Playboy Pilot (16 page)

Kendall was a joy to watch as she sat with her legs crossed, blowing smoke rings from the hookah pipe with that pretty little mouth as she laughed and opened up to me.

I had never wanted her more, but as much as I was aching for a taste of her, I vowed to keep my promise not to push physical boundaries while she was in this state of limbo.

Later that night, she’d fallen asleep with her ass pressed against my side. Between the quiet of the desert and my raging hard-on, I couldn’t sleep for shit.

Desperately needing relief, I quietly got up from the bed and retreated to the bathroom. With my back leaning against the door, I closed my eyes and thought back to our time at the club, but instead of us dancing, somehow my mind had envisioned Kendall fully naked, wrapped around me as she rode my cock on the dance floor.

We were so close to Nirvana that night before I fucked up and left her alone on the street. Shaking the upsetting thought from my head, I tried to focus once again on my club fantasy.

Panting, I fisted my cock, pumping it hard as I imagined fucking her hot, wet pussy, remembering the way she smelled when our bodies were close, how much she wanted me that night, the way her tongue tasted when we kissed.

I jerked myself harder before suddenly stopping at the sound of her voice from behind the door.

“Carter? What are you doing?”

Shit.

I laughed under my breath and banged the back of my head against the wood. “Praying?”

“Do you always breathe like that when you’re praying?”

“It’s an intense prayer.”

“What are you really doing?”

“I think you might know what I’m really doing, Kendall.”

“Can I come in?”

Still fully erect, I tucked my cock back into my pants as best I could before opening the door.

Her eyes trailed down to my massive erection. “I’m sorry….to make you resort to that.”

“It’s okay. My hand and I haven’t spent time like this since I was a teenager. I think he missed me.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“You.”

“Yeah…but what specifically?”

“It was this fantasy of fucking you on the dance floor back at the club.”

She looked down at me again. Her expression was serious when she asked, “You need some help?”

“I thought you said we weren’t going to go there.”

“I can’t have sex with you. But I want to touch you. I could take my clothes off, let you finish what you started. You know…help you.”

Looking up at the ceiling, I shook my head. “You have no fucking clue, do you?”

“What do you mean?”

“How crazy you make me. There’s no halfway with you. Jerking off with your naked body right in front of me…not being able to do what I really want to you…would be torture. I don’t have that kind of willpower, not with you, not anymore. Even when I kiss you, all I can think about is burying myself inside of you. But you naked in front of me? Too much, Kendall. When you strip down for me, I want it to be when you’re ready to let me have you. Otherwise, it’s better if I don’t know what I’m missing out on.”

Looking filled with remorse, she waved her hands. “Okay. I get it. I’m sorry…for interrupting.”

“Go back to bed. I’ll be right there.”

After Kendall left, I closed my eyes in regret. Was I crazy for turning her away like that?

Now that she knew what I was up to in here, I couldn’t relax. Still needing release like a motherfucker, I turned on the shower and got in. Ironically, I jerked myself to thoughts of her naked body against the bathroom door and imagined she was watching me.

Fuck my life.

WHEN I OPENED MY EYES
the next morning, Carter was gone from the room. He was probably getting breakfast. I had no clue what time it even was.

God, I felt so stupid.

What the hell was I thinking interrupting him like that last night, offering him nothing but another giant cock tease? Hearing him panting like that, knowing what he was doing behind that door, was making me crazy.

Shit or get off the pot, Kendall.

Carter had no clue how badly I wanted to give everything to him. I just couldn’t allow myself to go there until my head was on straight, because there was no way I could compartmentalize sex with him, no way I could keep my emotions out of it. I had to be sure not only of his intentions, but my own before taking a step like that.

I heard a thump against the window.

What the hell?

Then came another thump.

After sliding the curtain to the side, I literally jumped at the sight of what met me. It was the face of an animal that I quickly realized was a camel. On top of said animal was Carter, who was smiling and waving like a lunatic.

“Open the window,” he mouthed.

I lifted the windowsill. “What the hell is going on?”

“Get dressed and get your beautiful ass out here. We’re riding this guy. Long pants would be best.”

“I’m not hopping on that thing.”

“Sadly, it’s not the first time you’ve said that to me,” he joked. “But this time, you’re not getting out of it. Come on! We only have him for an hour.”

Carter flashed his beautiful smile and one look at that chin dimple was the push I needed to get out of bed.

The desert heat was already scorching for so early in the day. Carter was off of the camel and standing next to Amari.

Our host smiled at me. “Good morning.” He petted the camel. “You guys have fun on Fouad here. After you’re done, I have a nice traditional Arabic breakfast waiting.”

“Thank you, Amari. That sounds great.”

“Amari’s gonna help us get on,” Carter said.

Amari got the animal to sit, then said, “Getting on is the hardest part. After that, it’s smooth sailing.” After he helped both of us onto the animal, he said, “Carter’s a pro at this. You’re in good hands.”

I whispered behind Carter’s back. “You seem to be a pro at everything.”

He turned around. “Except getting the one thing I really want.” He winked. “Just kidding, beautiful.”

“No, you’re not.”

“You’re right. I’m not.” Carter placed a tender kiss on my lips that was interrupted when the camel started moving forward.

“Off we go, I guess! How exactly does one direct a camel?” I asked.

“Actually, I have no idea. Camels don’t really respond if you try to steer them. But I’ve always had luck just going with the flow. The main thing is just not doing anything erratic to spook them out.”

Blinking to rid my eyes of sand that was blowing in the desert breeze, I leaned into Carter, relaxing my cheek onto his back. As always, I felt safe whenever he was in control.

We rode in silence for a while before I was the first to speak.

“I’m sorry about last night. It was stupid of me to do something like that if I had no intention of taking it all the way with you.”

“Don’t worry about it. I hope you understand where I was coming from, though.”

“I do.”

“When I finally take you, there’s not going to be any holding back. That’s why you need to be completely ready for it.”

“I know you’re not used to women thinking twice before opening their legs to you.”

“Do you not remember me telling you that I liked a challenge?”

“I remember.”

“I’m up for it, Perky. Don’t worry. I’ll wait as long you need me to.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead. Anything. You know that.”

“All of the women…never letting anyone in…even your career which assures you’re never in one place for too long…is it all because of Lucy?”

Silence.

God, I was such an idiot.
Again.

After a few minutes, I finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Carter. I shouldn’t have asked that. It seems I just keep sticking my nose in places it doesn’t belong the last twelve hours. First the bathroom, now this. I was out of line. I hope you’re not upset.”

His voice was low. “I am upset, but it has nothing to do with you.”

Carter steered the camel down a small hill. It was nothing but sand for miles. And us. The few buildings that sporadically dotted the desert were no longer in sight. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

“That’s the thing. I’ve never talked about Lucy. Not with anyone. My parents tried for a while, but they quickly realized they weren’t going to get anywhere and gave up. As horrible as it sounds, I just moved on. It’s been years since I let myself stop and think about everything that happened. Pretty sure I’ve thought about my life more in the last forty-eight hours than I have in the last fifteen years. Didn’t realize how much I was still holding onto.”

“Sometimes the things we hold onto the tightest are the things we most need to set free.”

Carter sighed. “Yeah.”

“It sort of makes sense. The lifestyle you lead. Always moving around and blowing through women. You can’t get hurt if you never get attached.”

“And I can’t hurt them if they never get too close.”

“It’s a protective mechanism. We all do it to some extent. I’ve been doing it the last year myself. In the back of my mind, I knew what I was going to eventually have to do, and I started pushing people away. My friends, the little family I have left…I didn’t want them to judge me when the time came.”

Somehow, Carter reigned in Fouad, and we came to a stop. He managed to swing one leg over the camel and turned so we were facing each other completely. Pushing a lock of hair behind my ear, he said, “I won’t judge you, Perky. Not ever. I give you my word.”

His eyes were filled with sincerity. I truly believed he meant it.

“And I’m here for you if you want to talk about Lucy. Anytime, anywhere. Even when this trip is over.” My heart squeezed thinking it wasn’t long now, the end of the road was coming near.

Carter kissed my forehead and then wrapped me in a tight embrace. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

Apparently, Fouad decided we were done with our little heart to heart. He started walking again, forcing Carter to swing back around and face forward. For the rest of the ride, I kept my arms wrapped around him from behind and did what I’d done since the first time I followed this man—held on tight.