Penmarric (38 page)

But it was no longer private. There was a second bed against a far wall; my book shelves had been moved; there was another chest of drawers over in the corner. I paused, simmering with resentment to see my own room rearranged without my consent, and then, aware that I was being watched, I spun around and saw the boy I had seen at Brighton.

He was sitting down. On my bed. My noisy entrance had disturbed him, for he was rubbing his eyes as if he had been asleep.

We stared at each other.

‘That’s my bed,” I said.

He did not answer. He went on staring at me.

“Get off.”

He said nothing. I was just about to grit my teeth and fly into the attack when he stood up and went over to the table. He had been writing a letter. I saw a white scrap of paper torn out of an exercise book and a series of marks made by a blunt pencil.

“Adrian!” called Mama from the hall. “Tea’s ready!”

“Coming!” I yelled. I gave the boy one last stare, but he had his back to me and did not turn around. I left him, returned slowly to the hall and caught Mama as she was emerging from her little sitting room.

“Mama,” I said rapidly, “why can’t I share with William? I don’t want to share with Philip. Why do I have to share with him?”

“Darling, you must try not to be so selfish. Poor Philip is very unhappy at the moment because he did not want to leave his mama, and his mama tried to disobey the court order and keep him, which made the whole matter even more upsetting than it was already. It’s very important that we show Philip that he’s welcome here and that we want him to be happy, and how is he to think he’s wanted if you refuse to share a room with him? William is sharing with Marcus and they’re getting on very well together. Marcus is such a nice boy and I’m sure Philip is too when he’s not so unhappy. Do try and like them, darling, please. For my sake. I don’t want this to become a quarrelsome, unhappy home.”

“I don’t think Papa should have brought them here,” I said stubbornly. “Why should
we
have to put up with them? That’s not fair. It’s bad.”

“Adrian, please. I know it’s hard not to be jealous—
”

“I’m not jealous! I just can’t see why Papa couldn’t let Philip’s mother keep him if she wanted him so much! And why are the girls here anyway? I thought
she
was going to be allowed to keep them! What happened?”

“It’s all much too complicated to explain in detail. First of all the judge gave custody of the boys to Papa and custody of the girls to Mrs. Castallack while she remained at Papa’s house, Penmarric, but then Mariana didn’t want to stay at Penmarric without Marcus and Papa, so Mrs. Castallack tried to exchange Mariana for Philip in direct contradiction to the judge’s orders. This made the judge angry, and when Papa asked him to amend the order Mrs. Castallack opposed it in such an overwrought, ill-advised way that the judge was angrier than ever and amended the order entirely in Papa’s favor so that Papa acquired not only custody of all the children but also the right to choose whether Mrs. Castallack may see the boys or not. She is still allowed to visit the girls, and while she remains at Penmarric they will be allowed to visit her there, but she may not see the boys without Papa’s permission. It’s a most difficult and sad situation.”

“But why couldn’t Papa let her keep Philip and end the matter peacefully? I don’t understand.”

“Sometimes it’s not good for little boys to be brought up without a father.”

“You brought William and me up and Papa was hardly ever here in the beginning!”

“That was different.”

“Why?”

“Darling, I really can’t go into involved explanations. You must take my word for it that it’s better for Philip not to be with his mama. Now come along into the drawing room and let’s have tea.”

I thought: Even Mama is changed. She has become secretive and impatient and even a little cross. She never used to be cross with us. Not before
they
came.

I felt so depressed then, so miserable, that my appetite deserted me and I could hardly eat any tea.

Afterward I shut myself up in the attic with my trains but even then I was not allowed to enjoy myself in peace. Papa came to interrupt me with Hugh.

“Hugh loves trains,” he said. “I thought you would like to show him your collection.”

“Please,” said Hugh winningly. He looked around wide-eyed at my train collection. “Papa, this is much nicer than my collection at Penmarric.”

“They’re much the same, I think,” said Papa distantly and left Hugh alone with me as he returned downstairs to join Mama.

“What a beautiful collection,” said Hugh to me sincerely as I struggled with my anger and resentment. “How lucky you are. May I play with them?”

I swallowed, making an immense effort.

“I’ll be very careful,” said Hugh. “I promise.”

“All right,” I said.

We played for a short time together but presently I felt I wanted to be alone, so I left him playing happily by himself and went outside.

William and Marcus were playing French cricket on the lawn while Mariana sat daintily on the swing and watched them. William was even laughing. I turned away abruptly toward the woods.

“Come and join us, Adrian,” called Marcus.

“No, thanks.”

“Come on!” shouted William.

I shook my head.

“Oh dear,” I heard Marcus say with a sigh, “I hope he’s not going to be like Philip. I do so hate everyone being nasty to one another.”

“Adrian,” said William with cold severity, “is never nasty to anyone.”

“Well, of course I didn’t mean …”

I moved rapidly out of earshot. In the woods I padded along to my favorite tree and climbed up to my favorite branch. It was peaceful there. I began to feel better but on my way down some minutes later I discovered that some vandal had carved the initials P.C. on the trunk.

Philip Castallack.

He had even defaced my favorite tree. I was so livid that I ran at once to the house to get a knife and immediately set to work to alter the initials. I turned the “P” into an “A” by adding a straight stroke to the right side and the “C” into a “P” by rounding it into an “O” and adding a stem.

It was at supper when I saw him again. As I entered the room he was already stuffing himself with sausages and mashed potatoes.

“Are you usually in the habit of scratching your stupid initials on every nice tree you find?” I said to him at once.

He did not answer.

“Careful, Adrian,” said William. He, Marcus and Mariana were also eating supper with us in the dining room; Papa and Mama were to dine alone together later, while Hugh and Jeanne had already had their supper in the nursery with the nursemaid and the baby Elizabeth.

I said to Philip—clearly so that he should not misunderstand, “If you carve your initials on a single tree again I’ll fight you.”

He took no notice. Marcus cleared his throat unhappily.

“Shut up, Adrian,” said William.

I was furious. “How dare you take his side!”

“I’m not taking anyone’s side,” said William, helping himself to another sausage. “I just don’t want everyone fighting everyone else, that’s all. It’s not worth it.”

“Horrid,” agreed Marcus with relief. “I do so hate scenes.”

“After all,” said Mariana, bored, sipping elegantly at her glass of milk, “what does one tree matter?”

“Well of course,” I said, “you’re just a girl. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh!” said Mariana. ”I’m so bored with boys! Why didn’t Aunt Rose have a girl if she had to have a baby in the first place? I wish Alice was here.”

“Who’s Alice?” said William.

“A friend of ours,” said Marcus. “She used to do lessons with Mariana at Penmarric.”

“I even wish Nanny was here,” said Mariana, squashing her mashed potato very flat. “I know I used to grumble at her but I did quite like her really. Even stupid old Miss Peach—”

“Did Papa sack Miss Peach?” said Marcus, worried. “I couldn’t gather what went on while Philip and I were at school.”

“Oh, it was ghastly,” said Mariana, stifling a yawn. “All those tedious scenes when Papa came down to Penmarric after you boys had gone back to Surrey! You can’t imagine how dreary it was. Nanny went around weeping and said she wouldn’t be parted from us but she wouldn’t go and live in any household where the mistress was a fallen woman—whatever
that
means—and Miss Peach sobbed and wailed and said the same thing and then Papa sacked them both on the spot before they could change their minds. Actually I think Nanny would have changed her mind because she doted on us all so much, but Papa wouldn’t have her any more because she’d been nasty about Aunt Rose. I can’t think why they should have been nasty about Aunt Rose when they hadn’t even met her. Personally I think Aunt Rose is a lot sweeter and nicer than—”

“Poor Nanny and Miss Peach,” said Marcus very quickly, “and poor Mama. How very upsetting it must have been for her. I wish Philip and I could have been there to help.”

“You wouldn’t have seen much of her even if you’d been there, because I was there and I hardly ever saw her. She spent most of the time weeping all over the place or having migraine or going to London to see lawyers. Dr. Salter kept rushing in saying, ‘Oh, Mrs. Castallack, you must rest, you mustn’t do this, mustn’t do that, mustn’t go to London, and she didn’t take any notice. She didn’t look well, though. She looked all pale and she didn’t bother to do her hair prettily and she’d put on weight and seemed to sag so that her clothes didn’t look right on her. I heard Nanny say to Miss Peach that it was shocking for her to be in such a condition at such a time, and Miss Peach agreed.”

“Poor Mama,” said Marcus again. He looked white. “I hope she’s all right. I’m glad Nanny and Miss Peach were sorry for her.”

“You should have heard the other servants,” said Mariana. “I thought they’d be against Papa and sorry for Mama but they weren’t. They said she should have known what to expect when she married a Penmar—isn’t it funny how they always think of Papa as being a Penmar like Grandmama?—and that if she knew any better she wouldn’t be making so much fuss. They said that that’s what happened when you gave yourself airs and graces and tried to pretend to be what you weren’t. They said—”

“Shut up,” said Philip.

I was so surprised to hear him speak that I dropped my fork with a clatter. We all stared at him,

“It’s true!” said Mariana defiantly. “And if you really want to know, Nanny and Miss Peach weren’t truly sorry for her either. Miss Peach said—”

“Shut your stupid little mouth.”

“Philip, don’t,” begged Marcus. “Don’t. Please.”

“Honestly!” said William. “What a way to speak to a girl!”

“I don’t care,” said Mariana, tightening her beautiful rose-colored mouth into a hard, angry line. “He’s the last person I expect to be polite to me. I wish Mama had been allowed to keep him at Penmarric. I can’t think why Papa wanted him here anyway.”

“Look, don’t let’s talk about it any more,” said Marcus. “It’s too upsetting and when I think about it my stomach goes into a peculiar knot and I don’t even want to eat any of this nice supper. Let’s talk of something else.”

“Why don’t you run away?” said Mariana to Philip. “I wish you would. Good riddance to bad rubbish.”

“Honestly!” said William again, appalled. “Do you usually talk to one another like this in your family?”

“How can I run away?” shouted Philip to Mariana. “If I run away Papa will bring me back and beat me and Mama will be put in prison for disobeying the judge! How can I run away?”

“They wouldn’t put Mama in prison,” said Marcus, white to the lips. “They wouldn’t do that.”

“They would! She told me! ‘You have, to go with Papa,’ she said to me, ‘because if I keep you they’ll put me in prison for disobeying the judge. I’m not allowed to keep you any more,’ she said, and she cried and cried so that I could hardly hear what she said—”

“She didn’t cry when she said goodbye to me,” said Mariana. “ ‘Goodbye, darling,’ she said, ‘I’ll miss you so much.’ Phooey! She couldn’t have cared less. She was quite content to say goodbye to me when she thought she was getting you in exchange. She didn’t deceive
me!
I knew!”

“She was probably thinking good riddance to bad rubbish.”

“Oh! You horrid beastly boy!”

“Mariana, don’t, don’t …” said Marcus in agony, but he was too late. Mariana had smacked Philip resoundingly across the cheek, and he, springing to his feet, shoved her away so violently that she fell against the wall and burst into tears.

“Honestly!” said William for the third time. “Where on earth were you brought up, Philip? Did no one ever tell you not to strike a girl?”

“Don’t cry, Mariana,” said Marcus, dreadfully upset. “Please. I can’t bear it. Don’t cry.”

Mariana sobbed, heart-broken, into a dainty lace handkerchief.

“Look here,” said William to Philip, “I think you’d better apologize. I think—”

“Who cares what you think!” yelled Philip, scarlet with rage. “Who are you anyway? Who do you think you are, giving me orders, telling me what to do—”

My mother walked into the room.

We all turned to face her. Mariana stopped sobbing and allowed Marcus to help her to her feet. There was a silence.

“Dear me,” said my mother tranquilly. “Your dinners will all be quite cold! I did at least think you’d be too hungry to quarrel with one another while you were eating. William and Adrian, sit down and finish up your food, if you please, and I don’t want anything left over on the side of the plate. Now, Mariana, dear, what’s the matter? What happened?”

“Nothing,” said Marcus before Mariana could speak. “Nothing at all. We’re quite all right, thank you, Mrs. Parrish.”

“Are you all right, Mariana?”

Mariana blew her nose and cast a sidelong glance at Marcus. “Yes, Aunt Rose.”

“Good. Now sit down and finish your meal. I’ve brought another jug of milk in case anyone would like some more. Would you like some more, Philip?”

Philip walked out of the room without a word.

“Mama,” I said in a wave of fury, “Mama, Philip was to blame. Philip hit Mariana and she—”

“Adrian,” said Mama very strongly, “I do not want to hear anyone telling tales about anyone else. Marcus and Mariana have not complained about Philip. If you were not involved in the disagreement which they had then you have no business to complain either.”