Paranoia (The Night Walkers) (14 page)

My friends didn’t respond, but I felt Mia place one hand on my arm for a second. Frustration bubbled under my skin and I felt Darkness agreeing with me. This was always a concern, but this time I didn’t fight it. I didn’t think I wanted to be patient about this anymore, waiting for Jack to tell me everything I needed to know. I felt like a tiger locked in a cage. It was too tight, too constrictive. I had the will. I wanted to help … to fight … but no one would release me, and I couldn’t figure out how to undo the lock myself.

I ate dinner with Finn and Mia at the Patricks’ house. Mom was on a date with Mr. Nelson and I didn’t feel like heating up whatever leftovers I could find. We talked about TV shows, movies, the weird things Finn had done in Disney World … anything but the police station or the fact that Addie was probably out on another date with Jack.

My appetite disappeared every time I thought about that, so by the time I’d finished half my plate, I was ready to leave.

“Thanks for going with me today, guys,” I said to Finn and Mia as they walked me down the hall toward the front door. “Sorry it didn’t give us more info.”

“That’s okay.” Finn gave me a crooked smile. “It’s hard to accomplish much without firm aliases established beforehand. Rookie mistake. Next time we’ll be better prepared. I’m still pushing to be Batman, though.”

“As long as I don’t have to wear a cape or tights, I’m in.”
I turned and opened the door, and then every organ in my body dropped into my shoes when I saw Jack kissing Addie on the front porch.

nineteen

Power surged through me. I had Jack off of Addie and pinned against the brick wall of the house in less than a second. My hands moved to his throat and tightened. His eyes bulged out and he brought his arm down across mine with all his strength, but I didn’t budge. It was like I was made of steel. He couldn’t hurt me. He was nothing.

Addie pulled on my shoulder and then I heard Finn by my ear.

“Let Jack go.” His voice lowered. “Don’t let the other—don’t let
him
take over. Don’t make me change my mind about who you really are.”

Jack’s face was red, and I could feel his pulse beneath my fingers. It beat one—two—three times. I drew in a slow, deep breath and loosened my grip until he dropped to the ground. Addie was beating against my shoulder, yelling. All I could think about was having my hands on Jack’s throat again. It was what I wanted, what I needed. Why had I let him go? I couldn’t make out Addie’s words. Jack gasped on the porch steps, his eyes staring daggers through me.

“You … are … ” He drew in a deep ragged breath before finishing. “A monster.”

Darkness laughed in my head. “You have no idea.”

I didn’t realize I’d said the words out loud until I heard Mia gasp behind me.

“I’m—sorry. That wasn’t me.” I looked down at Jack, and even though I could see that he knew what I meant, there was only anger and fear in his face.

Addie stood furious in the corner. “Everyone. Go inside. I need to talk to Parker.”

Finn’s expression was shaken, but I still saw loyalty in his eyes. He put one hand on my shoulder as he walked past. “Good luck, man.”

“Thanks.”

Jack didn’t leave. “Addie, I don’t think—”

“Please go.” She didn’t take her eyes from me, but I couldn’t meet them for long. There was so much pain, betrayal, and anger there. It was agonizing to see.

Jack got up and went inside, but I could hear from the way his footsteps stopped that he was just inside the door. That was fine. If Darkness took over, I wanted someone to be there to stop me. I’d never recover if he hurt her … any more than he already had.

“I know that you need to visit Mia, and I want you to survive,” Addie said, her voice trembling under the weight of her emotion. “But I don’t want to see you anymore, Parker.”

“Addie … ” I reached out and tugged on the bottom of her fingers, but she jerked her hand away as though I’d burned her. “Please, can you let me explain?”

She leaned against the house, and in the fading evening light her hair seemed to glow like a sheet of dark flame around her. “I don’t see the point, but go ahead.”

“The picture, and the girl I kissed.” She physically recoiled when I said the words. “You remember how I told you about the other part of me? About Darkness?”

She inclined her head slightly and I continued.

“Ever since I made eye contact with the Taker, for some reason Darkness has had more control. Whenever I’m a little weak or tired, maybe, he can take over.” I shuddered just thinking about how awful it had been to watch Darkness have total control. “That was him in that bar … not me. I’d never—I couldn’t do that to you.”

Her expression softened a little, but when she spoke a tear rolled down her cheek. “It’s not enough.”

I rushed ahead, desperate to say anything that might help. “Yesterday I told Finn everything. I told him that I wanted to be with you.”

I stepped closer and tentatively raised my hand, brushing the single tear away with my knuckles. “I—I love you, Addie. You have to know that I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can remember. You’ve always been the only one I could ever imagine being with. Please tell me how to fix this, because I can’t lose you. You’re the only one who believes in me even when I don’t. Please—” I lifted her chin until I could see those beautiful hazel eyes that kept her secrets from me. Now the secrets were gone, replaced by pain, betrayal, and tears. My voice shook and I couldn’t help the pleading tone that crept in. “Please don’t give up on me now.”

She closed her eyes, and as the tears rolled down her cheeks a soft sob escaped her lips. “It doesn’t matter. Not unless you can prove that you haven’t become the monster.”

My entire body went cold. “How?”

“Just now … was that you or Darkness who grabbed Jack and nearly choked the life out of him?” Her words floated across the space between us, making the inches feel like canyons, the breaths like galaxies.

I closed my eyes tight, learning my lesson too late as always. I told her the truth, even though I knew the lie could make everything better. I told her the truth that I knew would send her inside to where Jack was waiting, the truth that would steal her away from me forever. “It was both of us.”

She slid across the wall and away from me. “We all have to fight to do the right thing, Parker. You just have to fight harder than the rest of us.”

I crumpled down into a heap on the steps as she opened the door. “I’ll send Jack out and you should go home. Please don’t hurt anyone anymore—including yourself.”

Then she walked inside and closed the door behind her.

The next morning I felt rested from Mia’s dream, but it did nothing to heal all the fresh wounds left by Addie. My only consolation was that I had a plan for school that day. I wasn’t
always a big fan of school, but for now, despite the fact that I had to get out of bed, I could only see upside of it. School would be out for summer soon and I needed to use this time to find that Cooper kid, if he went to school with us. Plus, I had several classes with Finn, none with Addie, and I didn’t have to see Jack at all.

I’d considered kicking Jack out, but since he was the only link I had left to my dad, I resisted. Still, it was extremely uncomfortable. He seemed to be avoiding me—not that I minded. And I had to give Mom a couple of extra excuses for why he was still staying with us, which I’m not entirely certain whether she was buying.

When we got home last night, I’d moved all of Jack’s bedding and his backpack to the couch in the den. Darkness followed me every step of the way, yelling all the things I should say and do to Jack. I couldn’t say I disagreed with all of his suggestions, but I tried not to encourage him.

When I got to school, Finn was standing by his locker. I opened my locker and threw a couple of books onto the shelf. Finn jumped and looked over at me, his eyes wide and bloodshot.

“Wow … you look more like me than like you.” I leaned back and took in the dark circles under his eyes. His shirt was solid black with a wide white stripe across the middle. No-slogan days were never good days. “Have a rough night?”

Finn’s laugh came out high-pitched and uncomfortable. He cleared his throat and tried again, with a plastered-on smile this time. “No, it’s fine.” Then he reached into the locker and seemed very intent on sorting through the mess at the bottom.

“Okay … ” After grabbing the things I needed for English, our first class, I closed my locker and waited for him. He kept watching me out of the corner of his eye like he was waiting for me to leave. Finally, he groaned and leaned his head against his locker.

“Do you remember what we’re supposed to be working on in class today?” he asked.

I shrugged and glanced down at my book. “I think we’re still doing Shakespeare.”

“That’s right.” Finn reached under the pile and pulled out his book before closing the locker. Then he bent over and straightened his shoe as I started walking backward toward our class. The bell was about to ring and I’d been trying to bring up my grades this semester, now that Mia was helping me sleep and I had a chance at a future.

“You’re slow today.” I laughed as Finn caught up with me. “You trying to get out of school or something?”

“Maybe.” He shrugged. “It’s not like it really matters.”

I stared at him. Finn goofed off a lot, but he’d always been very serious about school, grades, college, and everything that went with that. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“I’m fine. Just seeing things more clearly today, that’s all.” He walked into the class as the bell rang and made his way to the empty desk in the back row. There weren’t assigned seats in here, but it was where I usually sat. I raised my eyebrows as I took the seat in front of him, but he just stared back at me—more challenge in his gaze than any kind of answer. I wondered whether something at the police station yesterday was bothering him.

Or maybe I’d freaked him out even more than I thought when I went after Jack. I could only hope he didn’t think I’d passed the point of no return, like it seemed Addie did. I blew out a lungful of air and tried to convince myself that it wasn’t a possibility.

Either way, I would wait until Finn wanted to tell me. I’d certainly had my share of days when I’d acted weird. I guessed it was probably his turn. He’d been struggling ever since the fire—maybe it was all starting to catch up to him. After everything Finn had done for me, the least I could do was be a little patient. I’d be here for him when he was ready to talk.

Just like he was for me.

After English, Finn took off and wasn’t at his locker when I got there. Maybe he really wasn’t feeling well and had gone home. I was just pulling out my books when I looked up and felt like I’d been kicked in the gut. Addie and Mia were rounding the corner, and Addie froze in place. Her hair moved around her the way it always did, and I had a vivid flashback to how amazing it smelled. Then she pivoted on one foot and walked off in the other direction. Mia sighed and crossed the hall to me.

“Well, today is sucking pretty hard for me.” She leaned against Finn’s locker and then gave me an apologetic smile. “I’m guessing it’s worse for you.”

I rested my head against my locker and banged it softly a few times before answering. “Yeah, I’m not a fan.”

“Addie will get over it—I think.” Mia winced and stood upright. “Walk me to class?”

“Sure.” I strolled beside her in silence, still stunned by the fact that one Addie sighting could make me want to drive home and crawl back into bed … or break things. Breaking things sounded good.

“Finn doesn’t seem to be doing great either.” Mia lowered her voice when we spotted Finn walking halfway up the hall ahead of us. “Is he mad at you and Addie? You wait this long to tell him about dating her, and then you guys break up the same day? Does he think he has to pick sides?”

“I don’t think it’s about me and Addie. He didn’t seem mad when I talked to him about it.” I kept my voice low. “And what happened with Addie the last couple of days … that wasn’t my choice.”

Mia sighed. “Right. Sorry.”

“Besides, Finn doesn’t have to pick a side. It isn’t like that. No one is asking him to.” I glanced down and noticed Mia biting her lip. “And you don’t have to worry about that either.”

The section of the school we were walking through had mirrors along one wall. Most of the hall was empty now and Finn had disappeared. When I glanced over, I saw two of me walking next to Mia. My pulse sped up for a moment. Then I blinked, and he was gone.

Darkness was enjoying his newfound freedom a little too much. He really enjoyed messing with my head.

Again … I was not a fan.

“See you later, Parker.” Mia ducked into her class with a little wave, and I walked around the corner to my Physics classes. I made it through the door just after the bell rang, and Mr. Nelson gestured for me to take my seat with a slight smile.

I smiled right back … not so much as a lecture for being late? At least there were a few perks to the teacher dating my mom.

twenty

I drove home from school alone, for the first time since the Patricks had gotten back from vacation. Mia had given Addie and Jack a ride and I couldn’t find Finn anywhere. It was starting to worry me, but Mia said she thought he might have left early. I really hoped all this wasn’t because of my attack on Jack, because if it was, then I felt even worse. I didn’t want to be hoping Finn was sick or something, but at this point, I was crossing my fingers that the problem was something temporary like that. Nothing serious … just a minor flu or bad allergies.

The next couple days of school were flat-out depressing. I missed my friends. I missed Addie more than I ever thought I could. And the idea of her spending her free time—and her dreams—with Jack made me want to pull my hair out one strand at a time and shred each piece into tiny bits.

It was possible that this line of thinking was not healthy, but as long as I kept myself from acting on it, I called it a win.

On Friday, I sat at my kitchen counter after the final day of the school year, flipping through channel after channel of public interest stories about what kind of “sizzling summer sales” would be starting next week. Upside: no school for three months. Downside: I didn’t even want to think about how crazy I was going to go with all that downtime and no friends. I glanced across the counter at Darkness—my only consistent company these days. That was even more depressing. I was becoming less afraid of him. Every day he seemed less like a threat and more like … a psychopathic toddler with no respect for morals or societal values. Admittedly, not a huge improvement. And since I didn’t trust him at all, it made me nervous that he was seeming less like a monster to me. Did that mean he was becoming more like me—or that I was becoming more like him?

He glared at the remote control. It drove him crazy that I could touch it and he couldn’t. “Would you turn it up—please?” he growled.

With a loud sigh, I pushed the volume button, got up, and started searching around in the cupboard for something to eat. The cupboards were bare. Even though Jack spent most of his awake time somewhere else—I didn’t even want to think about where—Mom still hadn’t figured out how to shop for two teenage boys in the house. I’d had to make a couple of extra trips to the grocery store so she wouldn’t get annoyed and decide Jack wasn’t welcome here anymore. I definitely wasn’t Jack’s biggest fan these days, but he was still my only source for answers about my dad, even if he’d stopped giving me any.

The point was, we needed food, and at the moment I was bored out of my mind.

Picking up my phone, I called Finn for the third time that afternoon. It went straight to voicemail. Either Finn was still avoiding me or he’d dropped his phone in the toilet—
again
. I decided it was time to find out exactly what was wrong.

I pushed the power button and the TV cut off in the middle of a story about a police commissioner’s surprising resignation.

“Hey, I was watching that!” Darkness followed me to the door to the garage. When I slammed it in his face, he just appeared on the opposite side of my car. “Where are we going?”

I climbed in. I’d been working hard the last few days on not responding out loud, which only seemed to make him angrier. It totally counted as a perk.

Driving through the neighborhood, I stopped at a stop sign and turned up the radio in an effort to drown out Darkness’s chatter. Then I looked up and saw Addie and Jack come to a stop on the road to the right. She was laughing and he was shaking his head. Neither of them had seen me, and now that my gut was folded up into a ball of pain, I preferred to keep it that way.

I drove through the intersection and pulled over, turning off the car. The radio cut off and everything went immediately silent. Even Darkness had stopped talking, though I could feel his fury fuming inside me. He looked over and I stared into my own eyes.

Then everything faded away.

When I regained awareness, I was still sitting behind the wheel of my car but it was much later in the day. The sun had set and the sky had faded to the hazy violet of twilight. Darkness seethed in the passenger seat, obviously unhappy to have lost control. I did a quick check of my clothes and looked in the mirror. No lipstick, no black eye. I took a deep breath … I didn’t feel like I’d been drinking. I dug my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through the recent history. No texts, pictures, or calls had occurred in the last couple of hours.

I looked back at Darkness, who had a hard smirk on his face. “Yeah, yeah … don’t get sappy. You can repay me later.”

“Why didn’t you make me watch this time?”

He didn’t respond for a while and when he did, his voice was gruff. “No one deserves that … not even you.”

I squinted over the steering wheel and out the front window at the house Darkness was watching. It was run down and in a rough neighborhood I’d never been in before. I tried to make out the last name on the mailbox. It was too dark and most of the letters were missing—but it started with a T. The bushes in the front of the house were so high and overgrown they probably blocked out any sun that tried to creep in through the windows. Gray paint that probably used to be a different color peeled on every surface. The house’s roof looked like it had been patched a few times, very ineffectively.

“Where are we?”

“You didn’t listen, so I decided to bring us here on my own.”

A chill ran down my spine at the cold satisfaction in his voice, but before I could ask Darkness to clarify, I saw the front door open and Finn walked out. Through the open door I could have sworn I saw the hulking form of Thor before it quickly closed.

T … for Thornton. I glanced at Darkness, but his jaw was hanging open wide. He may have come to check up on Thor, but it was clear he was just as surprised as I was to see Finn here.

We watched Finn jump into his old crappy car, which was parked about a block away. After two attempts it started up and he pulled away from the curb. I started my car, too, and stayed back a few blocks. Darkness seemed at least curious because he didn’t argue—and as a general rule, he argued with everything I said, did, or thought.

I followed Finn through a few cross streets and finally back to his house. He went inside, and I sat in my car trying to decide what to do next. Darkness disappeared again just when I’d considered asking his opinion. He was nothing if not absolutely useless.

I gave up. Nothing that was going on made sense to me, so the only thing I could do was ask Finn.

The moon was full, but it hid behind some clouds the instant I stepped out of the car. The wind kicked up and blew hard in my face. I blinked against the sudden force, which seemed to stop as soon as it started. Running my hand through my hair, I glanced through the window into the Patricks’ garage. All the other cars were gone—good. Less chance of running into Addie and Jack.

After two knocks, Finn opened the door. He looked bored.

Finn never looked bored. Something was definitely wrong, and it made my skin crawl. I could hear my own pulse in my ears and my lungs felt like they wanted to breathe much faster than usual.

“Feel that?” Darkness spoke quietly and crystal clear inside my head. “Those are
my
instincts that you’re feeling. They’re primal. They’re sensitive … and they’re
never
wrong. Be careful.”

I walked into the kitchen and Finn sauntered in behind me.

“So what have you been up to?” I kept my voice low and casual.

“Nothing. Just been here all night.” He gestured back toward the living room, where the TV was on.

I nodded, trying to look calm while my brain was freaking out. “So, I was thinking, about our conversation the other day … I really think you should go for it.”

“You do?” All his attention was focused on me now and every trace of boredom was gone.

“Yeah. I think Stanford would be awesome. And so what if it’s halfway across the country?” I leaned back against the counter, feeling around for the wooden owl statue that was always kept in that spot. I knew Finn hated the idea of going to a West Coast university, for reasons that I’d yet to figure out—so any response other than his customary “Uh, no way in hell” would be a dead giveaway.

Finn smiled and relaxed his stance, but there was something in his eyes that made every hair on my arm stand on end. “Yeah, so what? Stanford seems so cool.”

My fingers finally brushed the wooden statue and I pulled it tight against my palm. Drawing in a deep, slow breath, I smiled back. Whoever this Taker was, they were using Finn’s body and I would
not
hurt him … not seriously, anyway.

“It’s really too bad, though.” Fake-Finn turned his back on me and I took one silent step forward. Then his voice turned ice cold and he spun to face me with a knife in his hand and his lip curled back in an arrogant sneer. “I didn’t want to kill you
yet
.”

I took a step back. “Who are you? Cooper—right?”

“None of your business.” Finn looked a little surprised when I said the name, then lunged forward, swinging the knife toward my stomach. He missed by mere inches, narrowly avoiding slicing me open. The front of my shirt had a long gash across the middle. Fear and adrenaline made every detail around me crystal clear.

I kicked the chair toward him and he stopped it with his foot. It hadn’t been intended to hurt him, more to put something else between myself and Finn’s very sharp knife.

Now, with the chair between us, I threw the wooden owl at him. It thudded against his shoulder when he ducked. It was solid and pretty heavy; Finn winced when he tried to raise the knife again. Using his momentary distraction, I reached for the only things that were handy. Ripping spices off Mrs. Patrick’s spice shelf behind me, I popped off the tops and started throwing them as fast as I could at Finn. The first was some kind of Italian seasoning, and he just looked at me like I’d lost my mind, but the third was pepper and he was coughing and sneezing before I threw cinnamon and a dozen other spices into a cloud around him.

He’d covered his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt and sounded like he was hacking up a lung when I ran for him. I slammed my elbow down on his wrist and the knife clattered to the ground; then I jumped on him and pinned him face-down in the spices covering the floor. I grabbed the dishtowel and tied his wrists behind his back with it, then picked up the knife, jerked his head up by his hair, and put the blade against his neck.

“Who are you?” Power surged through my veins and I felt pure strength. I was totally in control. He had to answer me. I would make him.

Finn sputtered and coughed, but gave no response.

“Tell me your name.” My voice was barely a growl. Finn looked scared for the first time. I pressed the knife closer and a single drop of blood crossed my blade. I could see my reflection in it. It was me, shining in silver and red blood—Finn’s blood. He still hadn’t answered me. I put a tiny bit more pressure on the blade and another drop fell.

The back door opened and Addie and Mia walked in.

“What the—?” Mia stopped and Addie ran into her back.

Addie stepped around her and sneezed, then looked down at me. She froze and her eyes went from me to Finn. “Get off him! What’s wrong with you?”

I looked up at her and back down at the blade and the few drops of my best friend’s blood. The knife fell from my fingers with a sudden clatter and I kicked it aside. Closing my eyes tight, I knelt back on Finn’s legs to keep him from moving and reached inside my head. Shutting out every word from Addie, Mia and Finn, I focused inside my mind and found Darkness.

I’d seen enough. We’d done enough. Darkness had to be stopped before he killed someone I loved. He wailed out in agony as I used every piece of my strength to push him into some dark corner, to wall him off, to cage him in. It took almost a full minute of pure pain. Every time he’d start to regain some ground, I would focus on the image of Finn’s blood on the blade and he would retreat.

Then everything was silent.

“He’s totally lost it. I don’t even know—” Finn’s words finally cut through. I was so relieved to hear his voice, even if it wasn’t Finn using it. I’d almost killed him. Just an ounce more pressure and I would have murdered my best friend. If I’d … if he’d been … I shoved the horrifying thought aside.

“It wasn’t on purpose! This isn’t the way it looks.” My voice was full of panic. I tried to ease it by focusing on the blissful silence in my head, by strengthening the wall I’d built around Darkness. I hadn’t hurt Finn. That was the only thing that mattered right now.

But also important was the fact that while Finn’s body was okay, this still wasn’t Finn, and so far I was the only one who knew that.

Addie was still trying valiantly to push me off what she thought was her brother. I opened my eyes and turned to face her.

“Where’s Jack?” I grabbed her hands and held her wrists in place.

“I don’t know. Why, did you want to attack him, too?”

This was getting me nowhere, and Finn was starting to sputter below me. I only had one true ally in the room right now. She was my only hope.

“Mia—this isn’t Finn. I can explain everything, but first, do you know where Jack is?”

She looked from me to Finn and back again. “We—we just dropped him off at your house.”

“Call him.” I kept my voice low and calm. I didn’t need them to freak out more. “Ask him to come over here
now
.”

“Okay.” Mia dialed a number and I heard her speaking low into the receiver. “Jack—I don’t know what’s happening, but get over here right away.” Then she lowered the phone and I could see that she hadn’t hung it up. Good—that could work in my favor.

“Addie, I don’t know what’s wrong with him.” Finn turned his head to the side and looked up at his sister. “Please help me. Get him off of me.”

Addie pushed all her weight against my shoulder and tried to push me against the cabinets. I withstood her full weight by clamping my knees around Finn’s sides. Then I grabbed another dishtowel and stuffed it in his mouth.