Playboy Doctor (19 page)

"Wait, what's today date?" she whispered, fearing the answer.

"It's the third. Why?"

Hearing the date made her moan. How could she have not seen it coming?

"Right. The third. So that explains it. Today was the anniversary of the last baby I lost. Along with my husband's departure."

The date had etched itself onto her heart and come to the surface, like all the important dates of her lost children did, even due dates that never came to light. How many more times would she wake to nightmares like this? Shayne squeezed her tight.

"Don't worry, Willow. We haven't talked about it... I wanted to give you time, but just know, we'll find the reason behind this. We'll find the cause. And then make it right. You'll have lots of babies in your future. I know you will."

In the moonlight peeking through the window, Shayne looked at her so lovingly and with such compassion she feared if she touched his face, he'd shatter into a thousand pieces and disappear. He could never know how deeply his kind words pierced her. Willow choked back a gasp. Her blood ran cold. If only he knew the truth. She'd have no babies and didn't have the heart to tell him. Willow sank into his arms and wept.

* * *

Shayne definitely slept well, he couldn't deny it. Nor could he deny how much he cared about Willow. But in the early morning hours, he stared wide-eyed up at the ceiling in Willow's bedroom while she slept soundly next to him.

Concern had tugged him from his sleep and held fast. Willow's bad dreams troubled him—more specifically, something she'd said in her sleep after he'd soothed her. He didn't know what to make of it. Didn't know if he'd simply heard mere utterances from wretched dreams. But the phrase
can't lie
came out loud and clear, enough to wake him. She said it more than once in her fitful slumber before settling down for good.

He could have woken her, asked what the words meant, if they'd meant anything at all. But he couldn't do it to her after the awful dreams she'd endured, leaving her to cry out. He hated to see or hear her suffer, even from a bad dream. So he'd held her and slept with her until he awoke to those two troubling words.

Can't lie.

Was she hiding something from him?

Shayne slipped out of bed, taking care not to wake Willow. He pulled on his clothes and stepped out onto the back patio for some air and sunshine. He was contemplating a stroll down to the water's edge when his cell phone rang.

His brother, Grant.

For some reason, Willow's hopes for him to work things out with his brother Blake filled his head with a buzzing that refused to go away... at least until he answered this call.

"Grant, do you have any idea what time it is here in the States?"

"It's the morning."

"An
early
Sunday morning. Too early."

"You were always an early riser, so no harm done, eh? We're about to eat lunch on this side of the pond. You're a tough man to track down, big brother," Grant said over the line. "I'd thought you dropped off the face of the earth."

"Been busy. Saving lives and such."

"You haven't returned my calls. I have to keep track of you by flipping through the pages of the
Daily
Mirror
to see what celebrity you're hobnobbing with this week."

"You grossly exaggerate."

"I'm just worried about you. Mum is especially worried you never received her care package."

Shayne grinned over his mother's love. "Yes, yes. I'd just sent her a note about it." He chose not to mention the photo of his brothers and him tucked inside, a reminder of his past. Troubles followed him no matter where he went in the world. Even in the form of a well-intentioned care package.

After a long pause on the line, Grant sighed. Never a good sign. "Mum's not doing well."

Shayne stiffened. "What is it?"

"She's heartbroken you won't come to Blake's wedding, you prat. Face it, Blake and Fiona are getting married and they want you to come to the ceremony. He wants his brother there. Say you'll come."

Shayne sneered at the news. "Right and I'll be sure to bring a lovely gift."

"I mean it, the best gift you can give them is your presence."

Shayne responded with silence.

"It was a worth a shot," Grant grumbled. "Look, Shayne, I know this is tearing you up inside. But you and Blake have to resolve this if you are to move on."

"And how do you suppose we do that?"

"Come to terms with what happened. Accept it."

"How does one accept something like this, Grant?"

"Through forgiveness."

"Impossible."

"No, Shayne, you're the one who's impossible. Fiona told me how you two were already through by the time she ended up with Blake. Your stubbornness will tear apart the family for good."

"Fiona tore apart the family, not me. Just because she and I were having troubles didn't mean she had to run into Blake's arms. I'm not the villain here."

"Neither is Blake. He's your brother. Please don't hate him. You were halfway around the world when this occurred. You've got to believe he didn't intend for this to happen."

"He didn't intend it but he still allowed it once he knew."

"He was already in love with her by the time you came around to committing to Fiona. And she was having his baby—"

"Which she neglected to mention the baby was Blake's while we were trying to work things out."

"Maybe she was confused."

"Maybe she was manipulative."

Grant sighed again. "Shayne, you can't control the world and everyone in it."

"Can't I?" he snapped back. "Fiona lied to me, letting me think the baby was mine. All the while she hid the truth until I pushed for commitment."

"Your so-called commitment was a last-ditch effort to make a failed relationship work."

"Is that how you see it?"

"It's how Fiona sees it."

The haunting truth, spoken aloud, startled him. He'd believed he attempted to do the right thing, committing to Fiona. All the while she was hiding a life-changing truth. He never wanted someone to have such control over his life—or his future—again. He never wanted someone to withhold the truth again.

"I wanted to be there for my son," Shayne said.
His son
. How strange the words sounded now. "I would have been there if he were mine. But he's not. And I certainly won't be there at Blake and Fiona's wedding. I control my own life on my terms and it doesn't include them."

"Blake is family. You can't refuse to talk to him forever. He misses you. So do I." Grant murmured the words with powerful angst. It hurt Shayne to hear the torment in his brother's voice. But Shayne couldn't let go of the resentment, not when anger had already carved up his heart.

* * *

Willow woke to find herself alone in bed. She recalled feeling Shayne stir earlier when she was drifting in and out of much needed sleep. She rose, pulled on a short satin robe and went in search of him.

She wended her way through the kitchen and saw Shayne's strong backside out in the patio. Probably enjoying the view of the ocean on this amazing morning.

"There you are." She stepped through the back door, reached out and embraced him from behind. He stiffened. Not the response she expected.

She pulled back. He turned toward her, his cell phone gripped in his hand.

Willow lowered her gaze to the phone. Her mind whirred, fearing bad news. "Is everything all right? Is it about Baby Jack?"

Shayne shook his head. "I just talked to Grant."

What should have been good news came across as dreadful. Shayne looked like a man broken. She didn't know what to say, didn't know if she should reach for him. So she simply asked, "Did something happen to Grant? He is okay?"

Shayne
hmphed
. "He's fine. So are Blake and Fiona. He wanted my answer on the wedding. I gave him my regrets."

"I'm sorry. But I'm glad you at least talked to Grant."

Shayne's Adam's apple dropped low in his throat in a hard swallow. She could tell he swallowed back the loss. The sun shone on him, making his skin golden, but couldn't reflect any light in his eyes.

"Fiona held back the truth about our child. She lied to me. Living a lie is an unforgivable act I'll never go through again."

Dread whirled in Willow's belly. She wanted to bring her hand to her abdomen to stop the hateful whirl, but stood too fearful to make a move. She remained still as she came face to face with the truth; Shayne merely had to swap out Fiona's name for her own and he'd know he'd been living a lie once again.

"I understand," she whispered.

"Which brings me to us."

"Us?" She swallowed. She feared his sobering tone and the tumultuous energy surrounding him. "What about us?"

"You're hiding something from me. I've seen the signs before, hell, I've lived them. You can't lie, Willow." Defeat pushed aside his usual commanding tone.

Fissures crackled along Willow's heart as it threatened to break fully. Her heart thumped in her chest so hard she feared her rib cage would split. Her quickening pulse throbbed through her arteries until the rushing blood roared in her ears.

"I wanted to tell you... I did try but, but," she stuttered, her tone drifting to silence.

"Say it, Willow. What do you want to tell me?" His imploring expression only made her pulse race harder... and her heart break a little louder.

"I can't have children and I know why. I have MTHFR. I couldn't have a worse genetic combination for the blood clotting disorder."

Shayne looked at his cell phone and then back at her. Could he be reliving the conversation with Grant? The one about the wedding? And Fiona? And her lie? Oh, God, what must he think of her right now?

"You knew the whole time? Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his hurt deepening before her very eyes. "I told you about what I'd gone through and yet you didn't tell me about your situation?"

"I couldn't tell you
because
of what you'd gone through."

"After everything that's happened between us, you couldn't tell me the truth?"

"I just didn't know where this would go. How far we'd take this... I didn't trust..."

"Trust what?"

Like a steam kettle, Willow's frustration reached a boiling point. "Face it, Shayne, you were leaving."

"So that's your reasoning? You kept me on a shoddy need-to-know basis despite how far we've taken things?"

"What was I supposed to do? Tell you all my deep dark secrets and have you turn your back on me for London?" she snapped. "What good would that do?"

"I'd done everything in my power to get you to trust me, including opening up my very soul, damn it." He slung his hands on his hips and shifted in disdain. "You let me go on and on about wanting a wife and children, and let me think—no—let me
feel
, like maybe we had something. A future perhaps—

"I knew all along we had no future," she blurted.

Taken aback, he glared at her. "You've made a fool of me."

"I didn't mean to."

"All your concern about my playboy reputation. And your not wanting to be a conquest. But really, who's the conquest here, Willow?"

"Is that what you think? That I was looking to score a rich, famous doctor?" she yelled. "Don't do this, Shayne. Don't put your fears on me."

"I could say the same to you; you're the one who just dropped a bomb."

An angry tear escaped her. "I wanted to spare you, wanted to spare us," she paused to wipe away the tear, but another took its place. "Your reaction right now is exactly why I didn't tell you."

"I'd already told you; you don't know what I'm capable of."

"I'm learning awfully fast exactly what you're capable of." She crossed her arms around her waist, keeping her satin wrapped tightly. In doing so, maybe she could keep her heart in check. "I still believe you're capable of a relationship, just not with me."

"I'm sorry you see things that way. Perhaps it's for the best. Like you said, I'll be going back to London. Apparently, I have nothing to keep me here." Shayne brushed past and left Willow alone on the patio.

Chapter 16

Twenty hours. Shayne hadn't spoken to Willow for that long. From the moment he'd first laid eyes on her, he'd barely gone but twenty minutes without talking to her, seeing her, touching her, smelling her, or obsessing over her. Let alone twenty hours. But yesterday morning's events had been a shuddering blow. He'd walked away from Willow and had been miserable ever since.

Trying to have a normal Monday morning, he began his usual pre-dawn run on the beach. He started out slow, eased into the workout. His unsteady footing on the sand added extra resistance to his run. Along the ocean horizon, a ripple of pink colored the sky, promising a beautiful day. But he'd have none of it as he wallowed in his own personal storm clouds.

He couldn't wipe the image of Willow out of his head, of her standing on her back patio, holding her satin robe to her chest tightly, looking so full of regret.

Shayne kicked up his pace, pumping his leg muscles to push harder through the sand. Anything to chase thoughts of Willow out of his head. But he hadn't managed to stop dwelling on her in the last twenty hours, why did he think he could do it now? Not when he'd be seeing her shortly at the hospital.