Pieces of Perfect (19 page)

His pace quickened as he watched me stroke myself, the back of my hand rubbing against his stomach.
 
We were both so close.  With heaving breaths and harsh moans, we slid against each other.  “Now,” I screamed.  “Oh, fuck, Max!  Now!"  We shook against one another, both exploding in a violent rush.  A sensual dance of mere seconds.  

I waited for my heart to relax and my breath to slow before finally climbing off of him.
 I inspected the room, picking my clothes up slowly, one by one.   I turned my head over my shoulder to look at him sprawled on the bed, content and thoroughly satisfied.  But that only served to make what I was about to say that much harder.  “That was the last time,” I uttered calmly as I made my way to the door.  As my hand gripped the handle, I stopped, seemingly speaking my next words to the door.  “This time I mean it.”

*              *              *

              Surprisingly, I wasn’t too tired when I awoke the next morning.  Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Max, who was barely alive when I knocked on his door with coffee and a cranberry muffin for him.  He opened his door and invited me in, but I wasn’t falling for that.  “Morning After Max” looked just as fuckable as he did any other time.  

“It’s 9:15, Max.  You have to be downstairs in 45 minutes.  Get in the shower.  You smell like you just took a bath in Jack Daniels.”  I hoped that despite my blunt description, he would see I cared.  “And put something in your stomach,” I added, handing him breakfast.

“Thanks,” he said, rubbing his eyes before he took the coffee.
 “Keep the muffin though.  I don’t think I can eat anything now.  I’ll meet you downstairs in a little bit.”

Shockingly enough, Max managed to get himself somewhat together and make it to the autograph signing on time.
 He did a decent job of smiling for the camera and making small talk with the press and some fans.  But by the time we got into the limo a few hours later, he was wiped out.  He sipped slowly on ginger ale and kept his sunglasses on for most of the ride.  

“Max, you should try to get some rest,” I urged, actually feeling somewhat sorry for him.
 He was clearly more hungover than I’d ever remembered being in my life.  

But Max didn’t try to sleep.
 Instead, he made an effort to talk to me. "Did you have a fun time?" he asked with a smirk.

I couldn't be sure if he was just being friendly or hitting on me again. "It was
. . . uh, interesting.  What about you?  How do you think your appearance went?"

“Would have been better if I didn’t feel like such shit.
 But I think I did okay, considering.”  He relaxed into the seat and let out an audible sigh through his nose.  “Hey,” he said, perking up a bit, “I’ve been meaning to ask you.  Have you ever been to a hockey game?”

I never considered myself a sports nut by any means, but I found it weird that I had been banging a hockey player but had never been to an actual game.
 “Not a professional one.”

“Well, we should definitely try to get to a Flyers game sometime.
 It’s what friends would do, right?  Go to a game or something?”  He grinned for what seemed like the first time all weekend.  “If you wanna start small, though, you should come to one of the games I coach.  Some of those little fuckers can actually play.”  He really had a way with words.

The rest of the ride was easy. We talked of work, spring break, and even discussed our families.
  Max was trying.  He was making a clear effort to accept our current status, and I appreciated that.  Maybe he had just needed a night to get it out of his system.  And as I exited the limo and stole one last fleeting glance at Max’s strong features and gorgeous smile, I was hoping the same was true for me.

Twenty-Six
 

             
After the trip to Atlantic City, Adam didn’t mention Max and I was grateful.  The entire trip had passed with his simple question of “How was it?” and my reply of, “Fine.  Nothing special.”  It scared me how readily the lie left my lips.  As if remorse was only necessary if the truth were uncovered.  
I was becoming a real bitch.  

              Since Adam had seemed content to pretend that Max didn’t exist, I was shocked when he asked me to go to Swift Middle School’s first hockey game.  Many of the students were going and Eva had asked Adam to take her, though she would inevitably ditch him as soon as they arrived.  Of course, the circumstances under which we would go would be delusive.  We would act like we just both happened to be there and just happened to be sitting next to each other.  But I agreed, because I thought my refusal may seem suspicious.  Also, I was clearly a glutton for punishment.  
 

             
I wasn’t sure how I felt about Adam and Max being in the same building.  Sitting there, in close proximity to the two of them may send me right over the sexual edge.  I was getting turned on just thinking about it.  
 

             
The game started at 7:00 the Friday after our Atlantic City trip.  I hadn’t spoken much to Max since Sunday and I was hoping I wouldn’t run into him tonight.  I wasn’t up for awkward conversation, especially in front of Adam.  But, my body clearly hadn’t gotten the message, because as soon as I walked into the ice rink, my eyes found him immediately.  He was on ice skates, watching his team warm up.  And though I kept moving and intentionally averting my gaze, my eyes kept darting back to him, as if they needed him as a focal point in order to clearly focus on anything else.

Adam and I agreed to meet in the stands, close to center ice.  I scanned for him

inconspicuously.
 When I finally spotted him, I drank in the sight of him in his Drexel University sweatshirt and loose fitting jeans.  
Christ, the man looked gorgeous in everything.  
I was suddenly very thankful that I had worn underwear.  I needed the extra barrier to soak up the wetness that had been steadily building to a puddle since I walked in the building. I climbed the stairs and I felt his eyes on me, watching me move toward him in his periphery.  As I reached his row, he turned fully toward me.

              “Miss Hamilton, how nice to see you.”  His mouth was serious, but his eyes were aglow with amusement.  “Would you like to sit down?”  He pointed to the open seat next to him.
 

             
I turned on my best, “I love teaching” smile.  “Mr. Carter, nice to see you as well.  Sure, I’ll sit.”  This charade made me feel ridiculous.  What were we going to talk about all night with parents and teachers all around us?  My smile faded as I sat down beside Adam, feeling ill at ease.  He slumped down lower in his chair.

              “So, how was your day?” he said in a low voice.
 

             
“It was okay.  Yours?”

              “Well, it’s definitely better now that you’re here.”  I didn’t have to look at him to know he was smiling.  His words helped defrost some of the ice that had begun to build on my nerves.  My body relaxed, and I settled more comfortably into my chair.  

              “So, how the hell do you play this game?” I asked.
 

He chuckled softly beside me. “Well, you hit that little black thing, it’s called a puck, into that big white thing, called a net.”
 

I bit on my tongue a little, crossing my arms over my chest.  I adored playful Adam.  “You forgot to explain what those stick things they all have are,” I challenged.

              “Hmm, well oddly enough, they
are
called sticks, so you got that much right.  They are used to hit the little black thing into the big white thing.”

              “Ooooh, it all makes sense now.  Thank you so much for sharing some of your sports knowledge with me, Mr. Carter.”
 

             
“My pleasure, Miss Hamilton.”  As usual, my filthy mind focused on the word
pleasure
.  I would love to share other things for his pleasure later.  Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen.  He would need to take Eva home after the game, and I thought it would probably be inappropriate to give her father a blow job while she was in the back seat.  
Excuse me, honey, do you mind closing your eyes while I tongue your dad’s balls?
 Yup, totally inappropriate.
 

             
This wasn’t the first time I had contemplated the difficulties that would exist in dating a man with a teenage
daughter.  And it wasn’t just because it interfered with my sexual depravity.  It was because of everything.  I worried what it could mean for our relationship if Eva didn’t like me.  We got along well in a student-teacher capacity, but that wasn’t a good indicator of how it would be on a more personal level.  

              I blew out a breath and repositioned myself in my seat, shifting my weight slightly.  There was no sense worrying about something that I didn’t even know was going to be an issue.  I had enough things going on that actually were issues.  The foremost being how to stop myself from stuffing my hand down my pants and relieving all of this sexual tension
I was feeling.  

              Then, as if on cue, Max skated toward me.  He must have seen me at some point
because his path was clearly directed at me.  He smiled broadly and waved.  He yelled something that was difficult to hear over the cheering throng of spectators.  But I had heard him.
 

             
“Thanks for coming, doll.”  

              As he skated back toward Swift’s bench, I felt my skin grow hot.  I knew I was blushing.  My fucking body was betraying me again, branding me a liar without my uttering a single syllable.
 
I could only hope that Adam hadn’t heard Max.  I snuck a peek at Adam out of the corner of my eye.  He sat motionless, staring straight ahead at the ice.  
He heard all right.  
 

             
I didn’t know what to do.  Did I explain that “doll” was just a pet name?  Did I pretend like he had misheard?  Did I act angry that Max would so presumptuously call me that?  Did I pretend that I hadn’t just nearly turned purple and that one of the sexiest men alive hadn’t just singled me out in a crowd of at least 100?  
Ding, ding, ding!
 

             
“So, want to place any bets on how bad the Swift kids are?” I asked jovially.

              “No, thanks.”  Adam’s reply was clipped and authoritative.  Much like how I envisioned he would be in a meeting of wealthy men trying to throw their weight around.  This was another side to Adam.  The detached businessman.  But I knew him too well, despite our short time together.  I knew that the truth always lay in his eyes.  And today, those bright green orbs were blazing.  As I contemplated the best way to proceed, I couldn’t help but wonder where my own truth lay.

*              *              *

              Adam pretended to be absorbed in the game, clapping and cheering for the Swift boys, who, to my dismay, were pretty good.  It would’ve been much more cathartic to watch them fall flat on their faces.  Much like I had.  But
Max had been right.  There was definite talent skating on the ice.  
 

             
As the buzzer sounded to mark the end of the first period, Adam rubbed his open palms on the thighs of his jeans.  “You want to get some air?” he asked me finally.
 

“Sure,” I replied.

             
We rose and I briefly wondered if we should be seen walking out of the building together.  But the people around me weren’t my primary concern.  It wasn’t
their
judgments I feared.  My anxiety grew with every step as I tried to act casual and think happy thoughts.  
Maybe he just wants to fuck me in the parking lot,
I thought hopefully.  But, ultimately, I knew better.
 

             
I followed Adam outside and around the left side of the building.  This side of the rink faced sparse woods and my mind took me back to our trip to the lake.  The trees there had witnessed a beautiful exchange between Adam and me.  I had a feeling these trees would not have the same privilege.

              Adam walked ahead of me, then turned abruptly and took two sharp steps back toward me so that we stood nearly nose to nose. “Is there something that I need to know?”  His voice was even, but there was a strain in it, like he was trying very hard not to show his anger.  And maybe something more.  His pain.
 

             
“About what, Adam?” I asked innocently.  
I’m going straight to hell.
 

             
“Come on, Lily.  I saw the way he looked at you.  Not to mention his calling you ‘doll.’  And then you got all awkward and flushed.  Just tell me the truth. Please.  Is there something going on between you two?”  

              I took a deep breath.  This was my chance.  I could come clean here and maybe salvage things with Adam.  I knew that if I lied now and he ever found out about it, that could be too much for us to overcome. I took a deep breath.
 

             
“No, Adam.  We’re just friends.  I told you that.”  And there you had it.  I had been selfish for quite some time, but now I was, to the very core of my being, a liar as well.  And I assumed that role while being stoic and resolute, letting nothing show on my face except a tinge of annoyance.  Annoyance that he hadn’t believed me when I had told him this very thing last week. I knew as well as anyone that the best defense was a good offense.  

              I crossed my arms in front of my chest and looked straight into Adam’s eyes.  Let him search all he wants.  He won’t find the truth.  I buried it too deeply, right next to my sense of right and wrong.  
 

             
“Lily, I want to believe that.  I really do.”  He dropped my eyes for a moment, as if he couldn’t face me and say what was next.   “But, I asked Eva about Max when you got back from Atlantic City.
 
 And without my even having to ask if she ever sees you two together, she told me that she sees him with you all the time.  That he comes to your classroom frequently and that you two are in the halls together all the time.  What am I supposed to think when I hear things like that?”  
 

             
He looked at me expectantly, his eyes pleading with me to make it better.  To assuage his feelings of betrayal and disappointment.  And I would, for him and for me.
 

             
“First of all," I began, my tone intentionally slow and patient, "the last time Max came to my classroom was last week when he asked me to go to Atlantic City with him.  I don't think he had been to my classroom for weeks prior to that and he hasn’t been there since.  When he first came to Swift, Principal Murdock asked me to show him around.  So, in the beginning, he did come and see me often because I was the only person he knew in the building.  Since then, however, I don’t feel that his visits have been frequent by any means.  We are friends, which you already know.  Therefore, I don’t find it odd that she has seen us walking together in the halls.  Max is in the school daily and he eats the same period lunch that I do, again, because I was who he knew from the beginning so he started eating lunch with me.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she was seeing us at this time, since the gym and my classroom are in the same general direction and we often walk that way together.” I paused, trying to gauge whether or not he was buying any of this.  Most of it was actually the truth, which made me feel little better.  Though it shouldn’t have.  I didn’t deserve for anything to make me feel better.  

But I also knew that I couldn’t lose Adam.  He was too good for me, but still, I clung to him.  I recognized that I had been weak from the very beginning when it came to Max, for reasons that I couldn’t even begin to dissect or examine.  I was drawn to Max like a moth to light, but that attraction was shallow. The moth doesn’t need the light to survive; he just finds it hard to resist.
 
But I was attracted to Adam for different, deeper reasons.  Adam was my sun.  He could help me to grow and live a life that would be fruitful.  One that I could be proud of.  I needed that.  I didn’t deserve it, but I still had to have it.  It was this thought that enabled me to justify the next lie that would leave my lips.