No such luck.
“I came because of your mother,” he said after I’d slammed my locker.
That halted my retreat. My hand trembled against the locker as I stared at the floor, my back to my father.
“You should come see her, before it’s too late,” Lionel said. “Her health isn’t getting any better.”
“And who do we have to blame for that?” I said, whirling on him. “Besides, I thought I wasn’t welcome in your house anymore.”
“Well, I’ve changed my mind.”
“Because she asked you to. Not because you want me there.”
He pretended to adjust the cuff of his shirt.
I nodded, nearly chewing a hole in my lip. “You had my number blocked. You got a restraining order so I couldn’t come near the house. I can’t say I’m surprised by anything you do anymore, Dad.” I smeared the last word with as much sarcasm as I could, hoping it hurt him as much as I was hurting inside. But I knew it wouldn’t scratch his glass heart. Nothing did.
“That restraining order was for our protection and yours. Besides, I had it rescinded two months ago.”
I stared at him. “And you couldn’t fucking tell me? So I could see my mom before she croaks?”
“Watch your mouth!” Lionel snarled, stepping closer. “That woman gave you everything, and you took it all away from her. You had no right to see her.”
I stayed put, glaring face to face with the stranger in front of me. Raw regret and shame tore me apart inside.
“Her birthday’s coming up,” Lionel said. “And for reasons unknown to me, she’s asked specifically for you as a present.”
Tears shot to my eyes, but I held them at bay. Twenty-one years of backhands taught me never to cry in front of Lionel Thompson. “When is it?”
“You don’t know your own mother’s birthday?”
Of course I did, but my face burned anyway. The familiar guilt of stupidity, of unworthiness, rose from its grave to gobble up my shredded self-esteem up. “March twenty-third,” I whispered. “What time do you want me there?”
“Noon, sharp.” He started to walk past, his task done.
I didn’t try to stop him as he left, nor did I halt the tears that spilled onto my cheeks.
CHAPTER 14
Angel
MY READING DEVELOPMENT MIDTERM couldn’t have gone by any slower. Considering how little sleep I’d gotten this week, I was surprised I could stay awake for it. Thank God spring break was around the corner.
On the edge of exhaustion, the questions kept blurring in and out of focus as my train of thought wandered back to the almost kiss in Devin’s car for the umpteenth time. Rubbing my eyes, I finished out my answers and turned the test in, finding the class now empty. We had a full hour and a half to complete the midterm, but most of the students had trickled out before the one hour mark.
“Angela,” the teacher said, an older, attractive man with graying hair. “Could I have a word with you before you go?”
“Sure.” I finished gathering up my things and dragged myself to the front of the class room.
Mr. Lekowski sat my test down on his desk and leaned against the front of it, crossing his arms. “I’ve noticed you’ve been falling asleep in class these past few times. Now, I know you’re in college and I’m not your father, but I was wondering if there was anything I could do to help.”
I started to shake my head, automatically telling him I was fine, but instead I nodded and gave him a grateful smile. “Thanks, but it’s just been a rough week.”
“Well, if you need anything…” He reached up and rubbed my arm. “Don’t hesitate to ask.”
The way he
looked at me made my insides squirm. “Er, thanks. I will.”
I tried wriggling out of his grasp, but his grip only tightened. My heart leapt to my throat as he reeled me in and flipped me over so my back was flat against his desk.
“Just once, sweetheart,” he said huskily, sliding his hand up my skirt. “All I want to do is feel you. Ever since I saw you on the stage… Oh, God.”
Mortified my teacher had seen me practically naked, I fought to reach for my pepper spray, but my purse was just out of reach. I tried to kick him, but my legs were pinned beneath his weight.
No, no, no no.
A door opened, followed by a shocked gasp.
Mr. Lekowski snapped upright, straightening his tie with his back turned to the teacher who’d just walked in. She stared at us with open disbelief. With horror, I realized it was the Department Chair, Doctor Marshall. Her eyes flashed between us. “What’s going on?”
“Ms. Davis was concerned about
her class participation scores and wanted to inquire on some extra credit,” Lekowski said smoothly. He looked at me, his face serious, though the lustful gleam in his eyes hadn’t left. “I know you said you have class soon, so we can discuss it later in my office if you want to stop by.”
I didn’t know what to say. Should I accuse him of assault? He was a professor. Which side would Doctor Marshall believe?
One look at her face gave me all the answer I needed. Her eyes fixed on me, the disappointment on her face hitting me like a punch in the gut. She thought I had come on to
him
. She didn’t believe me, just as my elementary teachers hadn’t believed my father, an upstanding man of the community and a member of the school’s parent council, would beat me until my arms and legs turned black and blue. The feeling of abandonment set in, swelling into loneliness and panic.
Tearing u
p, I grabbed my purse and books, and tore past Lekowski and Doctor Marshall, wishing I could disappear.
IT FELT LIKE A great black cloud hung over me for the rest of the week, branding me as a whore, slut, hooker, and any other foul name in scarlet letters. With my hours at The Fox Hunt cut, I had more time to myself to study. But every time I picked up a text book, either Curtis’s or Mr. Lekowski’s voice rang in my head, making it impossible to think, let alone study.
I got drunk for the first time in a long while, so much that I had a headache when I met up with Devin for the photo
shoot the next day.
Devin was already at the art building when Tammara dropped me off.
“Have fun,” she sang as I got out.
I scowled, slamming the door shut. She’d been obnoxiously happy ever since her date with Erik.
Waving and yelling thanks, I walked up to Devin, who leaned against his car with his arms crossed. Sporting a black button-down that had been left partially open at the chest and dark jeans, he looked like a model. Even his dark hair had been styled. I stared at the piercing in his ear, then the shadow of stubble along his jawline. A pool of warmth gathered beneath my belly button, and I caught my lip between my teeth, nibbling.
“Gorgeous day, isn’t it?” he said, opening my door for me.
I smiled at him, feeling better already. “Yeah, it actually feels like spring during spring break for once.”
The sky was a cloudless deep blue, and flowers had begun waking up along the greening vegetation. Winter’s chill hung in the air, but it was only noticeable in the shade.
After shutting my door, Devin climbed in, started the engine, and pulled out of the parking lot.
“Where are we going?” I asked, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear. His camera gear rattled in the backseat.
“I thought we’d hit up a couple locations. First, the park, then some scenic areas downtown.” He smirked at me over the rim of his glasses. “I thought we’d avoid bars altogether today.”
That drew a smile out of me. “Sounds good.”
He turned on the radio, cranking the volume just enough to hear the lyrics.
I relaxed into the seat. He stole a quick glance at me, studying my posture, but didn’t say anything. “When’s your next game?” I asked, trying to make conversation.
“I got kicked off the team,” he said breezily.
My head snapped around. “What? How?”
He shrugged. “I screwed up too many times.”
I fiddled with my bag strap, trying to think of something to say to that. “My hours were cut at work.”
His brows furrowed. “Why is that?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Guess I’ve apparently made some mistakes too.”
He became quiet, staring at the road, but the corner of his lips turned up.
We pulled into the park a few minutes later. We hadn’t spoken the rest of the way, but it hadn’t been an uncomfortable silence. It was nice, just knowing he was there and I wasn’t alone.
When we got out, he immediately headed for a field covered in tall grass. “I thought we’d get some shots of you, then some of us together,” Devin said, setting his equipment down and spreading out a dark red blanket. “My professor thinks some couple shots would be a nice supplement to this collection.”
So that’s why he’s dressed up.
A sting of disappointment that he hadn’t dressed nice for me burrowed into my heart, but I brushed it off, telling myself that was silly. This was a professional relationship and nothing more. “You model?”
“I have before, yeah.” He rose and began setting his equipment up. “The ground’s not wet, but it’s still pretty cool. Can you set your things over there, out of view of the camera, and lay down on the blanket facing me, please?”
“Sure.” I did as he said and sprawled out on the blanket. Being warmer out, I’d splurged and worn my short jean skirt with cowgirl boots, nude tights, a cowboy hat, and a print button-down I’d cinched above my navel.
He peered at me through the camera, then pointed to the ground. “Hey, can you grab one of those blades of grass and do something with it?”
Plucking a strand of grass, I caught it between my teeth, twirling the end. “Like this?” I garbled.
He stared at me, not saying anything for a few seconds, then blinked a few times and ducked behind his camera again. “Yeah. That’s good. And be sure to take your glasses off.”
“Oh, right.” I pulled them off, squinting against the bright sunlight. My hangover protested, but I smoothed the tension from my features anyway.
We snapped some shots with me in various poses, then he pulled off his sunglasses, adjusted some setting on the camera, and walked over to me.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he crawled in the grass beside me. His arm brushed mine and I flinched, unable to stop it. Too close. He was too close. And yet I wanted him to be, wanted him to be right next to me while the other half wanted to run away and hide.
I wasn’t sure if he noticed my reaction, but he got up and took his shoes off, going barefoot. “I wanted to snap a few couple shots, if that’s all right?”
Swallowing the butterflies threatening to fly out of my throat, I smiled a little too widely. “Yeah. Sure. Fine. Whatever.”
“Good.” He was all business as he adjusted his position beside me. “That camera’s on a timer. In the next minute, it’ll go off, and every minute after that it will snap a shot. So we have to move fast to readjust.”
“Got it.”
He nodded. “Lay down.”
“What?”
“I want you to pretend I’m your first love.”
My face fell, and his eyes immediately narrowed. “Er, then maybe a dream guy,” he corrected. “Someone who brings you intense joy.”
Intense joy.
I stared at him, feeling the knots in my muscles unwind.
“There, that’s it,” he murmured, staring intently into my eyes.
The camera clicked, snapping that moment of eternity. I blinked, losing focus. “What’s next?”
He lay down beside me, grabbing my hand and running his thumb soothingly over the curve of my palm. “Just relax, breathe deep, and look at the sky. Think of a dream.”
I did as he said, the endless blue suddenly hurting my eyes because tears gathered there.
Snap
.
We repeated the same procedure, letting him guide me. It wasn’t until he crawled over me that my heart began to race.
Concern etched wrinkles across his youthful features. “I won’t hurt you,” he whispered, pushing a stray curl back from my face.
Chills broke out across my skin at his touch. He had both arms on either side of my head, the strands of his black hair falling past his eyes, like he was about to kiss me. Subconsciously, I brought my hands up, grasping his arms and pulling him slightly toward me.
Brown eyes burning into mine, he started to lean down when the camera snapped and the spell was broken. Blinking a few times, he grunted and got up, leaving me feeling chillier despite the sunlight spilling over my body.
“That should be enough,” he said gruffly, starting to pack his things. “We can head downtown now, maybe grab some lunch while we’re there, or an early dinner.”
I got up, feeling light-headed. “Okay.”
Everything was ready to go within five minutes
, and we were off to the short ride downtown. Being only a few blocks away from the old train station he had in mind, it took less than three minutes to get there and unload again. Parking around the square was sparse on the weekends, especially on the first warm day we’d had in months. People were out in throngs, just enjoying being outdoors, so we had to park two blocks away.