As if Andy had heard the smile, he turned.
For a few moments they watched each other, wary and happy.
Andy cocked his head and whispered, “C’mere.”
“I can’t.” His voice sounded loud to his ears.
“Not to do… anything. Just come here, man.” Andy scooted up till his back was braced on the headboard.
Ruben crossed the miles between the door and the bed and stopped at the edge of the mattress. Andy’s biscuity sweetness seemed stronger here, probably embedded in the pillows by now. He sat down on the mattress, looking at the floor.
How could the power dynamic ever return to normal when it had never
been
normal?
Andy’s hand touched his back. “S’no big deal.”
“It is and you know it.”
“Doesn’t have to be.” Andy’s fingers rested warm and sturdy on his back. They didn’t stroke or clutch at him. Then they were gone.
Ruben sat breathing, ashamed of how good the faint touch felt. His heart knocked uncomfortably and his throat tightened. His hands were shaking.
Andy wasn’t just a theory or a paycheck. Improbably, hope sat propped up a yard away, smelling of warm bread, all that smooth skin fleeced with soft gold.
“I’m not making anything happen. Just chill out with me, man. Maybe we’ll be able to sleep.”
“Okay.” Ruben swung his legs onto the bed. “Feels weird.”
“Sitting in bed?”
“With my boss. Who’s a dude. When we both know—”
“Stop.”
Ruben grumbled. “I don’t know what’s supposed to happen.”
“Let’s take our time, huh. I didn’t expect any of this.”
Ruben scooted himself back across the cool sheets by inches. He expected Andy to touch him, to pat or squeeze him, but true to his word, he gave Ruben plenty of space.
My move.
His voice caught in his throat at first. “Ha—How’s your head?”
“’Kay.” Andy sounded anxious as well. “Stronger than I look.”
Ruben chuckled. “Dumber too.”
“The worst is my arms.” He raised the right for inspection.
Ruben held it gingerly. Sure enough, he could see a broad welted stripe of raw skin. He didn’t have any words that could be said aloud.
Andy sat rigid while Ruben inspected the mark with choked tenderness.
I’m crazy. I’m crazy.
The air shimmered between them, all the bright, hard possibilities catching the light like terrifying glitter. One thing to imagine, quite another to give in or give up.
Ruben stopped stroking and just squeezed the muscular forearm. “You have a boner.”
Andy raised his legs. “No.”
Ruben raised his knees as well. “Wasn’t a question. I got my own to deal with.”
They sat side by side that way, legs bent like bums on a stoop.
Finally, Andy yawned. “I think… I may try to sack out. That okay?” He yawned again, and ended on a smiling sigh. “Feels good to have you here. Closer.”
Ruben nodded. “Me too. I mean, yeah. That’s good.”
I’m crazy about him.
Andy leaned in and for once Ruben didn’t feel like he needed to pull back. The fresh-baked warmth of Andy settled his heart. “Ruben? Uh. Thanks.”
Ruben rolled over, bringing him another four inches closer. His knee grazed Andy’s solid leg. “Thank you, man. I’m….” He put a hand on Andy’s abdomen and they both flinched at the contact.
“Ah.” Hot under his hand, Andy’s tight belly thumped with his pulse. His stiff wood was about seven inches south and trapped inside boxers.
Ruben kept his fingers still, conscious of every faint hair on the silky skin.
Any second they were gonna cross that line.
They blinked at each other and looked at each other. In a way the room was as quiet as Central Park under the trees, the two of them keeping pace and slippery with sweat in the green light.
His erection didn’t help matters here. He shifted onto his stomach, where his hard-on lay trapped under his belly, hot as a fresh-fired pistol and so stiff that pressing it flat hurt. The bread smell was stronger with his face buried in Andy’s duvet, even facing away.
Before anything crazy happened, Ruben lifted his hand and stuck it between his pillow and the mattress. “Sorry.”
“G’night, Rube. It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay. You watch.”
“What happens?” Meaning the Apex hitman thing and them both. Ruben looked at the wall for safety. No luck.
“We go out. Out-out.”
“Like a date.” That sounded excellent, actually. Crazy, stupid, and dangerous. But fun. “Maybe dinner? Hang out. Cigar.”
Andy lit up at that. “Yeah. We’re gonna date. I’m gonna date the hell out of you.”
Ruben tried and failed to hide his nerves, apparently.
Andy shook his head gently. “Nothing’s different, Rube. Not really.” He rolled toward Ruben and brought his knees up, hiding the straining bulge in his boxer’s folds.
Not that Ruben was watching or anything. “Plenty’s different.”
Andy uncrossed his arms, his blue-gray gaze gentle. “First step.”
Ruben laughed and sat up again. A strange wave of lust and hope made him feel wobbly. Maybe everything was okay. At the very least, he had a chance to find out what he felt about Andy Bauer.
Andy exhaled and squinted. “Nice to meet you, Ruben. I’m Andy.” He held out a hand.
Ruben took it and shook it.
See? Simple.
“Same.” He didn’t let go of the strong hand.
Andy squeezed his fingers. “So far so good.” He leaned closer, until his heat bounced off Ruben’s chest. “I like you a lot.”
Ruben frowned. “Yeah? I wish I was smarter or richer or younger, but I’m not.” Facing Andy put them exactly eye to eye.
“I don’t. I don’t wish anything.”
Ruben swallowed, superconscious of his nearly dry boxers and all his other bare parts. Powerless and nowhere to hide.
Andy swayed closer, closer, as if asking permission.
Ruben gave a small nod and Andy erased the space between them. The lips pressed to Ruben’s were firm and sweet. The faint stubble grazed his.
A man. I’m kissing a man.
Andy whimpered and wrapped one hot arm around his bare back, mashing their fronts together, boner to boner, which felt even better. A little too good, actually—
Ruben broke free, hyperventilating. “Okay. Okay-okay. Hang on.”
They stared at each other, chests rising and falling like they’d sprinted at each other. Ruben’s lips buzzed like they’d been burnt.
Andy’s cool eyes glittered wickedly. He wiped his wet mouth. “Sorry. I been wondering about that myself.”
Ruben nodded, dumb with lust. His rigid cock tented his damp boxers till he held it back against him with a hand.
I don’t care if he’s crooked, long as he’s not straight.
“Now I know.”
Slowly, Ruben leaned in, leaned in, leaned—
Brrrrp
. The house phone trilled—the front desk calling.
Someone must have heard the ruckus. Someone may have called the cops. Someone was gonna come back and finish the job.
Their eyes met and wrestled in midair. Lies and secrecy led nowhere good.
Ruben shook his head, but Andy was already moving toward the handset.
“Yello?” Andy sounded breathless. “No, no. We’re good. Nah, nothing like that. They just got carried away.” Even battered, he began to take control, and the calm mastery crept back into his voice. “My security’s here.”
Says you.
Ruben had the oddest sense of standing on a ledge a half mile above Park Avenue, no wings and no way down. The pitch black only made it easier for him to imagine jumping toward the lights like a dumb animal. He knew what a mistake felt like. He knew what needed to happen. He knew what Andy wanted and had no idea what it would cost either of them.
Sure enough, as Andy talked to his doorman he ambled back toward the bed and stroked Ruben’s hair. The firm pressure of his fingers made Ruben close his eyes in treacherous pleasure. Then he was hanging up and back on the bed.
“Think you can sleep?”
Ruben was worried, exhausted, and so happy his heart wouldn’t stop chugging in his chest. He nodded before he found his voice. “Y-yeah. If you think it’s okay”
“I trust you.”
Ruben snorted. “If I have a wet dream, you’re in big trouble.”
Andy laughed. “I’m a gambler.”
“No shit.” A few minutes later, Ruben got to watch him fall asleep. Ruben lay still and counted all his blessings stretched out on the bed beside him.
Ruben felt too anxious to sleep and too excited to care. The stakes had gotten too high. Blind and stupid didn’t begin to cover it, to stick around fighting shadows that fought back. If AA had taught him anything, to take any kind of step, you had to put your foot down.
Ruben knew this was a mistake.
Money. Revenge. Blackmail. Kidnapping. Assault.
The first thing, the best thing he could do was hail a cab to JFK right now and fly his ass back to Miami and stay in the drunk tank for a week.
The last thing he needed was to stay in this fancy cage throwing pebbles at dragons.
The worst thing would be to give in to his lust and Andy’s smile.
Only one thing kept him from doing the right thing.
Stupid heart.
CHAPTER TWELVE
NO BATTLE
plan survives first contact with the enemy.
Ruben’s eyes were still closed, but he could feel Andy’s warm weight on the mattress a foot away. It couldn’t be more than five o’clock in the morning, but he felt wide awake stretched out on the Pratesi sheets. He’d slept with Andy.
In his bed. In his arms.
They’d curled together so naturally. They’d shared this crazy bed without any disasters. Sexual crisis averted. They could take their time, figure things out like adults.
He had every intention of behaving himself, of sliding out and sneaking down to his room to shower and dress, but he took a breath of their blended scent, his own familiar musty scent spread over Andy’s fresh-baked sweetness. After being single so long and getting sober, the dozy closeness felt sharper than he remembered. And though it felt sexy to touch Andy like this, no freaky kink-outs had occurred that sent either of them scurrying for cover. He just wanted to look at Andy a little and then he’d go.
He turned over onto his side. Without him making the conscious decision, his hand closed over Andy’s stiffness through the boxers. He didn’t pull it, but he couldn’t help exploring. He gave it slow, rhythmic squeezes from blunt crown to scratchy base, weighing the heft and the heat of it.
Andy’s breathing didn’t change, but his cock went from hard to rigid. One long vein swelled into an urgent pulsing seam up its side. The head seemed especially sensitive.
Mouth dry, Ruben plucked at the underside, feeling sneaky and exhilarated at his own boldness at stealing pleasure from someone so unexpected, so beautiful. His heart thudded with a terrible certainty he refused to analyze.
Andy’s breathing shifted, and his trim hips shifted slightly against the clasp of Ruben’s arm, the press of his abdomen.
Ruben stroked the hard ridge of Andy’s knob, but lightly, lightly in the ring of his thumb and index finger. He used the inside of his rough knuckle to pet the damp swell there, and Andy’s erection lost all flexibility.
Andy squirmed a little in the dark. His head tipped on the pillow. He’d be awake any minute.
Thief.
Ruben kept his deep breaths steady and as quiet as he could. His broad boner had pushed above the waistband of his shorts, and he could feel the oily slip of his foreskin rolling back and forth, back and forth by millimeters. Holding Andy, touching Andy, wanting Andy felt so right he couldn’t remember why he was supposed to want anything else.
Andy’s hushed voice startled him. “Oso. You woke up.”
In the light spill from the street, Ruben could see shapes, and at certain angles a little color. He didn’t want Andy to turn on the light yet. The dark felt safe, sexy. Any second that lamp would snap on, and they’d have to be sensible.
Andy shifted onto his back, and in tandem, Ruben rolled onto his side, resting one leg over Andy’s, stopping him from reaching for the nightstand.
Andy’s breath caught.
Line crossed.
Ruben left his leg there, letting them both get used to the contact. It felt so good that he just tried to keep his breath steady and enjoy the hard body trapped under his thigh. Maybe they’d simply fall asleep.
Right.
Andy exhaled and fell still.
Their muscle and bone settled together by degrees, their bodies shifting subtly to accommodate each other. The fused strength, weight, and friction felt too right to put a price on. For the first time in his life, Ruben understood exactly what greed meant: a need so painful that it made the cost irrelevant, any price tag nonsensical. And not knowing the price, Ruben had no plan. Whatever came next, he’d take it and pay for it.
“Too warm?”
Andy grunted in the negative, breathing faster. “Not so far.” His head was cradled by the down pillow about eight inches away.
Ruben closed his eyes and then realized that the broad helmet of his cock was snugged against Andy’s hip. Lying together felt so perfect he hadn’t noticed at first.
Andy had. He didn’t speak, but his heart was going like anything. He began to sweat, and his glute flexed once under the jabbing pressure.
Ruben could feel the dampness against his boxers as his foreskin rolled back. His exposed knob was always hypersensitive to the lightest contact.
Andy sounded nervous. “Is that—?”
Ruben whispered. “Yeah.” Grunt.
Andy inhaled sharply. Even in the dark, he had looked tan against the white sheets, but now Ruben’s dark hand turned that skin to ivory. Andy’s erection jerked twice inside his shorts.
Over and over Ruben closed and opened his fingers lightly, stroking Andy’s abdomen with the broad tips as if digging deeper into dry sand.
Shaky breath. “Rube.”
Andy’s hot skin made him an offer that led somewhere he couldn’t imagine properly. Heaven help him, he couldn’t say no to it.
Ruben glanced down at the tented shorts, silhouetted by the light from outside. “You got a similar problem, boss.” He rested his palm on Andy’s stomach very carefully.