Pioneer Love: Damaged Hearts Head West: Mail Order Bride 5 Bundle (6 page)

Chapter 10

Anna was ashamed that the tears would not stop. Hour after hour she poured out her heart. Asking God what she should do and how she could have got herself into such a difficult situation. Eventually, she wiped away her tears and sat up dissected every reason there was for Ian to say what he had said. Why was he angry with her?

It did not matter she could not come up with an answer and Ryan was home now. She got up and changed her dress, washed her face and made sure that her hair was tidy and piled high on top of her head. She would not let what Ian had said bother her anymore. Nor would she let Ryan wait for her when he had said he would see her for dinner.

So, it was for this reason that she straightened her shoulders and headed down to dinner. Ian and Ryan were both in the room when she arrived. They had been talking about his travels but seeing her, Ryan stood up, abandoning the conversation. He greeted Anna with a bow and when he had helped her to sit down, he began talking to her.

She answered his questions as best she could, smiled if she needed to and made sure that she did not look at Ian. Ryan was attentive, charming and regaled her with tales of his trip. All the while Ian was being awfully quiet and so far he hadn't made a single joke all night. Anna tried to ignore it, tried to concentrate on Ryan. Laughing at his tales and smiling as much as she could. Yet all the while she could feel Ian’s eyes boring into her and she wanted to look at him, wanted to see him smile.

Ryan noticed his brother was quiet and after a while turned to Ian. For a second he just looked at him, as if he could discern the problem with just his gaze. "You're really subdued tonight, little brother,” he said at last. “Have you run out of jokes to tell or are you feeling ill?" He winked at his brother.

Ian didn't even look up to see it. "I’m just not in the mood today," he mumbled into his plate.

Ryan looked at Anna; she could feel his eyes and lifted her own from her plate. Did he know she wondered? But what was there to know? They had become friends, had enjoyed each other’s company and Ian had gotten jealous when Ryan gave her a gift.

"Ian, is something the matter?" Ryan asked a little more forcefully.

"No, never mind me, brother; you mustn't keep our guest waiting. Continue with the cattle story, it is very fascinating,” Ian said his voice thick with sarcasm.

A puzzled look crossed Ryan's face and Anna wanted to say something. Wanted to apologize or to tell them she would leave. The last thing she wanted to do was cause unrest between these two. Especially now she knew how close they were.

Ryan seemed to make a decision and turned to her and continued with their conversation. Anna tried to concentrate on what Ryan was saying, but her mind kept wandering to Ian and what his sudden change in attitude meant. As angry as she was at him, she couldn't help but worry about him and she hoped that their little miff wouldn't create any problems between the two brothers.

The night became more and more uncomfortable and in the end Anna feigned a headache and made her apologise. In her room, she wondered if she should return home. Go back to the agency and Mrs. Hawkins and look for a different husband. But she knew she wouldn’t. No matter how hard life had become she was not one to give in. She had made a choice and no matter what happened she would see it out. That was unless the brothers asked her to leave?

The next day Anna woke late and took breakfast in her room. She found she could not eat the food and picked and pushed it around her plate. How could she face the brothers? What should she do? Sipping at her coffee she looked at the Bible on her bedside. It had been a present from her Mother and she had kept it with her always. Picking it up, she knelt on the floor and gave her problems over to God. The prayer made her feel much more in control and much more confident. But no answers came and she did not feel ready to face the brothers. What should she do? She could not spend all day in her room; it would look as if she were sulking. At last she made a decision and stepped out into the corridor.

It was just a short bracing walk to the stables. She looked at the coat that Ian had bought her, but somehow it felt wrong to wear it. This was such a tangled web and she must sort it all out before she caused such heartache between the two brothers. Shrugging her shoulders against the cold she picked up her red dress and walked out into the snow. There was a fierce wind and it rocked her backward and cut straight through the material of her dress and chilled her to the bone. Should she get the coat? No, it was sheltered in the barn, she would be fine.

Lighter nickered a greeting as she walked up to his stall. She had become fond of the horse and spent a good amount of time each day brushing his coat, and getting to know him. With long gentle strokes, she brushed down his strong muscular neck, then his flanks and finally across his quarters. She was brushing out his mane when Ian came in.

Catching his eyes she felt butterflies flutter in her stomach and her pulse kicked up a notch. With a smile on his face, he walked over. She put down the brush and turned to see what he needed.

He stopped a few feet away from her, his hands clenched together in front of him. "I knew I would find you here,” he said. “I need to talk to you, need to apologize for yesterday.” His eyes searched hers and she nodded her acceptance.

“I was completely out of line,” he continued, “and I never meant a word of it. Please forgive me."

Anna looked at the remorse in his deep, green eyes and felt her heart melting. She smiled at him and said, "Of course I forgive you. We both over reacted and it has already been forgotten. I just didn't understand why you got so angry and acted that way."

Ian looked at her his eyes widened in disbelief. "Really?” he said. “How could you not know why I acted out?" His voice grew louder as he continued, "I have fallen in love with you, Anna! I am completely in love with you and you are here to marry my brother! My blood boils when I think of you being his instead of mine and I just about pulled a muscle trying to stop myself from pulling out his arm when he put that bracelet on you yesterday. I can't stand the thought of you being my sister-in-law instead of my wife and it kills me to stay quiet because I don't want to hurt my brother either. You are the never ending sunshine, in this cold, wintery place. I love you, Anna, and I can't hide it from you for one-moment longer."

Anna felt shock course through her veins like ice water. It froze her to the spot and she did not know what to say. She wanted to run to him, to say I love you and to pull him into her arms but she could not. Even though she had felt herself developing feelings for him she had never believed that he in turn had fallen for her. She thought of her fear of being the reason for the two brother’s differences. She thought of Ryan and how she couldn't face him and tell him that instead of him, she had fallen for his brother. Guilt and blame piled onto her shoulders as she imagined the brothers falling out, selling the business and never speaking again. It was her problem and she was responsible for the whole awful mess. But what could she do? She couldn't lie to him and say she didn't love him. Nor could she come out and just confess her feelings, so she did the only thing that made sense to her; she ran.

Chapter 11

She fled from the barn and into the snow. The wind was behind her and pushed her onwards as if it wanted her away from there.
Run
it said in her ears as it whipped around her face and covered her in the snow. She did not feel the cold as she limped away from the house, sinking up to her ankles and even deeper.

A great gust swirled around her picking up the snow covering her footprints as she raced on blindly into the storm. She ran for hours, often up to her knees as the cold soaked into her dress and weighed down the material. Great big white flakes fell from the sky and her newer footprints were covered. She limped onward, ignoring the pain from her leg and with no thought of where she was going or how she would find her way back. She ran on and on until she couldn't run any further. Then she fell in a heap and began to sob. The hot tears were the only warmth in this cold, frozen landscape. Yet she poured out her heart and when she was all done, she sank down too exhausted to take even another step. Her bad leg ached and throbbed and her muscles felt as if she had been running all night. The cold of her wet dress seemed to chill her very bones and she started to shiver. But it did not matter. She had done wrong. She had fallen for a man when promised to another. The problem felt like an anvil on her back as she tried to decide what to do. She couldn't find a simple solution to her predicament and no matter what choice she made; she knew someone would get hurt.

Finally, she closed her eyes and with the wind and snow whipping at her face she prayed. As she let the words flow she got an answer. She must listen to her heart. It was the only chance that everyone had for happiness. She felt a touch of relief and let her heart soar out despite the freezing cold. It called out for Ian with a will so strong that she couldn't ignore it a minute longer. She found the strength to get up to go and tell Ian the truth and to confess her feelings for him. They would tell Ryan together and hopefully he wouldn't be too crushed by the news and would bestow his blessing.

Ian sat in the barn and watched Anna race away from him. Despite her limp she was fast and she disappeared out the door and fled. He could not face her and sat down on the cold floor of the barn and prayed for guidance. It had seemed so right to tell her his feelings. Yet she had not reacted the way he expected. Did she feel the same? Could he have found love or was she just being nice to her future husband’s brother? Maybe that was it; maybe he had fooled himself and fallen for her pretty face when she felt nothing for him. So how could he face her? Would he be able to apologize and live here if she were married to Ryan?

The minutes ticked away and soon over an hour had gone and he had not been able to answer his questions. Maybe he should talk to Ryan and explain how he felt, but that would just stir up a hornets’ nest of trouble and all for nothing. It was time to go in and to speak to Anna. He would get over this feeling of loss, get over seeing her with his brother or would he?

As he trudged through the snow to the house he knew he wouldn’t. If Anna married Ryan then he would have to leave.

Shaking off the snow he wondered what to do. Should he go talk to Ryan? No that would be foolish. If Anna really felt nothing for him then he had to hear it from her. Once he had, he would say no more on the matter; he would simply wait until after the wedding and he would leave.

With that thought clear in his mind he set off to find her. First he tried the library, but she was not there. Then the dining room and the rest of the house. The only places he hadn’t looked were her room and his brother’s study. With a heavy heart he climbed the stairs and knocked gently on her door. “Anna it is Ian… Let me in we need to talk.”

There was no answer and he felt a deep panic start inside him. Had she come back to the house? “Anna please, I just want to talk.” Still there was no reply. “If you don’t answer I am coming in.” A great fear clasped on to his heart and he opened the door hoping beyond hope to see her sat on the bed. But she was not. The room was empty and there was no sign of damp on the floor like there would have been if she had come in. Now he was really panicked.

Slamming the door he raced down the stairs and to Ryan’s study. Bursting through the door. “Is Anna here?” he yelled. “Have you seen her?”

“No brother, not since earlier,” Ryan said.

“I have done an awful thing and I think she may have run off into the storm,” Ian said.

Ryan jumped to his feet and raced to the door. “Come on lets go,” he said.

Ian turned and led the way down the corridor. “I told her…”

“It doesn’t matter. Let us find her first,” Ryan said.

Together they saddled a horse for Ryan and Ian harnessed Kindle up and attached her to the sled. If Anna was hurt they could get her back easier that way.

As they set off into the wind Ian watched his brother. As always he was there for him, calm and resourceful with Ryan there they must find her. Guilt sat like cold grease in his stomach and he had to tell him. “You have to know,” Ian shouted.

Ryan turned and tipped his hat so Ian could see his eyes. “What, that you love my intended,” Ryan said.

Ian felt as if he had been sucker punched. “How?”

“I think you have loved her since you first met,” Ryan said as they rode out into the storm. “It is all right neither of you owes me anything, and I can’t think of a nicer couple. So come on lets go find the girl and tell her that she has to settle for second best.”

“What?” Ian said with mock outrage. “I think she chose the best brother.”

As they rode into the wind Ian knew that everything would be all right. Of course Ryan knew. He always knew about these things and maybe that was why his business trip had been brought forward. He left them alone to see what would happen. How could he be blessed with such a good brother? Now all he had to do was find Anna. The problem was it was a vast area and he had no idea where to look. Closing his eyes he prayed and let Kindle choose their path.

“Why that way?” Ryan called.

“I don’t know it just seems right,” Ian said and he prayed that is was, for the night was cold and Anna could freeze to death if they did not find her soon.