Louie blew out an exasperated breath and shook his head. He rounded on Mark, his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. "You aren't old yet, man. You're tired because you keep dragging yourself down and beating yourself up over something you never had any control over! Ricky loved you, man, and he wouldn't want you to sit around mourning him forever like this. It's been a year, Mark, you need to let go. Why don't you get out there on that dance floor, make a friend for the night, huh?"
Mark gritted his teeth and looked out across the bar at the throng of young, sweaty men dancing to a heavy base beat. "You're way out of line, Louie. Eleven months. We were together for twenty-two years, and he's been gone for eleven months. I'm forty-five years old, damn it! I'm not looking for some college kid, and I'm not looking for a good time… I'm not looking at all, okay? Just drop it."
As quickly as it had come, Mark
'
s temper faded, leaving him deflated and ashamed. Louie hadn
'
t meant any harm, and he was right. Although Mark couldn
'
t even imagine dating again, he did need to get out more, and to, as Ricardo would say
"
live a little!
"
before
he
gave in to the depression completely. He just didn
'
t know how anymore. He swallowed and turned away from Louie
'
s hurt expression.
"I'm sorry. I'm the one who's out of line." Mark tossed the rag into the bin behind him and left the bar, turning back to offer Louie a weak, apologetic smile before retreating to his office in the back of the building.
Sitting down at his desk, Mark glared at the three days' worth of mail waiting to be sorted. With a resigned sigh, he got to work sorting through the bills and junk mail. He hated busy work, but it had to be done and pawning it off onto someone else was unthinkable. If nothing else, at least the bills and bookkeeping were still his responsibility.
Finally reaching the bottom of the pile, Mark's hand stilled over a large lavender envelope. When he picked the damned thing up his hand trembled, and a quick glance at the return address confirmed his fears. It was from Nathan and Annabelle Marshall.
Mark's head began to pound and angry tears built behind his eyes. What had he done to deserve the cruel reminder of his first heartbreak? Trying to ignore the painful memories, Mark forced himself to tear it open and slide the card out of the envelope. It was almost identical to the one he'd received twenty-five years ago, with the same paper and the same font. "After twenty-five years of wedded bliss, Mr and Mrs Nathan Marshall will be renewing their vows…"
Twenty-five years. Nate had been married now for twenty-five years. God, how could that be? It just didn't seem real. He didn't love Nate anymore, but he had never been able to completely let go of the hurt from the way things had ended between them. Staring down at his shaking hands, he realized that he still needed closure, and his heart flooded with guilt. He had spent twenty-two years loving a wonderful man who'd loved him back, but through it all, a small part of him had always clung to the dream he'd shared with Nate.
And damn it, his dream
had
come true, but with Ricardo instead. He should have done
something
to show his appreciation for Ricardo, to publicly acknowledge the huge role he played in his life. He should have changed the name of the business when
Nate
left. Ricardo
'
s influence could be seen all over the bar, in the décor and the set-up, the type of music that they played… but
Nate
'
s stamp still
hung over the door.
A knock on the office door drew him out of his musings, and he glanced up to see the green light next to the door flash, indicating that the pass code had been entered before the door opened. Louie slipped into the office sat on the edge of Mark's desk. "You've been back here a long time, boss man, everything okay?"
Mark picked at the corners of the invitation he held in his hand, trying to decide how best to answer his friend. Louie reached out, touching his hand and then grasping the card between his thumb and forefinger. "May I?"
Mark nodded and Louie took the card from his hands. He laced his fingers together and studied his hands while Louie read the card. Louie snorted and Mark jerked his head up, surprised to find him grinning. "Something funny?"
Louie shook his hand and waved the invitation in Mark's face. "This is perfect! It's exactly what you need. They're friends of yours, right? And they're in Florida, clear across the country! You need to get out of Sacramento for a while, man. Take a vacation—get away from all of this and find some peace."
The look on Louie
'
s face was triumphant, and it made Mark smile. Louie didn
'
t
have any idea
who Nate was, he wasn
'
t familiar with their history and didn
'
t fully
understand what he was suggesting, but Mark had to agree that he was right. He did need to get out of Sacramento, and this
was
a perfect opportunity. Mark needed a vacation, and more, he needed closure.
Maybe seeing Nate again, still with Annabelle after all of these years, would finally allow him to put their aborted relationship behind him. Maybe he could find a way to bury his first love and to remove the shadow it had cast over the rest of his life.
Mark snatched the card back out of Louie's hand and arched a brow, studying the younger man as he considered his options. "Well, I'd be gone at least a week. Do you really think you can hold this place together on your own for that long?"
Louie jumped off the edge of the desk and whooped for joy. Mark grinned, wondering if he had ever been so young. Finally Louie calmed down and planted both his hands on Mark's desk, leaning over until their noses were only inches apart. "I can keep this place going for however long you want, man. Just get the hell out of here for a while!"
Mark looked down at the invitation one more time and nodded his head. The trip would do him good, and it might provide him with the peace he so desperately needed. His relationship with Nate had ended there, and although he hadn't realized it at the time, that was also where his relationship with Ricardo was born.
Mark wanted to recapture those moments, to rearrange them. He wanted to look on Nate's wedding with a friendly eye, to offer up real congratulations before seeking out the bar where he and Ricardo had shared their first drunken kiss.
Mark met Louie's gaze and nodded. "Okay. I'll go."
Louie grinned and reached out to pat him on the shoulder. "You won't regret this, you'll see."
Mark returned his smile and shrugged. "I sure hope not."
Chapter Three
Tuesday, July 27, 2010.
Chancellor Marshall pulled at his shirt collar, fidgeting in the back seat of the cab while sweat trickled down his neck in the muggy Florida heat. The humidity caused the back of his unruly blond hair to stick to his neck, while the rest bushed out in a frizzy mane around his face.
The scenery grew more familiar with every turn and his anxiety grew more intense. It was pathetic, really. He was twenty-one years old, a grown man, but he was still afraid of his parents. In a year he would graduate from his father's alma mater with a business degree he didn't want and the choice of either going to work for his parents at the hotel or growing a backbone and striking out on his own.
Each passing mile carried him closer to his childhood home and the possibility of an unpleasant showdown. His parents were expecting him, of course, but neither his stern father nor aloof mother was expecting his companion.
He glanced across the back seat of the taxi at his beautiful, exotic lover, wondering how Alex would look through his parents' eyes. The tall, slender man had once been a highly sought-after model who now lived quite comfortably off his savings and investments. He'd been discovered at the age of six and worked regularly for twenty years before his retirement from the business two years ago.
Alex caught him staring and shook his dark head, not a hair out of place on his carefully spiked and styled head. He reached over with his neatly manicured hand and brushed the blond locks out of Chance's face, twirling a curl around the tip of his finger and sliding closer to him.
"You should to let me do something about this, sweetie." He pulled at the tangled mess in his hand, rubbing it between his fingers. "Your parents might handle the news better if we make you a bit more presentable first, hmm?" He let go of Chance's hair and trailed his fingers down the side of his cheek. Chance turned into the caress, kissing his finger's before shaking his head adamantly.
"No." He swallowed hard. "My parents aren't going to care how I look, and I would really rather just go ahead and get this over with, you know?" When Alex pulled back, crossing his arms across his chest and jutting his bottom lip out in a practiced pout, Chance knew that he had said the wrong thing. Again.
"Honestly, Chance, I'm beginning to think you're ashamed of me or something!" Alex leaned closer and poked his finger into Chance's chest. "I'm not going to be anyone's dirty little secret, you got that? If you're too embarrassed to even tell your parents about me, well…" He trailed off, sniffling, and flapping his hand in front of his eyes as if to ward off tears.
Chance glanced nervously at the cabbie, catching the man's eyes in the rear view mirror. The driver rolled his eyes, but kept quiet and Chance relaxed, sliding across the seat to wrap his arms around Alex.
"Baby, you know that isn't true. I'm open about our relationship back home, aren't I? All our friends know… But I'm not very close to my parents, and they can be… harsh. I can't help it that I'm nervous."
He pressed their foreheads together, staring earnestly into Alex's dark blue eyes. "I don't know how they're going to react to us, Alex. Telling them that I'm gay, it's scary. I'm not ashamed of you or us, but… I don't want to see you get hurt… and damn it, I'm afraid of getting hurt, too! I just don't want to put this off anymore. Thank you so much for coming with me."
The taxi pulled to a stop at the curb outside of the Grand Chancellor Hotel and any reply Alex might have made was lost. Chance took a deep breath and nodded, pulling away and offering what he hoped was a confident and reassuring smile. "Come on now, time to meet the parents."
Chance paid the driver, and they followed as the driver carried their bags into the spacious lobby of the hotel. Alex stopped half way across the room and let go of Chance's hand, turning in a slow circle and taking in the ornate décor.
"
Damn, Chance. When you said
your
parents owned a hotel I was expecting something more like a Holiday Inn. You grew up
here
?
"
Chance smiled, pleased with Alex's reaction. With as many hotels as Alex had been in during his career, Chance had worried his home would pale by comparison.
"Chance, you're home!" An ear-splitting squeal from behind the reception desk had Chance turning around just in time to catch the freckled red-head as she launched herself into his arms. Though two years his junior, the skinny girl stood at least six inches taller, and Chance barely managed to maintain his balance when she crashed into him. The daughter of his childhood nanny, Beverly had been his best friend growing up, and was the only person at home he'd trusted with his secret.
"Good God, woman! I won't be here for long if you don't let go and let me breathe. Geez!" Beverly untangled herself from around his neck, smacked the side of his head and glared down at him. Behind her the other desk clerk was reaching for his telephone and motioning for Chance to come to the desk.
"Yes, he just arrived… Yes… of course, ma'am. I'll let him know." He motioned again and Chance nodded, taking Alex's hand and following Beverly back to the desk. She went around behind the counter and scowled at her co-worker, who was impatiently tapping his fingers on the desk and eying Chance and Alex with disgust.
"I've got this, Jake, thank you." The guy shrugged, rolling his eyes, and left the counter, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and heading for the exit across the lobby. Beverly snorted, and then turned her attention back to Chance, noticing Alex for the first time. Her mouth fell open while her eyes swept up and down Alex's impressive frame. Alex smiled and she blushed, grinning back, her cheeks pinking so darkly they rivaled her hair.
"I, uh… see you brought a friend with you." Beverly turned back to Chance, grinning and glancing pointedly at their clasped hands and raising her eyebrows. "Will you need another room?" She was already clicking away on her keyboard, pulling up the reservations screen.
"Don't be a smartass." Chance laughed and snatched a pen off the counter, throwing it at her before ducking behind Alex. She retaliated by throwing her own pen without bothering to look up, and the projectile bounced off Alex's shoulder.
"Ow!" Alex winced and grabbed his shoulder dramatically, rubbing at the abused area. Beverly looked up, her eyes going wide and her hand covering her mouth. Chance tried not to laugh, but Beverly's mortified expression was priceless, and despite his best efforts he was soon doubled over with mirth.
"Oh, shit, I am so sorry!" Beverly jumped to her feet, twisting her hands in front of her and Chance laughed even harder. Alex was grinning again, his shoulders shaking with his own suppressed laughter, and Beverly's eyes narrowed. "Oh, great! Another comedian."
Alex cleared his throat and bent down to retrieve the pen. He handed it back to Beverly, who snatched it out of his hand. "Honestly, dear, couldn't you have at least waited until we were introduced before attacking me? I'm harmless, I swear."