Playing All the Angles (29 page)

“Of course I’ve wanted to talk to you, Isabelle. But I’ve understood the distance. I understand. You know, you ruin someone’s life and…I don’t really—I haven’t expected anything different.”

Isabelle faltered and for a moment nearly hung up. She couldn’t think of anything else to say. What would she say to Eve in person? But even if it was just closure, Patrick was right. She needed it. Finally, when the silence became unbearable, she asked, “What time will be good for you tomorrow?”

“Noon,” Eve said swiftly, as though she’d been afraid Isabelle might change her mind. “Why don’t we meet at Il Trattoria? On me, of course.”

“Noon. Reservation under your name?”

“Of course.”

Isabelle thanked her before hanging up. She wanted to call her family, but she didn’t have the emotional energy for it, so she shored up with Patrick’s quiet contentment until the meeting the next day.

Eve was a few minutes late, sweeping in and wearing a forest green cashmere dress and boots, revealed when she dropped the camel-colored coat she’d worn over them. Disgustingly, she looked better than she had before the baby, and Isabelle said so.

“Thank you,” Eve replied with a nervous smile, taking her seat. Isabelle noted that her nails were chewed down to nothing. She was afraid and striving for casual. “It’s all Marcus and massive knickers. I’d be knocking around in a track suit left to my own devices. Anything for comfort.”

“You look comfortable,” Isabelle lied, smiling. “And happy. Things are good for you and Tad?”

She nodded, but her face was tight. “Yes, good. Very good. We’re very happy.”

“I’m glad.”

“What about you? Are you and Patrick…?”

“It’s going well. We spend as much time together as we can, but it’s hard with work and school.”

“I guess it would be.”

They ordered their lunch and then sat quietly for a little while.

Eve looked to the ceiling and let out a breath. “You know, I stood outside an extra ten minutes because I was afraid to come in.”

“You? Afraid of me?”

“I wasn’t sure I could face you.” She met her sister’s eyes for the first time, her own swimming in tears.

Isabelle licked her lips and lifted her shoulders, unsure of what to say.

Eve went on. “I can’t ever apologize enough. I know I can’t. And I know I can’t explain it away. I can’t do enough to deserve seeing you again, and, Isabelle, I don’t ever—and I mean this—I don’t ever expect forgiveness. I did a monstrous thing. I was a monster.”

“You hurt me more than anyone ever has,” Isabelle agreed quietly.

“And you’re the only one I ever cared about. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“So, why? Why, Evie?”

“Selfish. Ridiculous. Lonely. Probably jealous. Ridiculous—I said that one. And short-sighted. I know this sounds so…untrue, but until Dominic was proposing to you, I never really connected it in my head. It wasn’t real until then. And then it was too late.”

“I’ve tried really hard not to hate you.”

“I won’t blame you if you do.”

“I can’t. I did try.”

Eve’s face lit with something like hope, but it was quickly chased away by shame. “I can’t make it up to you.”

“No. You can’t.”

They sat in silence after that, Eve looking down at her hands in her lap. Twice, it looked as though she might speak, but she never seemed to be able to find her voice.

“You haven’t heard from any of them?” Isabelle finally asked.

“No. Why would I expect to? After what I did to you? I’m surprised they didn’t come burn my flat down.”

“I didn’t want to tell them.” She shook her head and rattled off her reasoning. “They wouldn’t know if the attorney hadn’t told them.”

Eve’s cheeks colored and then paled. “Well, I couldn’t really expect otherwise, could I?” She blew a hard breath through her nose. “They had to choose, and they chose. I’m just sorry for what I did to cause it all.”

“Have you tried? I mean, have you reached out to them at all?”

“I sent a birth announcement.” She waved her hand and wiped a stray tear in one motion. “It was returned to sender, unopened.”

“That’s a bit beyond the pale.”

Eve let out a laugh at that. “You think? I don’t. They’re protecting you. I shouldn’t even have agitated them with it. Listen, don’t think about it. Okay? You really shouldn’t. It’s nothing to do with you; it’s to do with me. How I behaved. Funny, that out of all of the family, you’re the one who’s talking to me. It’s ridiculous that you are. I…I made incredibly bad, evil choices. I’ve been the worst.”

“Yeah, well, I thought about what you said to me that night and before then, and I realized in your own backward way, you were trying to protect me. I’m still really hurt about the thing with Dominic. I wish you’d just told me the truth at the start so I wouldn’t have ended up married to him. But you’re my sister and I still love you.”

Eve’s mouth twitched.

Isabelle went on. “I understand why you didn’t tell me, though. Actually—” She laughed. “I thought maybe you’d tell me that you’d just made up the story to get me away from him. Maybe?”

Eve looked to the ceiling again and grimaced. “It’s very tempting to say yes to that. You just gave me a glorious, face-saving out, didn’t you? Unfortunately, I’m not a hero. Just the slag who was sleeping with your boyfriend. Sorry.” She covered her face with both hands, smoothing her eyebrows and coughing before returning them to her lap. “Issie, I spent a lot of time talking to my therapist about why I did it, the fact that I can’t make up for it, and how that’s going to affect all of us for the rest of our lives. I don’t want you to think it’s never occurred to me—what it did to you. What it might continue to do to you. I think about it all the time. I think about what it means for your future, for my future, for Xandra’s. I am horrified with myself that I did that to Dominic. Made him a father without him knowing it.”

Isabelle frowned. “Are you sure he’s the father? Xandra doesn’t look anything like him.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Eve said with a dry laugh. “Issie, I’m sorry. I am. I know that he’s the one.” She hesitated before adding, “Dom and I are still in touch. He came to see her at the hospital and spent some time with her before he left. We’ve got an agreement so that he can be part of her life. It’s, well, I suppose it’s us trying to be grown-ups about the whole thing. I thought you should know. In case it’s…bothersome. I’ve wreaked a lot of havoc with half-truths and lies, and I don’t want to do that again.”

Isabelle paused and let the information settle. Dominic felt like a lifetime ago. Like something that happened to someone else. Finally, she nodded. “Okay. I suppose it doesn’t really matter now, anyway.” She leaned down and picked up a gift bag from beneath her seat. “I bought this for Xandra after I saw the baby’s room you’d done. I don’t know if it still matches now that you’ve moved house, but…” She handed over the bag.

“That’s beautiful.” Eve beamed, pulling out the frog. “She’ll love it. Well, she’ll drool on it. She’s an accomplished drooler. I brought you something, too.”

She drew a small, black linen photo album from her bag and pushed it across the table almost bashfully. “It’s all Xandra. You’ll probably have to forgive me. I’ve promised myself I won’t be one of those mothers who forces everyone to look at photos of her baby all the time, but since Marcus keeps hanging her little mug up all over the studio, I’ve become that mother inadvertently.”

Isabelle flipped through the photos, shaking her head. “She is beautiful.”

“She’s perfect. And I’m so thankful I didn’t damage her early on—before I knew she was in there.”

“I should have been there,” Isabelle said suddenly, looking Eve in the face. “None of us were there.”

“Tad and Marcus were.” Eve drew back slightly, lifting her hands. “And Ken and Samantha—Tad’s parents. I wasn’t alone. And you all were where you should have been. I—Jesus, Isabelle. I knew what would happen when I told you the truth. I didn’t expect anything from any of you. I’m still amazed they left me in quiet; it was kinder than what they could have done.”

Isabelle shook her head. “Through the whole thing, I mean. Your whole term, even before I knew. I wasn’t there. None of us were there. I only showed up at your place to nag you about your past with Dominic or to cry on your shoulder. I never once tried to…We are a terrible family, Eve.”

“I can’t disagree with that, but I can disagree with the rest. I’m not your responsibility.”

“The article said you were alone. You had her alone.”

“Don’t believe everything you read. I was exactly as alone as you can be with twenty people in a room. Alone isn’t bad. Alone is better than with Mum yelling, ‘Push, you tart! Push!’”

Before she could say another word, Isabelle dissolved into tears. “I can’t believe we left you all alone.”

Eve shushed her and scooted her chair around to pull her into her arms. “Shush, silly. Be quiet. It’s not like it was my first rodeo, remember? Different end to it, but I’ve experienced Mother’s thoughtful nurturing first-hand, and having had her through a miscarriage, I’d just as soon never have her within a thousand miles of my labor room.”

Isabelle sniffed hard, trying to compose herself before the lunches were served. Eve offered up a handful of tissues from a leather pouch, explaining it was from the XRode line of accessories for mothers on the go, seeming to do her best not to dissolve in tears alongside Isabelle. The sisters managed to bond over how Marcus had thought of everything. They trod lightly through the rest of the lunch conversation, and Eve took the tab, asking the server to box up a dessert for her sister as they went.

“Take this home.” She pressed the box into Isabelle’s hands. “Eat it. Don’t worry about me. My God, you’re a saint. We’ll talk soon and arrange a time for you to meet the baby. If you’d like.”

“Yes, please.” Isabelle was trying not to cry again. A sister shouldn’t have to add a caveat to an invitation for a baby to meet her aunt.

“Good.” Eve kissed both her sister’s cheeks and turned off into midday traffic, leaving Isabelle to find her car.

All in all, it hadn’t been bad, Isabelle told herself. At least it was a start.

“My family is weird.” Isabelle sighed to Patrick when they met later on.

“It certainly is,” he agreed with a laugh. “You’re the only normal one, and I’m not sure how that happened.”

“I missed most of the drama, I guess,” she said, shrugging. “Or I just spent enough time with your family to counterbalance.”

He smiled. “That’s a possibility. Mum practically adopted you.”

“I’m glad she didn’t, though,” she said, kissing him.

“Me, too,” he replied, sliding his arms around her. “Though she did tell me that I informed her very early on that I was going to marry you someday.”

“You didn’t!”

“I did.” He nodded. “I was seven, apparently, and just as certain as anything that it was going to be.”

“I’m amazed, since I used to follow you around like a puppy.”

“I adored it. I adored you. You’ve no idea how pretty you were, even then.”

“As I recall, you always had a runny nose.”

“I did. Yes.”

“I loved you in spite of it.”

“We were just meant to be.” He shrugged, kissing her again.

She melted into him, feeling safe and complete in his arms. It had always felt this way, so right that she couldn’t find words to explain it. She’d loved Dominic, but it had never been like this. Not even close.