She shook her head. “No we can’t. The tug of war between you is slowly killing me. Every time I let one of you down, every time I have to choose between you, it kills another piece of me. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t spend my whole life battling between you two, never feeling like enough.”
“Who says that is all yours to handle?”
She pulled back, looking up at Grant shocked. “What?”
“Keeping things right between all of us… Making sure everyone is happy and satisfied… That’s not all your burden to bear.”
He grabbed her hand. The warmth of his big grip engulfed hers, and another tear dripped down her cheek. He pulled her close, tugging her into his arms.
“It’s Daniel’s and my job too. There are three of us in this relationship. It’s all three of our responsibility to maintain it.” He rubbed the tears from her cheek with his fingers. He held her close with his other arm cinched around her waist, keeping her tucked into his chest.
Kate leaned her head on his shoulder. She’d never thought about it like that.
Neither of these men had wanted to embark on this relationship. Neither of them had sought out this type of bond. Neither of them had fallen in love with her thinking they’d have to share her with their brother.
Kate was the one that needed both of them—that wanted more than she should. And they had agreed to this, for her. It only seemed right she was the one to keep them happy. It was her responsibility.
“You can’t do it all on your own, Kate. No matter how hard you try.”
She nodded into his chest, nuzzling a little deeper into his shirt. His spicy, masculine scent calmed her nerves some, but nothing eliminated the sick sour churning in the bottom of her stomach. She knew that now. It seemed so obvious. She could never be enough for both of them. If she wasn’t in charge of keeping them all happy, did they have any chance of making this relationship work?
“It’s all our responsibility to keep this relationship intact. Not just yours. And we’ll figure out a way to fix it—together.”
“That is, if Daniel will still talk to us.” Her chest seized at the thought. He had to be a part of this still. She couldn’t think of her life without him. There wasn’t a
them
without Daniel.
“What if he doesn’t want to be with us anymore?” Kate cried into Grant’s chest.
“There’s only one way to find out, pet.” He brushed the hair back from her neck, his fingers reassuring against her nape. She leaned back into his touch, needing his comfort, his command.
“I’m so sorry, Grant.” She cried against his shirt, her body shaking with her sobs. “This is all my fault. I never should have gotten you both involved in this bizarre situation. It wasn’t fair of me to ask for so much.”
“Don’t say that, honey.” He placed a kiss on her crown. “You coming into our lives was the best thing that happened to Daniel or me. Without you, I wouldn’t have my brother. You brought us back together. You healed this family, and I’m not willing to lose either of you. Not again.”
She nodded against his chest. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll fix this. I promise.”
“No,” he whispered against her temple, ruffling the hair with his breath. “We will.”
* * * *
Daniel lay back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. In high school, he’d tacked a picture of Pamela Anderson up there. He’d spent hours staring at it. How different was the little brunette bombshell he’d fallen for—the woman who’d found every way she could to rip his heart out. He probably would have been better off with Pamela Anderson.
He’d only had one damn purpose he could see. One damn reason she wanted him around. Because her parents loved him. And in one quick moment, she’d destroyed that too. What purpose did he have now? Grant gave her everything she needed. What was he? The guy who held her hand while she cried about his brother. Another object to be used in their sex games, for her to be forced to satisfy.
If this was his future, he wasn’t sure he wanted it. Maybe her parents were right. Maybe this marriage, this whole relationship, was a mistake.
The door opened, but he didn’t look toward the sound. He knew who it was. There’s only one person who would search him out right now.
“Daniel, we need to talk.” Kate’s small voice entered the room, shaky with nerves. He hated that sound in her voice. But he wasn’t the one who’d done this to them.
He shook his head. He couldn’t talk right now. He didn’t know what to say.
He’d acted like a giant baby back in the barn. He cringed at what he’d said to her. It wasn’t fair—none of it. He probably should just leave her like her parents had suggested, let her be with Grant alone, but the idea hurt way too much. He couldn’t envision his life without Kate. And he didn’t wanted to.
Until he knew what he wanted, there was no point in talking to her. He’d only end up hurting her again.
“Come on, bro. We have to discuss this.”
Great, she’d brought Grant with her. They couldn’t even discuss him walking in on them the night before their wedding without his damn brother.
“I don’t want to talk right now.”
“Can you at least tell us what upset you so much?”
Kate’s voice wobbled and the sound stabbed him in the chest. She might have hurt him, but he was an asshole to make her feel the same way—for withholding from her. He wished he could explain to her. Maybe he could, if someone explained this whole damn thing to him first.
Daniel sat up on the bed. His girl stood a foot from him, his brother right behind her, hulking in the doorway. Kate’s face was pale, her eyes wet with tears, and he had trouble breathing through the ache in his chest.
“I don’t know.” He couldn’t explain the anger that had come over him when he’d walked in on Kate kissing Grant, her dress up around her waist and her ass pink. Even if her parents were oblivious, he knew what they’d been doing. He knew why Kate had left their rehearsal dinner and him. Just like always, she’d gone to Grant. He was the one she really wanted, the one she needed.
“Is it because my parent’s walked in on us? Because they saw me with another man?”
“That was part of it. The embarrassment. The way your parents looked at me, like some poor schlub their daughter had taken advantage of. That hurt, but that isn’t where this anger is coming from. Not entirely.”
Kate nodded. “Good. Because you know it doesn’t matter what they think. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of our relationship.”
“Does it matter what I think?” A quiver of pain echoed in his voice and from the way her eyes widened, she heard it.
Kate stepped toward him, sitting down on the bed beside him and wrapping her hand around his. He looked down at her small fingers entwining around his own. How he wished he could wrap his arms around her and forget all this. But in a month, or six months or five years, he’d find himself in the same position—forgotten, ignored and cast aside.
“Of course it matters to us what you think.”
“Really? That’s not how it looks to me. To me, it looks like I’m just the safe, normal arm candy you can bring out at family functions to keep your real desires a secret.”
She pulled back, almost as if he’d struck her, and a sick feeling coiled in his stomach.
“That’s not fair, bro.”
“None of this fair,
bro
,” he snapped at Grant. Beside him, Kate’s chin wobbled and she pulled in a deep breath. He wanted to punch himself in the gut for saying it. And gauging from the look on Grant’s face, he wanted to do the same.
But he had to say this. If he didn’t, he’d regret it. They’d all regret it. Maybe not now, but definitely in the future.
“Do you even need me? Do you still want me?” He squeezed Kate’s hand until she looked up at him. They couldn’t be completely lost if she still looked at him like that.
“Of course I still need you. I need your cuddles and your hugs. I need you to hold me while I cry. I need you to make me smile with your jokes. But sometimes I need something else. Sometimes I need what Grant gives me.”
Daniel’s gut clenched at the words. Damn it, he hated it. Why did she have to need this? Why did she have to need his goddamn brother?
“Can you offer me what Grant does? Are you willing to spank me and slap me like he does?”
Daniel shook his head. “I don’t want that.” He couldn’t. Over the last few months, he’d found out a lot more about how Kate’s and Grant’s relationship worked—what Grant gave her—and Daniel knew he couldn’t offer her the same.
Sure, he didn’t mind getting involved in the bedroom. Helping hold her down, even delivering her a good swat every now and then. But when she came to him upset and crying, all he only wanted to do was hold her close and let her cry. But wasn’t always what she wanted.
“Then what do you want?” Kate pulled back her hands, frustration ringing from her every word. “Tell me, Daniel, what can we do to make you happy? How do you envision this working?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how any of this should work. I just know I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I can’t live the rest of my life like this.”
Kate’s gaze dropped to the floor. Her shoulders slumped and he almost thought he’d heard a soft sigh. “You don’t want to live the rest of your life with me?”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I want to be with you. But I want to be more to you than the guy you come to when you want to cuddle up and watch a romantic comedy. I want to be the man that has you screaming to the rafters.”
Kate smiled at him through her tears. “You made me come last night.”
He shook his head. “No I didn’t. Grant did. I was just there.”
She shook her head. “No, both of you did. It was the combination of the two of you that had me screaming. No man—not even Grant—could make me come like that by himself.”
He looked up at his brother, who nodded begrudgingly. “It was a team effort.”
He’d never thought about it that way before. It always felt like he was pushed aside, unimportant. He’d never thought that her being commanded to take care of him actually turned her on. That it was just as much a part of the act as Grant fucking her. That made him feel a little better.
“But I want to be the one pleasuring you sometimes too. Not just the other way around.”
She looked up at him quizzically. “Really? I didn’t think that mattered to guys. As long as I was satisfied, and you both were as well, I didn’t realize it mattered how we got there.”
He shook his head. He wished he could be that easygoing about this relationship—that he only cared that everyone got what they needed, and not how they got it. But he wasn’t that evolved. He still wanted—needed—to be a part of it. All of it.
Behind him, Grant agreed. “He’s right, pet. Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I make you scream beneath me.”
Daniel nodded. Powerful, connected, important—all that and more.
“It’s more than just that. I’m sick of feeling like the third wheel. I want to feel like you need me as much as I need you.”
There it was. His heart. All laid out before her, ripe for stomping.
She stared up at him a bit surprised. She almost surveyed him. Her eyes were a bit glassy.
From the doorway, Grant looked down at him dumbfounded. At least he’d managed to push a few of Grant’s buttons. It was the least he deserved.
“I’m sorry. I had no idea you felt that way.” Kate fumbled her words. A tear dripped down her cheek.
He fisted his hands on his thighs. God, he hated it when she cried. But he couldn’t keep these feelings to himself. Not anymore. He owed it to both of them to be honest. Even if that hurt her.
“I’ve been trying so hard to make sure Grant felt included with the wedding and everything. I never thought you might feel the same.”
He looked up at his brother, a silent communication between them. Why hadn’t he thought about that? That maybe her increased time with Grant had nothing to do with him at all. It was so easy to forget how difficult this must be for Grant. For the Master to allow another man to own his sub, even if it was only in a legal way. And it was even harder for him to realize how her naturally submissive nature would pick up on that and feel the need to soothe his brother—her Master.
He should have been trying to help her. He should have been more understanding. Instead of holding his feelings in until he acted out like a giant baby—instead of just talking to them about how he felt.
Grant walked toward the bed, placing a comforting hand on Kate’s shoulder. But Daniel didn’t feel the same sense of jealousy he normally did. Not while tears streamed down her face. When she was upset like this, he didn’t care who was touching her if it made her feel better.
“It’s like I told you before, pet. This isn’t all on you. Daniel and I need to take some of the responsibility. There are three of us in this relationship. It’s going to take all of us to make this work.”
Daniel nodded along. “He’s right. I’m sorry too. I should have said something before tonight.” Before their rehearsal dinner. He’d never been great with timing, but this was worse than usual.
“I’m really sorry about down there.” He motioned toward the barn just outside the window. “I never should have treated you that way. I shouldn’t have left. I should have talked to you about how I was feeling.”
Kate shook her head. “Maybe we made a mistake by never creating any rules about this situation. Just like Grant and me… We have safe words, hard lines, and we trust each other not to push past those boundaries. You need to feel the same way with us.”
He looked over at her. Could she be serious? “We don’t need rules.”
Kate shook her head. “Clearly, we do. I don’t want you to feel this way. Not ever again.”
She pressed her lips together, as if she held something back from him. But this wasn’t the moment to press his luck by asking what.
Taking a deep breath, she clasped his hands in hers. Her skin was soft against his. “What do you need? What will make you feel comfortable?”
Daniel looked down, twisting the fingers of his other hand in the comforter. “I don’t want to ever walk in on the two of you in the barn again.” Just the thought of happening upon another scene like that had his stomach churning.