Plain Paradise (7 page)

Her father left the rocker and bent on one knee in front of Linda. “You are our daughter. You will always be our daughter. Just because you do not carry our genes, it makes you no less our child. We love you, and that will never change. Do you understand?”

“No. I don’t.” She edged further away from both of them as her chest rose and fell with labored breaths. Tears threatened to spill, but she blinked them back. Too many unanswered questions. “Are you saying that the
Englisch
woman didn’t want me, so she gave me to you?”

“Linda, she was only seventeen years old at the time. Your age. She didn’t know how to care for a baby. And there was no father around or in the picture to help her.” Her mother reached out to her, but she jerked away.

A father
. The sting continued to worsen. “Where is my father then?” She glanced up at the person she’d believed to be her father her entire life, and indeed her tears did spill over.

“I—I am your father, Linda. I will always be your father.”
Daed
swiped at his eyes, something Linda had never seen him do before. “As for the man whose genes you share, we do not know about him.”

Linda jumped from the couch and put her hands over her face. “Why are you telling me this now?” Her voice was elevated and cracked as she spoke. “Isn’t this something I should have known before now?”

“
Ya
.” Her mother stood up and walked to her. “Linda, please, try to understand. We made a mistake. We should have told you when you were younger, but it just didn’t matter to us. You have always been our daughter, and nothing was going to change that.”

Luke and Matthew
. “Do Luke and Matthew know about this? I reckon they should be told too.”

Her father was now beside her mother on the couch, both of them with teary eyes. “We thought you should know first.”
Daed
sighed, his voice filled with anguish.

Linda swallowed hard and knew this would be difficult for Luke and Matthew. She looked at her parents.
Parents
? She’d never felt more lost than at this moment. Her thoughts momentarily trailed to the
Englisch
woman. No wonder
Mamm
was so upset. But she would need to be strong for her brothers, despite this complete lack of responsibility by her parents.

“I reckon Matt and Luke might not understand this either. When you tell them that they were adopted, they are going to take it even harder. How could you do this? How could you not tell us—”

Her father grabbed her arm gently. “No, no, Linda.” He shook his head. “
Mei maedel
, your brothers were not adopted.”

She wanted to run into her mother’s arms and beg her to say this wasn’t true, but
Mamm
only nodded in agreement, muttering how sorry they were.

Sobs of grief began to rack Linda, and she was having trouble breathing. “You mean, I don’t have any brothers either?”
Dear Lord
in heaven, do something. Please. This can’t be true
. “But you said you couldn’t have any
kinner
of your own.”

“We didn’t think we could, Linda, but we were able to have Luke and Matthew. We don’t know why, but the Lord graced us with the boys, and—”

“I’m not your daughter! I have no parents. I have no brothers.” Her sense of loss was suddenly beyond tears, quickly being replaced by anger. She backed away from her parents. “I have no one.”

“Linda, my beloved daughter. I am your mother. We are your parents. It will always be that way. We love you, Linda. Please forgive us for not telling you this sooner. Please, Linda . . .”
Mamm
reached for Linda again, and this time Linda stepped even further away from them.

“We know this is hard, Linda, but over time you will realize that we are still your parents, no matter what.” Her father continued to fight a buildup of tears in his eyes, and there was a part of her that wanted to run to him, to them both, to comfort them, ease their pain. But she felt suffocated by her own grief.

“Why are you telling me this now?”

Her parents looked at each other, and then her father spoke. “The
Englisch
woman, she wants to see you. She wants to meet you tomorrow morning and spend some time with you.”

“But you don’t have to go.”
Mamm
stepped forward. “We will just tell her that you are not interested in meeting her, and—”

“I want to meet her.
She
is my
mother
.” Linda kept her voice steady and cut her eyes at Mary Ellen.
Mary Ellen
—the person who raised her. She should have felt remorse at the way her cutting words sent tears streaming down Mary Ellen’s face. But instead, she twisted the dagger. “What am I supposed to call you both now?
Mary Ellen
and
Abe
?”

“Watch your tone, Linda,” her father said as he wrapped a protective arm around his wife.

Linda grunted, stood taller.
They can’t tell me what to do. They aren’t
even related to me
.

“We know that you’re hurt, dear, but nothing has to change, and—”

“Stop it! Everything has changed.” Linda wrapped her arms around herself, never needing a hug from her mother more than at this moment. The woman she thought was her mother. From someone. Someone who loved her.

“Please, Linda . . .” her mother cried as she reached out to her. “Please, my darling baby . . .”

“I’m going to Stephen’s. He’ll be my family someday! Then I’ll have a family!”

She ran out the door, down the porch steps, and didn’t stop running until she got to Black Horse Road, where she collapsed onto the gravel shoulder and sobbed. It took a few moments for her to realize her toe was bleeding, and only another minute or so before a buggy came along. She wiped her eyes, then blocked the sun’s glare with her hand until the buggy came into view.

Her cousin David. She waited while he pulled to a stop beside her.

“You okay?”

David was two years older than Linda, and he’d been through a kidney transplant, so she wasn’t sure he’d have much sympathy for her throbbing toe, but her bloody foot was the least of her worries. David jumped from his topless courting buggy and ran to her side. He knelt beside her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Here, let me see.” He lifted up her dirty bare foot covered in blood. “Ouch,” he said as he crinkled his nose. “That’s a nasty cut, but I reckon it doesn’t look like you need any stitches. I’m on my way to
Onkel
Noah’s clinic. You wanna go and have him clean it up?”

Linda stood up, wiped her eyes, and shook her head. “No. Can you just take me to Stephen’s
haus
? Please, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure.” David helped her into the buggy, then went around and got in beside her. He’d barely settled into a steady trot when the tears started again. She just couldn’t seem to stop. “Does it hurt that bad?”

She heard the concern in David’s voice, much like that of a protective brother. “It’s not my toe. It’s—it’s . . .” Linda covered her face with her hands. “David, I’m adopted. My parents aren’t my parents.”

“What?” He twisted in the seat to face her, a confused expression on his face.

“I just found out.
Mamm
and
Daed
. . .” she paused as she sniffled. “I mean
Mary Ellen
and
Abe
told me that I have a birth mother, someone who gave me to them when I was a baby. And I’m so upset, and . . .” She lowered her head, then looked David’s way. He was staring straight ahead, keeping the horse at slow pace. After a few moments, he turned her way.

“Linda, I’m sure that news was a shock.” He glanced back and forth between her and the road, then steadied his gaze on her. “But . . .” He gave her a small smile. “I think I’d like to thank your folks for raising such a wonderful cousin for me.”

Linda tried to manage a smile through her tears, but the news was too raw for her to pretend for more than a moment that she was anything but destroyed.

David slowed the buggy before he reached Stephen’s house, and eventually came to a stop. He turned to face her in the seat again, then wrapped his arms around her, which only caused her to cry more.

“Linda,” he finally said in a soothing tone. “Mary Ellen and Abe are your parents, no matter what.” David gently eased her away. “You know how much they love you.”

In her heart, Linda knew it to be true, but the reality of the situation was overwhelming her. “Why didn’t they tell me? Why would they keep something like this from me?” Then she had a horrible thought. She took a deep breath. “David, did you know about this? Since
mei mudder
, I mean Mary Ellen, is your
daed’s
sister.”

“She’s still your mother, Linda, and no, I didn’t have any idea about this.” David pulled his straw hat off and ran his forearm over a sweaty forehead. “I think of Lillian just like
mei mamm
, and I know Lillian loves me just like her own son. I reckon you don’t have to be born into a family to be a part of it.”

Linda knew that when Lillian married Samuel, she’d raised David as her own son, but somehow her situation seemed much different. “It’s the betrayal. The fact that no one told me.”

They sat quietly for a few minutes. “So, what now? What are you going to do?”

Linda recalled the looks on her parents’ faces.
On Mary Ellen’s
and Abe’s faces
. Every time she mentally corrected herself, the pain she felt was even worse. She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m supposed to meet
her
tomorrow.”

“Still want to go to Stephen’s? I reckon you look a mess.” David grinned, poked her in the arm. They’d grown up together, and David had always been like the older brother she didn’t have. Again, she thought about Matt and Luke.

Linda sniffled. “
Ya
. I need to see Stephen.”

David nodded, then flicked the horse into motion. “Linda, everything’s gonna be all right. Mary Ellen and Abe love you, and that’s what matters. It was just God’s will that the other woman helped them out.”

Linda shrugged. “I guess. I’m just not sure how I feel about all this.” However, the look on her parents’ faces was enough for her to know that, despite her own hurt, they were suffering too.

Stephen pushed back his hat, looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders, and walked across his front yard toward David’s buggy, wondering what would bring Linda to his house so near the supper hour. He watched Linda hug her cousin before she stepped out of the buggy and shut the door. David waved, and Stephen returned the gesture, but he couldn’t take his eyes from Linda as she ran barefoot across the yard.

“What’s wrong?” She was a few feet from him when he noticed blood on the top of her bare foot and tears rolling down her cheeks. “What happened?”

She threw her arms around his neck. “My life is ruined.”

“What?” He held her for a few moments, then gently eased her away and looked down at the blood on her foot. “Do you need a doctor?”

She swiped at swollen eyes and shook her head. “No. My foot is fine.”

Stephen raised his brows and gazed into her eyes. “Then what is it?”

“I’m adopted!” She took a step backward and clinched her fists at her sides. “Abe and Mary Ellen aren’t my parents, Stephen! A woman named Josephine is my mother. I don’t even think I really have a father. Luke and Matthew aren’t my brothers.” She squeezed her eyes shut as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’m adopted! And no one bothered to tell me until my
mother
showed up at our house yesterday.”

Stephen swallowed hard and searched for something to say. He stepped toward her and touched her arm. “Are you sure?”

Her eyes flew open in a rage. “
Ya
, I’m sure. They—Mary Ellen and Abe—just told me.” She covered her face with her hands and mumbled something Stephen couldn’t understand, then she moved forward and buried her face in his chest. “Tell me it isn’t true.”

He wrapped one arm around her back and cradled the back of her neck with his other hand. “I’m sorry, Linda. What can I do?”

“Just hold me.” She pressed her body closer to his, and Stephen struggled to stay focused on the issue at hand.

After a while, she pulled from the embrace and gazed into his eyes. “It hurts, Stephen. Make it stop.”

“I—I . . .” He raised his shoulders and dropped them. “I don’t know what to say, Linda.” How could he ease her pain if this was really true?

She tried to blink back more tears, but they spilled down her cheeks as she continued to wait for him to say something. He knew he was failing miserably, so he stepped forward and cupped her cheeks in his hands, then kissed her softly on the lips. He couldn’t stand to see her hurting like this, but he wasn’t sure what he could say to make her feel better. She returned the kiss, then eased away, and her eyes begged him to say something more to comfort her.

He took a deep breath.
Please, God. Let me say the right thing
.

“Linda, I don’t think Mary Ellen and Abe could love you any more than they already do, and I reckon they are your parents no matter what.” He paused as she sniffled and wiped her eyes, seeming to wait for more from him. “I’ve seen you and your
mamm
together, and I don’t think anything is going to change between the two of you.”