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I
threw the towel over the shower door and went back down the stairs. A familiar
smell from the kitchen stopped me as I went toward the front door to confront
my past. When I looked in the kitchen, Cate and Sarita were standing at the
counter, talking and laughing together like old friends.

"What
are you two doing?" I asked.

"Cate
told me you like enchiladas," Sarita said.

"I
do indeed," I said.

"It
won't be long until they're ready," Cate said.

"Well,
I think I'll get some fresh air while I wait," I said, recognizing the
opening she had left for me.

Leaving
the house, I walked to the barn but didn't see Kyle and guessed he'd wandered
off somewhere. I rested my arms on the gate in front of Jack's stall. I missed
him walking up to me, waiting to run across the open pasture between the barn
and the treeline, running until he lathered up and breathed heavily from the
freedom and sheer exhilaration.

"I'm
sorry about your friend," Kyle said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Did
you look over the information she found?" I asked without looking at him.

"It
was pretty sketchy."

"Good
enough for someone to get killed over," I said as I turned my head toward
him. "If I find anything else you can use, I'll mail it to you."

"Your
housekeeper's death is part of the story now."

"Obviously,
but I'm only interested in finding whoever killed Lena, not some story.
There'll always be another story, but dead is forever."

"Is
that what you think? That I'm just after some story?"

"It's
what I would have gone after when I was your age."

He
sneered. "I'm not you."

"You're
probably closer than you think, Kyle." I smiled slightly.

"You
don't know shit about me," he said, his voice rising slightly. "You
never bothered to hang around long enough."

"I
know you got a woman in there who loves you. I wouldn't want you to shut her
out and hurt her the way I did your mother."

"It's
too damn late for you to be resurrected like Christ and appear in the mist
giving me advice about how I should live my life."

"You're
right," I said as I turned to face him. "And you're wrong. You're
more like me than you think, but you don't have to make the same mistakes I
did. Just make sure when you move on that you don't leave anyone behind. You'll
regret it more than you can possibly begin to imagine. Believe me, I
know."

Chapter
Seventeen

THERE
WASN'T A lot of conversation over dinner. Cate and Sarita managed to discuss
the weather, recipes, and a dozen other topics of no consequence. Occasionally,
they would toss a question at Kyle or me but were generally unsuccessful at
eliciting much comment.

Periodically,
I would glance at Cate, and even though I tried to fight it, I couldn't help
but wish I had been around to watch her grow older. There was a maturity and
grace about her now that I found incredibly desirable.

The
enchiladas were some of the best I'd ever eaten, and we didn't have any trouble
finishing them off. It was already dark by the time we finished eating. I told
Sarita to leave the dishes and I would clean them up later, but she insisted on
leaving the kitchen the way she had found it. Cate made coffee, and she and I
went onto the porch.

"Sarita's
a good cook," I said.

"Yes,
she is. She'll have to teach me how to make enchiladas like that."

"I
thought you didn't care for Mexican cuisine," I said with a smile.

She
laughed. "It's an acquired taste. I wouldn't want it everyday, but
occasionally I just sort of crave something hot and spicy."

"Well,
if hot and spicy starts to get to you, I have some antacids somewhere."

"I
heard what you said to Sarita this afternoon, Jo. I hope you're wrong about
Kyle."

"So
do I. Sarita doesn't deserve what I did to you, Cate. Hell, no one deserves
that."

"Do
you think she believed you?"

"Who
knows? I don't know anyone who really wants to hear the truth. I guess we all
have to make our own mistakes before we learn."

"Do
you ever have regrets, Jo?" she asked, turning her face toward me.

I
smiled slightly without looking at her, wondering if she had an inkling of the
regret I had already realized. "About a half dozen times a day, but
there's not much we can do to change the past," I shrugged, raising my cup
to my mouth. "It's already dead and buried."

"Does
that mean you think mistakes can't be corrected?"

"If
they could, I would, Cate," I said. "But I can't."

When
I finally I looked at her, I didn't know what to say. There were a thousand
things I wanted to say to her, but despite the fact that we had both made a
living using words, when we were together, the right words never seemed to
come. I didn't want her to leave. I wanted her to stay. But what would be the
purpose in that? The light from inside the house was enough that I could see
the profile of her face clearly. She must have sensed that I was looking at her
because she turned her head toward me again and smiled.

"What
are you thinking about?" she asked.

"You,"
I said. Realizing how sophomoric that must have sounded, I laughed. "Now
there's an original line you don't hear every damn day."

Cate
laughed, too, and the light caught the blue in her eyes, their effect on me unchanged
by the years I'd lost. I touched the softness of her hair, pulling her toward
me to kiss her forehead. She didn't seem surprised by my touch, and her eyes
remained focused on my face. She leaned slightly toward me, and an impulse I
had been fighting since she came back into my life surfaced as I leaned forward
and kissed her. It wasn't a passionate kiss, but it was comfortable and
familiar. Taking her face in my hands, I leaned toward her again, and her lips
smiled as they parted to greet an old lover.

As I
felt myself being drawn into everything Cate's lips were offering, I was
snapped back to reality by Kyle's voice. "Making up for lost time I
see."

We
separated immediately, like two teenagers caught in the act by their parents.

"Sorry,"
I said. "We didn't hear you sneak up on us." There was irritation in
my voice and Cate touched my arm.

"It's
time to go, Mom. That is, if you think you can manage to break away from this
romantic interlude."

"This
would probably be a good time for you to shut up, son," I said.

"You
don't have the right to call me son."

"You're
right. And now that you've embarrassed your mother, I think you should just
apologize and leave it at that."

"Or
what?" he challenged.

I
shook my head. I couldn't believe the incredible stupidity I was hearing.
"Kid, you don't know..."

"That's
enough, Jo," Cate said.

"No,
it isn't, Cate. The kid has a shitload of anger inside. Unless I'm mistaken, it
wasn't long ago that you told me how bad it was to keep your feelings inside.
That sooner or later they were going to ooze out. Well, guess what, baby,
they're oozing all over the fuckin' porch here, so butt out. I wouldn't want
him to suffer any more psychological or emotional trauma than he already has
because of me," I said as Sarita came onto the porch.

"Sarita,
please take Kyle back into the house. We'll be leaving in a few minutes,"
Cate said.

Sarita
stepped toward Kyle, and he cast her a glance that would have frozen water in
midair.

"Come
on, kid. You know you're dyin' to tell me off. What're you waitin' for? This is
your big chance. Do it!" I demanded, taking a step toward him.

"Stop
it, Jo. You're not mad at him. You're mad because of what happened to Lena.
Don't take your anger out on your son," Cate said.

"Why
don't you and Sarita go into the house and let me and 'my son' work this
out?"

To
my surprise, Sarita went to Cate and took her by the arm. "I think that's
an excellent idea, Cate," Sarita said.

I
looked at Kyle and said, "You got a keeper there, kid. Don't fuck it up
the way I did and maybe you won't lose her." I went down the steps of the
porch and stood on the lawn. "I'm waiting, Kyle. What's it going to be?
Are you as pissed off as I am right now?"

He
came down the steps as Sarita and Cate went into the house. Taking his jacket
off, he threw it back toward the porch. "Stay away from my mother,"
he said, glaring at me.

"Shit!"
I laughed. "If I could've done that to begin with, we wouldn't be here
having this lovefest right now. My problem was that I couldn't stay away from
her."

"Looks
like you're still having a problem with that."

"In
case you haven't noticed, your mother is a damned attractive woman," I
said with a smile.

"She
deserves better than you."

"Won't
argue with that."

"Then
why were you coming on to her a few minutes ago?"

"I
didn't plan it. It just happened. You know, full stomach, moonlight, all that
crap."

"What
would you have done if I hadn't come onto the porch?"

"I
don't know, and, frankly, I'm a little pissed that I won't be finding
out."

Taking
a deep breath, I glanced at the house where I knew Cate and Sarita were
watching us. I finally decided that this verbal sparring wasn't getting us
anywhere and turning toward the house, I began to walk away.

"We're
not finished!" he yelled.

"You
can stand there all night thinking about it if you want to, but I'm
finished."

As I
walked toward the steps, he grabbed my arm and spun me around. When he looked
at me, I saw the hurt and anger of a child in his eyes.

"I'm
sorry, Kyle," I said. "I never meant for you to be hurt. I thought I
was doing the right thing and still do. Your mom did a great job raising you
and she didn't need me for that."

There
was an irony in the way he suddenly laughed. "What she doesn't need is you
climbing back into her bed for a quick fuck."

I
clenched my hands into fists, trying to restrain the rising anger I was
feeling. Taking a step toward him, I said, "I don't ever want to hear you talk
like that where your mother is concerned again."

"Why?
Isn't that what you were doing tonight? Sniffing out a bunkmate?"

"Never
crossed my mind," I said as calmly as I could.

"Bullshit!
Why don't you just admit that you still want her?"

"Because
I've already hurt her enough. Unless you can learn something from my mistakes,
you're letting your hatred for me run your life. Right now, you're carrying
around a shitload of emotional baggage and not really living your life. So why
don't you get Sarita and your mother and go on home before you throw away
everything you love, too."

I
turned back toward the house and was halfway up the steps before he spoke
again.

"She
still loves you," he said bluntly. "She's always loved you even
though you didn't give a shit about her."

I
turned my head and looked at him without speaking and continued into the house.
Sarita and Cate were standing in the middle of the living room as I passed
through and climbed the stairs to the second floor. I needed to regain control
of myself. Kyle was right. I did still want Cate, but he was wrong about her
still loving me. I washed my face quickly before going back downstairs. Sarita
had her arm around Kyle's shoulder and was whispering to him.

"Y'all
drive careful now, ya hear," I said. "And thanks again for the
enchiladas, Sarita."

She
looked at me and smiled as she nodded.

"Take
my car and find a place to stay in Kerrville for the night," Cate said to
Kyle. "There's a Holiday Inn on the highway. I still need to talk to Jo
for a few minutes."

Turning
to me, she asked, "Will you take me to town in a little while?"

"Of
course."

I
was as surprised as Kyle by what she said. He frowned at her. "We can wait
outside."

"No,
you go ahead and get rooms for us."

"You're
not planning to do anything...stupid, are you?" he asked.

"If
I were it certainly wouldn't be any of your business," she replied in a
cold, controlled voice.

Kyle
looked at her over his shoulder as he and Sarita left the house. Cate left the
living room and went into my office. When she returned, she was carrying the
small bag she had brought with her.

"Before
you and Kyle began your heart to heart, there was something I had to show
you," she said as she removed a large envelope from her bag. "And
thanks for not slapping him. I heard what he said, and I know you wanted
to."