Payback (29 page)

“Marie? Are you okay?” He squatted with me.

I had snot dripping from my nose, my eyes were red, and tears were pouring down my cheeks. I was panting and groaning.

“Jesus, Marie, talk to me! How do you feel?”

I took a deep breath and then screeched at him as I turned red in the face, “It fucking hurts like a mother-fucker!”

He went bug-
eyed and then blinked before looking around to see who had heard. Apparently, cussing pregnant women was a daily event because no one appeared to be fazed. Caden grabbed me around the shoulders and walked me out to the balcony where the warm evening wind blew over us.

He tried to sound calm and attentive, “Can you—”

I shrieked and squatted, digging my fingers into his forearm.

“Damn it, why don’t they have you in a room?” he growled.

“Something about not being far enough along, not being dilated enough.”

“When did they last check you?”

I had a contraction and had to wait for it to pass before I could answer. “Three hours ago. I think I’m in active labor, though, because squatting and walking isn’t helping it.” I started panting. “And you!  You wanted to bring your girlfriend so she could see me like this?” My screaming could probably be heard in New York.

He took my face in his hands. “Hey! Look, I just asked because she asked. I didn’t really want her here either. I wanted this to be between us.” Caden kissed my forehead. “I think we need to get you checked before your head turns 360 and
you spew guacamole.”

He walked me to the nurse’s desk
, which was now populated with every nurse in the hospital, all with their cell phones out. I could feel him tense when he realized that his photo was probably being posted on a thousand Facebook pages.

“Can you help my sister?” he asked the nurses.  “I think she needs to be checked to see if she’s far enough along to warrant a room.”

The nurse smiled. “Your sister? If only I had known; I would have found her a room so you could have some privacy. Come this way.”

We were
taken to the nicest room in the hospital, with a comfortable medical bed complete with stirrups. There were couches, chairs, a television and what looked like a small kitchenette. Everything was painted in spring green with pastel accessories.  They had bought the sister story at the desk, but I worried that the real story would soon be leaking, even though my OB had listed Caden as my next of kin—my brother.

The nurse
instructed me to take off my leggings and panties before scooting down so that my feet were in the stirrups and my legs splayed. She took one look and her eyebrow shot up.

“Just a moment.” She
shot out of the room. Less than five minutes later, my obstetrician was looking at my genitals.

“Well! That’s quite some progress you’ve made.  You’re at seven centimeters.  You’ll be delivering between eight and ten centimeters
, so we need to keep you in here.  Nurse Donner will give you a gown; I want you to put it on and then get back in bed.”

I looked at Caden
, who was having a hard time standing still. When I started taking off my clothes, Caden’s hands were there trying to assist me, but he was more of a nuisance than an aid.  I swatted them away.

“For God’s sake, Caden, I can undress myself.  Getting me naked is how you got me in trouble. Find me some water
. I need to stay hydrated.” I realized what I had said and that I’d said it in front of a nurse, but luckily she was across the room on the phone and hadn’t heard.

Caden gave me a look as if I had used a whip on him.  “Yes, mistress.”  He left and then returned
, just as I was clutching the bed when a contraction hit. Putting the water bottle on the side table, he helped me back into bed.

I gave him a look of utter misery and pain.

“Oh, darling, I’m so sorry. I know you’re in a lot of pain.”

“Ya think?” I
cried, just as a really strong contraction hit. The doctor came back into the room, and I immediately questioned him, “When do I get the epidural?”

“Oh, sorry
, Marie, but you’re too far along for an epidural.”

Panic hit me. “Oh, God, no!  I want drugs! How could you let this happen?  I kept telling the nurses how bad it was getting.”

“Sometimes it happens this way.  There’s no movement for a while and then bam, you’re at seven centimeters.”

I looked at Caden and shook my head, my eyes pleading
. “I don’t want a natural childbirth. I want drugs.”

He held my hand. “Honey, I know, but the doctor says you can’t have the epidural.” He turned to the doctor. “Is there anything else you can give her?”

“At this point, we’re out of options.”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhh…I wailed
, both from the contraction and the idea that I was going to go through this without medication.

“Marie…my hand. You’re crushing my hand.”

“And you don’t think I’m feeling crushed by this head going through the birth canal?”

“Yes, darling.”

I’m not really sure what else was said, all I know is that an hour later, after a lot of screaming and massive amounts of pain, everyone was yelling, “Push!”

I was so exhausted that I wanted to
yell at them to shut the fuck up. But I said nothing and they kept screaming, so I pushed, and then I saw it—a look of wonder and marvel in Caden’s eyes. I knew then that our son had arrived. A moment later, I heard his cries. The sweetest sound a mother ever hears is the healthy cries of her first born.

“Oh, Marie, he’s great, he’s perfect.” The pure love in his voice was moving. I felt tears come to my eyes
, and when I looked up, they were mirrored in Caden’s. He brushed the tears from his cheek and then reached out to the nurse who was swaddling Jack.

“He’s a ten on the Apgar. Do you have a name for him?”

“Jack, Jack Morrigan-Kelly,” Caden said.

The doctor smiled. “He’s loud, isn’t he?”

Caden pulled Jack to his chest and hugged him.

“Caden, can I hold him?”

He looked up as if he had been in a dream. “Of course.”

The nurse shook her he
ad. “First, let us get you cleaned up. We’ll be quick. I’m afraid that you threw up all over your gown when you went through transition.”

“I did?” I didn’t remember it, but looking down I could see vomit on my gown. “Okay.

The doctor delivered the placenta and then the umbilical cord was prepared for freezing in accordance with Caden’s earlier request. After they changed the sheets and my gown, Caden put Jack on my chest and watched as Jack and I exchanged our first touches. The doctor and nurses left to give us some time alone.

Caden exhaled loudly, as if he was trying to keep emotions from overwhelming him. “I didn’t expect it to be this moving. I already feel as if I want to protect him, protect you.  It’s ridiculous
, isn’t it?”

“From what I read, you’re pumping out oxytocin right now, just like me, and that’s what makes us bond with Jack.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure it’s chemical, but they’re my chemicals, and I say that he’s beautiful.”

I lifted my
head up and nodded at Caden. “He’s gorgeous.”

A nurse walked in and checked my monitor. “Let’s see if you can feed him.”

“I didn’t think my milk was in yet.”

“For the next twenty-four hours
, you’re going to be giving him colostrum, and that’s even more important right now than milk. It has all the antibodies and protein he’s going to need for the next few days. We want you to try feeding him every two to three hours.”

I heard the words
, but I didn’t realize what every two to three hours meant. I was surprised when Caden offered to spend the night on the sofa bed in the room to help me. What he could do to help me I wasn’t sure, but I accepted his offer.  After being awakened several times during the night by my hungry son, a blurry-eyed Caden scratched his head and yawned.

“Jesus. Now I understand what they mean about no sleep. Marie, how are you going to do this alone?” He picked Jack up and tried to console him, but only my breasts made him calm down. 

“Women have done it before.”

“I have to get back to Montana. I called Brooke
, and she knows that Jack is here and healthy. Now she wants me back in Montana to keep you from using your mojo over me.”

“Mojo?”I asked
, as I rubbed a nipple across the baby’s lips to get him to latch on.

“Apparently, she thinks that you have some secret recipe that makes me a lovesick puppy around you.”

“Do I?”

He rolled his eyes and
snorted. “You wish.”

“Not really. Loving you is so painful, I just want both of us to move on
, and apparently you have.”

“I’m trying.”

“That’s good. I’m sure that Brooke will be good for you.”

“We seem to be getting along. But that won’t be the case if I don’t get my ass back to Montana.”

I was disappointed, but I wasn’t going to beg him to stay and help. “I understand.”

“How are you going to get home?”

“I’m not sure.  I don’t have the car seat with me. I would take a taxi, but I don’t know if they’ll let me sit in the back and hold the baby.”

The look on his face was pure frustration and annoyance. “Okay, okay. I’ll go get the car seat and bring it back to the hospital.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Really? Who else is going to do it?”

“I could call someone from work.”

“I’ll do it.”

He did. Two hours later, he was back with an outfit for Jack and the car seat. But now he was impatient. I had a sneaking suspicion that someone (and I mean Brooke) had put a foot down and told him to get his ass back to Montana. “Well, I’m sorry that I can’t stay longer, but we have a lot going on up at the ranch.”

I tried not to look like the wounded loser that I was. “Sure, I understand.”

He could see my disappointment. “Crap, Marie, I offered to marry you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest? “You
‘offered’
?  You make it sound like you were doing me a favor!  I thought you
asked
me.”

“You know what I mean.  Look, I’m sorry that you’re here alone, but I’ve offered to hire help. If you want it, let my accountant know
, and he’ll set it up for you.” There was an angry silence, and then he shrugged. “Can I hold him before I leave?”

Jack had finished one breast and was beginning to nod off.  I handed him to his father and watched as Caden studied Jack, reassuring himself that he had the requisite toes and fingers.

“You make great babies. He’s great.  I wish I could take him with me. Hey, Jack, it’s Daddy. I’m sorry, bud, but I have to get back to Montana. I’ll try and get down soon.” He gave him a hug and then handed him back to me. Sitting down on the side of the bed, he looked me directly in the eyes. “I wanted you to have something to commemorate the birth of our son.”

Caden
pulled something from his pocket and put it in my hand. I gasped when I saw what it was—my silver filigreed necklace with the ruby that I had pawned in Montana.

“How did you know?”

“The owner of the store called me to let me know that you had pawned it. Not too many necklaces with, “I love you more, Caden” inscribed on them, and there’s not too many Caden’s around Whitefish.”

“How much did you have to pay for it?”

He smiled. “I’m not going to tell you! Let’s just say that he made a very pretty penny.”

Having
regretted selling it from the minute I walked out of the store, the gift made me very happy. “Thank you. I didn’t want to sell it, but I needed money for Christmas gifts.”

He grinned. “I know. I k
now I was a bastard. Sorry. But I want you to have it back, along with these.” He pulled out another jewelry box and handed it to me.

I opened it and was blinded by a pair of ruby and diamo
nd earrings…two large rubies with several medium-sized diamonds surrounding it. I stared for a few seconds and then cocked my head, “I don’t understand. These are far too expensive to be giving someone you’re not marrying.”

“That doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I want you to have these to remember that we did have something special
, and from that we had a beautiful baby boy. Is that so bad?”

“I don’t have anything for you.”

His laughter filled the room. “Don’t you think Jack is enough?”

“I guess.”

He put a hand on my cheek and chuckled. “I have to go. Call my accountant or my lawyer if you need anything. If it’s an emergency, call me. I’m going to try and make it down in a few weeks.  We’ll arrange for the trade-off later, okay?”

I nodded and was surprised when he leaned in and gave me a soft, but meaningful
, kiss on the lips.