Pieces of Him (16 page)

Max~

I lay awake most of the night staring at the blades of the ceiling fan over my bed as they spun around. I told her I’d give her the night to make a decision about us, but afterward, I felt like I was climbing the walls, fighting the urge to go across the hall and drag her back here. I thought about calling her and asking her to come back to lay with me and let me hold her. I’ve been by myself for so long. Maybe with her here, my bed wouldn’t feel so fucking empty. It’s frustrating as hell because she’s so close yet so fucking far. I’ve never wanted to have more than a casual relationship, but getting older and having a child makes me look at everything differently. Having Xander makes me see that life is more than casual encounters and meaningless relationships. I think maybe Keri was trying to teach me that, but I just couldn’t see it then. I didn’t want to.

I’ve spent the vast majority of my Saturday thinking about Emelia. Thinking about what happened last night and whether or not it’s a good idea to blur those lines with her. She looked like a deer in headlights when I pinned her against the door, but once my mouth hit hers, she was just as eager as I was to explore. Letting her walk away from me last night was not easy, but I wanted to give her the space and time to think it over. I’m a handful on my own, but now, I come as part of a package. That’s a lot for anyone to handle. I just need to make sure it’s what she wants. Presumptuous of me, really … I never even asked the girl if she liked me.
Yeah, I’m fucking stupid,
I think as a knock comes on my front door. I ordered the pizza thirty minutes ago, so it’s either the delivery guy or Emelia. I leave Xander in his playpen kicking his feet and baby talking about something or another to go answer the door. I smile at the sight of Emelia standing in the doorway with a grin on her face and a pizza box in her hand.

“Delivery,” she calls and visions of all sorts of naughty delivery girl roleplaying sessions play out in my mind. I wonder if she’d be down with that kind of thing then push those thoughts out of my mind. This is Emelia, and she deserves more than my normal, dickish behavior.

“How much do I owe you?” I question with a smile.

“How much you got?” She smirks playfully at me. I wrap an arm around her waist, pull her inside, and give the door a shove.

“This the pizza I ordered?”

She nods. “The delivery guy and I got here at the same time.”

I look down at her and take in her pretty features, the look of innocence that she owns so perfectly. It works for her in a big way; it works for me too.

“You make a decision?” I waste no time cutting to the chase. I need to know where we stand, whether she’s just a girl who helps me with my son or a girl who occupies my time.

“Can I come in? Relax a little? Eat a slice of the pizza I just bought?”

“I’ll pay you for the pizza,” I tell her leaning around and dropping the box on the end table. When I come back to her, I wrap my other arm around her, pulling her up against my body so that she can feel exactly what she does to me. Her body stiffens slightly and the apples of her cheeks take on a pinkish tint. This embarrasses her and I can’t help it, but I like that too. I like the fact that her knowing I clearly want her makes her shy.

“I’m eight years older than you. I have a four-month-old son. Up until about four months ago, I only ever thought about myself, what I wanted, what I needed, what would make me happy. Now, I still think about myself, but I’m learning how to think about others too. You’re one of the people I’m learning to think about. I’ve never been in a real relationship, and I’ll probably suck at it. I can be a real asshole, and I don’t know if that will ever change. Now,” I say with a grin, “what’s your decision?”

“You want to be in a relationship with me?” she asks, and for some reason, she looks surprised by this. Like it shocks her that I would want to be with her when really I should be the one who’s shocked that she would want to be with me.

“Have you been paying attention?” I smirk at her.

“I’m definitely trying.”

I nod and my smirk becomes a full-on smile. “Do you want to be with me, Emelia?”

“Yes,” she whispers positioning her hands at the nape of my neck. Just like that. No hesitation, no games. Question asked, question answered without any of the bullshit.

“You sure?”

“Max, I’m sure.”

That’s all I need to hear from her. I give her a squeeze and move in for a kiss. I start off slowly, gentle, keeping her connected to me and letting myself explore. She wraps her arms around my neck and holds on for dear life as I intensify things; no longer going all that slow and gentle. Her soft moan against my lips makes me pull away, breaking the kiss earlier than I intended.

“We should talk about this,” she says on a breathy sigh that makes me want to kiss her again.

“First, we have pizza. Then we’ll talk.”

“Okay,” she agrees biting her lower lip. Jesus, I need to put some distance between us before I take us somewhere she might not be ready to go. My bedroom, for instance. I release her and she follows suit, letting me go and heading directly to Xander.

“Hi, handsome,” she says to him, and I watch as her entire face lights up at the sight of him. She beams at him as he kicks out his arms and legs in excitement at the sight of her. “How’s my boy?” She scoops him up and peppers him with kisses.

“I’ll get the plates,” I tell her, but she’s long since forgotten me. The kid’s lucky he’s my son, or I might not like the fact that she’d drop me in a second for him.

“Do you need any help?” she calls after she’s plopped down on the couch with Xander snuggled up to her. We both know she doesn’t really want to help me, but she’s nice enough to ask.

“I’m good,” I tell her through a chuckle, pulling out a couple of plates from the cabinet and some soda from the refrigerator before heading back to her. I set the pizza out on the coffee table along with everything else and she wastes no time in putting Xander down and grabbing a slice.

“I liked you the first time I met you,” she admits between bites of her pizza.

“Did you?” I’m kind of shocked to hear this. The very first time she saw me, I had just destroyed my apartment, and the next time, I was no better. In fact, I was worse. “I must have killed that feeling real quick.”

She laughs wiping her mouth with a napkin and nodding. “I must admit, I pretty much hated you after that.”

“I’m sorry I acted like that.”

“Don’t be sorry. I don’t know what I’d have done if I had been in your shoes.”

“It’s still no excuse. You were trying to be nice, and I threw that in your face.”

She reaches out and grabs my hand to give it a squeeze. “I think you’ve long since made it up to me, Max.”

“How?” I ask, wondering how she can actually feel that way when all along it’s been her giving to Xander and me. I don’t know how I would have gotten through the last four months without her. Would I have been able to pull it off? Yes. Probably. But not as smoothly as I have with her help. It’s been hard enough as it is; I’d hate to think what it would have been like without her.

“By being a friend, by letting me hang with you and Xander.”

“It doesn’t take much with you, does it?” I tease even though her words touch me. I’m touched that she feels spending time with us is some sort of gift.

She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t need a lot.”

“What do you need, Emelia?” I probe, needing to know. Wanting to know exactly what it is that will make her happy. If I can give it to her, I will. She stares off into space, likely thinking of what I’ve asked her, and I let her have her time.

“I guess,” she starts off, bringing her eyes back to me. “I just want someone to have my back. I want someone to think about me and what I want instead of what would suit them. I want to be a priority to someone … I don’t have to be the number one priority, I’m not that narcissistic. I just want to matter enough to someone to be more than just an afterthought.”

“None of that seems extremely difficult. I mean, I have been known to be a little bit self-absorbed in the past, but that was before I had someone else to look out for.” I tell her honestly because I want her to know I’m aware of my past behaviors and that I no longer want to be that type of person. I want her to know I’m capable of putting her at the top of my list.

“I’ve never been able to find it.”

“How many relationships have you had?” I shouldn’t have asked because I don’t want the answer to piss me off, but it will help me to know where she’s coming from and to gauge her level of experience.

“That’s just it. I’ve only had one relationship, Max, and it was shitty. But it’s not because guys haven’t tried before. It’s because I could see that they weren’t really interested in me. They just wanted whatever piece of me would suit them.”

“So you shut them down.”

“I’m the queen of the shutdown.”

“I can’t say that I don’t like knowing this about you.” She smiles at me again, trying to hide the fact she’s blushing. I lean forward putting my plate back on the table then sit back. “Let’s go back to the one relationship, though. How long of a relationship was it?”

“Off and on for about three years.”

“How long has it been off now?”

“Five months or so.”

“Are you done with him?”

“I’m done with him. He, on the other hand, doesn’t want to be done with me,” she says under her breath.

“Excuse me?” Her words spark this fucking protective feeling I have for her, and my entire body goes on alert. I would have no problem doing some things … and letting some dickhead know he needs to let Emelia go is one of them. My methods might be shady, but the end result will be favorable.

“It’s nothing. He’s just a jerk who can’t stand a bruised ego.”

“What is he doing?”

“Phone calls mostly. He showed up here once after I moved, but he hasn’t been back since. Now, he just calls from time to time and is his usual obnoxious self.”

“That’s going to end now,” I tell her. I’m trying to control the rage I’m feeling right now. This possessive fucking feeling I have for her is new to me; I don’t like how it makes me feel, and I’m going to need to do something about it.

“Max.”

“I want his number, Emelia,” I demand. I don’t need to hear anything else. All I know is that it needs to stop. I don’t want this guy thinking that he can call and harass my girl anytime he wants. I don’t want him thinking that she’s alone, that she’s unprotected.

“Max.”

“No. I’m not letting this guy harass you anymore.”

“I know, but just listen to me,” she pleads, and I have no choice but to do as she asks. “If he calls again, I promise, I promise I will tell you. But I threatened him with a restraining order the last time he called, and I’m hoping that maybe that will fire up his brain cells.”

“I don’t like this shit.”

“I understand, but I’m just asking you to give it a minute. Let’s just see if he goes away before going all caveman on him.”

I’m reluctant to agree, but I have to take into account what she wants here. I can’t be a hypocrite telling her one minute, I can give her what she needs, and then the next minute, doing the exact opposite. I’ll lose her in no time at all if I start our relationship off that way.

“Fine. But if he calls again, you tell me immediately.”

“I will.”

“Xander’s going to want to eat soon. I’m going to get his bottle.”

“Okay. I’ll get him ready,” she calls, and it’s hard to miss how easy this part is. It’s hard to miss the bond she’s developed with Xander. She’s always eager to help out where he’s concerned. I just don’t want her to feel like this is her obligation. I don’t want her to think I’m looking to pursue things with her because I’m seeking a replacement mother for him. This isn’t about that for me. She takes the bottle out of my hand when I get to her and immediately begins to feed him.

“You know. Aside from the times you babysit for me, I don’t want you to think that I expect you to automatically take care of Xander when we’re together.”

“You don’t want me to help you?” She looks hurt, almost offended.

“No. I don’t mean it like that. I just don’t want you to think that it’s expected. I want you around because I like you and want to spend time with you, not because you help with him.”