I sit with some of the other girls on
the midwest Regional team at breakfast the next morning.
“You are so lucky to be on the same team as Ryan Harding,” one girl tells me. “He’s so hot.”
The other girls at the table watch Ryan, who is talking to his dad across the room. “He’s super nice too,” another adds dreamily.
“I think he has a girlfriend. Or he did last year. She was following him around the whole time before and after his race,” another girl, who apparently raced at Nationals last year, says with a bit of disdain.
The girls glance at me, waiting for confirmation. “Oh, um, yeah I met her. Katie. She’s his ex-girlfriend now.”
“Oh, he’s coming over!” someone says excitedly.
I glance up and Ryan smiles at me. He says hi to everyone at the table and then crouches down next to me. “Morning,” he says softly.
“Morning.” I smile, remembering his sweet goodnight kiss.
“How’d you sleep?” he asks.
“Took me awhile to fall asleep, but it was okay.”
“Same.” He glances at the girls at our table, apparently deciding we don’t have enough privacy to continue the conversation.
“I’m going to sit with some guys over there,” he nods towards a table with guys from our regional team. “Let me know when you’re ready to head out.” He kisses me on the cheek before heading to the breakfast table.
When I glance up, the expressions on the girls’ faces remind me of the day that Jace kissed my head in the school cafeteria. I shrug. “We’re together.”
The girls groan, embarrassed by their earlier comments. “Then you’re even luckier than I thought!”
I smile proudly. “Yeah, he’s a really good guy.”
I try to ignore the way they blatantly check him out. Ryan really does have a great body, especially for those of us who appreciate distance running.
Gran calls me to wish me luck during breakfast, and I’m surprised to get another text message from Jace this early on Saturday morning telling me he knows I’ll be awesome. I feel guilty that it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy to know how much he cares.
Ryan takes my hand when we walk through the lobby towards the rental car. “All the girls were talking about you at breakfast this morning before they realized I was your girlfriend,” I tease him. “I better watch out, you’ve got a lot of admirers.”
Ryan laughs. “Pepper, if I told you what guys think of you. . . it’s me who needs to watch out, believe me.” He shakes his head, amused.
My phone beeps every several minutes on the way to the course with good luck messages from everyone on the team. Ryan’s is buzzing as well and we laugh when we realize we’re getting the same texts. I’m surprised when I get one from Wesley though.
“Why is everyone up so early on a Saturday morning anyway?” I ask Ryan.
“There’s going to be a live streaming video online, you know that, right?”
“What? Really! Dang, I should have had Jace set it up for Gran so she could watch. Bummer.”
“I’m sure if you called to ask him, he’d do it. ” I don’t doubt Jace would head right over to our place, but I need to focus on the race right now, and not worry about who’s watching it.
When we get to the park where the race is held, my stomach is in knots. I’ve never raced this course. My teammates aren’t here. Gran’s not here. Ryan puts an arm around my shoulder.
“Hey, don’t look so worried. You’re going to do great.”
Easy for him to say. He’s done this before. On this same course. And it’s practically his hometown.
I’m trying to ease my nerves enough to get my number pinned to my singlet without stabbing myself when I hear a familiar voice say, “Can I help you with that?”
I look up at mischievous green eyes. I can’t contain the squeal that comes out of my mouth. “Jace!” I jump into his arms, wrapping my arms and legs around him like a monkey. He stumbles back.
“Whoa, Pepper! I’m happy to see you too.” His voice is muffled in my hair as he hugs me back.
It’s not like it’s been a long time since I’ve seen him. Less than a day. It’s just that he’s here, in San Diego, to watch me run at Nationals! With Jace’s football and baseball schedules, he rarely gets to see me race.
He puts me down. “What are you doing here!?” I exclaim.
He raises an eyebrow. “I’m here for you, of course.”
“You flew all the way here to watch me race?”
“I did. Technically, I’m on an official recruiting trip to USD, so they paid for the flight.”
“Oh.” It would stink if he went to USD. Too far away.
“But between you and me,” Jace leans down to speak in my ear. “I’m going to sign for CU.”
I slap him on the arm. “That’s not very nice, Jace. Taking advantage of recruiting trips.”
He shrugs. “They don’t care.”
“So how did you get here from USD?”
“A friend from football camp is at USD and he let me borrow his car.”
I feel an arm around me and glance up at Ryan. I realize how close I was standing to Jace and I step back.
“Hey, man. This is a surprise, huh?” Ryan asks. He hasn’t shown much jealousy up to his point but his voice is unnaturally tight.
“Yeah, I couldn’t miss it.”
“Oh! I dropped the pins when you got here, let me find them.” I avoid the awkward moment and get down on my knees to look for the safety pins I dropped in the grass.
“Here, let me help you out.” Jace takes them from me and holds the bottom of my singlet as he pins it up for me. His movements force Ryan to take a step back, dropping his arm from me.
“Ryan, hi!” Katie bounces up to him and wraps him in her arms. Jace glances up at her for a moment and then back at me.
“Ex-girlfriend,” I tell him.
Jace doesn’t say anything while he continues to adjust my number, and I’m really thankful he doesn’t check her out. Ryan glances as me while Katie fawns over him. When we make eye contact, the irony of the situation dawns on me. What is happening here?
I blink and break eye contact with him. Now is not the time to think of it. I feel a twinge of guilt that Jace’s presence will mess with Ryan’s focus, but it immediately disappears when I realize his ex-girlfriend’s surprise visit does the same thing to me.
“I’ve gotta warm up, Jace,” I tell him when he finishes pinning the number to my jersey.
“Go do your thing. I’ll be here.” He gives me another hug.
“Warm up with me?” I ask Ryan.
“Sure.”
As we head off, I hear Katie introducing herself to Jace. He’s here for me, but Jace won’t turn down an opportunity to flirt with a hot girl. I just hope that’s all he does.
***
Coach told me that some girls might take off at a crazy pace and try to break away from the get go. He was right. Two girls sprint ahead like it’s a one mile race instead of 3.1. I know the girls at this race are supposedly the fastest in the nation, but there’s no way they’ll maintain that pace.
I settle in with the main pack. The pace is definitely faster than I’m used to. I can see Jace out of the corner of my eye, and it gives me confidence that I belong in this race. Earlier today, my main goal was not to embarrass myself. Now, I want to kick ass. I want Jace to be proud of me. I want to make it worth his trip to watch this.
We catch and pass the two girls who broke away by mile two. Coach told me that if I felt good at this point, I should go for it. But this pace is quick, and I don’t think I can pick it up. Listening to the labored breathing of the four other girls still running in the lead with me, I know I’m not the only one hurting.
A tall girl in the lead group wearing a Northeast Regional singlet starts to push the pace, and I sense the other girls dropping off. I recognize her from the photo in
Running Fast Magazine
. It’s Jessica Lillis, the girl who got second last year and is expected to win. I follow her lead when she pulls ahead, even though my lungs and legs are already screaming. I’ve never raced this hard. There’s still half a mile to go and I already feel the same way I typically feel in the last one hundred meters.
I can hear Coach yelling something at me from the sidelines, but everything around me is a blur. All I can see is Jessica’s braid swinging in front of me as she sets the pace. There’s screaming and noises all around me but I can’t process it.
Until I hear Jace’s voice. It’s brief, only for a second, as I pass by where he’s standing. “Stay with her, Pep! You got this!”
I repeat it in my head like a mantra. Stay with her. Stay with her. Stay with her.
My legs hurt. My chest hurts. I want to ease up, not press harder. Second place would be awesome. I’d be happy with second place. That’s what my body is telling me. It wants me to drop back.
Then I hear Ryan’s voice. “Take her, Pepper! Pass her!” I can do this.
I move to the side to look ahead. I think I can see the finish line. It’s probably four hundred meters away. That’s only one lap around the track. It’s nothing. I can do this.
Pass her. Pass her. Pass her. I chant in my head. But I’m pushing as hard as I can and I’m right next to her. Stride for stride. She’s not slowing down. Isn’t she tired? Why can’t she slow down?
Then I see Jace. Right next to the finish line. How did he get there so fast? He’s yelling but I can’t hear him. There are too many other people yelling. I can see him though, and the expression on his face urges me forward. He really wants me to win. He wants me to beat this girl. I dig deep. Deeper than I ever have before.
My vision blurs and I start to see dots dancing in front of me but I keep pushing, digging, pressing forward. I don’t even know if Jessica’s in front of me, beside me, or behind me anymore. When I feel my body pass through a ribbon, I know I’ve reached the finish. I blink several times, and try not to collapse. No need to be dramatic here. I can stay on my feet. I look around.
Jessica is next to me. I don’t know which of us won, but I know I should hug her to congratulate her for a good race. I must be delirious. Why am I hugging a sweaty stranger?
I stumble away from the finish line, a volunteer pointing me in the right direction to get past the barriers. “Congratulations!” I hear over and over. People are patting me on the back.
I snap out of it when I see Jace with a huge grin on his face. He wraps me in a hug. “Holy shit, Pepper! That was incredible!” He lifts me off the ground and swings me around. “You’re the national champion!”
So I
did
win!
***
The feeling of euphoria doesn’t fade when Katie smothers Ryan after he wins the boys’ race. It doesn’t fade when Jace has to head back to USD later that afternoon. Euphoria last through the night, on the plane ride home, and when our teammates meet us at the airport. And maybe it is the feeling of euphoria that helps me face the truth. It’s not until I’m lying in bed late on Sunday night that I make the decision to break up with Ryan.
And as soon as I make the decision, I know I can’t dwell on it. I need to talk to him. I send him a quick text message.
You still up?
Can’t sleep. What’s up?
Can I come pick you up?
Ryan calls me. “Is everything okay?” He asks.
“Yes, of course. Sorry. I can’t sleep either. I want to see you.” I almost say, I want to talk to you, but I don’t want to get a break-up conversation started over the phone.