Picking Up the Pieces (23 page)

             
“Stop staring at me,” I snapped at him, though my lips quirked into a half smile.

             
“I can’t. You’re like a unicorn. I thought this one had no shame,” he said as he jerked a thumb in Amanda’s direction, “but you’re on a whole new level.”

             
“As thrilled as I am to be a mythical creature, I’d like to move on now.”

             
“I can’t. It’s like I’m a little kid who’s met their hero. That’s it! You’re my sexual hero.”

             
I shook my head as we got off the escalator.

             
“If I bought you a cape, would you wear it?”

             
I thought for a moment before enthusiastically nodding my head.
Who am I to turn down a cape?
I’d been so preoccupied by Kyle’s adoration that it took me a minute before I realized where we were. “Do we have tickets in a suite?”

             
Shane turned his head slightly to answer me as he kept walking. “Yeah. I got them from Tyler at the gym. His law firm has season tickets up here.”

             
“Why’d he give them to
you
?” My tone was more condescending
than I’d intended, so I tried to backpedal. “I mean . . . I didn’t mean that in a bad way. Just . . . God, never mind. I’m an ass.”

Shane laughed his easy-going laugh.
“Well, you’re definitely right about being an ass. I know this is hard for you girls to believe, but some people actually
appreciate
what I do for them at the gym.”

“Fools,” Amanda quipped as she scanned the signs for our
suite number. “Here we are.”

We opened the door and stepped into awesomeness.
There was a waitress there who I instantly decided was put on this earth to make me happy. “Can I get you guys anything before the game starts?” she asked us warmly.

“You guys want a beer?” Shane asked, to which he received a resounding “Hell yes.”

As Claudia, as her name tag read, walked off to get our drinks, I leaned forward and rested my forearms on the railing. “Where are the baskets?”

“Baskets?
What are you talking about?” Kyle asked.

His reply reminded me of the last hockey game I had attended. I had met Adam at one of the Swift Middle School games and he had tried to explain the game to me.
We had been having a lot of fun, until Max slipped up and called me “doll” in front of Adam and I had then lied and told Adam I loved him to cover my ass.
Ah, memories.
“Shouldn’t there be baskets that the guys throw the balls in?”

I saw Amanda smirk in my peripheral vision.
It was true that I knew next to nothing about hockey, but even
she
knew that I wasn’t
this
dumb.

“Are you for real right now?” Shane added.
I could see in his face that he suddenly regretted letting Amanda choose who came with them to the game.

“Do I have the wrong sport?
Is there a goal post instead?”

             
The boys stared at me in disbelief.

             
Then the players emerged onto the ice and I clapped excitedly “Ooh, look. They have ice skates.”

             
“How are you friends with her?” Kyle asked Amanda.

             
“What do you mean?” I asked, feigning offense. “I was just your sexual hero five minutes ago.”

             
“I’m seriously reconsidering giving you that honor right now.”

             
“Lily, you really didn’t know they wore skates in hockey?” Shane’s tone reflected one he may use with his niece Mackenzie.

             
Finally, Amanda threw her arms up in exasperation. “Guys, really? She spent the better part of six months fucking a professional hockey player. Do you really think she didn’t pick up
anything
during that time? Morons.”

             
“You always ruin all of my fun,” I whispered to her.

             
“I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s a wonder they’re able to dress themselves.”

             
The game passed quickly and before I knew it, I was hugging Claudia for making all of my food and beverage needs come true.
I may be a tad drunk.

             
We walked out into the mezzanine and toward the escalators. My eyes registered a commotion off to the left and I innocently turned my attention in that direction.
Fuck, shit, motherfucking whore.
As if sensing me, his blue eyes shifted and locked on mine, effectively depleting all of the oxygen in the room and causing all of the people between us to fade into the backdrop.
What the hell is he doing here? And why is he holding a microphone?

             
Amanda followed my gaze. “Oh, you’ve got to be shittin’ me.”

             
“What’s wrong?” Shane asked, concern lacing his words.

             
“You’ll see. It’s heading this way,” Amanda said, a little too amused for my liking.

             
I whirled my head away from her and back toward where Max had been standing. Only he wasn’t standing there anymore. He was on the move . . . right for us. I took him in as he took deliberate, confident steps. He was wearing a white dress shirt, the top two buttons undone, sleeves rolled up, coupled with gray slacks.
God really outdid himself when he created Max.
I shook my head softly, needing to wipe those thoughts from it. I had to sober up. Fast.

             
Max sidled up to us and stuffed his hands in his pockets, making him look even hotter, which I didn’t think was even possible. “Hey, Lily.” A genuine, but tentative smile overtook his lips.

             
Ugh, this is bad.
Not only was our meeting like this awkward in light of how we left things, but I was also fairly certain Adam would have a coronary when he found out.
Maybe I just won’t tell him.
Though I knew I couldn’t go down that road again. It starts with one simple white lie and ends with me spread eagle in Max’s bed.
Ha, in your dreams.
Wait. What the hell was I thinking?
Please rein in drunk Lily, please rein in drunk Lily,
I chanted over and over in my head until I realized everyone was staring at me. Oh, shit. I was supposed to be responding. “Hi, Max. What are you doing here?”
Very smooth.

             
Max raked a hand through his hair and looked back toward the camera crew he left behind. “Uh, I kind of, work here. Well, not work here yet. I’m doing a couple of guest spots at home games, interviewing the crowd, offering analysis, things like that. Hopefully it’ll become permanent soon.”

             
I watched Max intently as he spoke. There was something different about him. He looked almost . . . peaceful. “That’s great, Max,” I said sincerely. “I really hope it works out for you.”

             
Max and I stood there and stared at one another, getting lost in the moment like only Max and I could.

             
“Ahem.” Amanda successfully pulled me out of my daydream, or whatever you’d call it.

             
“Sorry. Max, you remember Amanda?”

             
He nodded and extended his hand. “How ya doin’, Amanda?”

             
She offered him a small smile as I continued the introductions. “And this is Amanda’s boyfriend Shane and our friend Kyle.”

             
Max shook their hands and said to Shane, “So you’re the CrossFit trainer?”

             
I couldn’t even remember telling him this tidbit of information, so I was surprised that he’d remembered.

Shane looked like he was going to come on the spot.
“Oh, uh, yeah.” He took a deep breath as if to clear his thoughts. “Sorry, I’m just kind of awestruck. You were a great player.”

             
Max’s smile grew as I rolled my eyes. I knew all it took to get on Max’s good side was to give his ego a little stroke. Shane had probably just made a friend for life.

             
“Thanks so much,” Max responded coyly.

             
What a wanker.

             
Kyle must not have wanted to be left out of the ass kissing, because he quickly added his two cents into the conversation. “It’s the truth, man. You were a fucking force to be reckoned with on the ice. I remember when you broke that dude’s nose and jaw with one punch. Epic.”

             
Max tilted his head slightly, as if remembering a particularly fond memory. “Sal Perdone. That prick deserved everything he got. He high-sticked me throughout the entire first period.”

             
“Well you showed him,” Kyle added.

             
Max released a hearty laugh. “You’re damn right I did. So, Shane, I’m really interested in all of this CrossFit stuff. I’ve done a little research. It looks really intense.”

             
“Yeah, it’s a great total body workout. You should come in and try it sometime. We’d be excited to have ya.”

             
“That’d be awesome. You got a card or anything?”

             
“Absolutely.”

             
Amanda looked shocked. “Wow, it took me months to get your phone number, but less than ten minutes with Max and you’re giving up the digits. You whore.”

             
“Hey, when ya know, ya know,” Shane deadpanned as he handed Max his card.

             
“Great. I’ll give you a call later in the week and we’ll try to set something up.”

             
“Fantastic. Looking forward to it.”

Max turned away from me slightly, pulled out his wallet, and put Shane’s card inside.
He then turned his attention back to me. “Well, it was really good seeing you, Lily.”

“You too, Max.”

Our eyes scanned each other, both of us not wanting to make the first move. Finally, he broke down and leaned toward me, wrapping one arm around my back. I reciprocated, placing one arm around his shoulder. His masculine cologne infiltrated my nostrils and the familiarity of his embrace, as well as my tipsy state, caused me to melt into him more than I consciously meant to. We broke away from the hug both too soon and too late.

Max flashed me a boyish grin before he started back toward the cameramen, who had almost finished packing up their equipment.

“Christ, I feel like I need a cold shower after that,” Amanda stated.

I darted my eyes to her.
“Stop, it was nothing,” I chided gently.

“Whatever you say,” she sighed as she resumed our walk toward the escalator.

As I followed them, I couldn’t help but turn back for one last glance at Max. My head slowly rounded and immediately connected with Max’s eyes.
Guess I’m not the only one who can’t resist looking back.

***

The ride home was quiet as sleepiness stretched through us. Kyle walked me to the foyer door and I waved to Shane’s car before heading up to my apartment, alone. I put my hand into my coat pocket to retrieve my door key that I had stuffed there after letting myself into the building. When my hand hit a piece of paper, I withdrew it and, unfolding it, read its message. I couldn’t help the welling of emotions that coursed through me.

             
He must've slipped it to me when we’d hugged. Though the
how
wasn't all that important. It was what it had represented, with simple words but a complicated message.

Good in the place of one apology.

Goddamn those fucking coupons.

Chapter 24: Adam

Somehow, over a week had passed since Lily and I had spent any time together. And I wasn’t exactly sure how to reconcile my epic fuck-up from the last time I’d seen her. I’d claimed I was all-in, only to tell her in the next breath that I’d kept our relationship from Eva. Although it wasn’t so much that I’d
kept
it from her as it was that I just hadn’t gotten around to discussing it with her yet. I’d told Lily I was certain that Eva would take the news well. But the truth was, I’d been about as excited for
that
conversation as I’d been to tell her about the birds and the bees. That lovely chat had been a fucking blast. Saying the word ‘erection’ to your twelve-year-old daughter ranks right up there with plucking out your eyelashes one by one.

             
Despite the fact that awkward conversations seemed to have become a part of my daily repertoire lately, I just couldn’t seem to accept that having them was a part of life. But last Wednesday, after only speaking to Lily through a few short texts, it became abundantly clear that my conversation with Eva was not one I could avoid. Not if I wanted Lily to forgive me. And certainly not if I wanted her to
love
me. Which I definitely did.

             
So on Wednesday night, I decided to tell Eva that Lily and I had been seeing each other. Evidently, I repressed most of the conversation into the recesses of my memory because I’m not exactly sure what I said. I do know that I didn’t mention that we’d dated the year before. That would only complicate things and put a strain on Eva’s trust in me.

Surprisingly, it seemed I didn't completely lie to Lily: Eva
did
take the news relatively well. She respected Lily, liked her even. She seemed genuinely happy that I’d found someone I enjoyed spending time with. The conversation had been shockingly less awkward than I’d anticipated, and Eva had truly seemed okay with the situation.

But when that conversation had been followed by Eva puking her guts up for the next four days, I couldn’t help but wonder if her
illness had been at all related to thoughts of her father banging her former teacher. But as bad as the weekend had been, I’d found a strange
comfort
in it. The role of loving father was one I knew well. I could play it well with little to no effort.

The role of loving boyfriend seemed completely different, however.
As hard as I tried, life kept interfering with my relationship with Lily. I’d cancelled on her Thursday night to stay home with Eva. And though I knew she understood why I couldn’t go to the game, a part of me felt guilty for ditching her.

I felt we needed to talk about everything that had happened
, so I invited her out to lunch. I needed to be honest about why I’d led Lily to believe that I’d told Eva about us when I hadn’t. And I needed to come clean about why I’d gone to her house unannounced the night Max had come to see me. I couldn’t ignore the hypocrisy I felt knowing that I’d kept important information from Lily when I’d condemned her for doing the same to me.

This was different though.
I
had a reason for keeping things from her. I had done it to protect her feelings.

Then why did I feel so nervous about talking to her?
My foot tapped uncontrollably on the floor underneath the table as I waited for her to arrive. I’d already checked my watch at least six times since arriving at the restaurant. I knew she had her lunch break and should have been there by now.

But somehow, at the sound of the bell jingling on the door, I felt a wave of relief undulate through me.
It was like some strange variation of Pavlov’s dogs. Her presence alone set me at ease.

“Hi,” she said quietly as she took a seat across from me.
“Sorry I’m late. I had a student finishing a test.”

My hand found hers, and I ran my thumb across her skin.
The feeling soothed my nerves even more. “It’s fine. I’m just glad you came.” I thought I saw confusion in her eyes. She probably wondered why I thought she might not show up. I wasn’t so sure why I thought that myself. “It’s been a crazy few days,” I said as if that helped to explain my behavior lately. “I just had some things I thought we needed to talk about.”

“I’m guessing one of them is why you didn’t tell Eva about us.”
Her voice was flat, calm even. If she’d been angry, it didn’t show now. “How’s she feeling, by the way?”

Even though Lily clearly had a right to be angry, she still had the courtesy to ask about Eva’s health.
That only made me feel shittier. “She’s doing a lot better. Just a bad stomach virus. Thanks for asking.” I sat back to allow the waitress to put our food on the table. “I hope you don’t mind. I wanted to make sure you ate, so I ordered for us before you got here. Chicken salad’s okay, right?”

“Yeah, perfect.
Thanks.” The smile that spread across her face seemed genuine.

I hadn’t been sure if my gesture would
have been seen as thoughtful or controlling. Thankfully, she seemed to appreciate it. “Anyway,” I continued hesitantly, “I think I owe you an explanation . . . for why I didn’t tell Eva about us.”

Lily raised her eyebrows, waiting for me to explain.

“I’d planned to tell her. I just never did. I mean, I did, but not until the other day.” I shoveled a few fries into my mouth, along with a bite of my burger to give me time to gather my jumbled thoughts. Lily’s eyes remained locked on mine. I wasn’t getting out of this easily. “It’s just . . . weird. You know . . . telling your daughter that you’re sleeping with her teacher.”

"Well I hope you didn’t use the sleeping together line as an icebreaker.
I don’t think details are necessary.”

I thought I saw her crack a smile, which thankfully served to lessen the tension.
“I didn’t give her
all
the details. Or any really. I just told her we’d been dating for a little while.” I’d hoped that Lily would be relieved that I’d finally told Eva, but she looked agitated. “What? What’s wrong?” I studied Lily’s face for an answer that I didn’t find. “That’s what you wanted, right? For Eva to know?”

She shook her head, clearly disappointed.
“I wasn’t upset you didn’t tell Eva. I was upset that you told me you
did
.”

“Well, I didn’t exactly tell you I
did
. Just that I’d take care of it.” I was grasping at straws and I knew it.

“Jesus, Adam.
That’s semantics. You know what I’m saying. Lying by omission is still lying. You of all people should know that.”

 “I’m sorry. You’re right.” It was all I could think to say. “I should’ve told you.” She’d stopped eating, and I took her hand in mine as I focused my eyes on hers. I hoped she would see the remorse behind them. I was trying my best to be honest. Well, almost my best. “There’s something else,” I said quickly. “I told you I’d be truthful.”

“What?”
I could hear the fear in her voice.

“It’s not anything bad,” I blurted out, hoping to ease her nerves. I took a deep breath.
Here goes nothin’.
“That night . . . when I showed up at your apartment and you asked me what had changed . . . I said
I’d
changed. Well I left out the part where Max came to talk to me.”

“Max?”
Her voice raised as she said his name. I didn’t like hearing her say it at
all
. “Came to talk to
you
?” She shook her head and clenched her eyes as if she was trying to shake the thought of him from her brain. “Why?”

             
I figured the best option in this situation was just to be direct. “He told me he’d leave us alone.”

“What does that mean?”

“Uh . . . I’m hoping it means exactly that . . . he’ll stay out of our lives. Because, I swear if he doesn’t—” I stopped mid-sentence, trying my best to remain calm. I silently added “talking about Max Samson” to the increasingly long list of conversations I’d rather not have. Although truthfully, it had probably been at the top of that list the whole time.

“Relax, Adam.
We don’t have to talk about him,” she said, nearly reading my thoughts. She swept a stray lock of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear before grasping my hand in hers. Relief washed over me simply because she’d been the one to initiate physical contact this time.

Did that mean she forgave me for not telling Eva about us?
For not telling her Max had been the reason I’d decided to finally take our relationship to the next level? The look in her eyes told me she'd already let it all go. There was no icy stare. No intense line of questioning. I'd apologized, and she'd forgiven me. Just like that.

But it shouldn't have been just like that.
Because I knew that I had more to come clean about. More to confess: my night with Carly. Gazing at her, watching the forgiveness seep from her, I couldn't bear to ask for any more. In that moment, it was all about moving forward, and I didn't want to jeopardize that by telling her about a fling that had meant nothing. I knew what it was like to realize the person you cared about had been with someone else. And I didn't want her to feel that pain.

So I to
ok the coward's way out and remained silent in order to not doom us before we ever even began. Standing across from me, Lily radiated strength. Strength in her conviction that we could work. That we
would
work. And as I lowered my head to her neck, kissing her softly, I let her strength be enough for the both of us.

I could probably learn a thing or two from her.