Piecing Together Sydney (A Sydney West Novel Book 3) (14 page)

She sniffed. “I can’t believe that will be me in a few months. I’m not ready for this. I can’t do it. It’s too much. I—”

I grabbed her left hand and squeezed it. “You’re okay. I’m here.” I leaned forward and opened the glove box, grabbing a pack of tissues, and shut it again. “Here.”

She dropped my hand and got out a tissue. “Thanks, Syd. I just don’t know when life got this—”

“Crazy? Complicated?”

She blew her nose and got out another tissue, wiping her eyes. “Yeah. How am I going to be someone’s mother?”

I touched her arm. “I wish I had some good advice, but I have no idea. Women do it though, and your baby will have an awesome aunt who knows how to party and—”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “No parties.”

I laughed until it hurt to breathe. “See, you’re going to be an amazing mother. You already helped me, and I’m worse than any kid.”

“I’ll say.”

I placed my hand on my heart. “Ouch!”

“Sorry Syd, but it’s true. You’re a wild child, but luckily you’re growing out of it and becoming someone phenomenal. You’ll know how to help all kinds of people now when you open your office. I’ll just be someone’s mom and—”

“Come on, you’re an art major. You’re going to paint when that baby finally learns to be on a schedule. The first one you finish and sign is going in my office.”

She smiled. “That would be awesome.”

We drove home, and she went upstairs to take a shower. I sat down on the couch and flipped through the channels, the only thing on was Christopher Reeve’s
Superman
movie. Today wasn’t so bad. Being with Amelia and thinking of her baby got my mind off of Jason. He still wasn’t home. I couldn’t think of him. I grabbed my laptop and looked up baby shower ideas. I was going to host the best shower for Amelia since she was such an amazing maid of honor and wedding planner. There were too many ridiculous games women played that were baby themed. After ten minutes, I had enough and went back to watching the film.

A quote by Michael Bergin ran through my mind.

I began to believe the fairytales: You know, how we're all out there looking for our magical missing half.

As a child, I believed in fairytales, until I learned they were a myth. Just stories to tell children. I moved on, until I met Jason. Then life got all twisty and thorny. My heart thawed and became too raw. He made me think fairytales could happen if you looked hard enough. Maybe, with a little luck, you could have happiness. Now I wasn’t so sure. I needed answers, and part of me was scared to ask.

It was weird to be afraid of confronting someone. I’d been so good at it that in high school people thought I’d make a good lawyer. This wasn’t the same; it was about Jason. The guy I knew for a year, but changed me more than anyone in my entire life.

Shit, I was the only person capable of driving myself insane, and I wanted to be a therapist in a few years. I needed to let go of my worries about Jason and enjoy my time with my best friend. We didn’t have much lazy time watching movies and hanging out left. Soon, everything would change again.

“Pick a movie to watch, Syd. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

“Okay.” I hit the guide button, looking for something else.
Superman
’s credits were rolling.

My dark thoughts wouldn’t let me go.

How should I prepare for a future I couldn’t picture? Everything was becoming blurry, going different ways. For once, I’d like to have things go the way they were planned in my head. Was that too much to ask for?

Jason sent me a text saying he was on his way home. Amelia wanted to stay to make sure I didn’t snap into a murderous rage and kill him. I wasn’t that stupid.

“Please, just go with Hunter. I will not do anything you wouldn’t do. We’re going to simply talk. Haven’t I changed? I’m not so crazy anymore. Am I?” I gave her the sweetest smile I could.

“Well…I guess. You didn’t even snap at the club…” She looked me up and down, as if I was hiding something from her. Damn her stare. She was nailing the mom glare already.

“So go on.” I nudged her toward the door. “Bye. Have fun!” I waved, standing by the couch, wishing Hunter would take my best friend already.

He put his hand on her lower back. “Sydney will be fine.” He glanced over at me. “Right?” His voice went up a few notches. Was he worried about me or
his
best friend?

I swallowed down my fear and happily answered, “Yup! See you later.”

Jason’s possible murder depended on whether or not he cheated on me. But I knew how to cover it up. Nothing to worry about…

They finally went out the door. I went to the window and watched them pull away. I talked Hunter into taking Amelia to Disneyland. Though she wasn’t able to ride a lot of the rides, there were still a ton of things to do there.

A piece of me wanted to go up the stairs and hide, sleep this day away and not deal with having to talk to Jason. He didn’t know that I knew he was with Lizzie yet. If he denied it, my heart was going to curl up and die.

God, please don’t let him make my worst fear come true.

To pass the time, I watched
Friends
. I wanted to go surfing, but that could distract us from the important issue on the table.

Outside, wheels crushed the gravel. Jason had to be here. I got up and sure enough I saw his Jeep parked by my car.

My heart hammered in my chest, feeling three times its normal size. It was bloated, bruised, and scarred.

I opened the door and stood there waiting for him to come up the steps. For a few seconds, I felt like the little woman waiting for her man to come home. I’d have the dinner done and the kids in bed so he could relax from a long day at work. Only he lied and left early to fuck his assistant.

I shook my head.
Don’t go down that road right now, Sydney!

Jason gave me a once over before slipping past me. “What’s up?”

I shrugged. “Nothin’. How about you?” He didn’t look like a guy who just had a fling. No, he looked more like the guy who lost everything and everyone to a house fire. His clothes were disheveled, his once lush hair looked lifeless, and his silver eyes were dull, as if all the stars were taken away, leaving only darkness.

“I’ve been better.” He looked around. “Where’s the happy couple?”

“They went to Disneyland for the day.” I shut the door and leaned against it, not wanting to be too close to him. I didn’t want to fall into the spell he could cast over me.

All my body wanted to do was jump his bones and fuck him so hard and good he would never look at another bitch again. But that wasn’t a way to solve this.

“Oh…okay.” He shoved his hands into his back pockets of his jeans. His mouth was a perfect pout.
How could I be mad at him when he looked so sad?

“Jason…I have to be honest with you…” I wrapped my arms around my torso, wishing this wasn’t happening.

His posture fell, his shoulders slacked, and his arms moved to hang at his sides as if useless. Those silver eyes I loved so much turned to black caves. “Don’t tell me you ch—”

“What!” I felt my eyes widen in horror.

How dare he think I’d cheat on him!

“The way you started and the way you’re looking at me, as if guilty. I assumed…”

I shook my head, making my hair fly around me wildly. “Fuck no, Jason. I wanted to tell you that I saw you last night with Lizzie. You two got into a car and went God knows where. Then you said you were crashing at a motel. So I think that question needs to go the other way around.”

His head dropped. He didn’t deny it. No excuse flew out of his mouth to make me feel better.

No…this can’t be happening. The one guy I gave my heart to threw me away for some slut?

My legs were wobbly and my balance betrayed me. I fell onto the floor, landing on my hip and side. “Fuck…” I muttered to myself, rubbing my sore side.

“Shit, Sydney. Are you okay?” Jason moved to help me up.

“Fine.” I waved him off. “I wanted to sit on the damn floor.” I moved myself into a sitting position, leaning back against the door. “You were saying?”

He looked down at me as if I were an alien. “I didn’t say anything…” He sat down across from me.

We were two twenty-something-year-olds sitting in the middle of the walkway and not wanting to talk. That was so “adult” of us.

Jason buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry you saw that. Lizzie wanted to talk over dinner, and then we left to get some drinks. She wanted to go to Ravenheart because she knows the bartender and he makes the best drinks. After that club I crashed at a motel nearby, but I was alone.” He peeked at me through his fingers, looking more like a five-year-old than a guy in college. “Why didn’t you confront us? I mean, last summer you freaked when my cousin was here and—”

I turned away, not caring to bare my soul to him. “I changed and decided it was best not to make a scene.

He moved closer to me. If he reached out he could easily touch me. “What were
you
doing last night?”

I fought the urge to slap him. How dare he question me like that.

“I invited you to come to Hollywood and see a band or something. You declined, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t have fun. I wanted to drink some and dance. I can hit clubs and not fuck someone, Jason.”

He clenched and unclenched his jaw. “I’m sorry. Okay?” His hands ran through his hair, making it more of a mess. “Lizzie drives me nuts. She ripped my heart out and thought after all these years she should explain it to me.”

“Over dinner and then drinks?” I raised an eyebrow, not buying it.

His fingers glided through his greasy hair again, pulling on the ends. “I know it sounds bad. She’s like a witch. Pulls you in and just…fucks with your mind. Claimed her and my old friend, Pete, had a falling out two years ago, and since then she’s been thinking of me. Saying it was a mistake and she wanted to take me out for drinks like old times, as if that made up for what she did.”

“It made me sick seeing you with someone else.” I hugged my knees to my chest. “Going out alone isn’t fun anymore without you. I even talked to Nikki and it was…there was nothing at the club for me. Then I saw you outside and—”

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose. “Wait, you saw Nikki? The same guy who’s a rocker in some band that you were with last summer? The one you took to dinner and basically—”

My head fell back against the door. I looked up at the ceiling to avoid those dark eyes tearing into my soul. “Yes, that’s the same guy, but he only wanted to talk. We shared a few words about how our year went, and I told him I was getting married. He said congrats and moved on to some chick.” I shrugged. “He wanted to be nice, even invited us to his show.”

The anger washed away as fast as it came. “Oh…okay. I believe you, Syd.” He leaned forward and touched my left knee. “We need to trust each other, or our marriage is over before it begins.”

“I know, Jason. I’m a psych major, remember? That’s in all my textbooks. I don’t understand why you’d hear anything she had to say after what she did to you. It’s not connecting in my head.”

He drew circles on my leg to avoid meeting my gaze. “Life got too intense lately. First, it was the wedding…” He looked up with eyes the size of saucers. “I don’t mean that I’m scared or anything. It’s something big to think about. We never did much planning during the semester and—”

I put my fingers to his lips, quieting him. “Baby, I know. We should’ve planned more, but I didn’t want to. That’s on me.”

He gave me a small smile. I took my hand back, wrapping a piece of hair around my fingers in a makeshift noose.

“So…on top of the wedding, my fucking MIA father returns, and now Kylie won’t text me back because I was mean to him.” He grabbed handfuls of his hair and sighed. “I still can’t believe I have a little brother, and then while I’m buying coffee, Lizzie bumps into me and wants forgiveness so there’s no bad blood between us. I thought since I talked to my father, I should talk to her too and just finish all the demons of my past. Hell, I thought she was going to lead us to Pete so the suckfest could continue.”

“How did things end?” I tried to keep my voice from cracking, but it failed on the last word.

His hands ran up my legs until his torso was basically hovering over me. He was still on his knees. They were pressed up against my legs.

“She talked and I listened. I told her I wasn’t mad anymore, that it was the past and what was done was done. She said she understood. Then she got weird and said she wanted to catch up and get to know me again.”

“Old flames…pfft,” I joked, trying to make the subject light. I didn’t have any old exes, but I did have a lot of past lovers.

Jason kissed my forehead then lowered his head so he could press his forehead to mine. “Nothing will tear us apart, Syd. I told her I was in love and getting married to the girl of my dreams. We parted ways, and I hope I never see her face again.”

My heart pinged. Why did I doubt Jason?

Because you have serious issues…

Damn that voice!

“Can we forget about the last few days and go back to being nervous and excited?” I kissed his cheek. “Can’t it just be the two of us?”

“Forever, it will only be us. I promise, Sydney. I wouldn’t know what to do without you,” he whispered into the shell of my ear.

I sealed our lips together. His tongue wanted access to my mouth, and I allowed it. It felt like forever since I made out with Jason. I pushed him back onto the floor and moved on top of him. I rubbed myself on his jeans, waking his cock.

He moved down to my throat and stopped for a heartbeat. “Should we move or do you care?”

I sat up and looked around. Perhaps having sex in the middle of the living room’s walkway wasn’t the best or most comfortable place. “We can go to the bedroom.”

He looked down his body and then up at me. “Can you maybe get off so I can get up?” He gave me a crooked grin.

My legs were on either side of him. I moved one leg and got up with the help from a wall. My legs were a bit shaky from being mad as hell, heartbroken, and then turned on.

Jason took my hand and pulled me up the stairs. I never knew having sex in a queen-size bed with the same person could be so satisfying. Before, I loved doing it in cars, bathrooms, elevators, anywhere we could get a little privacy. By no means did I want to give up the thrill of public sex, but intimacy in a bed we shared was amazing too.

The things I missed out on when I stuck to my opinions.

Those wild opinions lead you to Jason.

For once, I agreed with the voice.

As H. Jackson Brown, Jr. once said.

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.

My heart couldn’t see with the film of ice, but Jason warmed it, and finally everything made sense.

I knew that sounded sappy and like something I wouldn’t normally agree to. But maybe all those broken fragments of me joined together. Maybe I’m being pieced together in a new, better form.

Nevertheless, Jason took off his clothes and I lost mine. I pushed him into the bed first and reached over to the nightstand to get a condom. He watched me as I peeled open the package with my teeth.

“This is how I always want it to be,” Jason said, moving his arms behind his head.

I slid the condom on his member, stroking it to drive him mad. He responded with a moan and grabbed my arm, pulling me in closer. I straddled his hips, too high to tease him. Instead I bent down, making my nipples brush the hair on his chest, making them crave his touch.

“Damn, Syd. You get more beautiful every day.” He pushed back my hair to reveal my face.

I rubbed the tip of my nose against his. “You’re my favorite summer boy who got me into
my
own bed.”

His eyebrows met in confusion. “But I’m the only one—”

I shut him up with a kiss. “Yes, you are.”

His hands moved down my ribcage and scratched my back. My breasts were pressed into him. I arched my back, giving Jason the opportunity to capture one of my breasts and lick it into attention. I moaned as his mouth moved to the second one. I grabbed his chin and forced him to kiss me. I bit his bottom lip, pulling it a little with my teeth.

I kissed my way down his chest and angled myself just right. A few strokes, and he was ready. His fingers dug into my hips as I moved myself onto him. He went inside like the last piece to a puzzle.

Jason filled me up as I moved further down his shaft, and he’d grunt when I’d rock. His hips met my rhythm, and it was glorious. We knew each other’s buttons and the best spots to kiss, touch, and rub. We made love until we were out of breath.