Past Forward- A Serial Novel: Episode 11 (8 page)

She watched him work his jaw as he chewed his food and tried to avoid eye contact.
Did he think she
’
d refuse to have children?
She hadn’t thought of it yet—not since being engaged anyway. Pregnancy, childbirth—horrible things.
How similar would her experience be if she were to—Willow swallowed hard at that thought.
Childbirth.
She wouldn’t be alone.
That had to be an improvement right there.
No, the real problem came long before childbirth. Rising panic washed over her.

He was right.
She
’
d had a wonderful childhood.
After observing how
other families interact, she knew she
’
d missed wonderful things that other children had
. Memories of walks, talks, games,
life
with Mother made up for any loss.

The memory of Ian
’
s little hands, soft snores, and downy hair filled her heart with a longing for a child that she
’
d never known.
“
I don
’
t suppose Aggie would give up Ian,
”
she whispered
,
still reeling from the realization that children meant a side of marriage she
firmly intended to skip
altogether.

“
I think she
’
s a little too attached
just
to hand him over,
”
Chad agreed
.

“
But she has so many!
”

It took several seconds for Chad to catch the teasing glint in her eye.
“
You
’
d think she could spare one or two, wouldn
’
t you.
Besides, by the time she and Luke have half a dozen
of their own
, they
’
ll be overrun
.”

Willow
’
s jaw nearly connected with her bowl.
“
You think they
’
ll have more?
”
The idea of more than one child was overwhelming to Willow
, but then
she
’
d always imagined herself with two.
Eight nearly sent her into hyperventilation
. D
eliberately having more just made no sense.

“
I think Aggie and Luke will want the chance to experience parenthood from the ground up
,
so to speak.
Luke was joking about having an even dozen
—since their last name isn’t Baker
.”

She rolled her eyes at the bad pun before remarking,
“
That is just incredible.
I
’
m overwhelmed at the thought of those two children staying with me.
The idea of having more
—”

Chad nodded.
“
I understand.
What seems normal to me is foreign to you.
I was just curious
.”

She
’
d disappointed him
—again
.
Willow saw it and felt terrible about it immediately.
Her fears and insecurities shouldn
’
t dictate her life
,
and she was ashamed that she
’
d let it affect Chad
’
s as well.
“
Well, if Aggie won
’
t share, we
’
ll have to figure something out eventually.
I want a baby to snuggle with someday.
Not anytime soon mind you,
”
she hastened to add
,
ready to
consider
yielding
but not before she had time to adjust.
“
In a few years though, we might have to think about it
.”

A small smile played around Chad
’
s mouth as he murmured,
“
Something to think about, that
’
s for sure
.”

Willow pushed her chair away from the table and grabbed her bowl for a refill.
“
Would you like more?
”

Chad passed her his bowl, gently
wrapping his fingers around
her wrist as he did.
“
Breathe.
I
’
m not planning to pressure you about it
.”

At the stove, her thoughts boiled over and spilled out in a rush.
“
Well, I mean, it
’
s not like the end of the world, is it?
Animals mate all the time and it
’
s no big deal.
I
’
ve never been around it much
—
just the few roosters we tried and didn
’
t like
—oh,
and the time they bred a goat here instead of at Feldman
’
s.
But surely
we
—well, I—
can get through
it a couple of times so we can have two or three children
.”

It took every ounce of Chad
’
s self-control not to laugh.
In carefully measured tones, he agreed.
“
I
’
m sure we can
.”

“
Stop laughing at me
.”

“
I didn
’
t
—”
he protested throwing up his hands.

“
You were thinking it.
It
’
ll just take a little getting used to
.”

“
Gee
,
thanks
.”

Her mind whirled trying to categorize his sarcasm.
“
Oh Chad, I don
’
t mean to imply you
’
re repulsive or anything
—”

“
Glad to hear it
.”

“
I
—”
A
strange expression crossed Chad’s face—one that terrified her, although she wasn’t sure why
.

“
Of course, there
’
s usually some kissing involved
,
and I know how fascinated
—”

“
Knock it off,
”
she protested
,
blushing.
He had seen her rewind the movie.
Drat.
 

Half way to the stream, Chad reached for Willow
’
s hand.
“
What?
”
She pulled
it back into her pocket.
“
It
’
s too cold for that
.”

With a
conspiratorial
grin, Chad grabbed her hand again and laced her gloved fingers in his.
“
Then let
’
s share my pocket
.”

“
Why?
”

“
Because we
’
re engaged
,
and that
’
s what engaged people do.
Come on!
”