Play Me, I'm Yours [Library Edition] (6 page)

“Trish?” He tugged on her shirt sleeve. “How do they decide which boys are gonna play?”

“The guy who comes out of the closet gets to pick the next guy. Then he chooses a girl’s name from the jar.”

“Oh.”

“What’s the matter? Are you nervous? Maybe you’ll pick me,” she said, laughing.

Lucas’s eyes widened.

“Don’t worry, Boo. You don’t have to play. You can pass.”

He breathed a sigh of relief.

“If you decide to pick a name, though, you have to follow through with it. Them’s the rules.”

Lucas considered hiding in the bathroom to avoid being chosen, but he was afraid he’d run into Donovan, and he didn’t want to leave Trish standing by herself. He’d have to wait. He didn’t think Brian would choose him anyway. Brian had never given him trouble before.

“10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!”

The closet door flung open and out stumbled a disheveled Brian and Lisa. They both had smiles on their faces and were wobbly on their feet. Was that because they were drunk or because they were coming off an endorphin rush?

Brian waved his arms in an attempt to hush the crowd. “Okay, next up… my man, Alex!”

As Lucas and Trish looked on to see who Alex would choose, Donovan returned. “What did I miss?”

“Brian and Lisa,” Trish said, filling him in. “It’s Alex’s turn to pick.”

“And I have to watch? Oh fate, thou art a heartless bitch. If he picks you, I’m never speaking to you again.”

“I should be so lucky,” Trish said sarcastically.

Donovan licked his lips. “I bet I could make that boy come
twice
in seven minutes.”

Lucas drew a quick breath. No one would do
that
in the closet, would they?

Across the room, Alex reached in the jar and pulled out a name. He held it under his palm, laying it flat against his chest while he waited for the crowd to settle.

“Ladies! Ladies! Prepare yourselves.” He wiggled his eyebrows and plastered on a goofy smile. Then he looked at the name, and his face fell.

Lucas could tell he’d picked someone he didn’t like.

The murmurs grew louder as people looked around the room, speculating.

Alex scanned the crowd. “Lucas?”

The laughter was deafening. Seconds later the chanting began. “Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!”

Lucas couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. His eyes stung.

Alex spotted him in the crowd and made a beeline toward him. “Come on, big boy. I’m gonna rock your world.”

Before Lucas could protest, Alex grabbed his wrist and tugged him forward. Lucas tried to process what was happening as Alex pulled him into the closet, maneuvering around the objects inside. He spun Lucas around so they were face to face. And then it was dark.

The sounds were muffled, but he knew there were people piled against the door, trying to hear. Three loud bangs startled him, followed by a booming male voice that yelled, “Get it!”

“Hi,” Alex said.

“Why are you doing this?”

He hated how soft and shaky his voice sounded. He hated how weak and vulnerable he felt. Most of all, he hated how he must look to this boy, the boy he’d started to think of as
his
Alex, despite how absurd he knew that was.

“To stick it to those assholes. Never let them see how much they get to you, Lucas. Don’t give them the satisfaction.”

He concentrated on steadying his voice. “Aren’t they your friends?”

“Yeah. I guess. Doesn’t mean they’re not assholes.”

In the darkness, all Lucas could see was the outline of Alex’s face. The only light in the closet came from the crack under the door. As Lucas glanced down at it, he saw shadows moving while the commotion outside grew louder.

“They’re not gonna do anything,” someone said.

“I don’t know. It’s really quiet in there.”

“Dude, they’re getting their mack on.”

“No way, dude. Alex wouldn’t do that.”

“He went in there, didn’t he?”

“That’s just Alex, man. He’s all about shock and awe.”

“And blowjobs.”

“Little Lucy Cocksucker!”

“Get it, Alex!”

Alex took a step closer to Lucas, who scuffled backward. What did Alex expect him to do? He felt Alex’s hand on his shoulder. His grip was gentle and his fingers warm, even through the fabric of his T-shirt. Lucas felt light-headed. His heart pounded and his knees felt weak. He needed to get out of this closet.

“Have you ever kissed a boy before?” Alex said.

Lucas gulped. The answer was no, but somehow he couldn’t get the word out. He shook his head.

“But you want to, right?”

Lucas didn’t respond. The question was too painful. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to admit something like that? But there was no point in denying it. It was true. He knew it. Alex knew it. Everyone knew it. Hell, his parents probably even knew it. For once he wanted to admit it. But he couldn’t say it. Not to Alex. Not to someone who might ridicule him upon confession. His eyes welled with tears, and he sniffled.

“Shhh, come here,” Alex said, pulling Lucas into a hug. “It’s okay if you do, you know?”

Lucas’s defenses weakened. He accepted the embrace. He reached his arms around Alex’s waist and held on. After a few moments, his tears let up, and he gave in to a flood of sensations. His face lay against Alex’s chest, where he could hear Alex’s heartbeat, the steady rhythm drowning out all other sounds. He buried his nose in Alex’s T-shirt and got his first real scent of boy, a pungent mix of sweat and something earthy. Lucas felt as though he were encased in a cocoon of warmth, a shelter, solid and strong. He felt safe in a way he never had before.

The embrace lingered, and then Alex pulled away. “Close your eyes, Lucas.”

“Why? What are you gonna do?”

“I’m gonna kiss you. If that’s okay.”

Lucas hesitated.

“Okay?”

“Yes,” Lucas said, barely a whisper.

Alex wiped away the traces of Lucas’s tears. He reached for his wrists. “Here,” he said as he placed Lucas’s hands behind his neck, allowing Lucas’s fingers to rest in his hairline.

Lucas’s heart fluttered. He was touching another boy!

Alex leaned in. “Chin up, Lucas.”

As Lucas tentatively lifted his chin, Alex’s lips searched for his, brushing first across his cheek before finding their mark. The press of warm, soft lips against his own caused a tingling sensation to spread through Lucas’s chest. When Alex parted his lips, Lucas did the same. Alex gently sucked Lucas’s top lip between his own. Lucas felt the sensation all the way to his toes.

When Alex released him, a whimper escaped Lucas’s lips, and he tightened his grip on Alex’s neck.

Alex chuckled, and then leaned in again, this time meeting his lips with more force. Lucas really did feel like he was in heaven.

“10! 9! 8!”

Alex jerked back. “Don’t listen to them, Lucas. They’re idiots.”

“7! 6! 5!”

Alex dropped to his knees and grabbed Lucas’s fly.

Lucas squealed. “What are you doing?”

“4! 3! 2! 1!”

As the door swung open, Lucas reached frantically for his fly. The shouting and laughter died away as the crowd saw Alex on his knees. He climbed to his feet and stepped into the room, where Lucas saw nothing but shock and confusion.

“What?” Alex grinned. “He’s hung like a bear!”

“What the fuck, man?” said a voice in the crowd.

“Dude, that’s disgusting.”

“You’re shitting me.”

Lucas’s face grew hot. Why would Alex do that? Why would he say that?

Everyone in the room was waiting for him to come out of the closet. He felt like a cornered animal and knew he had to get out of there. Head down, he kept his eyes on the ground as he made a dash for the exit.

A
LEX
watched Lucas sprint toward the exit. He hoped Lucas wasn’t mad at him. Maybe he shouldn’t have done that.

Alex cringed when he saw Trish charge toward him.

“What the hell happened in there?” she said, placing both hands on her hips. “You better not have hurt him.”

“No, I didn’t. I’ll go talk to him.”

“No,
I’ll
go talk to him.”

Donovan grabbed her arm. He looked even more pissed than she did. “Let him go. I’m sure Lucas would rather be left alone.”

“I’ll go talk to him,” Alex said.

He hurried outside, hoping to catch Lucas before he drove off. He spotted him across the lot getting into his car. He jogged over to find Lucas resting against the steering wheel, his head buried in his arms.

Alex tapped on the passenger window.

Lucas looked up and then shook his head.

“Please? Please, can I talk to you?”

Lucas hesitated but released the lock.

“Hey,” Alex said, once he was inside.

Lucas didn’t respond.

“I’m sorry, Lucas.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know. I guess I hate stereotypes, you know? I don’t always think before I act. It was stupid.”

Lucas remained quiet.

“Shit. I guess I wasn’t thinking about you. I mean, just cause I don’t care what people think doesn’t mean you don’t either. I’m no better than the rest of those assholes sometimes. I’m really sorry.”

Their eyes met, and Lucas said, “Are you…?”

“Gay?” Alex shook his head. “No, I’m not.”

Lucas looked away quickly.

Alex hoped he hadn’t hurt him, hadn’t led him on. “So don’t go falling in love with me,” he said, attempting to make light of the heavy moment.

“But people are going to think…. Aren’t you afraid what people are going to think?”

“Fuck ’em. I don’t care what they think.”

“So you’re really not….”

“No.”

Lucas was struggling. He couldn’t even say the word “gay.”

“Are you?” Alex said.

Lucas slowly nodded. “Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Am what?”

Lucas rolled his eyes. “I’m gay.”

Alex chuckled. “There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“You don’t care?”

“No. Why should I care?”

“I don’t know. You’re probably gonna have a hard time getting dates now.”

“Whatever. There’s only one girl I’m interested in. And apparently she likes gays, so I think I’m okay.”

“Who?”

“Promise not to tell?”

“Who would I tell?”

“Promise,” Alex said.

“I promise.”

“Trish.”

Lucas drew in a quick breath.

“I don’t think she likes me, though,” he continued. “You should’ve seen the way she was looking at me back there. Maybe you could put in a good word for me, yeah?”

No response.

“Sorry. That was probably insensitive.”

“It’s okay. I think she likes someone else, though.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

Lucas’s phone buzzed, but he didn’t answer it.

Alex poked his shoulder. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“No.”

“I did kinda steal your first kiss.”

Even in the dark car, Alex could see Lucas blush.

“How was it?”

Lucas didn’t answer but a smile spread across his face.

“That good?”

“Yeah.”

Lucas’s phone buzzed again, and he turned it over in his hands.

“That’s probably Trish. She was really worried about you.”

“Oh God,” Lucas said. “I’m supposed to take her home after the party. I can’t go back in there.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure she has a ride.”

“How fortuitous,” Lucas deadpanned. Then he laughed. It was the first time Alex had heard him laugh.

“Yeah, well, you know—I can’t refuse a damsel in distress.”

Lucas’s smile fell. It was the wrong thing to say.

“Hey, come on, it was a joke. I was talking about Trish.”

Lucas was quiet for a moment, picking at the seam of his jeans. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, anything.”

“When you kissed me, was it like kissing a girl?”

“No, it wasn’t like kissing a girl. I mean, I never kissed a boy before, but it was like—I don’t know. It was just like—kissing you.”

Lucas smiled, then chewed on his bottom lip. “Can I ask you something else?”

“Shoot.”

“Have you ever… um… have you ever met my mom?”

Alex laughed. Boy, had he ever. “Yeah, a couple weeks ago.”

“Oh God.” Lucas hid his face in his hands.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You know how moms are. They have to embarrass you. It’s in their job description.”

“She’s out of control.”

“Forget it. No big deal.” Alex placed a hand on Lucas’s shoulder. “Hey, are we okay?”

Lucas nodded, then lowered his hands from his face. “Yeah.”

“Cool. You were really good tonight, you know? You should be proud of yourself. I was impressed.”

“Thanks.”

“The piano playing wasn’t bad either,” Alex said, giving Lucas a wink.

It took him a second to catch the joke, but then a wide grin spread across his face.

“I’ll see ya,” Alex said and then left to go back to the party.

Chapter Six
Puckers and Peckers

T
HE
familiar scent of chlorine overwhelmed Lucas as he entered the pool facility. He climbed the bleachers to his usual seat at the far end. He spotted his brother in one of the middle lanes working on his backstroke. He liked watching Mason swim. Lucas admired passion in people, and his brother was as passionate about swimming as Lucas was about playing piano.

Lucas spent a lot of time at the pool. He felt at home there despite the fact he was merely an onlooker. He’d grown accustomed to the noisy atmosphere: whistles chirping, water splashing, kids chattering, and coaches barking out instructions. It was an organized chaos. He’d learned to tune it out after a while, so he could read or do his homework instead of watching.

Mason hated that his brother attended practice, so Lucas tried to keep a low profile. Lucas understood his reasons. Mason’s teammates gave him a hard time. Voices carried at the pool, and Lucas often heard the boys tease Mason. “Your brother’s checking out my junk” seemed to be a popular sentiment. It upset Lucas when he heard those remarks, because they made him sound dirty. He liked looking at the bodies of the male swimmers, but that didn’t make him a pervert. What was the harm in looking? A guy like Zach Teagan, for instance, had a body that was long and lean and graceful. He deserved to be worshiped.