Payoff Pitch (Philadelphia Patriots) (40 page)

Um, what?

Shock lanced through her. The other crap, like the things she believed in, the things that gave her life meaning and purpose? Apparently, only the sex mattered to him after all.

Noah erupted inside her, sinking his fingers into her flesh, tugging her so tight against his groin she couldn’t move. But as soon as he started to relax his grip, she pulled away from him and turned over, fighting against the welling anguish and the awful, inevitable sense that nothing between them had truly changed. All the problems were still there, as big and nasty as ever.

His arms came around her, pulling her into an embrace that should have made her feel safe and warm and happy. But Teddy knew that any sense of safety was nothing but a joke.

And the joke, unfortunately, was on her.

Noah eased back on the gas pedal and gave the brakes a tap as the car started to barrel down a fairly steep hill. A sign had warned about a sharp left curve at the bottom. He tended to drive too fast whenever his nerves got frayed, and today they were pretty much shredded.

So far on the drive from Cooperstown, a heavy silence had been hanging between Teddy and him. Now they were only about ten miles from the Quinn farm, and when they got there, Noah intended to treat it as just a quick pit stop. He’d load up Toby and Sadie and get back on the road to Philly with minimum delay. He liked Mr. Quinn, but he was in no frame of mind to have to plaster a fake smile on his face and pretend that everything was fine with Teddy. He doubted she was up for that either, which meant it could be damn uncomfortable spending any time with her father.

Maybe she’d even decide to stay at the farm for a few days. She was obviously pissed enough at him to do something dramatic. After their amazing sexfest slammed to an unscheduled early stop last night, she’d been quiet and withdrawn, and this morning had disappeared from the room before he woke up. Noah figured she’d needed some space and had vowed to let her have all she wanted. The ball was in her court as far as he was concerned.

He’d asked her what was wrong, of course, once he’d been able to collect his wits. But she’d just shaken her head and turned her back to him, pretending she wanted to sleep. Though Noah hadn’t bought that, she’d been adamant, refusing to even order room service. Far from wanting to talk, she’d rapidly erected the emotional version of the Great Wall of China to keep him out. At one point during the night, he’d even thought he’d heard her crying, and that had made him feel like he had a giant black cloud gathering over him. But after straining to listen to her breathing for a few minutes, he’d decided he must have imagined it.

Women, can’t live with them…

That dumb thought immediately made him feel like a complete asshole.

Asking Teddy to move back in with him must have been the impetus behind her edgy, silent funk. He didn’t get it, though. What was the big deal with asking her that? All she had to do was say no if she didn’t want to come back or wasn’t quite ready to do it. They’d had a good trip, both at her dad’s place and in Cooperstown, so what the hell was going on?

He stole a quick glance at her now. She had her head turned away as she stared out the side window, the smooth line of her cheek and the downward curve of her pretty mouth setting off an ache deep inside him. They’d exchanged barely a dozen words in total since they left the hotel this morning. She’d refused to come down to breakfast with him, opting instead for just two cups of coffee—one while she went for an early morning walk and one for the road.

All he knew for sure was that he didn’t need all this gut-tightening, inexplicable tension between them. His insides were already churning—over his shoulder, his future, and whether or not to give in and do what his father and brother wanted him to do. If he couldn’t figure out what was up with Teddy, maybe it was best that she didn’t move back in. It looked like they both needed space.

Which sucked, as far as he was concerned.

Teddy waved out the window at her dad as they pulled away. He waved back, but his worried smile conveyed his concern with the way she and Noah had blown in, loaded up the dogs, and headed right back out again. But there was nothing to be done for it. Noah had made it clear he wanted to get back on the road right away, and she had no desire to force him to sit over coffee with her dad, trying to pretend everything was fine. The tension was already unbearable. She couldn’t wait to get back to the city and put some distance between them.

At least Noah hadn’t pressured her to talk, and she was grateful for that. If he’d berated her for her crappy mood, she figured it could have gone one of two ways—either she would dissolve into a messy puddle of needy tears or she would lash out with every ounce of frustration and hurt that had been building since late last night. But the idea of either of those responses made her cringe with shame. Time apart from Noah was the only answer. Time so she could sort out the insane jumble of emotions that had tied her in knots. Having sex with him had greatly complicated the situation, and she didn’t dare discuss their problems until she had some clarity and some control over herself. Otherwise, she would destroy what little chance they had for
any
kind of relationship.

Besides, if they’d talked and the discussion had gone off the rails, her dad would surely have noticed it. Given how protective he was of her, he would have blamed Noah and probably started loading up his old shotgun.

“The thought had crossed my mind that you might decide to stay at your dad’s place for a while, since you’d mentioned that before,” Noah said as they pulled out of her farm’s laneway onto the county road. Toby gave a loud bark from the rear as if to punctuate that statement before flopping down with a contented sigh. The dogs had been so happy to see the two of them arrive, running around in circles like the lovable idiots they were.

Teddy couldn’t look at Noah. Instead, she focused on the way his hands rigidly gripped the steering wheel. Last night, those hands had given her an insane amount of pleasure.

“I’ve got a job to go back to, taking care of those two big babies of yours,” she said. “Or at least I think I do.”

She winced at her sharp tone. She knew she couldn’t keep giving him the pointy edge of her temper but couldn’t seem to help herself. The truth was that she was terrified. No man had ever made her feel this uncertain before, like she was flying through the air without a net. And that awful feeling made her act like an idiot.

“Sure.
If
you still want it,” Noah said looking straight ahead, his jaw tight. “But the way you’ve been acting, I was starting to think you might not want to be around me much longer.”

“I guess I could say the same about you,” she shot back. Then she bit her lip, pissed all over again that she apparently had so little control.

Noah flashed a look full of regret. “Don’t do that, okay? Look, whatever you have to say, why don’t you just come out with it? I’m not that good at reading female smoke signals. Just tell me what I did wrong.”

Teddy sighed because he was right. She had to suck it up and acknowledge that she was acting stupidly—and maybe cowardly, too. That’s what falling in love with Noah Cade had obviously done to her—made her stupid and weak. Really, the only thing that could be more dangerous than falling in love with your boss was falling in love with your boss when you shared almost nothing in common with him, including how you looked at the world.

All those fairy tales about the rich, handsome prince falling in love with the naïve little peasant girl? And the prince and the peasant getting married and dancing right over all the enormous obstacles between them? Crap—pure, unadulterated crap.

Still, that didn’t mean she had any right to keep giving him the silent treatment. As much as she wanted to avoid this discussion, at least for now, it appeared that discretion was
not
the better part of valor when it came to Noah.

“I wish I knew how to do that,” she said truthfully. “Honestly, I’m kind of a mess right now. I don’t even know where to begin.”

He blew out a heavy breath. “You could start by explaining why you froze up when I asked you to move back in. Because that knocked me flat, if you want the truth. After everything that happened yesterday…I thought…well, that you’d want to come back.”

Of course she wanted that. But not just as some kind of…of poop scooping concubine. That just wasn’t on.

Poop scooping concubine? God, Teddy, get a grip.

Noah slowed and took the exit for the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Teddy stayed quiet until they were through the EZ Pass tollbooth and heading across the long, high bridge that carried them over Clark’s Summit.

Finally, she mustered her courage and turned sideways to face him. “Okay, Noah, here’s the thing. I really have no idea what I am to you or what you want from me. Am I just your dog walker? Your playmate? Or maybe an employee with benefits? I honestly don’t know.”

Noah gave her a sharp look. “Come on, you should know better than that. What are you to me?” He paused a long moment. “Well, you’re somebody I care about—a lot. You get that, right?”

She grimaced. Wasn’t that the kind of thing guys said when they didn’t want to commit but still wanted to sleep with you? And then there was the convenience factor for him if she moved back in—always being around to take care of the dogs.

“I’m feeling pretty vague on what that means,” she said cautiously.

“You think I’m just playing with you? That I’m some…some asshole who screws his help?” He gave his head a shake. “Jesus, I sure hope that’s not what you think of me.”

Teddy wanted to blurt out an immediate
no
, but she forced herself to think about his question. She needed to be fair to him and to herself, too, no matter how ugly the answers.

“No, you’re not that kind of man,” she said quietly. “I know that.”

“What, then? Didn’t I just go up to your home turf and take it on the chin? And not because of anything
I
ever did, but because of my family’s company? I did that for
you
, Teddy. I did it because I care about you, and I respect you for what you believe in even if I don’t agree with all of it.”

“And I’m so, so grateful for that. You’re an honorable man, Noah. There’s not a shred of doubt in my mind.” She swallowed, feeling sick with all the doubts that plagued her.

Say it, Teddy. Just say it.

“But it’s hard for me to be with you, or even around you when…when all I can see is that I’m going to wind up getting hurt,” she finally got out. “Sure we c—care a lot about each other.” She stumbled over the word, hating how limp it sounded. She
loved
Noah, but telling him that would only make her more vulnerable. “But this weekend made it even more obvious that our worlds are like…well, like oil and water. I apologize for the horrible pun, but it’s the truth, because they don’t mix.”

A small, wry smile tugged at his mouth. “More like gasoline and fire, I’d say, but I get your point.” Then he looked somber again. “So, if I wind up deciding that I have to do something you can’t agree with, then we’re done. That’s what you’re saying?”

It was more than that, of course. It was also about how he felt about her, and what role he saw her playing in his life. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t imagine herself fitting into his world, especially since he’d given no indication that his feelings were as strong as hers. When it came to all the things going on in his life, Teddy suspected she wasn’t even close to the top of his priority list.

And that was a truly devastating feeling.

“It’s more than that, Noah. I don’t know if I can keep… being with you in any capacity, even if you decide
not
to be the fracking spokesman. I want to give us a chance—please believe that—but after this weekend…”

She didn’t know how to finish that particular thought without sounding like a clingy, emotional girl, so she veered off in another direction. “But I know for sure that I
can’t
keep doing it if you decide to become the face of the oil and gas industry. I get that you have to do what’s right for you, but that’s how I feel. I hope you can understand that.”

Noah’s hands whitened on the wheel as he glared ahead at the slowly building traffic on the turnpike. “What I understand is that you’re giving me an ultimatum. That’s what I understand. Do it your way or you’re gone. Hell, I think you’re even saying that you might walk anyway, even if I wind up saying no to Dad.” He gave a frustrated snort. “Wow, that’s just great, Teddy. Please try to explain the logic behind
that
.”

For Teddy, everything was jumbled up into a hot mess of family dynamics, work relationships, politics, and emotions. At this point, logic had very little to do with it. Unfortunately, she’d never been very good at expressing her feelings. And right now it seemed like she and Noah were talking without connecting.

Should she force herself to come right out with it? To say she couldn’t stay with Noah unless love was a two-way street?

Why don’t you just throw the door wide open for even more rejection, Teddy?

Telling him she loved him would require a level of trust that she didn’t have right at the moment. She already felt like her heart was lying in a bleeding lump at his feet, and Noah was so focused on the decision he had to make about Baron Energy that she doubted he would even be able to process some out-of-left field declaration of her love.

“Noah, you need to do what’s right for
you
, and I know you will. But you can’t expect me to shut up and live with it if you do something that runs completely against what I believe in. I’d be miserable, and whatever there was between us…well, I doubt it could last in the face of that.”

Teddy felt like she was choking on her words but forced them out. “If you go along with your father’s plan, I think we should consider, well, whether this could work between us on any level.”

He threw her a hard, disbelieving look. “Jesus, Teddy, are you sure that’s really what you want?”