Authors: George W. M. Reynolds,James Malcolm Rymer
'I have seen you
before. — Very likely
,' answered the man, coolly; '
but take care of yourself, or you
may still get into a scrape on account of cousin George's breeches
.' With
these words he rose, drained his glass, and walked coolly out of the room.
"You may imagine how astonished I was at the
ominous words which he had whispered in my ear; but, collecting my ideas, I
began to feel alarmed for my safety; and, having no longer any interest in the
party whom I had followed into the public-house, I abruptly
departed — without partaking of, or paying for, the refreshment which
I had ordered. Hurrying away from the place, I got out of the town as quick as
possible; and, avoiding the main-road, struck into the fields.
"I wandered about for two or three days, until all
my money was gone; and I was one afternoon roaming along a by-lane, wondering
what was to become of me, and thinking that it would be much better to break
into some house, as a last and desperate resource, when I suddenly encountered
a man and woman at the turning of the road. They were dressed as poor country
people; but the darkness of their complexions immediately struck my attention;
and, at a second glance, I recognised in the man the very person who had
whispered those mysterious words in my ears, concerning cousin George's
trousers, and whom I could almost certainly identify with the sallow-faced
stranger. 'What, not got rid of cousin George's trousers yet!' he exclaimed,
laughing heartily; and the woman, who seemed to understand the joke, joined in
her companion's mirth. — 'Who are you?' I said, 'and how do you
happen to know about that little adventure of mine?' — 'You see that
I do know all about it,' returned the man, with another laugh; 'and you may
perhaps be surprised when I tell you that I consider the abstraction of the
trousers to be even a more pleasant freak than the personation of Tom
Tittlebat.' — 'The deuce!' I cried, now completely bewildered: 'if
you are a constable, say so, and we will have a fight for it; if not, tell me
who you are, and how you came to be acquainted with my affairs.' — 'I
am certainly no constable,' answered the man, 'or I might have apprehended you
some days since on two several occasions, and when there would have been no
necessity to fight for
it. As to how I know any thing
about you, ask no questions, because you will receive no satisfactory answers.
But if you wish to earn a shilling or two, say so; and you can do it within an
hour.' — I professed my willingness to serve this strange individual. — 'Come
with us,' he said; and, striking into a narrow path, he led the way for about
half-a-mile across the fields, until we came in sight of a large farm-house.
'You see that farm,' he said: 'now listen attentively. You must go there, and
under any pretence you can think of, obtain admission into the kitchen, or get
into conversation with one of the servants, so as to glean all the information
you can about the family. There's three daughters find out whether they are
engaged to be married, or who the young men are that principally visit at the
house, and all particulars of that kind. We will wait for you in yonder copse.'
"The stranger and his companion hastened away
towards the place where I was to meet them again, and I proceeded towards the
farm. It was by no means difficult to gain admittance into the kitchen of that
hospitable establishment: a simple request for a cup of milk led to an
invitation from a buxom cook and a smart servant-maid to walk in and rest
myself a little. Then bread and cheese, and a foam log tankard of home-brewed
were set before me, and, while I ate and drank, I gradually drew the two women
into the conversation which suited my purpose. They proclaimed the praises of
'master and missis;' and told me how the old people were very well off; and how
Miss Jemima, the eldest daughter, was engaged to a young farmer in the
neighbourhood; how Miss Mary, the second daughter, had been courted by an
officer in the army who had been quartered in the neighbouring town, but who
had since left, and had never written to her afterwards; and how Miss Frances,
the youngest, had been very melancholy ever since she had visited an aunt at
Stafford, where it was well known an attorney's clerk had paid her very great
attention. These, and various other particulars relative to the family, were
related to me in the course of conversation; and, having remained at the farm
for a couple of hours, I was about to take my leave, as well informed relative
to the inmates as if I had lived with them all my life. But just as I was
rising to depart, I espied a purse lying in a work-box upon a shelf; and I
began to reflect how I could make it my own. Accident served my purpose: the
cook insisted upon drawing me some more ale, and went into the cellar for that
purpose; and the maid-servant stepped to the door of the kitchen to receive a
can of milk which a boy brought there at the moment to dart toward the shelf
and secure the purse was the work of an instant; and when the maid turned
towards me again, I was sitting as composedly as if I had never left my chair.
The cook made her appearance with the ale, of which I drank; and I then took my
leave, with many thanks for the kind entertainment I had received.
"I proceeded to the copse, where I found my
strange employer and his female companion waiting for me. I told them all that
I had gleaned relative to the farmer and his family; and they were highly
delighted with the information so procured The man gave me five shillings, and
told me that he did not require my services any farther. I was not sorry to get
away from the neighbourhood; and, taking leave of the persons who had employed
me in so singular a service, pursued my way. When at a convenient distance from
the spot where I had left them, I examined the purse, and, to my joy, found
that it contained four sovereigns and about seven shillings in silver.
"Considerably cheered at this change in my
pecuniary position, I pursued my way until long after dusk, when I entered a
village where I determined to put up for the night. Having supped at a
public-house, I inquired about a bed, and found that I could be accommodated
with one in a double-bedded room, the other being already retained by a
traveller who had arrived before me, but who had stepped out, I was informed, to
transact some business with certain inhabitants of his acquaintance. Being
tired, I went up to the room where I was to sleep, before the return of the
person who was to occupy the other bed; but before I sought my own nest I
looked about for a secure spot where I could conceal my purse, as I fancied
that my companion might probably be no more honest than myself. I accordingly
hid my treasure between the mattress and the sacking; and, putting my clothes
under my pillow, lay down to rest. I soon fell into a deep sleep, from which I
did not awake until aroused by the noise of some one moving about the room. I
started up, and rubbing my eyes, asked what o'clock it was. The person who
occupied the other bed was shaving himself at a looking-glass, with his back turned
towards me; but the moment my voice fell upon his ears, he started round;
and — to my horror — I recognised but too well, beneath a
thick coat of lather, the never-to-be-forgotten countenance of cousin George.
"Here was a precious scrape! The red-faced man was
deaf to my prayers for mercy, and alarmed the whole house. Landlord, boots,
oatler, and pot-boy rushed up stairs, while cousin George vociferated, 'Fetch a
constable! this is the rogue who stole my breeches and boots. Fetch a
constable, I say! Here's the villain that imposed upon poor old blind Dobbin.
Fetch a constable!' A constable was accordingly fetched; and I was duly given
into his charge. While I was huddling on my clothes, cousin George exclaimed,
with savage malignity, 'Ah! there's the boots, the scoundrel! There's the drab
trousers, the scamp!' and I really believe he would have wrested them from me
had it not been necessary for me to wear them in order to accompany the
constable.
"I did not choose to drag forth my purse from its
place of concealment, for fear it might involve me in a worse dilemma than that
in which I found myself, and which, after all, was not particularly serious. I
however left it beneath the mattress, with deep regret, and was led away by the
constable, every soul in the public-house turning out to witness my departure.
The landlord, moreover, gave me a parting blessing after a
fashion — accusing me as a thief who had run up a score of three
shillings and seven-pence halfpence at his house, without the slightest means
of paying it! To this very natural conclusion he came, inasmuch as the
constable, upon searching me, had found nothing in my pockets.
"The clergyman of the village was a justice of the
peace; and before his worshipful reverence was I accordingly taken. He was an
elderly man, very corpulent and very stern; and he frowned upon me in a
ferocious manner when I was conducted into the library, where he intended to
hear the case. Cousin George, who had only shaved one side of his face, and had
a black bristly beard over the other, stepped forward and stated the entire
case, which comprised the theft of his garments and the imposture practised
upon his relative. In the latter business, however, the magistrate refused to
interfere, and confined his attention to the abstraction of the trousers and
boots. I, of course, set up the usual defence, — '
Had never seen
the gentleman before in my life — had bought the trousers and boots
of a man that I met at a public house, and whose name I did not know; that I was
an honest hard-working young fellow, out of employment; and had never been in
trouble before.
' The magistrate was, however, obstinate, and would not
believe a word I uttered. He accordingly ordered me to be committed for trial
at the sessions; and I was moved to an out-house, there to wait in the custody
of the constable, until my mittimus was made out, and, a cart was obtained to
take me to the county gaol. Cousin George, satisfied with what he had done so
far, threw a glance of triumph upon me as I was moved away from the
magistrate's library.
"While I was pent up in the out-house, I went up
to the window and looked out upon that open country which seemed the scene of a
freedom now lost to me. As I was standing there, pondering on my condition, and
wondering whether the numerous burglaries which I had committed in a
neighbourhood not very far distant, would be brought against me, my attention
was suddenly attracted to a number of people who were advancing rapidly towards
the house. As they drew near, to my surprise I recognised the swarthy stranger
and his female companion, both evidently in the custody of two constables, and
followed by the cook, maid-servant, and other persons belonging to the
farm-house. An idea of the real truth instantly flashed through my mind; and I
felt sorry — very sorry for the two poor creatures who, I had no
doubt, were suffering under a suspicion of the robbery which I had perpetrated.
Moreover, I could not help thinking that the swarthy man and the sallow-faced
man were one and the same person, and that the two half-crowns had been
purposely thrown in my way by him, at the inn in the market-town, to relieve me
from that embarrassment into which his keen eyes had penetrated. These
reflections suddenly filled me with deep interest in the stranger and his
female companion.
"The procession passed the window (from which I
drew back), and entered the magistrate's house. Half-an-hour passed away; and
then the clergy-man's man-servant made his appearance with a jug of ale and some
bread and meat for the constable who had me in charge. But nothing was given to
me, either to eat or drink! 'There's a new case on in the library,' said the
servant. — 'Ah! what's that?' inquired the
constable. — 'Two gipsies,' was the answer, 'man and woman, have been
prigging a purse down at farmer Clodhopper's. The purse belonged to a young
servant gal, and was missed out of her work-box just after the gipsies had left
the house last night. But the constables were put on the scent, and soon found
the thieves.' — 'And was the purse recovered?' asked the officer who
had me in custody. — 'Deuce a bit of it,' said the servant, 'those
gipsies know a trick worth two of that. It seems that they went down to the
farm late last night, and told all the young ladies and servant girls their
fortunes; so they were taken into the kitchen and fed with the best, besides
all the money they'd had given to them by the young ladies and the servants.
Not content with all that, they stole the purse, the vagabonds!' — 'No,
they didn't, though!' I exclaimed, stepping forward; for somehow or another my
blood boiled and my heart ached to think that those two poor creatures should
be punished for a mime of which they were innocent. Besides, I made sure that
all my past offences would be brought against me at the assizes; and I knew in
that case that I should be booked for transportation; so one robbery more or
less could not make much difference to me. Well, both the constable and the
servant stared when I spoke in that manner. 'Yes,' I continued, 'it is
perfectly true that those two gipsies are innocent of the theft; and if you
will take me before his worship again, I will prove my words.' The constable
accordingly conducted me back to the library.
"The moment I entered the room, the gipsy-man and
his companion exhibited the greatest surprise and interest. I gave them a
re-assuring glance; and then, turning towards the magistrate, I said, 'Your
worship, these two poor creatures are innocent of the crime imputed to them.' — 'How
do you know?' demanded the justice roughly, for his lunch-time was now drawing
near. — 'Because I stole it myself,' was my answer. The greatest
astonishment pervaded the assembly; joy animated the countenance of the two
gipsies; while the cook and maid servant cried out, '
Dear me
!' and '
Who
would have thought it
?' as loud as they could. The justice looked
tremendous savage, and declared that he would order the room to be cleared of
strangers if they interrupted the business in that indecent manner! I was then
called upon to explain the assertion which I had made. — 'These two
persons,' I said, pointing towards the gipsies, 'are accused of stealing a
purse from farmer Clodhopper's kitchen?' — 'They are.
Well?' — 'Then they didn't steal it, because I stole it myself; and
these servants can prove that I was there yesterday afternoon.' — 'So
he was!' exclaimed the cook and maid in the same breath. — ' And
now,' I continued, 'if you will send and search under the mattress of the bed
which I slept in last night at the public-house where I was arrested, you will
find the purse.' But this trouble was avoided; for scarcely had I uttered these
words, when in came the landlord of that public-house, holding the purse in his
hands. His wife, it appeared, had found it when making the beds; and suspicion
instantly pointed to me as the person who had placed It in the spot where it
was discovered. This circumstance brought the case safe home to me; and the
gipsies were instantly discharged, with a warning to take care of themselves in
future!
"Nothing could exceed the looks of deep gratitude
which those two innocent persons cast upon me as they left the
room: — but that of the man was significant of something more than a
mere sense of obligation for the act of duty which I had done. I don't know how
it was, too — but, rogue as I was, I felt an inward satisfaction at
the part which I had just performed.
"I was taken back to the out-house, with another
serious charge hanging over my head; and the cart was every moment expected to
convey me to the county gaol. But time slipped away, and it did not arrive. At
length the constable became impatient, and talked about the impropriety of
trifling with the time of a public officer like him, adding that he didn't know
if he shouldn't write to the prime minister about it. Presently the man-servant
came in with some dinner for him — but not a bite nor a sup for me!
Neither did the constable offer me any thing. 'Here's a pretty business,' says
the servant; 'the man that was to drive you over to the county gaol has got
drunk somehow or other, and can't go; and the horse has suddenly gone dead
lame.' — ' What's to be done, then?' cried the
constable. — ' Why, you must wait till the man's sober, and the veterinary
surgeon has looked to the horse.'