Pinned Up (Pinned Up Trilogy) (12 page)

I sigh. I have never thought back to that day, especially with so much detail. Now, it feels as if that loathsome incident just occurred. I can smell the outdoor musty scent each boy possessed, I can taste the liquor that was poured into my mouth, and I can even savor the metallic flavor from my blood. All my senses were awakened by retelling and reliving that experience. I even said the word “rape,” I have never used that word to pertain to myself. I recreated that nightmare and still managed to survive. Slowly, I feel my spirit relax and a tremendous weight lift off my shoulders.

“Did you ever see the boy who helped you out again?” Josh asks quietly.

“Yes. When I transferred to my new school, I saw him on the first day. We didn’t speak to each other. Actually, I didn’t speak to anyone. A week passed by and one day during lunch, he sat by me, pulled out a brown paper bag, and in the form of a question said ‘cheesecake?’ I smiled, but didn’t speak. He handed me a plastic fork and we both ate the cheesecake in silence. The next day, I brought him two different flavored cheesecakes from my mom’s bakery. I handed him the container that morning and walked away without saying anything. For a whole month, we sat together during lunch in a comfortable silence. I finally broke my muteness by saying a simple ‘thank you.’ To this day, we have never spoken of that incident. Kade is my life saver in more ways than one.” I turn to Josh and smile.

I think back to how Kade respects my privacy and has never questioned me regarding that incident. Since the day I broke the silence between us, Kade and I have been inseparable. The repulsive experience I endured made me become completely closed off to people, with the exception of Kade, that is. I used to hide behind dark baggy clothes and did my best to remain inconspicuous. As I grew older, I was settled on not allowing my past to hinder my present and future any longer. I began embracing color again and shortly after, started wearing fitted clothing. During my early college years, I was determined to feel confident within my own skin and embraced the sexuality that was pinned up inside me. I resolved in not letting anything or anyone victimize me again. I was determined to be in control of my life and not feel ashamed of who I was…a survivor.

Unfortunately, the guilt I feel about keeping quiet regarding the rape and failing to hold those boys accountable for their malicious actions overwhelms me at times. I wonder if others were victimized because I failed to speak up. I pray that I was their only victim. Although I try to be strong minded, deep inside I am well aware that my past will always remind me of my insecurities, my lack of strength, and my mistakes.

“You’re such a strong and amazing lady. You managed to survive being bullied, a rape, pregnancy, and miscarriage at such a tender age. You—” I interrupt Josh.

“Please, stop. I’m a coward. I should have informed the school of the bullying I was enduring. I should have notified the police of the rape, but I couldn’t relive that experience. Others may have suffered similar situations because I was too afraid to speak up. I would be to blame for not doing something about it when I had the opportunity. I could have said something later, but I chose not to. I was too weak and frightened even though so much time had already passed by. I don’t deserve anyone’s compassion or praise.” I state with hurt set in my facial expression.

“You were just a child! How can you hold yourself responsible? You were the victim. You work with victims of sexual crimes and do your job to the best of your ability. Every day you attempt to give back those victims a sense of what you lost and that’s worthy of anyone’s respect. But, you’re trying to make up for something that wasn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself, that’s not guilt for you to carry. You need to take a good look at yourself and see all your astonishing qualities. You truly are a remarkable lady.” Josh kisses me lightly on my cheek and holds my hand. After several moments of silence, he lies down on the blanket we’re sitting on. I do the same.

I remain quiet, I’ve said more than enough.

I notice Josh grabs my phone, puts Pandora on shuffle, and increases the volume. We continue listening to music. A salsa song, “Siete Vidas” by El Gran Combo comes on. Immediately, it relaxes the tension in the air. The title of the song couldn’t be any more perfect, “seven lives” I feel I’ve experienced in my short life.

Josh abruptly gets up and brings me up with him.
What the hell?

He pulls me into an embrace and starts moving to the beat. He spins me around and does a side step, he moves forward, and backwards with just his lower body. His upper frame is in full control as he directs each spin, sharp movement, and crisp turn. I keep up. Damn, this man can dance. At that moment, I feel like the world is revolving around us.

I get caught up with the music. I feel a sense of relief and happiness that I’ve never felt before. “Oye, papi…you can move.” I say as I start giggling like a teenage girl. Josh comes to a sudden halt. His eyes stare down at me full of lust. He changes his grasp and holds me with intensity. I expect a passionate kiss, but instead, he gives me the most tender and sweetest kiss I’ve ever experienced. For the first time in my life, I feel all my barriers crumbling down.

We finish our food and continue relaxing in the picturesque park. An hour later, we return to my house to freshen up and switch vehicles. The fourth game of the World Series is this evening; we’re in a hurry to meet with Dillon, Kade, and Emme at a sports bar downtown. Even though, we’re anxious to watch the entire game, we make some intimate time for each other in the shower.

As we’re leaving the house and approaching his truck, I ask, “Are you sure you want to drive your truck? I can just call a cab. I don’t want you drinking and driving.”

“No worries, I don’t feel like drinking. Besides, I have a busy day at work tomorrow. I need to be on my A game, not hungover.” Josh states nonchalantly.

“Good, then I’ll drink for the both of us and let you take advantage of me.” I give him a sex kitten pout.

“Baby, you know just what to say to make my dick tingle.” He gives me a kiss and opens the door for me. I can’t help but have a huge beam on my face. Before I get in his truck, I walk around it. “Hey, tree hugger! This truck isn’t a hybrid. What happened to you being all about saving the environment and wearing your cape on nice and tight?”

“Sorry, baby. I’m not perfect. But, I’m glad you’re into role playing and dressing up. Awesome. I’m game!” Josh raises his eyebrows twice and gives me my favorite lazy grin that makes him look effortlessly sexy.

“You have a one track mind and very selective hearing.” I laugh and get in the truck.

We arrive at the bar just as the game is starting and find it’s incredibly packed. If our Bay Area team wins against the Tigers tonight, they’ll be the World Series champs. A lot of pressure is riding on this game. That explains the large and energetic crowd on a Sunday night. I search for Kade since he usually stands out, all I see is orange and black on everyone except one man. Is he really wearing a white Tiger’s jersey in San Francisco during the World Series? He stands out like a sore thumb, either he’s really brave or extremely stupid. He catches me looking at him and licks the rim of his beer bottle then smiles, not a nice kind of smile, but a perverted typed of smirk. Immediately, he gives me the creeps, not because he’s a Tiger’s fan, but because he has an evil vibe to him.
Ewww.

We see Kade who is waving at us from the middle of the bar. Josh holds my hand and leads us through the crowd. We reach the booth and find our friends drinking Hurricanes, clearly Kade ordered the drinks which means he’s in an extra fabulous mood, and plans to party hard. Before we sit down, Kade sees me holding hands with Josh.

“Sup guys? Where’s Dillon?” I catch myself yelling with a big grin on my face.

“Dillon went to the east coast for a last minute gig. He’ll be back next week. But, check you two lovebirds out. Are you two going steady now or what? Were you busy LIKING stuff today?” Kade laughs uncontrollably. “Cheesecake, did Josh give you his letterman’s jacket and pin you yet? Never mind, don’t answer that last part. I can tell you’ve been pinned several times today. Rawr…” Kade chuckles making his laughter contagious.

“No, we are not going steady. We haven’t even been on a date yet. Did you watch the movie,
Grease
today or something?” I ask curiously since his choice of words is a bit odd.

Josh interrupts. “We haven’t been on a date because she won’t let me take her on one. Only non-dates for us.”

“I haven’t heard you complaining.” I move away from Josh.

“That’s only because our non-dates are AMAZING!” Josh brings me closer to him, puts his arm around my shoulder, and kisses my forehead.

“Not only did I watch
Grease
, Em also made me sit through the movie,
She’s the Man
for the billionth time. I swear, I don’t know what’s wrong with you girls. Watching a movie one or two times I can understand, but seeing it countless times and saying the words along with the actors…you girls kill me every time!” Kade says with a disbelieving look.

Emme smiles at Kade. “You know how much I love torturing you. It’s the highlight of my day.” She says with an angelic smile.

“My highlight of today was seeing you drenched in sweat from trying to keep up with me at the gym. It was my payback and I enjoyed every minute of it.” Kade sneers at her.

I’m confused. “Wait. You two spent the whole day together without me and didn’t kill each other?”

Emme laughs. “I didn’t feel like going to prison today. Tomorrow being locked up for murder might not seem so bad though.” Kade puts up his hand and Emme gives him a high five.

“Babe, do you want a beer?” Josh asks.

The man licking the rim of his beer bottle comes to mind. “Ummm…No, thanks. I don’t feel like drinking anymore.”

Josh leans over and whispers in my ear, “I thought you said you were going to drink for the both of us and that you were going to let me see how flexible you can be.”

I whisper back, “Don’t worry, babe. I don’t need alcohol to be a freak in the sheets.”

He tries to contain his smile, but fails. “There you go making my dick tingle again.”

It’s the seventh inning and the score is tied. I realize I left my phone in Josh’s truck.

“Can I have your truck keys? I need to get my phone.” I explain.

“What do you need your phone for? You can use mine. Or if you want, I’ll go with you. It’s dark and I don’t want you walking out by yourself.” Josh says in a serious tone.

“Calm down. I’ll only be gone for a bit. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. I need to take pictures of us once the Giants win to post them on Instagram. I also want to tag Romo to let him know he did an awesome job.” I wink at him.

“Romo? The pitcher?” Josh asks.

“Yes, Romo. I like him.” I state nonchalantly.

“Do you like him, like him, or just like him?” He asks with no trace of humor behind his words.
Oh, my gah! Is that jealousy I sense? It’s too cute!

“I just like him.” I say shyly, but deep down inside I’m doing flips over this new found revelation.

“Good. I don’t want any other man making your panties wet. That’s my job.” He declares.

I give Josh a grave look. This is as good a time as any. Emme and Kade are involved in a serious discussion about the game. I take a deep breath and sigh. “Josh, we need to talk. You’re not the only man who makes my panties wet. Several…scratch that…more like countless men make my panties wet.” I confess.

Josh gives me an incredulous look and waits for me to continue. “I’m involved with numerous men, sometimes even a girl or two catch my attention.” I take a long pause. “Yes, they’re all in books and are fictional characters, but our relationships are real. I’m a book whore. If you see me with an open book, I suggest you don’t bother me, especially if you can tell that it’s an intense part of the story. Lord forbid you breathe loud while I’m reading…I will cut you.” My expression is humorless. There are some things in this world that you can’t take lightly; my relationship with characters is one of those things.

Kade interrupts. “Oh, God. What are you two cupcakin’ about? Whatever sweet lovey dovey crap you guys are discussing is giving me cavities.”

Josh tries to maintain a somber focus, but fails. “Nina was just informing me about her book obsession.”

“Oh, hell no! I have put up with YEARS of her fascination with books. It’s pretty sad, actually. For a while, she was head over heels in love with a sparkly vampire. If that shit isn’t gay, I don’t know what is.” Kade fakes repulsion.

“You leave Edward out of this! Don’t you talk about my first love that way!” I grab an ice cube from my water and throw it at Kade.

He completely ignores me and continues to focus his attention on Josh. “Oh, and don’t get me started on the Dom who had serious mommy issues…Fuuuuck! This girl had it bad. She used to have a heart attack whenever she saw Audi R8s, grey ties, and walked around saying, ‘Laters, baby.’ Who the fuck does that shit?” At this point, Kade is laughing so hard he has tears. “My bestie. That’s who!”