Julian nodded briskly. "I do."
There was an unasked question in his gaze, a question that Devon couldn't answer. Julian knew that he had to take care of the bodies, but Devon had no idea how to take care of Cassie right now.
Devon
stared out at the spiraling snow as it filtered onto the blacktop and cars parked within the hotel lot. He dropped the thick curtains into place and effectively blocked out any sun. He turned back toward Cassie. She was curled up on her side, her hands beneath her head as she stared into space.
He was grateful that everyone had left them alone, for now. Julian had called to say that everything had been taken care of, but even he had stayed away. Devon moved over to the bed and sat down beside her. He brushed the hair away from her face as he caressed her cheek.
He didn't know what to do to help, and he was growing increasingly terrified that he was losing her. "Cassie, you have to talk to me." Her eyes became a deeper shade of purple. "I can't lose you Cass; you have to stay with me." His fingers lingered on her silken cheek as he wiped her tears away.
"What if I'm not me anymore?" she whispered.
"Cassie..."
"What if the girl you fell in love with is gone? What if she doesn't exist anymore?"
"Cassie, you exist. You are different than the first time I met you, but that isn't a bad thing. People grow, they mature..."
"I'm not a person. I never was."
"At heart, in your soul, you
are
still the same. You always will be. There is nothing that can change that.
Nothing
."
"I enjoyed it."
He wasn't entirely sure he'd heard her words right until she lowered her eyelids. He twirled her hair around his finger as he pondered how best to phrase his next words. "It wasn't a human Cassie."
"At one time it was more human than I have ever been."
"What is inside of you, what is inside of all of us, is dark Cassie. It's dangerous, and it takes what it wants, and what it wants most is blood and death. It makes the whole world seem like a much better place when the blood is filling you, when it's healing the hunger and frustration that resides in all of us.
"Trust me Cassie I know, we
all
know how it feels. Even Liam and Annabelle tussle with what is inside of them. Annabelle slaughtered half a dozen cows before she was finally able to regain control of herself. By the time Liam was changed, Annabelle and I had enough restraint over ourselves to teach him how to maintain himself. Julian is struggling with not killing humans, and he's had centuries to learn how to keep his baser instincts under control in order to ensure his survival. Just as you will learn to control it better, and you
will
learn Cassie. This is partly my fault."
Her eyes fluttered up to his as she shook her head. "No Devon, I..."
"Yes Cassie," he interrupted as he pulled her chin up so that she had to look at him. "You were adjusting so well, you've only had a few brief instants of instability. You've exhibited so much control that I forgot that you
are
still new, still uncertain, and confused. I forgot that you don't understand what is going on inside of you."
He relaxed a little as her hand rested on his thigh. It was the first time she'd touched him since they had come back here, and he hadn't realized just how much he craved that touch, until now. "What is inside of me Devon? What am I becoming?"
"A demon, a monster, it's been labeled so many things before, but it is definitely darkness. A darkness that is only ever completely satisfied when it's killing. A darkness that you
can
fight just as you have helped me to fight it. I will teach you how to control it, how to keep it at bay. Feeding well, and on a regular basis helps with this, as does age and maturity. It will come in time Cass, I promise."
"I have plenty of that."
He smiled down at her. "Yes, you do. We both do."
"What if I can't control it though? What if it's like the powers and just rips out of me at certain times? What if I become one of the worst monsters to hunt this earth like Matthew saw?"
"You could never be that Cassie."
"No one knows what I could be now."
"
I
know,"
he retorted more fiercely than he'd intended. "You are the best part of me, and no matter what your doubts are,
I
know what you truly are Cassie. And that is good. We may not know, or understand everything that you are capable of but with time we
will
teach you how to control it."
Her forehead furrowed as she stared at the wall. "If something happened to you, I would be uncontrollable," she muttered.
He started in surprise. "Cass..."
"Don't deny it Devon. I saw you when you thought that I was dead. You were crazed with fury and grief. You would have destroyed anyone in front of you, anyone you could get your hands on. No matter who it was. If something happened to you I would be the same way. Liam and Annabelle would be the same way if something happened to one of them."
"Yes," he agreed. "If a mate is lost..."
"Then so is the other," she finished.
He ran his fingers through her hair as he thought over her words. The vision Matthew had seen could very well be the direct result of his destruction. The Elder's were still a threat to all of them, and if something happened to him Cassie would explode. What she could do after that was something he didn't even care to imagine.
He felt no concern over his own safety at this realization, only her own. Just as he knew that she no longer feared Matthew's vision because of what she was in it. Her love for him was absolute and as pure as his was for her. He had felt it through the sharing of their blood, and the cementing of their bond. She would no more survive his loss than he would survive hers.
"The others are afraid of me."
He couldn't lie to her. "Yes."
"But not Julian."
"No."
"And not you."
"Never me."
She managed a listless smile as she cuddled closer to him. Her eyes drifted closed, he could feel her exhaustion, yet she still fought against it. He understood that she didn't wish to lose one second with him, but she had to take care of herself. He shifted her so that he could lie down beside her. Pulling her against him, he rubbed her shoulders and back as she cuddled against him. She continued to struggle against sleep, but eventually exhaustion finally took her under.
***
Cassie blinked dazedly as she took in her surroundings. She was fleetingly baffled by the strange nightstand beside her. Then, the events of the night crashed back over her. She had been so peaceful, so happy, and even somewhat buzzed in the restaurant. It had felt amazing to be normal, surrounded by her friends and people once more. It had all unraveled so fast, all spiraled rapidly out of control and into hell.
The worst part had been her realization about Matthew's vision. Even when she'd been draining the vampire she hadn't felt anywhere near the level of destruction radiating out of her that she'd seen in Matthew's premonition. She
knew
now that level of wrath had come from somewhere else, and the only thing that could have inspired it was the loss of Devon.
She shuddered at the thought, a bubble of anger and protection welled up at just the thought of such a thing happening. But if what Matthew had seen wasn't stopped, then it was quite possible that this small bubble would become something far more. It could
not
happen, no matter what she had to do, she could
not
allow Matthew's vision to come true.
She would do whatever it took to ensure that, even if it meant losing more of herself to the darkness creeping through her. She had to learn more about her abilities, had to learn what she was capable of, and she
had
to get more of them. She had yet to acquire Dani, Joey, Annabelle, and Liam's powers. She would have to make sure that she did so soon.
Cassie had been so absorbed in her thoughts, and the new plans swarming through her mind, that she hadn't realized Devon was no longer in the room. She scurried across the room and threw the door open. It crashed loudly against the wall and bounced back at her. Chris and Julian's mouths dropped as their heads snapped toward her. Chris stepped away from the hotel wall, but Julian remained leaning against the rail with an amused quirk to his full mouth.
"Bad dream princess?" he drawled.
Cassie frowned at him before turning to Chris. "You ok?" he asked.
Cassie looked past him for Devon but he was nowhere to be seen. "Yes. What are you guys doing?"
Julian raised a bottle of tequila and swirled the gold liquid around. "Want some?"
Cassie frowned at him as she shook her head. "No."
"You sure princess, it will help to calm you down." She planted her hands on her hips. "Take a little of the edge off."
"Is that what you're doing? Taking the edge off?" she retorted.
He grinned at her as he took a deep swallow. "Why do you think I went for tequila?"
"Julian," Chris said in a low, warning voice. Julian shrugged as he took another gulp. He drained almost a quarter of the bottle before dropping it back to his side and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Cassie's nose wrinkled as she caught a whiff of the pungent scent of the tequila.
"Where are the others? Where is Devon?" Cassie demanded.
"They have gone to make sure there are no other vampires stalking this sleepy town," Julian answered.
"By themselves?" she squeaked.
"They'll be fine, there are enough of them, and they're a strong group."
"Why didn't they wake me?" she inquired.
"You needed your rest."
Or they just wanted to keep her out of it.
Devon
wanted to keep her out of it, she realized in dismay. "I can handle this," she said forcefully.
"Of course you can princess, but you should take it easy once in awhile."
Cassie glared at Julian as he raised his bottle again. "Chris?"
His sapphire eyes were clear in the dim lights lining the walkway. "I'll go look for them," he offered. "But I think it's best that you stay here."
"Absolutely not!" She took a step forward, determined to find Devon and the others before something awful happened.
Julian rushed forward and slammed his hand against the wall before her. She took a startled step back as the resounding echo of his palm slapping the wall bounced down the walkway. His cavalier demeanor had vanished; his ice blue eyes were so ferocious that they caused a chill to race down her spine.
"You are
not
going anywhere," he told her.
It took her a moment to form words as he glared down at her. "Julian you don't understand..."
"I understand
everything
, far more than you even think."
"But Devon..."
He bent closer to her, silencing her as his nose stopped mere centimeters from hers. If either of them had possessed any breath they would be inhaling each other's now, and she was fairly certain she would end up drunk. "Devon will be fine princess."
"Stop calling me princess!" she retorted as she fought the childish impulse to kick him in the shin. "You don't know that he'll be fine. You don't have any idea what it is going on!"
Julian tried to use his far larger size to intimidate her as he pressed closer. Cassie squared her shoulders as he tried to push her back another step. "I know exactly what is going on. I know what you think Matthew's vision means, and I think that you may be right. I also know that Devon told me to make sure you stay here and I plan on doing exactly that."
Cassie's mouth parted, she gazed imploringly up at him as he continued to hover over her. "Why?"
"You know why princess."
Cassie strived to keep control of the sorrow swelling within her. "I won't harm anyone else."
Julian grasped hold of her chin to force her gaze back to his. "We would all like to believe that Cass, but Devon is right you
are
a new vampire and therefore more unpredictable. You are doing really well, but we had all forgotten what you are, and we
cannot
afford to do so again. If it's a human that you go after next time, it will be more difficult to cover up. You should lay low until you have control over yourself."
"But the vision? Devon?"
"We'll worry about that later Cassie."
"What if it happens now, while I'm not with him, or
because
I'm not with him?" she whispered. "Why didn't he stay here?"
"Because Devon's ability is stronger than mine, and they need him out there."
Anger coursed up to bury the vulnerable feeling trying to swallow her. She was strong; she would be more powerful than all of them if she could learn how to draw on that power. "I can force you out of my way."
Julian leaned even closer to her, but this time she didn't back away from the press of his body. "You probably could princess, but you know as well as I do that you won't."
"Do I?" she demanded as her hands fisted at her sides.
"Yes, you do. Because if you do that there will be no turning back. If you do that then you will know that Matthew's vision had nothing to do with Devon, or any of us, and
everything
to do with you."
Her anger fizzled much like a popped balloon as she hopelessly gazed up at him. "But Devon..."
"Will be fine. You want some of that tequila now?"
Cassie turned away from him to study the shadows dancing across the parking lot. Devon was out there, he was vulnerable, and there was nothing that she could do to help him. Cassie whipped back around and grabbed the bottle of tequila dangling from Julian's fingertips. Tilting it back, she eagerly gulped down the contents of the bottle. Her eyes watered as the liquor burned all the way down but she didn't stop until the bottle was empty.
"We have to come up with a plan," she said.
Chris and Julian studied her before they both nodded in agreement.