Past Heaven (13 page)

“Told who, what?” Cindy yawned loudly.

“Reynolds. My vino-induced loose lips caused me to tell him he was number one on my list. Oh god, Cind. I’m so mortified.” I flipped, pressing my face into my pillow and screamed. It was one thing to tell my friends who my Hollywood crush was, but actually telling
him
was totally different.

In a really huge way.

“How did you feel when you told him?” Cindy whispered into the phone in a fast clip.

“Let’s see. I felt like a stupid teenager. I was panting, I was sweaty. Oh Lord. I flirted. I was flirting.” I grunted into the phone and threw my hand over my face.

“Yes you did, and now you’re suffering from post-traumatic flirt syndrome. You’ll get over it.”

I groaned in response, and she laughed as we said goodnight. I slipped into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

What was I thinking? I couldn’t flirt. I lathered soap in my hands and rubbed it onto my face. I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I scrubbed. I was a woman and flirting was natural, right? Leaning closer to the faucet, I splashed warm water on my face and I patted it dry with a towel, never taking my eyes off the woman staring back at me. No, I wasn’t just a woman. I was the mother of Jack’s children. That part of me, the days of racing hearts and butterflies, was over.

I had seen the joy on my boys’ faces tonight when they had played ball with Reynolds. I needed to make sure my little men didn’t get too close to Reynolds during this process. He might try and be their friend, but he would eventually leave and they could get hurt. I would not allow them to be hurt by the loss of another man, ever again.

I climbed back into bed and rolled over to Jack’s side. I picked up the picture of him that I kept on his nightstand. “I miss you so much, honey.” Tears filled my eyes, and I looked at the face of my husband and the father of my children. Yes, that part of my life was over
forever
.

I woke the next morning with a renewed purpose. What Reynolds needed to see today were some of the people impacted by Jack’s work. He needed to meet David and his friends.

After my run, I made a few phone calls. I needed to fill the new director of the agency in with details about this project. Luckily, my brother and some of his friends would be at the agency today for a meeting around lunchtime.

I stared into the mirror hanging in our hallway. I dabbed on lip gloss and swiped on a coat of mascara. Hanging out with a gorgeous male specimen like Reynolds, reminded me that I should wear something other than yoga pants. Knotting my hair in a bun after my shower wasn’t going to cut it. Reynolds knocked on the door, and my blood raced through my veins. Would we be awkward now after I had so stupidly admitted my crush? I was so embarrassed, full body trembles coursed through me. Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I pulled the door open.

As soon as I saw his easy-going grin, I couldn’t help but smile back. Today would be fine. He looked stunning, as usual. Wearing a white button down shirt, he had left the top buttons undone and sleeves rolled up. He wore dark blue jeans and his messy hair was still damp. He appeared confident and energized. How did anyone look like that day after day?

“How are you?” I asked, motioning for him to come in.

He looked me up and down as he came in the door. “I rode one of the horses on the farm this morning. It brought back great memories.” His excitement was visible, and it made him look younger, if that was possible. “You look great. Are we going somewhere today?”

Since we would be visiting Warren, I wanted to look professional. After losing a fair amount of weight since Jack’s death, I had slowly begun purchasing clothes in my new sizes. A white blouse, tan skirt which hit just above the knee, and tan wedges was my typical school-event mom uniform. My hair was blown dry and styled, and I had on my trusty push-up bra.

“I was wondering if you’d like to come to the Warren agency and meet my brother and some of his friends who have been affected by the closing of Caldwell Center.” I wrung my hands together as the thought occurred to me that this would be the first time we would be out in public. I had never been around a celebrity before, and he was not just any celebrity. Reynolds was recognized everywhere he went.

“Sounds like a solid next step in our work. Thanks for arranging it.” Reynolds headed out, and I grabbed my purse as we walked to his car. “I’ll drive if you navigate.” Reynolds opened the passenger door to the black Range Rover he had rented. I hopped in as gracefully as I could in my skirt.

“This car is fantastic.” I looked around in awe and ran my hands along the dashboard. “Much better than my minivan, filled with candy wrappers and perfumed like boys’ sports equipment.” We both laughed at the image and Reynolds jumped in his side, driving us out of the neighborhood.

I swiveled in my seat to face Reynolds. “So let me give you the scoop. During the day, Warren is a busy place. Individuals are taken to various job sites based on their particular abilities and interests. Employees of the agency will supervise or accompany and aid the individuals as they work and attend training meetings. People often stop into Warren for meetings with supervisors, to have planning sessions for their care, inquire about supports, or just to socialize and catch up. Parents come there to learn what programs and supports are available to them, attend trainings sessions to learn about different issues, or to plan with their children for employment or residential logistics.”

Reynolds listened patiently as I continued to fill him in. “Today, my brother David, who works as a custodian in a local retirement home, will be at Warren with his friends. One of the goals on his Individual Plan is to meet throughout the month with his buddies so he can socialize. Counselors that work with people with developmental disabilities often include social, physical, economic, and even emotional goals in their plans to help them continue to grow and learn as adults.”

Reynolds turned to me at a red light. His eyebrows squished together and he frowned. “Hold up. So people like your brother actually work at
normal
jobs?”

I recoiled and rolled my eyes.
Nice.
Typical ignorant rich guy. “Yeah, just wait and see. People with special needs are capable of doing many jobs in the community. They just need to be given a fair chance.” I couldn’t keep the edge out of my voice.

Reynolds drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel and grimaced. “Hey, that sounded really shitty. I didn’t mean that. Of course they can work many kinds of jobs.” His voice was soft and his eyes apologetic. A flush spread over his cheeks. He even looked good embarrassed. “I wasn’t trying to be rude. Sometimes I put my foot in my mouth.”

“I understand. That’s what I’m here for. I’ll fill you in on everything you need to know.”

He smiled gratefully and proceeded forward as the light turned green. I explained the types of job placements and job training the agency helped with.

As I watched him grasp the importance of the agency, my own blood started pumping faster through my veins. “You know, the concept is that they won’t just live, but that they’ll thrive. Some parents, mine included, are scared when their kids move out of their homes and into group homes. They lose control when they release vulnerable adults into the world. But if parents can move past their worries, they can witness their children living happier independent lives.”

I sat back and glanced over at Reynolds as he drove. He nodded along with me, but his posture was stiff and he was silent. Was he nervous to go to Warren with me? If so, that was something I was used to. My whole life I had dealt with friends who had been scared to come to my house because they had thought David might hurt them. One had even thought that what David had was contagious. I had learned early on to spot those who could face their fears and embrace them. Those were the kind of people I wanted as friends for me and my family.

David’s friends could be intimidating. I had been scared a few times growing up. His best friend, Andy, had no idea how strong he was. When he would hug me, it would hurt. We always had to remind him to be gentle. A few of David’s friends would cuss profusely and almost all of them were incorrigible flirts. I needed to warn Reynolds about that.

Reynolds' knuckles were white from his tight grip on the steering wheel.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“I’m just a little nervous.” He winced and then pressed his lips tightly together as we pulled into the parking lot.

“I understand. It’s completely normal. I promise you, some of the people you meet today might be a bit intimidating, but none of them will hurt you. They might hug too hard, ask you a question that throws you, or be hard to understand, but they are the most loving and respectful people you’ll ever meet. And besides, you’re safe with me.” I met his gaze with a reassuring smile and a wink, but he narrowed his eyes and his brow furrowed.

“That isn’t what I meant.” Reynolds’ face contorted in frustration. He shook his head and looked like he was searching for a way to make himself clear to me. “I’m not scared for my safety. I’m worried I’ll say the wrong thing, or not say a term correctly, or be rude accidentally, like I just was with you. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I sure as hell don’t want them to think I’m talking down to them. Plus, this is Jack’s sacred ground. What if I look like an ass in there?”

“Reynolds, you won’t say the wrong thing. In the short time I’ve known you, you’ve proven to be sensitive and thoughtful. These are very loving and understanding people. As far as Jack’s legacy, I think everyone will be thrilled that you want it to be memorialized. Plus, I don’t give a shit what anyone else has to say. I think what you’re doing is remarkable.”

Reynolds rolled his head back, loosening his neck muscles and shot me a smile.

“Now one final warning. You’ll meet lots of couples in here. A few are married, some are living together, and many are dating. It’s the single ones you’ll need to watch out for. My brother’s friends are as flirtatious as they come. Those girls will be laying it on thick. Be prepared.”

Reynolds’ jaw dropped as he watched my gleeful expression. “Liz, you can’t be serious. Have they even heard of me?”

Now it was my turn to drop my jaw. “Umm…Reynolds, some of them will have heard of you and seen your movies. Some probably follow you on Twitter. The ones that haven’t will just look at you and that’s all it’ll take.” I rolled my eyes and opened the door.

He hurried over to my side and helped me down as he continued to stare at me with doubt. “I don’t think so.”

“Wanna make a bet? I’ll make you my world famous chicken parmesan for dinner tomorrow if I’m wrong. I bet at least five people, disabled or not, will blatantly hit on you in the next two hours. What do you say, are you a betting man?”

Reynolds turned me around to face him. “Hell, yeah I’m a betting man! Okay, and if you’re right, I’m sending you to a spa for a day of pampering. The works. Agreed?”

I smirked at his beautiful face. “Agreed. I have a nasty kink in my back. I’m glad it’ll be worked out soon.” We laughed as we walked to the door, but my breath caught in my throat as a life-sized photo of Jack greeted us when we entered the lobby.