Authors: George W. M. Reynolds,James Malcolm Rymer
CHAPTER LXVIII
THE ELECTION
"WELL - it is all right!" exclaimed Mr. Greenwood, the
moment he entered the drawing-room his countenance radiant with joy, and his
eyes expressive of triumph.
"What is all right?" demanded both the baronet and
Chichester in the same breath.
"Why - have you not heard that the election for
Rottenborough took place yesterday?" said Greenwood.
"Oh! to be sure - I forgot that!" observed the
baronet. " But you surely never have beaten Lord Tremordyn's
candidate?"
"Yes - I was returned triumphantly - 814 against
102," said Greenwood.
"I wish you joy, my dear fellow, "exclaimed
Chichester. "I suppose you astonished the natives of Rottenborough?
but how the devil did you manage this victory?"
"I will give you a brief sketch of the whole
proceeding," said Greenwood, throwing himself upon the sofa, and playing
with his elegant guard-chain. "The fact is, I learnt in the latter part of
December that the representative of Rottenborough intended to accept the
Chiltern Hundreds when the Houses met in February. You know that I was at
that time very intimate with Lord
Tremordyn, your worthy and much revered father-in-law, Sir Rupert —"
"Ah! worthy, indeed!" ejaculated the baronet
impatiently.
I accordingly spoke to Lord Tremordyn, continued Greenwood;
"and, after a little delicate manoeuvring, received his promise to support
me, - in fact, to get me in for Rottenborough. It had been arranged that
Count Alteroni and his family were to pass the month of January and a portion
of February with Lord and Lady Tremordyn; but in the mean time, the count
learned something about me, as I before told you, which he did not like; and he
rejected me as a suitor for his daughter's hand. That did not grieve me much.
My only motives for making up to the signora at all were, because I really
liked the girl, and because she is a nobleman's daughter. But the count did not
stop there. He seat ass apology to Lord and Lady Tremordyn, and declined the
invitation. Off goes his lordship to Richmond, and calls upon the count. The
count spoke so ill of me, it appears, that his lordship determined to cut me.
There seemed at first ins insurmountable obstacle to my hopes relative to
Rottenborough."
"Yes - but you are never dismayed at any thing,"
said Chichester.
"Never. There is no such word as
impossible
in my vocabulary," returned Greenwood; "and as for
improbable
- that is a word which can only intimidate cowards. I made up my
mind to exert all my energies to obtain the gratification of my wishes. I had
set my mind upon becoming an M.P. I had dreamt of it - thought upon it for
hours together - and had even based certain calculations and schemes upon the
event. I was not to be disappointed. I immediately went down to Rottenborough,
and put up at the principal inn. I looked about me for a day or two, and at
length saw something that suited me - an old mansion in such a ruined and dilapidated
state, that it would require three or four thousand pounds to restore it to a
habitable and comfortable condition. It belonged to the banker of the place. I
bought it without haggling, and thus made a friend of him. I then set all the
masons, carpenters, decorators, and upholsterers in the place to work, paid a
considerable sum into the banker's hands, and appointed the head solicitor in
the town to be my agent. I moreover gave him certain secret instructions
relative to my ultimate views, and returned to London. Every Saturday I went
down to Rottenborough - it is only twenty-four miles from London, you know -
and paid all the bills without demanding discount. I also sent fifty pounds to
the clergyman of the parish to lay out in purchasing blankets for the poor; and
paid the coal merchant for fifty tons of coals also for charitable
distribution. I always remained at Rottenborough until Monday morning., and
went to church three times on the Sundays. No one spoke tile responses louder
than I did - no one dwelt with such holy delight upon the clergyman's sermons
as myself. I moreover won the hearts of the churchwardens, by placing a
ten-pound note in the plate, after a charity sermon; and I secured the overseer
by visiting the workhouse with him, tasting the soup, and pronouncing the
dietary-scale to amount to absolute luxuries. In this manner, I was soon talked
about. 'Who is this Mr. Greenwood?' was the universal question. 'A wealthy
capitalist of London,' answered the lawyer. Thus, every thing progressed well."
"So I should imagine," observed the baronet.
"Well - parliament met - the representative of
Rottenborough resigned his seat; and the next morning by eight o'clock, my
lawyer-agent had secured every inn, tavern, and public-house in Rottenborough
in my name. Placards were posted all over the town, announcing my intention to
come forward in the liberal interest, Lord Tremordyn having always supported
the opposite side. Down goes Lord Tremordyn with his candidate, and is quite
astonished to see all the walls and houses covered with posters, on which the
name of Greenwood appeared in monster-type. But if he were surprised at first,
how much more was he compelled to marvel, and how deeply was he annoyed, when
not an inn - not a tavern - not even a public-house, would receive him, or his
horses. His lordship drove to the rector's. The parson 'was excessively glad to
see his lordship, and hoped his lordship would make his (the rector's) house
his home; but he (the rector) could not think of entertaining the Conservative
candidate also, as he had promised his vote to a gentleman who intended to
settle in the place, and who had already done a vast amount of good there.'
Lord Tremordyn was astounded. He went to the banker's. Precisely the same
answer. The brewer, the coal-merchant, the Chairman of the Board of Poor Law
Guardians (who had heard that I admired the soup and considered gruel at
nineteen out of twenty-one meals every week, to be actually encouraging in the
poor a taste for luxuries) all spoke well of me. Lord Tremordyn grew livid with
rage; and he were compelled to take up his quarters, with the new candidate, at
the house of the undertaker, whose services I had neglected to secure, not
having known upon what possible pretence to order a few coffins."
"Capital!" ejaculated Sir Rupert: " I am glad
the old lord was taken in at last - he who fancied himself Omnipotent at
Rottenborough."
"Every engine of Tory tactics was now put into
execution by Lord Tremordyn, his candidate, and his agents. All his tenants who
had not paid up their arrears of rent, were menaced with executions and
ejectments if they did not vote for the Conservative. My lawyer knew how to
counteract this in finance. He found out all the tenants who were in arrears,
and proffered them loans payable at very distant dates. This accommodation was
gladly accepted; and they were of course given to understand that the
assistance emanated from me. 'At the same time,' said my lawyer, you must not
think that this is a mere electioneering manoeuvre to secure your support. No -
remain free and independent electors. Mr. Greenwood's wishes and objects were
merely to defeat tyranny and annihilate intimidation.' In this way we
completely weaned his own tenants away from Lord Tremordyn and his cause."
"All this must have cost you a great deal of
money," said Chichester.
"Not near so much as you would fancy. But, whatever it
was, it was well spent. The position of an M. P. to me is worth thousands and
thousands: - I know how to avail myself of it."
"I wish I had your head, Greenwood," exclaimed Sir
Rupert Harborough, with a sigh.
"My dear baronet, if you had my head and lacked my
perseverance, my industry, and my power of self-command, you would be but
little benefited. Let me, however, continue my narrative of the electioneering
proceedings. There was now nothing but placarding and counter-placarding. My
canvassers were most eloquent in my cause. 'Do not look,' said they, 'to
whether a man be Whig or Tory - Radical or Conservative: ascertain whether he
will benefit the town - whether he will be charitable to
the poor, will support the
tradesmen, and will dwell during the recess amongst the inhabitants of Rotten
borough. What good have the candidates of the Tremordyn interest ever done for
ye, O Rottenboroughers? Has the present candidate an account at the banker's?
Has he given away blankets and coals wholesale? has he come regularly on
Sundays to attend divine service in our parish church three times? has he
employed the greater portion of the tradesmen of the town? No - he appears
amongst you as a stranger-making fine promises, but having given an earnest of
nothing. Look at Greenwood - a man of enormous wealth - known probity - vast
experience - high character - splendid qualifications - unlimited charity - and
undoubted piety."
"I suppose you wrote out all that for your
canvassers?" said Chichester.
"No, my lawyer copied a character for me out of an old
romance; and it seemed to be admirably appreciated. At length the eventful day
- yesterday - came. You may depend upon it, I was up early. My band and colours
commenced parading about the town at seven o clock; and my lawyer had very
prudently hired the clown and pantaloon of Richardson's Theatre to attend the
band, and amuse the people with their antics during the intervals between the
different airs. This told wonderfully well, and, as I afterwards learnt,
won thirty-three votes away from Lord Tremordyn's candidate."
" fact which speaks volumes in favour of the intellectual
qualifications of the people of Rottenborough," observed the baronet.
"But the beauty of it was," continued
Greenwood, "that my lawyer had the clown in the Guildhall, when my
opponent addressed the electors; and the fellow imitated the gesticulations and
the facial contortions of Lord Tremordyn's candidate so well, that the speech
was drowned in roars of laughter."
"And I suppose that your speech was listened to with
the greatest attention?" said Chichester.
"The very greatest," returned Greenwood; "and
I can assure you that I pitched them the gammon in the very finest possible
style. 'Gentlemen,' I said, 'it is well known that not a single town in this
empire contains a more enlightened, intellectual, and independent population
than Rottenborough. The inhabitants of Rottenborough are the envy of
surrounding cities, and the admiration of the universe. History has ever been
busy with the name of Rottenborough; and never has a gallant
Rottenborougher disgraced his name, his country, or his cause. This is the
chosen home of freedom: if you seek for independence, you will find it in the
peaceful groves and delicious retreats of Rottenborough. Famous also is this
town for the loveliness and virtue of its women; and beauteous and faithful
wives make their husbands and sons good and great. Oh! supremely blessed is the
town of Rottenborough, situate in its happy valley, and through whose streets
sweep balmy gales, laden with perfume and delicious odour.' - At
this moment, the voice of some purblind Tory exclaimed, 'What do you say to the
putrid black ditch at the back of the church?' Of course one of my own
supporters smashed this ruffian's hat over his eyes; and I then proceeded thus:
'Gentlemen, free and independent electors of Rottenborough! I offer myself as
your representative! I throw myself into your arms! I undertake your cause!
Tory influence has long blunted your energies: Tory machinations have for years
dimmed the bright and brilliant intellects of the Rottenboroughers. Do you ask
me what are my principles? I will tell you. I am a liberal in every sense of
the word. I am anxious that every free and independent elector or Rottenborough
shall have his beef and beer for nothing - which shall be the case to-morrow,
if I am returned to-day. I am desirous that the industrious classes should be
improved in condition - that they should have more food and less treadmill, and
be supplied with flannel to expel the bleak and nipping cold of winter. This
want it shall be my duty to supply. But that is not all: I hope to see the day
arrive when every pauper in the workhouse at Rottenborough shall thank God for
his happy condition, and receive an extra half ounce of bacon for the dinner of
the Sabbath! These are my fond aspirations - these are my aims! If I seem to
promise much - I am ready to perform it all. Trust me - try me - place me in a
condition to be useful to you. I have now expounded to you all my views - I
have laid bare my secret soul to your eyes; and a heaven can attest the
sincerity of my intentions. Under these circumstances I confidently claim your
suffrage;- but if it should happen that I am disappointed - if I am forced to
shut up the mansion which I have purchased in this neighbourhood, suspend all
the works, and fly for ever from the peaceful retreats and delicious haunts of
Rottenborough, I shall at least —' Here it was arranged between my lawyer and
me that my voice was to falter and that I should seem as if I was about to
faint. I accordingly wound up the farce with a little bit of melodrama: and
from that instant the cause of my opponent was desperate beyond all chances of
redemption.
"You deserved success, after that brilliant
speech," said Chichester, laughing heartily at this narrative.
"The polling was continued briskly until four o'clock,
when the mayor closed the books and announced that
George Greenwood, Esquire,
Gentleman, was duly returned to serve in Parliament as the representative of
Rottenborough
."
"When shall you 'take your oaths and your seat,' as the
papers say?" demanded Chichester.
"This evening," answered Greenwood. "And of
course you will range yourself amongst the liberals?"
"How can you fancy that I shall be guilty of such
egregious folly?" cried the new Member of Parliament. "The reign of
the Liberals is drawing to a close: a Tory administration within a year or
eighteen months is inevitable."
"But you stood forward as a Liberal, and were returned
as such."
"Very true - very true, my dear fellow. But do you
imagine that I became a Member of Parliament to meet the interests and
wishes of a pack of strangers, or to suit my own?"
"And at the next election —"
"I shall be returned again. Mark my word for that. A
politician is not worth a fig who has not a dozen excuses ready for the most
flagrant tergiversation; and money - money will purchase all the free and
independent electors of Rottenborough."
Lady Cecilia Harborough returned to the drawing-room at this
moment. She scarcely noticed Chichester - who was "her aversion" -
but welcomed Greenwood in the most cordial manner. The a baronet observed
"that he should leave Mr. Greenwood to amuse Lady Cecilia with an account
of his electioneering exploits;" and then withdrew, accompanied by his
"shadow" Mr. Chichester.
"You have succeeded, George?" said Lady Cecilia,
the moment they were alone together.
"To my heart's content, dearest Cecilia," answered
Greenwood, placing his arm around the delicate