Past Lives (14 page)

“This man was caught hiding in a closet. A silly thing to do, don’t you think?” he asked no one in particular. He nodded his head to one of the soldiers, who viciously kicked the boy in the chest. He cried out, though it was stifled as the air abandoned him with the blow. The silence changed then. It was a show of power, and we were meant to understand that power wholly and completely. We stood wordlessly watching the young man writhe on the ground. The blonde Nazi carried on as though he had just taken a sip of tea.

“I think it is very important that everyone understand what happens to people who act out against the Reich,” he said, nodding once again toward the circle of Nazis. The reaction was immediate—another solid kick exactly where the other had gone, another agonized cry. I stepped forward an inch, my instinct to help him overwhelming, but I stopped myself from making another move. There would be no heroics tonight. He made his way through his group of soldiers, each one getting a good kick in. It didn’t take long before we could hear ribs cracking, the man sinking into unconsciousness.

It was Sebastian’s turn. I hoped more than anything that he would be spared. The man was clearly unconscious, perhaps close to death. The leader held up a hand just as the man before Sebastian had his leg out for another kick. He faced the group at large.

“Let this serve as a warning to anyone who thinks it’s a good idea to assist traitors. Unless you would like to be awoken at this time every night for the same treatment, I highly suggest you all watch your step. Dismissed.”

My legs ached from standing for so long, my heart filled with lead. I snuck one last look back at Sebastian as we filed out back to our rooms. His eyes were dark, the lids heavy with exhaustion. At least, that’s what it looked like to the outside world.

I knew what it really was.

Chapter Eighteen

Intrigue

To our credit, we were able to pull off our charade quite convincingly. To our everlasting relief, no one else was found after that night. Sebastian was often assigned night watch, primarily because no one in the regiment fully trusted or liked him. Around two a.m. each night, he was able to escort me to the little backstage door, and I could deliver the bread and fruit that I was able to sneak out in the pockets I sewed into my nightgowns and dresses.

Giselle and Janika’s spirits were strong in the first week, but as darkness prevailed and silence became their only comfort, I could see them wilting like flowers out of the sun. The stink from their excrement was seeping through the cracks in the door, the stench wafting over in sour waves. Their hair was dirty, the smell of unwashed bodies permeating the tiny space. I did my best to breathe out of my mouth without being obvious about it.

“What’s it like up there?” Giselle asked, as she did every time I came down. In the darkness there was no day or night, so my two a.m. visits might as well have been mid-afternoon to them. They were always alert and awake when I approached the door.

“They’re changing the show,” I answered, spreading my nightgown over my legs as I took a seat on one of the now filthy blankets. Dirt floors weren’t the best for any fabric.

“We’re now doing some play about the Fatherland, written by one of Hitler’s favorites,” I explained.

The day following the beating in the dining hall, we were informed that the play we had been working on for months and that we were already in dress rehearsal for was being wiped in favor of a propaganda piece that glorified the Nazi regime. The entire thing was in German. Jean had tried to call for new auditions, though Herr Eisler wouldn’t hear of it.

“I want everyone to see our Aryan beauty, representing the greatest nation in the world!” he announced proudly. I smiled politely, aware that just about everyone inside that theater besides the Nazis wanted to ring my neck. Jealousy in theater is a food group, and everyone ate heartily. Herr Eisler made his way over to me and took my hand in his.

“My darling girl, we have the great pleasure of entertaining one of the head officers of the Reich in my private dining room tonight. I would love for you to be a guest.”

It wasn’t a question. I accepted the invitation, acrid bile rising to my throat. It would be the first real test of my allegiance to the Fatherland, and I feared I would not have Sebastian’s bravery to carry with me. In its own funny way, time then seemed to fast forward so quickly that I found myself late getting ready after rehearsal, my tongue twisted from rehearsing my German lines. I put on my best dress and carefully arranged my hair in a way I knew would be pleasing. There was a soft knock at my door that I recognized immediately.

Sebastian was dressed in his usual brown uniform and red badge. When our eyes met, his widened slightly while I cast mine down demurely. He cleared his throat.

“I’m to escort you to dinner. Apparently Herr Eisler has resigned himself to our friendship and wishes only for your constant comfort,” he said wryly. I smiled up at him, though it didn’t quite reach my eyes.

“If only he were that courteous to all people,” I said, bitterness seeping into my words.

“Indeed,” Sebastian agreed, holding out his arm for me to take. Resting my hand on his nasty uniform, I focused on the warmth of the man underneath the disguise. My fingers tingled with awareness, even as my stomach fluttered with nerves. We approached the dining room all too quickly. Without preamble, Sebastian opened the door and announced our presence.

Herr Eisler’s dining room was warm and inviting, though very masculine. The walls were made of dark, cherry wood, the border carved in delicate curves that pressed into the room like waves against the shore. Firelight flickered from a stone fireplace in the center of a side wall, which was surrounded by volumes of books. Really it looked more like a library than a dining room, and I wondered idly if that had been the room’s original purpose. I was met with warm stares that travelled, unwelcome, all over my body, and I held a little tighter to Sebastian’s arm. He shifted ever so slightly, but even that small move conveyed his message.

Play the game.

I parted my lips into a large and open smile, accepting Herr Eisler’s hand as he grasped mine and effectively removed me from Sebastian’s grip. Two other men would be joining us for the meal. Both looked to be in their early forties with close cropped hair, brown uniforms of the Reich proudly worn. Each of the men had a clear glass of liquor in his hand, and they waited in expectation for my introduction.

“My friends, may I present our crown jewel, J,” he said, and I allowed my hand to be kissed by each of the men, somehow managing to keep my smile in place. I repressed a shiver of disgust as the second man, the head official himself, took the liberty of gratuitously staring at my breasts before ending his bow. I could feel the searing heat of Sebastian’s gaze from behind me.

“Shall we take our seats?” Herr Eisler offered, pulling my chair out for me and pressing it back in as I sat down.

“Herr Eisler tells me you are to be performing in one of my favorite shows,” the official began. I didn’t bother remembering his name, as I didn’t want to see him as a person. To me, he was nothing but a monster. I bestowed a pleasant smile upon him, and his face turned slightly ruddy.

“Yes, indeed. It will be a great honor to represent Germany and all that it means to all of us,” I said obediently. This greatly pleased everyone.

“Hear hear!” the second officer said, taking another drink of liquor. The head official’s eyes were intense upon me, and I tried not to squirm under his intense scrutiny.

“So you are a supportive proponent of the Reich, my dear?” he asked. It was a test, and I knew it.

“My dear officer, how can I not be, when I am now considered the ideal human being?” I cooed. The men laughed. Women were such vain creatures, after all.

“Believe me, my dear, you would be the ideal in any political institution, though of course you have naturally chosen the superior one,” Herr Eisler said, glancing at the head official for approval. It was odd to see him simpering in front of these men when he held so much power over us all in the theater…and never ceased to let us know it. I seemed to be the only one he was kind to most of the time, which was why everyone wanted to punch me in the face.

As fast as time had gone before, it immediately hit the brakes and began to crawl. I kept up polite conversation, tossing in my support for the regime often enough to show that I was on their side, but not too often as to seem suspicious. Under the table, I dug my nail-free stubs into my hands as they went on and on about the travesty of the Jew and how great it would be when they were washed clean from the land. Did they even realize that they were talking about human lives? I don’t truly believe they did.

Finally, after what seemed like ten years, dessert and coffee were served and the night grew late. I stifled a real yawn, which was immediately noticed by Herr Eisler.

“My goodness, we can’t have our leading lady overtired for rehearsal tomorrow! I hope we have not kept you too late?” Herr Eisler said, his eyes disagreeing with his sentiment.

“Do forgive me! I’ve just been having the most unnerving dreams of late. I’m afraid they’ve quite exhausted me,” I said, trying my best at an impish smile. The official’s wolfish eyes continued to devour me, and I hid another shiver. Probably shouldn’t have given him an image of me in bed…idiot.

“Well, if you ever feel you need extra protection, all you ever need do is ask,” he said, his meaning clear. The thought of lying in bed next to the old officer with his receding hairline and his crooked smile nearly made me lose my dinner. I smiled politely, my face hurting from having to grin like a fool at these jackals. I thanked them all and turned to the door to find Sebastian standing guard, his eyes shooting daggers. I widened my eyes ever so slightly to let him know that his guard was down, and he lowered his lids, effectively looking bored. I grasped his arm and turned one last time to the room.

“I bid you goodnight gentlemen, and thank you for your service to this great nation.”

“It is a pleasure to keep beautiful gems like you safe,” the official said, bowing deeply. I nodded my head, and Sebastian and I made our way through the door, closing it firmly behind us. I immediately began to tremble.

“Can you believe…?” I began angrily. Sebastian shushed me.

“Not here, let’s get to your room.”

Strolling casually through the hallways, we nodded at students making their way back from the bathroom. Dinner had run so late that nearly everyone was already in bed. By the time we reached my door, the hallway was empty. Sebastian escorted me inside, carefully closing the door and lighting a candle, the better to keep light from showing under the door.

“How can they speak that way?” I demanded in a ragged whisper, my eyes filling with angry tears. “They don’t even know who they’re talking about! Don’t they see the faces of the people they’re destroying?”

Sebastian ran a hand over his eyes, which I noticed were developing purple bruises beneath his ebony lashes. In the light of the candle, his gaunt face turned skull-like, and I had to blink to remove the image from my mind. He sat heavily on Janika’s bed, facing me.

“It’s a lot worse than all that, J. They’ve begun rounding people up; there are camps that they’re to be sent to where they will be treated as less than animals. The stories I’ve already heard…”

He stared blankly into space, lost in his own nightmare. I waited for him to finish, gazing wearily at the candlelight dancing along his dark hair, sliding along the glassy blue of his eyes. They came back into focus and returned to me.

“There is a truck leaving for Italy for supplies in two weeks. If we’re careful, and we plan correctly, I think we can get the girls on that truck.”

I felt a little flutter of hope dare to rise from my belly. This was the chance we had been waiting for, and it would be heartening news to give our friends tonight. Still, the concept of getting them on a truck out of the country and the reality of making it work were two very different things.

“How will we sneak them out?” I asked, hoping Sebastian had already figured out a plan. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back against the brick wall.

“We’ll have to do it at night, during my shift. If we can cloak them in black we might be able to use the shadows to get them outside. After that, we’ll have to create a distraction for the soldiers guarding the truck long enough to slip them into the back.”

“And what about us? Are they to go to Italy alone, without protection?”

“They’ll have protection,” he said, sitting up and leaning in closer, hesitant. “I’ll be going with them.”

The silence that followed his statement was deafening as I processed what exactly he was saying.

“You’re leaving me? Here. With the Nazis.” I stared at him in disbelief, fighting between my need to have him with me and my desire for my friends to have his help getting out of the country. This concoction boiled quickly into anger, though I had no idea just who I was angry with. He grasped my hands and held them tight.

“Believe me, J, I would give anything to be by your side forever, but you and I both know that you stand a better chance at surviving on your own than they do. It’s a risk that we cannot take.”

I looked down at my lap, afraid to let him see my anguish. It was a horrible cocktail of feelings—self-pity at being left alone, guilt for feeling that way when my friends had been living in a cell the past two weeks, and desperate hope that they would get out and that their oppression would come to a quick and easy end. A hot tear dropped onto my knee.

“Please don’t cry, J. I can’t stand it!” Sebastian rushed over to me and held me tightly against him, my body melting into his. I felt the solid comfort of him beneath my fingers, pressing against my body. He released me just enough to cradle my face in his hands, wiping tears away with his thumbs. I held my breath as our eyes locked, and I knew then that I was in love with a man who I was about to lose, possibly forever. Slowly, picking up from where we had left off not so long ago, Sebastian lowered his head, and our lips finally touched.

I moaned, wrapping my arms tightly around his shoulders, and he deepened the kiss. We came together desperately, frantic to forget the world outside my door. I pulled at his coat, desperate to get the disgusting relic off of him and away from our perfect moment. My hands peeled his shirt away, revealing a chest peppered with black hair. Slowly, he lowered me onto my bed and allowed his fingers to trail up my leg, where he released the stays from my hosiery. Fire burned through me, a desperation so intense I thought I would die from it. His fingers inched higher, my breath coming out in gasps…

“You think he’ll have his way with her?”

A bucket of ice crashed over us as we froze in terror, the voice clearly one of the soldiers standing just outside of my room. We listened in heavy silence, praying they would continue on their way.

“If she’s smart, she’ll let him…dumb broad,” another one snickered, and we listened in agony as their footsteps receded from the room. Slowly, Sebastian lifted from my body, and a cold wind blew past my heart.

“We need to get down to the girls, and then I must take up my station,” Sebastian said, his eyes shuttered. I sighed, sitting up and allowing my skirts to fall back into place. He draped a bare arm over my shoulders, resting his head against the crook of my neck like a child.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be sorry. Someday we’ll get our time together. I just know it,” I said.

He sighed, rising and replacing his undershirt and uniform. When he turned back to face me, he was a cold-hearted soldier once again. And still his heart flooded out through his eyes, glistening with unfulfilled hope.

“I love you, J,” he said, kneeling before me and grasping my hand, where he planted a gentle kiss. I stroked his hair.