was the last one awake.

Next morning the first thing I heard was pounding on our door. My heart stopped for a moment. Pounding on a door was always a bad thing.

“What?” Marilyn called out.

“Are you all decent?” It was Mack.

“Yeah, Dad.”

The door opened, and Mack stood there looking cheerful. “Good news, the new antibiotic is working. Your mother seems to be rallying. Her fever broke last night. I just got the news from Dr. Jefferson. Ah, the world is a fair place sometimes. I'm going to write about that tonight.”

We all jumped up. “Is it for sure?” I asked excitedly.

“For sure and then some. The doctor is surprised how she's surging back. She's going to make it, girls.”

Relief flooded me. It was like yesterday the world was a bad place and today it was a good place. I actually understood Mack for the first time. The world was a fair place sometimes.

“Yep, she's over the hump,” Mack continued. “Hey, that would make a good song title. ‘Over the Hump.'” Marilyn and I had to laugh at that one, and he looked offended. “I thought about being a songwriter before I bought my restaurant.”

“Dad, that's a great song title.” Marilyn looked at me and smiled, and I smiled back.

Mack looked at me. “Now, Shelby, don't be making your mother cry when you visit her today.”

“I won't. I promise. Well, I don't promise, but I'll try really hard.”

“Okay, get dressed so we can get there before noon.” I looked at the clock in our room. It was ten a.m. And then I looked around again in alarm.

“Where's Maddie?” I asked Mack.

“She's been up since five studying with her father. Poor kid. She looked flat-out exhausted when he woke her up.”

And that's when I decided. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to do it, but I did know there was no way Maddie was going back to Arkansas with Mr. Bronson.

“We need to powwow about Maddie,” I hissed to Marilyn the moment Mack left the room.

“Okay, later,” she agreed.

Once dressed, we hurried into the kitchen to see what smelled so good. Mack was making French toast and singing. He sang like he did everything: with his whole self but not very well. Maddie was already at the kitchen table, her hands in her lap, waiting for breakfast. Mr. Bronson sat next to her, a napkin tucked into his collar.

“Oh, they finally get dressed,” Mack teased. “The sleeping beauties finally make it out of bed.”

Larry picked up Lakey and hugged her to him. “I'm happy for you girls,” he said. “I'm so happy for you.”

“So what else did the hospital say about Mom?” Marilyn asked.

“Just the most important thing,” said Mack. “She's over the hump. You girls just may be back at your homes tonight. Bronson says if everything is fine he needs to get back to teach his summer class.” Get back? But we'd just gotten here.

After breakfast we all headed to the hospital. Mack was in great form, yelling with abandon out the window at anyone he felt had offended him, which was quite a few people.

I have to say, I'd never understood what my mother saw in Mack, but now I found myself actually liking the man.

And despite his driving, we got to the hospital first. He took the steps two by two, then grasped a nurse's hand and kissed it, saying, “Thank you for taking such good care of my ex-girlfriend. I would marry you if I didn't love her.”

The nurse couldn't help smiling. My sisters and I laughed.

Mack headed off toward my mother's room when a
nurse called out, “We moved her out of intensive care. She's in 402. But it's not quite visiting hours yet.”

“You'll have to call security to keep us from visiting her now.”

The nurses didn't call security, and we all walked into room 402. I was surprised that our mother looked exactly as she had the day before. But Mack couldn't be subdued. He air-kissed her. “My ravishing ex, how nice to see you on this beautiful morning.”

She smiled. Anyway, her teeth were still beautiful. She had the most perfect smile of anyone I'd ever seen. Maddie's smile was more wonderful, but not as perfect.

“I'm so relieved, Mom,” Marilyn said, sinking into the chair beside her.

“Me too,” I said, bouncing on the balls of my feet.

“I don't know what all the fuss was about,” Mom said. “I was never planning to die.”

“Of course you weren't,” Mack boomed. “You'll outlive us all!”

“Mack, you're funny,” she said, almost flirtatiously.

The others showed up just then. Mr. Bronson stopped at the door, looked at us, looked down at Maddie. “We're not supposed to be in here.” He
leaned in the room to take Maddie's hand and said, “We'll wait outside until the nurse says it's okay.”

He led Maddie out of the room.

Jiro walked in anyway. He looked down at my mom and said, “Happy for you. Too strong to die.”

“Shelby told me you said I was strong like a horse.”

He looked trapped for a second, then said, “You very strong. Always very strong.” He laughed. “You beat me arm wrestling once!”

Mom wanted us to stay with her for a little while, so we all noisily tried to do a crossword puzzle together and got only three words. Even Jiro yelled excitedly when he got one of the words. “I read dictionary!” he said. “I read dictionary!” Mr. Bronson and Maddie came in when the nursed okayed it. They sat quietly, awkwardly, and as I watched Mr. Bronson sitting so straight and so stiff, I realized something: He was shy. But before I could think further about this, the nurses kicked us out for being too loud.

AT HOME THAT EVENING WE needed a serious powwow. Marilyn said, “She's on a high right now, but she may be brought down to earth when she really studies her scars.”

“She could be in the parallel universe where beauty doesn't matter,” I said.

“There's no universe like that!” Marilyn said.

“Yes, there is,” I insisted. Then, just as I'd said to my mother, I told Marilyn, “I'm in that universe.”

“No, you're not. We're all in the same universe. It's a small one—the only people in it are the four of us and Mom.”

“I'm in the universe where beauty doesn't matter,” I said stubbornly.

“Mom
is
her beauty,” Marilyn said.

“No, she's not,” I said.

Marilyn looked annoyed. “All right, let's move on. Let's get back to the main subject of this meeting, which is our dads.”

Lakey said, “My turn! I love my dad, but I feel out of place at his house. His wife is polite to me and I have to be polite to her, but I can't really act like me. And it's not fun like it is with all of you. I have to behave phony.”

Marilyn said, “My dad's okay, but he's kind of a nut.”

We fell silent. I thought for a moment. What did I think about Jiro? I guess I felt he was embarrassing but that it wasn't his fault. He didn't actually have a lot of faults besides dressing badly and talking funny.

Maddie said, “I have to pee.” She waited. “May I?” she said.

“Of course,” we all said.

She got up and left the room.

“Who asks for permission before they pee?” I said.

“Bronson probably makes her,” Marilyn said.

“But why anybody would ask? Wouldn't the answer always be yes? You can't say no if somebody has to pee.”

“Maddie's acting weird,” Lakey said for about the fourth time in two days.

“That's the real reason we're having this meeting,” Marilyn said. “We need to find a time we can powwow without Maddie. Maybe we should meet after she falls asleep.”

When Maddie walked back in, nobody spoke. She looked around at us suspiciously.

“Okay, meeting is adjourned,” Marilyn said.

“Is that it? Did I miss anything?” Maddie said.

“Nope,” we all said.

“Boy, I'm tired,” I said. “How about you, Maddie?”

“I can go to sleep if you think I should.”