Peggy Klaus (5 page)

While these twelve key questions can be completed solely by you, optimally—if you are feeling brave—you should seek input from co-workers, bosses, previous customers/clients, friends, and/or family members so that you have the broadest and most honest perspective. This is important for the simple reason that there is an amazing disconnect between who we think we are and how we actually come across to others.

In my workshops I frequently ask everyone to take a large piece of paper and list their personality pluses. When the group discusses what each person wrote down, people often disagree with someone’s self-interpretation. For example, when Mr. Manufacturer, the client I dragged kicking and screaming to “Take 12,” shared his pluses with the others he found that people valued his sense of humor most of all. The bottom-line perception of others: He was fun to be around. Although aware of having a playful personality, he was surprised to discover this was something co-workers and higher-ups thought made him great to work with. Ironically, he had been ever vigilant about toning down his natural tendencies in the office, thinking he would be perceived as a lightweight otherwise.

If you don’t recognize the good things about yourself, you can’t use them to your advantage. Your strengths become the building blocks for developing rapport with others. That doesn’t mean Mr. Manufacturer becomes the office clown; rather, he reinforces a trait that is already working well in his interactions. The more feedback you can solicit from others, the easier it will be to identify your strengths and gain the most from them in future bragging opportunities.

COLORFUL DETAILS MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE

Bragging comes alive with specific examples and stories. Be sure your “Take 12” answers are punctuated with colorful details, because that’s what people remember. Sweeping generalities leave little or no impact, so be as explicit as possible in response to the questions.

A publicist friend of mine knows all too well the value of these details. She spends her life selling others to the media, and she frequently finds herself frustrated by her clients, noting, “A lot of supposedly savvy people just don’t get it. When I ask them what they do, how they got there, the struggles, the human-interest side of the story, and try to get them to describe it in layman’s terms, they automatically respond with the same boring and dry descriptions I can read on the company website. Usually it takes them a few drinks before they finally loosen up, and that’s when it all comes pouring out. I get the detailed information that adds color to their campaign.”

For example, when she asked the CEO of one small and highly successful Dallas software company for his story, he said he started the company at the age of twenty-three and right off the bat landed Fortune 500 companies that remain clients some twenty years hence. Scratching beneath the surface, however, she discovered: He was a technical prodigy and was hired at the age of sixteen by his best friend’s father, the CEO of a major bank, to write software code for a banking program in between school hours and homework. He skipped college altogether and by age eighteen was part of the team responsible for developing the software for one of the most widely used and admired financial tracking systems in the world. That experience gave him the grounding and expertise in developing network software solutions for an area in which his company excelled. By the time my publicist friend was done grilling him, other juicy details had emerged as well. He was an advocate of children’s cancer research, had equipped with global satellite tracking systems various organizations involved in saving the Amazon, and had personally funded programs that teach advanced computer-programming skills to underprivileged women.

Suddenly, Mr. Software CEO went from boring to extraordinary. In fact, his history was a goldmine of interesting information that his publicist could readily draw from to more persuasively pitch profile pieces.

YOUR BRAG BAG

After you answer the “Take 12” questions, you will have what I call your brag bag, a collection of all the information about you that’s fit to mention in polite company: your accomplishments, your passions and interests, the colorful details that describe who you are personally and professionally.

Like a candy jar filled with a variety of favorite treats, your brag bag is filled with brag bites and bragologues in all shapes and sizes, in all tastes and flavors. Brag bites are snippets of information about you, expressed in a short, pithy manner. They function as memory insurance, a way to be sure that people walk away with something compelling to remember about you. They can be dropped into conversations like gems, or woven together to create longer bragologues. Bragologues range from the thirty-second “elevator pitch” to three-minute dialogues. They are stories about yourself conveyed in a conversational style that can be stretched and blown up in a million different ways. While sometimes you’ll be able to plan ahead which brag bites and bragologues to use—in performance reviews, job interviews, and formal presentations, for example—most times you’ll just have to seize the opportunity on the fly. That’s why you stuff your brag bag full of the brag bites and bragologues you’ve become completely familiar with and comfortable using in every possible combination.

Update your brag bag on a daily or weekly basis so that it is always current. Feel free to also include a private collection of anecdotes, statistics, quotations, cartoons, industry tidbits, and current events, to make your brag bites and bragologues more timely and entertaining.

Some people use a three-ring binder or a file on their computer to house their brag bag so they can readily access what they need and use it to their advantage. “Your brag bag can be organized in a variety of ways. Some people compile the information chronologically. Others prefer to structure their collection by the different phases in each job or career path. Some do it by taking all their successes and prioritizing them based on short-, mid-, and long-term professional goals and objectives. Still others do it by audience and situation: “Ideal for clients,” “Great speech openers and introductions,” “Good facts for future job or position opportunities,” “Things I need to bring forth when talking to the press,” or “Must remember for future performance reviews.” It’s different for everyone. Experiment to find out what works best for you.

Creating Brag Bites and Bragologues

When it comes to bragging about yourself, you need to get creative in telling your story and conveying juicy nuggets about yourself. If you recite a boring list of facts, or speak in generic terms about yourself and what makes you special, you’ll come off as colorless and unmemorable. And if you’re one of those people who are prone to dropping brag bombs—either facts about yourself that are out of the context, scope, or spirit of the conversation or those delivered in a way that makes people yawn—you are going to come off as downright self-serving or a plain old bore. To really stick, brag bites and bragologues need to be authentic, compelling, and delivered in a conversational way. To improve their “stickiness,” let me show you how others have developed brag bites and bragologues by digging deep within themselves and their experiences as they answered specific “Take 12” questions.

What would you and others say are Jive of your personality pluses
? Roxanne wrote down that being outgoing is a personality trait she believes is a real plus and one of the first things people say about her. “So how does that help you in your work?” I ask. She responds that being outgoing means she’s really interested in people. “Well, how does that translate to your job performance? Being ‘interested in people’ doesn’t create any vision of you in my head. It sounds generic.” Roxanne pauses and ponders, and then the floodgates open. She says,

Well, as the presidential attaché at a large university, I am constantly in front of people—talking to them, putting people together, making visitors feel welcome. So it’s essential that I be outgoing and friendly. The university’s president, in fact, nicknamed me “den mother” the first week of work because he said that I was so good at caring for other people. My mom says I’ve been like this since preschool. I was always the person in charge of planning social events. So now instead of setting up slumber parties or proms, I’m in charge of arranging high-level meetings with trustees, politicians, foreign diplomats, and dignitaries, including every president from Reagan forward.

What are the ten most interesting things you have done or that have happened to you
? Bev, who’s forty, is a very academic type who is customer relations manager for one of my clients. Short, skinny, and somewhat shy, she has a demeanor that is so understated, she comes across as colorless and even a bit clumsy. But by telling two personal stories, she revealed a side of herself that almost knocked me over and completely changed my perception of her on the success scale. In her early twenties, she had spent three years traveling throughout Europe as the setter on a German volleyball team. Then to top that one, she taught glacier skiing in the Alps—apparently one of the most dangerous things you can do. This was completely unexpected from a gal I perceived as bookish. Once she stacked her brag bag with these two items alone, she forever changed my opinion of her.

“But … I’m an introvert. Talking about myself goes against my nature.”

Get over it! Being an introvert won’t get you noticed. Reach out beyond yourself and interact with those around you. It’s the way of the world and the only way to get ahead, unless of course you’re Tiger Woods or Bill Gates.

Another client who stunned me and others was Craig. He was working for a major Wall Street investment bank, managing millions of dollars for wealthy individuals. During a bragging workshop, he revealed to the group that eight years earlier he had been a “Top Gun” Navy fighter pilot who flew missions over some of the most volatile enemy territory in the world. We all practically fell off our chairs. The group agreed that this small detail was one that spoke volumes about his character, his competence, his dedication to work, not to mention his country! Craig kept responding, “It’s no big deal.” I suggested that he use it in a subtle way, such as, “I know what trust and responsibility are all about. As a former Navy pilot, I was entrusted every day with a twenty-five-million-dollar aircraft, carrying out missions to protect the country’s interests.” The very next day, Craig dropped this brag bite while pitching a new account. It turned out that the potential client was also a former Navy man, and they talked for a good half hour about their experiences. Craig was amazed when he was handed the new business on the spot.

What do you do for a living and how did you end up doing it
? A physics professor at a prestigious university introduces herself as “a teacher,” nothing more (boring). The technical director for research and development at a major pharmaceutical company describes himself simply as “a biochemist,” nothing more (yawn). A mechanical engineer with NASA tells others he’s “an engineer” (snore). All three introductions are classic brag bombs. Better brag bites would sound like these:

•  “Hi, I’m Jill. I’m a physics professor. I just took on chairing the department, and now I think I have to go back and get another degree in psychology … or maybe even parenting.”

•  “Hi, I’m Ed. I’m a biochemist. I’m the kid who got a chemistry set for Christmas at age six and never stopped playing with it. Now I do research for one of the world’s largest pharmaceutical companies.”

•  “Hi, I’m Dan. I’m one of those rocket scientists everyone always makes jokes about. I work on the space station program for NASA.”

The second part of the question—how did you end up doing it?—also stumps many. It’s not unusual today for people to change jobs or careers, or for individuals to move around within any organization and wear many different hats during the course of their stay. Most of us find it difficult, however, to sum up our career history in a colorful and succinct way. We tend to fall back into the laundry-list mode, a just-the-facts recitation.

A fifty-three-year-old executive named Michael, with an incredible track record, first described his career history to me like this:

I come from a broadcast background. I spent fifteen years at the major television networks, where I was producing, directing, and creating graphics for the news, entertainment, and sports divisions. I ended my stay at the network directing documentaries. After that I started my own company, where I created interactive multimedia selling materials for many multinational Fortune 500 firms. After that, I became a principal in an Internet start-up, which developed content software management for the rich-media market. I was responsible for creative services. Recently, I resigned to produce my own documentaries.

Although Michael had experienced an interesting and complex career, his description of it came off as an uninteresting recitation. We worked on linking together more specific and compelling brag bites.

I have spent all of my career in the “visual arts”—fifteen years at the major television networks directing and producing all sorts of programming from the morning shows to the World Series to sixty documentaries. I caught the Internet fever in the mid-nineties and went out on my own, producing interactive CD-ROMs for consumer-packaged-goods companies. I then got a tremendous offer to sign on for a two-year commitment with a new rich-media software developer as director of creative services, which I’ve just finished. Now I’m happily based at home overlooking the Berkshire Hills, working on a few new documentaries. What’s even better, I no longer have a three-hour commute each day and can coach my son’s Little League team.

What training/education have you completed and what did you gain from those experiences
? It’s really strange, but a lot of people I work with don’t like to say where they went to school. One client, when asked what college he attended, wouldn’t tell me, preferring instead to talk around it. When I finally called him on his caginess, he said, “Since it wasn’t an Ivy League school, I don’t want to tell anyone.” But then, when asked where he got his graduate degree, he wouldn’t tell me that either. He was afraid that because it was an Ivy League school (as in Harvard), he would come off sounding like a braggart. I told him he needed to stop being embarrassed on both accounts. He had to get comfortable saying where he went to undergraduate school or he would appear shifty. While I agreed that telling everyone at every opportunity that he went to Harvard would turn people off, he needed to find a subtle way to weave it into a bragologue: