Phenomenal X (29 page)

That answer seems to appease him, because he smiles before he leaves us. Mr. Silverman never smiles, so it takes me back a bit. That man is always so fucking serious.

I squeeze Anna in my arms. “This is great news. Now you can be in my corner every match and get paid for it.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Really? That’s a dream job.”

I sigh. “It is, until they want you to do something physical. That’s where I’m going to draw the line, beautiful. I won’t have you getting hurt on my watch. If they ask you to do that, I want you to quit.”

She nods. “Okay, but I’ll still be able to come with you backstage, right?”

“Of course, but you won’t be able to go ringside any longer.”

“Seems fair.”

I can’t believe, for the first time in my life, things are actually working out in my favor. I have a career I love, and the woman I adore at my side. Life can’t get any fucking sweeter.

Anna and I walk into the hotel holding hands. I like that we are always touching. It’s nice to feel so connected to her.

A small crowd of about ten people loiter in the lobby. No matter where we go, fans are tipped off as to where we’re staying, Not that I’m complaining. Fans coming to shows and buying shirts with my face on them go toward my paycheck, so I have no problem giving them a few minutes of my day.

The crowd swarms us instantly, and I begin posing for pictures and signing autographs. Anna steps back and allows the fans to have their moment with me. A small boy around the age of ten sits in a wheelchair, wearing a baseball cap with my stage name across it.

I kneel down beside him and take the poster and marker he’s holding. “What’s your name, little man?”

“Xavier!” he giggles. “Just like you.”

The short, curvy brunette wearing glasses nudges his arm. “It is not, Johnny.” Her eyes flick to mine. “Sorry. You’re his hero, and he always wants to be just like you.”

I smile and wink at the kid. “Johnny’s a pretty awesome name too.”

“You think so?” Johnny’s eyes gleam with excited.

“I do. Here you go.” I hand him back his things with my autograph.

“Thank you so much, Mr. Cold. This will mean so much to him. Ever since his mother died, he’s really locked himself into a shell. The only time he’s happy is when he’s watching you on TV,” the woman with him tells me.

My lips pull into a tight line. I wish I had some encouraging words to tell the kid, like the pain gets easier with time, but then I’d be a fucking liar and I don’t want to do that. So I give a very generic response.

“Happy to help.” I wave to the rest of the crowd. “I have to get going. Nice to meet you all.”

Panic sets in when I don’t spot Anna right away. My eyes scan the lobby for her, and I quickly spot her talking to an older Latino man in the corner of the room.

I flex my fingers as I stalk toward them. I don’t allow anyone to bother Anna.

She doesn’t see me when I step up behind her, but the man glowers over her shoulder at me. Pops better pipe down and wipe that expression off his face, before I do it for him.

“Is
he
why you ran away from home?” The man’s lip curls up. “This is so unlike you, Anna.”

Oh shit. This is her father—the father who she says hates her.

My entire body stiffens. Father or not, I won’t allow him to lay a finger on her again.

Anna glances back at me then returns her gaze to her father. “You don’t know anything about me, or what I want.”

“You’re my daughter, I know what’s best for you.” He grabs her elbow. “Jorge said he’ll take you back. When we get back you can fix things between the two of you.”

Without thinking, I shove his hand off her.

“Don’t fucking touch her,” I growl. “I saw what you did when you laid your hands on her last time. You will not put another goddamn bruise on her again.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “I don’t like your tone, or what you’re implying. I’ll have you know I’m a Christian man. I only inflict physical punishment when necessary. It’s my right as her father.”

My nostrils flair, and my blood boils beneath my skin. “That’s fucking bullshit. Going to church does not justify beating another person. You’ll never get another chance to touch Anna, I fucking promise you that.”

Her father has the same look in his eye that most men do when I threaten them.

Fear
.

I lift my chin and stare down at him, letting him know he’s not taking her anywhere.

Her father shakes his head and points at me. “This? You left your entire family for him? This tattooed punk.”

His words don’t bother me. I’ve been called far worse in my life.

“Don’t talk about him like that,” Anna fires back.

“The man’s a low-life. He will do nothing but destroy your life.” He grabs her arm again and rage fills me.

Before I can shove him off her again, Anna yanks her arm away. “I love him, and I’m not leaving with you.”

My breath catches at the same time as her father drops his mouth in shock.

She loves me? How is that fucking possible? The only person I ever loved in my life—the person I would have done anything for—used my love against me.

I can’t go through that again.

I won’t go through that again.

It’s wrong for her to love me. I don’t deserve it. She doesn’t deserve what loving someone like me will do to her.

Her father’s right. I will destroy her.

But I refuse to allow him to take her. He could hurt her, and I promised that I wouldn’t allow anyone to do that.

I stiffen next to her.

“You can’t possibly love him. You haven’t known him long enough.” Her father stares at her through narrowed eyes. “If you don’t come home with me right now, forget about ever coming back.”

Anna folds her arms over her chest. “Consider it already forgotten.”

“Unbelievable,” he mutters to himself. “You’ll regret this, Anna, when he doesn’t want you anymore.”

Her father doesn’t say another word before he pivots on his heel and storms toward the exit.

Anna stands with her back to me and takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry about that. He’s angry with me, and he took it out on you. I’m sorry for the hurtful things he said.”

I grip her shoulders and pull her back against my chest as I kiss the top of her head. “I’ve got pretty thick skin, beautiful. I’ll admit what you said shocked the hell out of me, though.”

She turns in my arms so she can peer up at me. “I know that wasn’t the best way for you to find out how I feel about you, but I couldn’t help telling him how much you mean to me.”

“Anna…I—” She shoves her fingers against my lips, effectively cutting me off.

“Don’t,” she says. “You don’t have to say anything. I know it probably scares you that I love you. It scares me too, but I can’t help the way I feel. So, please, don’t shut this down yet.”

I swallow hard. In only a couple of weeks this girl knows me pretty well. I should tell her that her father was right, and that she should’ve listened to me when I warned her off when we first met, but damn if I don’t want to. I’m a selfish bastard, and I’m not ready to give up what I feel when I’m around her. From the very beginning I’ve relished being surrounded by the goodness that’s in her, and now that I know she loves me, the monster inside me that craves that emotion will never allow me to let her go, even if that’s what’s best for her.

She removes her fingers and presses a soft kiss against my lips.

“Take me upstairs.”

I nod and grab her hand, unable to deny her sweet request, because more than anything else, I need to feel her against me. I need to know she’s
real
. I’ve never deserved love—my grandmother made sure to pound that into my thick skull—and I most certainly don’t deserve Anna’s, but by God I’m going to fucking take it and hold onto it as long as I can.

Because I know she’s the only person in the world who’s ever felt this way about me.

The front door opens and closes. I hold my breath as I lie in the corner of the living room on the hardwood floor, beneath the one blanket that Grandmother gave me to sleep with.

Mom stumbles in and locks the door behind her. She stares up the steps like she’s debating on whether or not she can make it to the top without falling. Today is the fourth day she has been gone, and her coming back now means she’s either out of money, or the drug source she found for the last few days has run dry.

Mom grips the railing of the step and sighs before she shoves herself away and heads my direction.

She plops down on the couch and rubs her face. The soft glow of the streetlights outside slip through the curtains and illuminate her face. Her hair is matted and there’s dirt all over her face. I don’t know where she’s been but from the looks of her, she’s been living hard outside somewhere. Leaves cling to the flannel shirt she’s wearing, and her blue eyes appear lost and tired.

She blinks slowly a few times before she pivots on the couch and makes eye contact with me.

“Xavier? Baby, why are you sleeping on the floor?” she questions with a slight gravel in her voice, like she’s nearly lost her voice.

I clutch the blanket against my chest. “Grandmother told me to sleep here until you got home.”

She raises her hand slowly like it’s taking a lot of effort and then pats the cushion next to her. “That’s silly. You come up here and sleep with me.”

“Mama, I’m eight now. I’m big. We won’t both fit,” I say, wishing that we could.

“Don’t be silly,” she says in that dreamy tone she always has when she’s high. “Come snuggle with your mama. I’ve missed you.”

I push my body up and drag my blanket along with me. I sit next to my mother before she pulls me down with her as she covers us up with the blanket. She smells of vomit, body odor, and cigarette smoke, but I don’t care. She’s my safe haven, and the only person in this world I love.

“Xavier, promise me you’ll always be at this house. I want to always be able to find you here,” Mama whispers as she strokes my hair.

I close my eyes, relishing in the moment. “I’ll wait here forever for you, Mama.”

She pats my head. “That’s my good boy. I love you.”

For the first time in a long time, I feel peace wash over me. Maybe tomorrow will be the day she decides to stop living life on the edge and clean herself up.

Nothing would be better than that.

Sleep comes easy because tonight, unlike most nights, I’m completely relaxed, feeling safe in her arms.

I don’t move an inch all night, and the sound of birds chirping outside wakes me. For a moment I forget where I am. I’m not used to sleeping on something soft—my bed is always on the floor—and I don’t remember sleeping with something cold beside me.

My eyes pop open, and my breath catches in my chest as I find myself still wrapped in my mama’s arms.

Her cold, lifeless arms.

I freeze and panic engulfs me.

“No. No. No.” I shake my head and nudge her. “Mama? Mama, please!”

If Grandmother finds out that I allowed this to happen to her, she’ll kill me.

I sit up and shake her. “Come on, wake up.”

My mind flashes to something I saw on television once, and I quickly press my lips to her chilled ones. I blow a puff of air into her mouth, but nothing seems to be happening, so I try again.

Tears flow down my cheeks.

This can’t be real. The one person I love in this world can’t be gone.

I refuse to give up. I’ll keep putting air into her as long as it takes.

The next thing I know I’m being jerked back by the hair on my head.

“Get back, you little beast! Look what you’ve done!” Grandmother wails.

She falls to her knees beside the couch and throws herself across mama’s body and sobs. “Gina. My sweet, Gina. Why did you allow a demon inside you?”

I attempt to slink off the couch. Maybe if I can hide somewhere good, she won’t hit me today.

The cushion underneath me moves a bit and the couch creaks. Grandmother’s eyes flash to me, and they narrow instantly.

“You! You did this to my baby!”

For an older woman she’s fast. She jumps to her feet and wraps her hands around my neck, squeezing hard.