Authors: Keith Hoare
“We do, General, and you can be assured your orders for Karen and that of Staff Headquarters, will be followed implicitly.”
“There is one more thing before we go and eat, this is need to know and ends with you. Karen is not a serving officer, she is a civilian, and has been conscripted into the army under a temporary order signed by the Secretary of Defence. Chief of Staff has sanctioned a rank to ensure she commands respect from any soldier. In law Karen is in the army, but without basic training as she has not come through the ranks, she is though, subject to all army regulations.”
The Colonel frowned. “Didn’t you mention Karen has come from a combat situation recently, was she mixed up somehow in the operation as a civilian then?”
“That is correct, although Karen has had some basic military training, in an enthusiast’s group, and she is also trained in self-defence, besides, I understand, holds a brown belt. But you should always remember, Colonel, we are in unknown territory. All the reports and analysis point to a girl who has been found to be very capable under pressure. But I’ve been warned by experts that under certain circumstances she could be extremely dangerous and has already killed. Now Karen’s moving to the next level to receive training in close combat techniques. This will give her the knowledge not only to disarm, but have the ability to kill an opponent with little difficulty. So you can understand why we are monitoring her mental state?”
“I see, Karen must be very important to you to make such elaborate plans for her? But I’m glad that you have made me aware, General, the officers would have sussed her out very quickly, just by general questions of where she’s been and what she’s done. Now I will control that situation and ensure she does not have those sort of questions asked of her.”
“You are correct Colonel, Karen is very important, but didn’t you say dinner was ready to be served?”
The dinner, as far as Karen was concerned, was the best she’d ever eaten. She’d been placed alongside the General, at his request, to indicate to all the officers her importance. Although as far as anyone in the room was concerned, to arrive with a General from London, had already set her status. After the dinner the General had Karen walk him to the car.
“Remember, Karen,” he said, out of earshot of anyone. “Any problems, doubts; call me. We appreciate all you’ve done so far and wouldn’t think badly if you found you’d taken on more than you can cope with.”
“I will, General, I won’t let you down and I will see it through.”
“I know you will, Karen.”
He took her hand and shook it hard. “Good luck, remember, I’m always available to talk, we’ll meet just before the operation.”
Later, Karen lay quietly in her bed. She’d stopped, since yesterday, using the tablets the doctor had given her, deciding if she kept on with them, apart from her reflexes being slow, she’d not feel alert or in control of her own mind. She was very aware that to go through the rigorous training schedule the General had shown her, she would need to be very switched on and not suppressed with drugs. However, Karen hadn’t really appreciated just why the doctor had given her the tablets and already she was wide awake, unable to sleep. Her mind was beginning to play tricks. She was back in the room at Saeed’s. He was banging his baseball bat on the table, demanding she get up and follow him. But she was chained up and couldn’t follow. Karen was in a panic, terrified of him using the bat and injuring her. Then she had to go to the brothel. She was sweating, struggling to bring herself back to reality. Then she was running, she could hear troops shouting. Faces of the dead kept coming and going in front of her, the sound of shots, their screams. She put her hands to her head, she wanted to scream at them herself, tell them to go away. But much as she tried to shout she couldn’t. Karen screwed her eyes up, she felt sick, her head was still spinning. Then she began falling, falling, then suddenly she was back in her room; all the sounds left were the steady ticking of her bedside clock, the steady hum of an extractor fan out in the passageway. Her night clothes were soaking, tears running down her face. Karen got up, making her way down the passage to the bathroom, her legs felt heavy, every step an effort. Her body wouldn’t stop shaking. She sat on the toilet for a time, before going to a sink to throw water on her face. Her mind was empty, engulfed with a feeling of loneliness, fear of the future. Leaning against the wall she slowly slipped down until she was sitting on the floor, her knees up against her chest, her head buried. She began to cry uncontrollably. How long she was there she’d no idea. It was so cold, her body still shivering, she went back to her bed. In minutes she fell asleep, finally the visions, the nightmares had gone and she could rest.
The next moment Karen was being shaken. “Come on sleepy, it’s time you were up.”
Karen opened her eyes, Shelly, a girl who had the bedroom alongside her, who she’d met in the toilet area last night was standing there grinning.
“What time is it?” Karen mumbled, just wanting to close her eyes again.
“Five forty-five. The roll call is at six, breakfast after initial workout at seven then everyone joins their own group.”
Dragging herself up she went into the bathroom and showered before coming out, with a towel wrapped round her body, and going back to her room. But the clothes she’d put out had disappeared. She looked round, then in the small wardrobe, but everything had gone.
“Who’s pinched my clothes?” Karen shouted up the passage, but no one replied.
The six girls in the barracks were now coming out of their rooms, many grinning as Karen stood there still in her towel.
“Oh come on, it’s my first day, I’ll be late,” Karen begged.
They all laughed and left the barracks as the bell sounded. Shelly hung behind and pointed to a door further down but never said anything.
“You’re late, Lieutenant, take twenty,” the
Sergeant shouted at Karen, as she ran across to join the others.
“Excuse me I was sorting out my clothes,” Karen answered, not wanting to tell tales that the other girls had hidden them.
Everyone looked at her, the Sergeant grinned. “Answering back gives another five.”
Shelly sensed Karen was about to object. She pushed her gently, her voice low. “For fuck’s sake, just do the twenty-five and don’t say another word or you’ll be doing fatigues on your first bloody day.”
Karen did as Shelly asked and easily finished twenty-five push-ups. However, immediately after she had to join the others who were already in what was a hard and gruelling workout for a solid forty minutes. Then they were all dismissed for breakfast. Karen left them to collect a jacket from her room, promising to join Shelly in the mess.
As Karen left the group, a corporal caught up with Shelly putting his arm round her shoulder. “So, Shelly, who’s the chick and where’s she been hiding all my life?” he asked.
“Your so-called chick is a Lieutenant, Stubs, attached to Special Services so I’d keep away from her, they like to keep their ‘chicks’ to themselves.”
“Oops, good job I didn’t do my usual, in your face, chat up line on her then.”
Shelly laughed. “You’re right there, Stubs, but I’ll try to introduce you later if you want me to?”
He shook his head. “Thanks, but no, there’s no way I’m going up rank to find a chick.”
Following breakfast the Staff Sergeant collected her and she was taken to a small office. Another man was standing there waiting, dressed all in white.
“This is your fitness instructor, Lieutenant, you will report to him after breakfast every morning for the first five days in the gym. You will wear your tracksuit over shorts and top. You will also need a towel. It’s his job to bring your fitness up to scratch. I will be putting together your itinerary for specific afternoon training this morning and after lunch we will go over it and show you where you should be at any given time. Have you any questions?”
“I have an appointment with the medical team this morning, Sergeant.”
“Yes we know that, your fitness instructor will collect you in two hours and he’ll take you to the gym facility. Can you make sure you have your gym clothes with you so as not to waste time?”
“I will Sergeant.”
Karen left them and after picking up her sports bag and dressed only in tracksuit she made her way to the medical centre. A girl on the desk showed her into a room, the doctor was sat behind a desk looking through a folder. He offered his hand then asked her to take a seat.
“A lot of our meetings will be informal, so do you object to me calling you Karen?” he asked.
“No that’s fine with me, Doctor.”
“Well, Karen, first on the agenda is a full medical. The nurse will be doing the majority of the tests and I will be monitoring at all times. I’d like to get it over as quickly as I can so that you and I can talk for a short time.” He pressed a button on the desk and a nurse came in. “Can you take the Lieutenant to the medical room and begin the tests, Nurse.”
For the next hour Karen was prodded and pulled, placed on a walker, with monitors attached to her, followed by taking blood and saliva tests. Finally with a paper cup full of sweet tea she was back with the doctor. She’d given him the bottle that contained the tablets she’d been taking.
“I stopped them just before I came here,” she told him.
“So how do you feel now?” he asked.
“A little light-headed as if I’m here but not. I also shake at times for no reason. Last night was bad; I ended up in the toilets on the floor crying uncontrollably. But I didn’t know why.”
“That’s understandable, Karen, these pills are anti-depressants and very strong. You’re in detox, it’s like a drug addict waiting for the next fix. Your body craving for the drug, making you feel inadequate, unable to cope without a fix. It was a very dangerous thing you did just stopping like that; you should have come for advice. Why were you taking them?”
She shrugged. “I kept getting nightmares. I’d wake at night in sweats. Basically I was unable to cope with just living.”
“Would you like to tell me how you got into such a position that you needed drugs? After all you’re a very fit girl, you’re heart’s strong, your lungs clear and you don’t seem to be suffering any obvious illness.”
Karen looked at him. “I’m not sure if I’m allowed to tell you anything. Is what I tell you confidential?”
“Anything you tell me is absolutely confidential, Karen, I can promise you that. To help you through whatever the problem is I need to understand what’s going on inside your head. I’ll make notes, but they won’t go on your record, they’re just for me to refer to. The instructions I have from General Ross are to monitor your physical and mental state on a daily basis. But I can’t do that without knowing what’s troubling you.”
“I can understand that,” Karen replied. “I was abducted and raped. While being rescued there was a great deal of killing, some I’m afraid by me. I found myself alone and had to get out of the country without help. The whole experience took its toll. When I came out I was nervous, afraid of every shadow. It gave me nightmares as well as depression. I’m here to be trained in weapons, to understand the discipline the army runs under and to bring my fitness up.”
“Why, Karen?”
“I’m going back in.”
He shook his head in disbelief. “This is something you want to do is it?”
“No; it scares the hell out of me, but there is no one else and I’ve already had an attempt on my life since coming home. It has to be sorted one way or the other.”
He made notes and then looked up at her. “To see this ten days through, Karen, you mustn’t be on anti-depressant drugs, at the same time you need to sleep at night, we can’t have you awake for half of it. I’ll talk to the Sergeant and advise that you take the rest of the day off. You are to relax, read a book. Not alone but in public. The mind needs to be distracted so as not to allow the drug to take control of you which you’ve experienced when you were alone. Don’t take any more of the tablets your doctor gave you, but tonight you will take sleeping tablets. The point is the drug will be weakening all the time, your body will crave it, but eventually that craving will stop. Then, Karen, whatever the drug was suppressing could be back with a vengeance. Only when the final effects leave your body will you know if you can cope without tablets.”