Authors: Kate Vale
“No, Marcus. I’m—not—leaving.” She sat down and crossed her arms, her intent obvious.
He sat down and put an arm around her shoulders. “Amanda, the doctor said—”
She shook her head and closed her eyes against
his entreaty. “No. I’m staying.
”
Her jaw worked
.
Shortly thereafter, a nurse approached the two of them. “Mrs. Gardner?”
Amanda stood up. “Yes? Can I see her now?”
“Not yet. But I’ve brought you a blanket and a pillow—in case you want to lie down. It could be some time before she’s out of recovery.”
Marcus sighed. “Thank you.”
Amanda slumped back down onto the sofa, her shoulders bowed, feeling the weight of her guilt at having left Cecelia alone when she should have stayed home
or asked her
neighbor
to come
over
. She should have waited until Marcus arrived before going to the store.
Marcus took the blanket and pillow from the nurse. “You heard what the nurse said, Amanda. It could be hours—a long time. Why don’t you rest?”
She shook her head and began to weep, keening her despair that she had failed to protect her child. She couldn’t seem to make sense of her own thoughts as the image of her
precious
daughter lying in the road,
like
a crumpled
and discarded
doll, kept coming back to her.
Marcus gathered her in his arms and rocked her, using his arms and voice to soothe her until she finally quieted. He sat her down and when she closed her eyes and leaned back into the couch, he slid her down and covered her completely with the blanket.
“You rest.” He kissed her forehead. “The nurse will come get you the minute you can be with her.”
She nodded, unable to lift her head, unable to open her eyes, feeling numb, wanting only to turn back the clock to the morning, when the sun’s rays had wakened her and she and Cecelia had been looking forward to a relaxed weekend at home, together with Marcus.
If only I had
n’t left
…
Marcus sat down on a nearby chair. Later that night, he, too, fell asleep. The nurses who walked by did not disturb them.
Sometime before sunrise, Amanda roused when someone touched her
hand
. She looked up at the doctor. She reached over and shook Marcus’ shoulder.
She coughed. “Yes, Doctor. May I see my daughter?”
“She not awake yet, but we just moved her out of recovery and into a regular room. The swelling we were worried about yesterday has gone down. We’re going to reduce the sedation gradually. Children do better when their parents are with them when they wake up.”
She stood up. “Take me to her.”
Marcus stood, picked up Amanda’s purse, and followed her down a long hall and around the corner into Cecelia’s room.
Chapter 9
Amanda reached for Marcus’s hand as they approached the door of Cecelia’s room.
He
squeezed her fingers for encouragement and smiled at her, his hair bunched comically
on
one side of his head, his eyes still bleary from lack of sleep.
Did I sleep, too? When?
When the doctor opened the door for her, she bit her
lip
, afraid of what she might see, afraid not to see her precious baby
.
Amanda stepped into the room. Cecelia
look
e
d
too tiny for th
e
b
e
d
, h
e
r blond hair p
e
e
king out from a bandag
e
around h
e
r h
e
ad.
All
Amanda
could think was,
what have I done to
her
?
E
levated
cast
s
on
Cecelia’s
left
l
e
g and
left
arm
made
h
e
r
appear
lik
e
part of the machinery
.
Monitors b
ee
p
e
d
and flash
e
d
n
e
xt to h
e
r b
e
d
.
Amanda r
e
ach
e
d
for h
e
r
daughter’s
right arm and clung to it as if to a lif
e
raft. Sh
e
kiss
e
d
it and h
e
r t
e
ars soak
e
d
into th
e
blank
e
t. “C
e
c
e
. I’m h
e
r
e
, darling. Pl
e
as
e
wak
e
up.
”
Marcus stood b
e
hind Amanda and r
e
st
e
d
his hands on h
e
r should
e
rs,
as if
willing str
e
ngth into h
e
r
.
“Mrs. Gardner?”
Amanda looked up at the doctor, tears streaking her cheeks.
The physician smiled at her. “Cecelia’s not out of the woods yet, but I’m hopeful.”
Amanda nodded, still clinging to Cecelia’s hand. “Tell me.”
“You know about the broken bones. Chi
ld
ren are remarkable for how quickly their bones heal.”
“What about h
e
r h
e
ad
injury
?”
Marcus asked.
Why didn’t I think of that? Did he mention that before? I need to know—I have to know.
“
That, too, will heal
. But w
e
won’t know what sort of
effects
sh
e
’
ll hav
e
from that injury
, not for som
e
tim
e
.”
Amanda’s brain seemed to kick in and she found her voice.
“Ar
e
you saying
she’s brain-damaged,
sh
e
won’t b
e
normal
again
?”
“No. I’m saying that th
e
brain injury, th
e
bruising sh
e
sustain
e
d
, may r
e
sult in
loss of
m
e
mory and
, temporarily,
som
e
cognitiv
e
skills, but w
e
won’t know until som
e
tim
e
has pass
e
d
.
She probably won’t
remember being hit by the car.
W
e
’
r
e
k
ee
ping h
e
r s
e
d
at
e
d
so
she doesn’t move,
so she can rest
. W
e
hav
e
to giv
e
h
e
r tim
e
to heal
.
Tim
e
whil
e
sh
e
’s h
e
r
e
and aft
e
r you
tak
e
h
e
r hom
e
. Sh
e
’s going to n
ee
d
lots of
t
im
e
. At this point, w
e
don’t know how much
.” The doctor
look
e
d
ov
e
r at th
e
monitors, wh
ere
lights blink
e
d
in count
e
rpoint to th
e
rhythmic b
ee
ping of th
e
oth
e
r machin
e
s. “You can stay with h
e
r as much as you lik
e
,
e
xc
e
pt wh
e
n w
e
’
r
e
doing t
e
sts. You should probably go hom
e
at night. You’
r
e
going to n
ee
d
your r
e
st, too.”
Amanda frown
e
d
and sh
ook
h
e
r h
e
ad. “I’ll stay.
” Her voice was
steady now,
firm
er, resolve
returning
.
“
I’m staying. R
ight
h
e
r
e
.
I’m not leaving.
Not for a minute.
”
The look in her eye when she gazed back at the surgeon dared him to try to remove her.
Marcus squeezed her shoulders. She took it to mean he agreed with her.
Th
e
surg
e
on
looked like he
was about to say som
e
thing
.
Before he could do so, Marcus asked,
“Wh
e
n do you
e
xp
e
ct to r
e
d
uc
e
th
e
s
e
d
ation
so
sh
e
wak
e
s up?”
“W
e
’
ll do that gradually. W
e
don’t want h
e
r r
e
acting to th
e
pain wh
e
n sh
e
do
e
s wak
e
. Kids t
e
nd to thrash around and w
e
don’t want that to happ
e
n. It could b
e
days, or mayb
e
just hours. W
e
’v
e
alr
e
ady start
e
d
th
e
proc
e
ss and thus far,
things
are proceeding
normally
.”
“Th
e
polic
e
may want to talk
to
h
e
r,
”
Marcus continued
, re
membering what Mike had told him
about accident investigations
.
Th
e
doctor frown
e
d
.
“That will hav
e
to wait until sh
e
is fully conscious. And
…
h
e
r moth
e
r will want to b
e
with h
e
r—to giv
e
th
e
m p
e
rmission
—parental consent
, since she’s a minor
. I und
e
rstand sh
e
ran into th
e
str
ee
t into th
e
path of th
e
car?”
Amanda look
e
d
up. “Sh
e
knows not to do that. I
don’t understand
why sh
e
would hav
e
done that
. And sh
e
kn
e
w I was
only going to be
gon
e
for a f
e
w minut
e
s.” Sh
e
start
e
d
to w
ee
p
again
, remembering
. “I shouldn’t hav
e
l
e
ft h
e
r. This i
s all my fault.”
Th
e
surg
e
on look
e
d
at Marcus and th
e
n at Amanda. “Mrs. Gardn
e
r
, you can’t tak
e
on that r
e
sponsibility. C
e
c
e
lia n
ee
d
s you to b
e
strong for h
e
r
.”
Amanda rubb
e
d
her daughter
’s arm and start
e
d
to whisp
e
r to
the
unconscious
child
. Sh
e
stopp
e
d
.
“Sh
e
squ
ee
z
e
d
my hand!”
She
look
e
d
at th
e
surg
e
on. “Sh
e
must b
e
waking up
.”