Pep Talks (Pepper Jones #4) (6 page)

Jace

Frankie’s on his way out of our apartment when I get there. He watches me closely, trying to read my mood. If he thinks he can figure me out, he’s going to be disappointed.

“Stop looking at me like that, man,” I tell him with a lightness in my voice that softens the demand. “I’m sorry I fucked with your head today, and I’ll apologize to the team. It was family stuff. And no, I don’t fucking want to talk about it. Where are you headed?”

Frankie shakes his head, looking almost like my father does when he’s resigned to me being a punk-ass kid. I don’t appreciate it.

“Are you going to ground me or something?” I’m hoping to smooth over everything without actually addressing what went down today.

“You want me to brush this off?” Frankie doesn’t hide the hurt in his voice. He’s a little like Pepper that way. Tough but sensitive. “Why aren’t you with your girl right now?”

I step back, unprepared for that question, or its answer. I don’t know the answer and I’m certainly not going soul-searching to find it. “Is that your business?” This time my tone is not playful.

Frankie doesn’t back down. “She was shaking, man. She was really scared for you. Go make it right,” he tells me.

“I’m going to Alberto’s,” I announce, walking away from him. “You can come if you want.”

He follows me, but we don’t speak for a few blocks. “Look, dude,” I finally break the silence. “You were crazy about that girl on the soccer team last year. What was her name?”

“Lizzie,” he murmurs.

I know her name, but I want to make sure he’s with me. “Do I ask you what happened with her? Do I tell you to stop being scared and using what happened with Savannah as an excuse not to go after her? No. That’s your business, Frankie.”

Lizzie and Frankie were on the precipice of something serious when they walked in on Savannah Hawkins attempting to seduce me in my dorm room last fall. Frankie prevented Savannah from attacking Pepper that night, and Lizzie’s testimony ensured Savannah’s guilt in the criminal case. But as far as I know, Frankie stopped hooking up with Lizzie after it all went down. It wasn’t out of loyalty to me, because I made a point of telling him I was totally cool with him being with my stalker’s former soccer teammate. I’m not the most perceptive dude when it comes to people’s relationships and it was obvious even to me that Frankie wanted Lizzie bad, and he was afraid of rejection. But I didn’t call him out on it. 

Frankie throws a beefy arm over my shoulder. “I get what you’re saying, Wilder,” he says gruffly before pulling away. “But next time maybe you
should
just tell me to grow some balls, okay?”

I laugh. “Yeah, maybe I will. But that doesn’t mean you’ve got permission to tell
me
what to do.”

A couple hours later and I’ve had more shots in one night than I’ve had the entire year. Frankie’s drinking harder than usual too, but when Lizzie walks in, he switches to water, and I can practically feel the dude working up his courage next to me.

“Frankie, you don’t have to stay at my side all damn night. Grow a pair,” I finally tell him.

He’s over there talking to her a moment later, and the girl is clearly excited about it. I take some satisfaction that at least someone’s night is going well. When Veronica Finch approaches me, I’m almost happy for the target. Veronica was best friends with Savannah, and my instincts say she didn’t entirely disapprove of what Savannah did.

She feigns shyness, but I’m not fooled. “Hi Jace,” she says quietly.

I don’t respond and she twirls a stray hair around her finger, pretending like she doesn’t know what to say next. The girl has probably practiced the speech she’s about to deliver in front of the mirror a million times. It begins with, “I’m so sorry about Savannah. You know I had no idea what she was up to…” and goes on and on. It’s been nine months since her friend pleaded guilty to a handful of charges against me and Pepper, and apparently Veronica’s been lying low waiting for things to cool off before firing up for another round.

When she finishes her speech, I remain calm. I’m indifferent to her apologies, but I’m far from detached about the words I deliver. “I haven’t gone after you yet, Veronica, because you haven’t been a problem. Savannah’s gone, and whether you knew what she was doing can remain irrelevant. But only if you stay away from me.”

Veronica nods, and I can see she senses the severity of what I’m saying.

“If you do anything to Pepper, I will hear about it, and I will ruin you. If she is hurt and I have any reason at all to suspect you’re responsible, your soccer career and your life at UC will be over. So stay from me and stay away from Pepper. That’s all I’m saying.”

I don’t think I’m being at all unreasonable here. Her best friend could have killed my girlfriend. And if Veronica Finch was the slightest bit sympathetic to Savannah Hawkins’s scheme, she’s dangerous. I’ve had some eyes and ears on her, but I’m definitely ramping that up now that Pepper’s here on campus. I’m not taking any chances with her safety. Last year’s shit was out of my control, and I almost lost her because of it. That will not happen again.

Lexi called it. Coach says they’re hill sprints but this isn’t a hill. The vertical incline is far too steep to be labeled something as benign as a hill. Cliff would be more accurate. Or at least, that’s what it feels like. I’m too delirious to tell who is hungover, and besides, all of us are suffering. And we’re only halfway through.

Aside from when I got injured last year, it’s the first time I’ve ever seriously considered dropping out of a workout. My body rebels against me as Coach blows the whistle for the sixth of ten sprints. My temples throb from a massive headache. It’s not a hangover, just fatigue and stress. Or maybe it
is
a hangover, I wouldn’t know, but it seems unlikely from two beers.

The incline begins about two miles into the woods, and the trail is not well-maintained. We have to hop over several logs and rocks along the way. It’s only wide enough to go up single file, but none of us are in a hurry to pass each other. I’m pumping my arms hard, keeping my head down to avoid tripping, when I slam into Trish, who has stopped abruptly in front of me. We manage to stay on our feet, and Lexi narrowly misses crashing into me and sending all three of us to the ground. As I move forward again, I hear the distinct sound of Trish throwing up.

My best guess is that it’s from having one too many at Alberto’s, though this workout could drive anyone to puking, hungover or not.

But Trish is back at it a moment later, patting me on the back and claiming she feels a heck of a lot better now.  Each time we pass the bush she puked in on our way up, I feel my own wave of nausea hit.

I’m barely even running on the last sprint, if it can even be called that. Gran could probably walk faster as I struggle to reach the cones marking the end of the incline. None of us speak or look at each other as we jog back through the woods for our warm-down.  Coach wasn’t particularly encouraging either. He wasn’t impressed with our performance.

I wish I could have been the one to pull the team through this excruciating workout. Something inside of me is burning to prove that I am a valuable member of this team. I’ve never had to do that before. Everyone around me is fast, tough, and capable of an amazing running career. I have high school accolades, but they don’t matter here, in these woods, with these girls. I suffered just as much as the rest of my team through that workout, and I feel defeated.

When I show up at my apartment for dinner that night, Gran is surprised but overjoyed to see me. I need a break from my teammates, my concern for Jace, my uncertainty of what I mean to my new team.

I’m greeted by the familiar smell of a casserole cooking in the oven, and the feel of a wet nose at my knee when my dog, Dave, greets me. Gran’s best friend Lulu is sitting at Jace’s seat at the dinner table. Well, I think of it as Jace’s seat, because he’s sat there more than anyone else.

“You look exhausted, Salty,” Lulu exclaims. It’s her special nickname for me. A little weird, but hey, my actual name is pretty out there too.

“Bunny, get this girl a plate of that macaroni casserole. They aren’t feeding her at the college.”

Lulu is Gran’s age – well into her seventies – and her hair is a different color every time I see her. Today, it’s blue. With matching eyeshadow.

Gran plops an enormous heap of food in front of me before bombarding me with questions about classes, friends, running, and of course, Jace. I evade her questions about Jace, and I’m relieved when Lulu begins asking about the attractiveness of college boys in general.

“I sure do miss the variety. We start to outlive ‘em around now, and the selection pool gets smaller, you see.”

Gran nods in agreement. “But Lulu and me, we don’t let that stop our fun.  Boy, you can find some real hunks at the senior center these days.”

“It’s that new retirement home they built, Bunny, I’ve told you this. It’s attracting all the ranchers from the plains. And those ranchers, they’ve really kept their bodies in shape. Did you meet Wallace at the bowling alley the other night?”

“You mean the one in the cowboy hat and sweater vest?  Why, he was buying me drinks all night! He’s taking me to the steak house on Saturday,” Gran announces proudly. “I think he’s got some money, that one. He might be too refined for me, even for a cowboy.”

It’s a typical conversation between Lulu and Gran, meaning it doesn’t make much sense. For one, I didn’t know wealthy cowboys existed. For another, it seems unlikely a rancher would be named Wallace and also wear a cowboy hat with a sweater vest. But hey, what do I know?

Dinner with Gran and Lulu leaves me feeling warm and satisfied, and not just because her cooking is far superior to the food at Chapman Hall. Gran and Lulu are rolling a joint when I kiss them goodbye, and while I’m sure the rest of the night would be entertaining, I can’t hide from reality forever. 

Jace hasn’t replaced his phone yet and I haven’t had a chance to get a sense for where his head is at. So I decide to stop by his apartment. I’m not a huge fan of riding my bike at night after being the victim of a hit and run last year, but a car isn’t in the budget and the town’s simply too big to walk or run everywhere.

I find Jace sitting on the couch hunched over the coffee table, which is covered with papers. This would have been a rare sight in high school, but he’s made a point of staying on top of his homework since becoming a college student. He glances up when he hears me open the door, and the soft smile that takes over his face sends a strong rush of relief through me. His expression is radiant and I’m so happy he hasn’t shut down this piece of him. This sweet and loving side he reserves for me. I was worried it’d be a long time before I was able to bring it back.

“Hey, you,” I greet him, returning the smile. I start to sit on the couch beside him but he pulls me into his lap.

“You look beat,” he remarks, nuzzling that favorite spot underneath my ear.

“Yeah, Coach kicked our butts today at practice.”

“I miss your butt,” he rumbles, letting me know exactly what’s on his mind.

Playful Jace carries me into his room and tosses me on his bed before shutting the door behind him. He’s attentive and loving with every touch, and though he doesn’t say the words, each caress feels like an apology. He doesn’t let himself go until he’s watched me look into his eyes. The wall he threw up yesterday is gone, and he’s showing me just how deeply his emotions run. But they aren’t about him or Annie. They are about us. Me. It’s regret and tenderness in his eyes and the ferocity of it rips through me. For a brief moment I wonder if he’s trying to tell me I matter more than his mother.
We
matter more. Because I’ve always been here for him. And she hasn’t.

Jace keeps his body covering mine afterward and brushes his lips along my cheeks and forehead. He doesn’t have to say anything.  He handled things badly yesterday. And he doesn’t need me to tell him I forgive him. Wrong or right, I can’t help but forgive him.

“Are you hungry?” he asks.

“Actually, I’m craving brownies. Gran and Lulu were talking about baking some when I left.”

“You were at Shadow Lane?” Jace refers to my home with Gran as the street that we both grew up on. I like that he does that. It means that our home is the same place, in a way.

“Yeah, I had dinner there.”

Jace nods. “I didn’t make it to Chapman. Stayed late working out to make up for yesterday.”

“You haven’t eaten?”

“Course I have. There’s no way I was doing my homework hungry.” Jace grins and raises a dark eyebrow. “You, on the other hand, I will do hungry, tired, sick…”

I shove him and he rolls over, pretending to fall off the bed before pulling on a pair of sweatpants. “Brownies, huh? Let’s hit up the Union. It’s open late and they’ve got burgers
and
brownies.”

“Burgers? I thought you said you ate dinner already?” I search around the floor for my clothes and Jace finds them first, taking pleasure in helping me get dressed.

“That was my first dinner. Come on, Pep, you didn’t meet me yesterday. I’m a two-dinner guy.”

He finishes dressing me and I tease him about being like a hobbit with his multiple daily meals as we make our way out the door. This time when I cross the quad, my fingers intertwined with Jace’s, I’m at peace.  The loneliness and homesickness that assaulted me on this walk last night has disappeared as quickly as it arrived. The reality is that Jace is a piece of my home, and when things aren’t right with him, it doesn’t matter whether I’m in my hometown, I’ll still feel off. Even in the warmth of Gran’s kitchen, my heart and mind remain unsettled without him. This truth doesn’t frighten me like it once might have. It just is. And perhaps I’m okay with it because I know it’s the same truth for Jace too.

When we get to the Union, it’s packed with students. I’ve only passed through here a couple of times, and I’ve never seen it so crowded. We order food at the counter and as we search for a spot to sit, my eyes land on Gina, who is alone at a high table in a far corner. The small round top is piled with food, and Gina’s eyes are glued to an open book in her lap as she shoves French fries in her mouth. If Lexi was afraid Gina’s dieting was too extreme, she doesn’t need to worry. Of course, binge eating is a well-known element of some eating disorders too, but Lexi didn’t express any concern with that. Gina is intent on reading her book, and her mindless munching makes me think she isn’t as preoccupied with her diet as Lexi believes.

I’m hit with an unexpected wave of hunger when Jace grabs his burger from the counter and I catch a whiff of the wonderful smell of onion rings. It occurs to me that Gina probably just eats more meals at the Union instead of Chapman Hall because the food is better here.

Gina isn’t sending out sociable vibes, and there aren’t any open tables. But it doesn’t take long before someone calls Jace’s name, and a couple of empty chairs are pulled up to a busy table. I recognize most of the guys as Jace’s teammates and I’m not surprised to find each of them with a plate of food. Several girls are at the table as well, but they aren’t eating and I get the distinct impression they are football player groupies. It’s the way they watch the guys at the table so eagerly, not to mention their provocative outfits, which are designed to send a certain message.

The captain, Dimitri Johnson, grins at us as we take our seats. “Wilder, you’re going to have to start bringing Pepper here around more now that she’s a college girl.”

“Yeah man, are we going to see more of you outside practice now?” another asks before turning to me. “What do you think? Are you going to get this guy to party with us more?”

I shrug, a little uncomfortable. “I’m not his boss, just his girlfriend.”

The guys think this is hilarious and Jace shakes his head before biting into his burger.

“She sure didn’t have much control over him last night,” a platinum blonde sitting beside Dimitri speaks up, and the laughter dies down. “Unless you guys have some kind of open relationship.” The lightness in her tone is in direct contrast with the vicious words coming out of her mouth. 

For a brief second, I’m inclined to reply with a snide comment and then forget her words. I’ve learned that girls can be mean and jealous when it comes to Jace Wilder, and that I can’t take what they say seriously. But I know what happened to him yesterday. I saw how he shut down emotionally. A distinct coldness washes through me and I vaguely recognize it as panic. Is there any truth to what she’s implying? Was the apology in his touch earlier meant for more than being MIA yesterday?

“All right, Dani, if you’re going to be a stuck-up bitch, get out of here.” Dimitri’s voice slices through the silence and I watch him practically shove her out of her chair. I’m startled by his harshness, though the way she tosses her hair behind her and smirks in my direction tells me she isn’t sorry. 

The awkwardness in her wake is palpable. No one knows what to say. Jace is a leader on his team and if he tries to defend himself from that comment in front of his teammates, he’ll look weak. I’m certainly not about to confront him with an audience watching.

I don’t know where to look and I’m staring at my brownie when a hand squeezes my shoulder. “Yo, Pepper, you and Harding made the smart choice turning it in early last night, huh?” Brax Hilton asks, oblivious to the tension at the table.

I swing my head toward him, grateful for the distraction. That is, until I sense Jace’s body going rigid beside me, and the implication of Brax’s question hits me.

“Yeah, I’m glad he gave me a ride home,” I say, attempting to clarify any misunderstanding that could be taken from the question. “You guys who went out to Alberto’s last night were suffering today at the hill sprints, huh?”

I don’t mention that I didn’t get any sleep either, and was probably just as poorly off.

“Dude, Coach always seems to pull that shit after the worst nights. He must take one look at us and know we’re hungover.”

I latch onto this welcome subject change. “I think Zeb still smelled like tequila.”

Brax laughs. “Man, you’re right.” He takes in the rest of the people at the table then, but he’s not intimidated. “No way Coach is doing that to us two days in a row though, so if you want to party tonight, go for it.”

“Thanks for that, Brax, but I’m good.”

He shrugs and waves before heading off, and it’s only a moment before Jace finishes inhaling his meal and is hurrying us out of the Union.