Authors: Maris Black
“So what do you think? Should I do it? Give it to me straight, man. I don’t want to get punched in the nose if someone gets the wrong idea. Do you think there’s a guy in there with a little bit of money in his pocket who wouldn’t mind sliding his cock into my hot, wet mouth and letting me suck on it for a few minutes, maybe let him come all over my face? Or am I just wasting my time?”
I want to say something, but the words are stuck in my throat. He’s got my brain so addled, all I can think about is him sucking cock. There’s a moving picture of what he’s just described looping in my brain… my cock sliding in and out of his hot wet mouth, me shooting a load all over his eager face. That one short scene plays over and over, like a sexy animated GIF, crowding out any other thoughts.
He toes the sidewalk with the tip of his boot and gives an embarrassed little smile that melts my heart. “Sorry, man. You’re right, that was a stupid idea. Guess I’ll just sit out here and hope that bitch comes back to get me sometime tonight.”
“Wait,” I blurt as he turns to go back to the club. “You can’t freeze. I guess I could spare the money, since it’s for a good cause. Um… How do we do this?”
“Well, there’s an alley right over there. You give me the money, and then we can slip into the shadows in the alley. No one will ever know.”
I dig in my pocket with a shaky hand and pull out a hundred dollar bill. “Do you have change?”
He shakes his head slowly and nails me with a sexy look that drops my balls straight into my toes.
“Fuck it. You need the money.” I hand him the bill, and he slips it into his pocket, heading straight to the alley at a brisk pace. I follow along, looking around to make sure we’re not followed. I look like the guiltiest sonofabitch on earth. I could probably get arrested for just looking around all nervous like that, especially in this neighborhood. And I know for a fact I could get arrested for what I’m about to do in the alley. It feels so damn real, I wonder for one delirious second if Corey might possibly be an undercover cop.
“What are you chuckling about back there?” he asks.
“Nothing. Just losing my mind, that’s all.”
When we get halfway down the brick lined corridor, Corey slips into a recessed doorway and drops to his knees. It’s a side door to the club, and I can hear the music pulsing from within.
“Open your pants.” He waits patiently for me to comply, his arms hanging at his sides.
I unzip my jeans and pull them down to mid-thigh, bracing against the shock of the cold. He looks up at me, eyes glistening, and I can just make out his striking features in the glow from the streetlights. Soft, haunted eyes, plush lips that would feel so good wrapped around my cock…
“What do you want me to do, baby? Anything.”
“Lick my balls.” My voice is hoarse with need and a hefty dose of fear.
I feel his tongue working my balls, flicking them lightly, nipping playfully at them with his lips until they tighten. He sucks one gently into his mouth and releases it, moving to the other side and doing the same to its twin. Then he works his way slowly and expertly up the shaft, using both his lips, his tongue, and his hand, drawing the sensations out exquisitely until I’m aching for him to take me inside his mouth. When he reaches the head, he sucks it hungrily into his mouth and slurps at it while he jerks me off with an economical grace that only another man could achieve.
I grab his head in my hands and move it exactly how I want, feeling the silky strands of his hair between my fingers. He varies the suction and tongue action until I’m in a frenzy, ready to blow any second for him. Wanting him to take it, take it all, swallow it, let me fuck him, be
mine
. Then he pulls it out of his mouth with a hollow popping sound, over and over, working against his own suction until it’s all I can do to keep from crying out, begging him to never, ever, ever stop.
“Shit, here I go.” I grind out a low, raspy growl as he purposely aims my dick and lets me defile his face with four full jets of hot cum.
Still reeling and spasming from my orgasm, I run a quivering hand along his cheek, and he peers affectionately up at me. “You’re so beautiful, Corey. So damn beautiful.”
He smiles and wipes his face clean with the tail of his shirt. “So it was worth a hundred dollars?”
“It was worth a hundred
thousand
.” I pull him to his feet, stuff my still-sensitive member into my pants, and zip my fly. For a moment, I imagine paying him a hundred thousand dollars, just for shits and giggles, because I could easily do it. But that’s taking the fantasy a little too far, and he’d probably think I was a nut job. Plus, he has no idea that I have that kind of money, and I’m not ready to tell him.
We don’t say much on the way home, but we walk so close together that our arms keep bumping together. I don’t care if anyone sees us at the moment. I have my hood up. And besides, it’s damn cold, so we have an excuse for taking advantage of body heat.
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore. As we make our way up my front walk, it strikes me that this isn’t just my home anymore. It’s
our
home. Against all reason, I’m living with a man and trying to deny that it means anything to me. And tonight, everything is just raw. I’m jealous of a fireman, and I’m disturbed by the bittersweet blow job I just paid for in an alley on the wrong side of the tracks.
Suddenly, tears well up in my eyes, and I can barely see to get up the steps.
“Ben…” Corey reaches out to steady me. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“I’m not crying.” A couple of tears escape and slide down my cheeks.
“Yes you are. What is it?” He takes the key from me and unlocks the door before leading me to the bedroom.
I swipe at my eyes with the back of my arm, which does little good since my leather jacket isn’t absorbent. “I can’t believe you had to do that, Corey. It breaks my heart that you had to do—” I’m so choked up, I can’t finish my sentence.
“It’s okay, Ben. All of that stuff was behind me a very long time ago.”
“Yeah, but what kind of world is this that a teenage boy has to sell his body just to keep from freezing or starving to death? They should have just given you the money out of kindness. It makes me angry, Corey. I want to go beat the fuck out of every man who ever took advantage of you. Sorry, sick, perverted mother fuckers. I wish I could kill them all.”
The worst part of it all is that I’m trying to deny the duplicity of my own feelings. I truly believe that those men are evil for taking advantage of him, but at the same time I can empathize with them, having felt the same irresistible desire for him myself. I can’t say with total certainty that I would not have taken him up on his offer, had I been one of the men he approached.
Corey sits down beside me, so close I can hear his breathing, and he puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me back so that we’re both lying on our backs. Then he rolls toward me and trails kisses down the side of my face and neck. “You’re such a good man, Ben. You make me feel safe, like nothing can touch me now that you’re in my life.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it. I’ve hurt you myself. I hide you away and deny you like a fucking coward, when you’re all in the world I want. I don’t keep you safe, Corey. I’m just another source of pain for you. Just another user.”
“No, you’re not. You’re just so used to pretending you have no feelings, you’ve started believing it yourself.”
I let out a harsh laugh. “And you know me so well in such a short time? I think you’re deluding yourself. Projecting romantic traits onto me that you only wish I had. It’s all a fantasy. I’m just a closed-minded small town doctor, so brainwashed by other people’s attitudes that I can’t even admit I’m attracted to another man. It’s how I
feel
. Why is it anyone else’s business to tell me how I’m allowed to feel?”
“See? You do have feelings. Now you’ve admitted it.” Corey stares at the ceiling for a while before he speaks again. “I have a confession to make. I was upset earlier because you don’t want to come out in public about me— about us. I told you I understood, but that was only half true. Logically, I did understand where you were coming from, but I was still pissed off as hell. I flirted with that fireman in front of you on purpose, not because I liked him, but because I wanted to make you jealous. It was a messed up thing to do, and I’m sorry.”
I sigh and cover my eyes with my forearm, blocking out the light and the world. “You were right, though. If I was even half a man, I’d tell everyone to go fuck themselves.”
“It doesn’t work that way, though, does it? The fact is, you’re part of a community of people who love you, with a really good career going and a lot to lose— a hell of a lot more than I’ve ever even dreamed of having in the first place. It doesn’t affect me that much having people know I’m gay. Who gives a shit, anyway? I’m nobody. But you… If you don’t think the community would accept it, and it would hurt your career, then it’s the right thing for you to keep quiet. It’s selfish of me to want you to risk everything you’ve worked for just to have my little piece of tail. Like you said, we barely know each other. I could be out of your life in a week or two, and you’d suffer the consequences forever. For nothing.”
I squeeze him tightly to me, taking deep breaths to keep the tears from coming again. “I feel like an idiot, blubbering over here. Jeez, I never cry.”
“Then maybe you’re due. I’m so sorry for everything, Ben. I don’t want to be a monkey wrench in your life.”
We fall asleep sideways on the bed still in our jackets, arms wrapped around each other, and it’s one of the soundest, most dreamless sleeps I believe I’ve ever had.
16
“HEIGH-ho, heigh-ho.” I lock the car and head into work, while Corey makes his way to the ambulance shack. I feel strange entering the ER, as if I’ve been on a month-long vacation instead of my usual long weekend. So much has happened since I was last here, I’m practically returning as a different person.
The emergency room is hopping with patients already, mostly leftovers from earlier in the day, and I’m still kind of tired from sleeping so much. Neither Corey nor I were very active today, only getting up to eat, shower and watch a little TV.
“Dr. Hardy, you’re here,” calls one of the nurses who’s about to go off shift. “I’ve got one of your regulars in there with shortness of breath, you remember Mr. Dawson. His O2 sats are in the high eighties, which is actually normal for him, so I didn’t put any oxygen on him, but I did order a blood gas. The results should be back any minute.”
“Thanks. What else?”
“The lady in room two is about to leave, they’re on their way back to take the guy in three to the floor. He’s fine, just one of Dr. Hannigan’s observations. That boy over there just got stitches, and they’re getting his discharge papers done. Half of the people in here are family members, so it’s not as bad as it looks.” She drops a folder onto the desk and grabs her jacket, heading out to the time clock. “By the way, I love that you and Julie are getting festive in the ER with matching Christmas outfits and everything. I think we’ll do that on day shift.”
“Um… thanks.” Julie is assessing one of the two patients in room one, and she is indeed wearing a red turtleneck just like mine. We’ve both chosen to pair it with green scrubs, which definitely makes it look planned.
When she’s finished with the patient, she returns to the desk and stops cold in her tracks, eying my shirt suspiciously. At that moment it dawns on me what she must be thinking, and unfortunately, she would be right.
“Hi, Dr. Hardy. What’s with the turtleneck?”
I meet her gaze unwaveringly. “I could ask you the same thing, Julie. The nurse who just clocked out is under the impression we’re showing our Christmas spirit with matching outfits.”
She clears her throat and busies herself with tidying the desk, avoiding looking at me altogether.
When she gets close enough, I cover one of her hands with mine. “You don’t have to feel awkward. Please don’t. Let’s just go on like we always have, okay? I don’t feel any different about you because of what happened between us.”
“And what would that be?” Christina emerges from the hall behind the ER desk that leads to the admin office, which has been closed for over two hours. It makes me wonder how long she’s been there listening. “Something happened between you two, and I think I can probably guess what it was, or at least who it involved.” She fingers the tall collar of her plush white sweater dress and smirks.
“Chris, this is none of your business. I’m none of your business anymore.”
“But we’ve barely broken up, darling. Your side of the bed isn’t even cold yet.”
It’s my turn to smirk. “That’s because Hannigan has been keeping it warm for me.”
She gives me a tight little
fuck you
grin and turns to Julie. “Were you sleeping with Ben while we were dating, you little tramp?”
“Hey, that’s enough.” I jump up between them, trying to shield Julie.
Christina shocks me by reaching out and snatching my collar down, exposing my mark. I feel the heat rise to my face. “Did you do this to him?” she asks Julie. “Was it you?”
Julie stands up and faces Christina with a determined look on her face. “Yes, I did. We made love this weekend at his place. Didn’t we, Ben?”