Playing at Forever (26 page)

“What are you talking about?” 

“You can be honest, Penny.  I know you might be wearing my ring on your finger, but we both know that it’s all a lie.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tommy.”  Penny wracked her brain, trying to think of what he might be referring to. 

“I’m sure this break didn’t come free.  So what kind of deal did you make?  Are you going to start offering your services all around town, or is Gary going to be just another ‘old friend’?” 

And then it made sense.  Penny felt her eyes water.

“Do you really think that low of me?” 

“Well, a girl’s
gotta
make a living, doesn’t she?”  She couldn’t believe he was saying these things to her. 

She didn’t speak until they were at the airport, walking through the terminal.  Finally, they neared the commercial flight that would be taking her back home, to
Ravenside
.  “That
deal
that you were asking about—I didn’t make it for me.  I made it for
you
.  Gary wanted to use to The Seaside as a set for one of their movies.  I told him I wouldn’t even consider it unless he looked at your script.” 

She wiped angrily at her tears.  “I’m sorry I even bothered.”

And with that, she turned and hurried away, trying her hardest to keep it together until she had a few moments privacy—which she didn’t find until she stepped into the house she had spent the last several weeks sharing with the man who was now her husband. 

But the moment she did, Penny sunk to the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest, sobbing quietly into the emptiness.

Nearly a month had passed by the time filming
started,
and even longer before she was required to be there.  Penny returned to L.A., as she had promised, determined—this time—to make sure everything went as smoothly as it was supposed to. 

It was nothing but business, she told herself.

Rumors of a rift in their marriage were plentiful, but neither had addressed them.  Tommy had been spotted around town with a few different girls, but Penny had decided she didn’t care.

What was the point?  Penny thought. 

A car had picked her up and brought her back to his house, though he hadn’t been there.  She made her way around the quiet house, used to it after having spent so much time alone at the house in
Ravenside
.  “I didn’t know you were coming.”  His voice startled her and she jumped.

It was strange, being as angry with him as she was—yet still, her body reacted to even just the sight of him.  She suddenly longed to throw herself into his arms and forget about everything.

She couldn’t bring herself to do it, though. 

“I’m supposed to be on set this week.”  Tommy nodded.  She was sure he could have found that information out easily. 

“I’ll cancel my plans for tonight—”

“Oh, no.
  Don’t trouble yourself.”  She told him, shaking her head as she poured some dressing onto the salad she had thrown together.  “I’ll be fine here by myself.”

“Pen, I don’t mind—”

“I insist, Tommy.  Go out.  Live your life.”  She sat at the island, taking a bite of her salad, fully aware of his eyes on her. 

“Penny.”

“I’m just here for the movie, Tommy.  That’s all.”  She didn’t even look at him, knowing if she did, he would see the weakness in her eyes. 

“I’ll see you in the morning, then.” 

“See you in the morning.”  The moment she heard him leave, she pushed the salad away, suddenly losing her appetite. 

It was going to be a long week.

She wrapped on Christmas Eve.  This was her way of getting out of Christmas with her parents, she told herself.  She had told them they would be working—the studio was pushing things as quickly as possible. 

She had very few scenes, as had been promised.  All of them were with Tommy, of course. 

Her last scene, rather poetically, Penny thought, was the scene of her death. 

It didn’t take much for her to cry as Tommy sat at her bedside, begging her not to leave him. 

“Take care of the baby, Eric.”

“I can’t do it on my own—”

“Yes, you can.  I have faith in you.”  She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks.  This was much easier than she had expected it to be.  Her heart rate grew slower on the monitor. 

“Please, Sarah—please, you have to fight—”

“I love you.”  She reached out to touch his cheek.  She said the words with such conviction, and she knew that it was because she actually meant them. 

Penny loved Tommy.  

“Sarah,
”  Tommy’s
eyes were red with unshed tears as he leaned forward and touched his lips to hers.  She closed her eyes. 

A moment later, the loud beep of the monitor sounded and Penny lay there as she listened to the actors around her attempting to revive her.  

But it was no use, Penny thought to herself. 

There would be no coming back from this. 

“Hey, Pen—there’s a Christmas party tonight, over at Candy.  You and Tommy should come.”  One of the cast members poked their head into the trailer she was sharing with Tommy. 

“Oh, I don’t know,”
  Penny
shrugged her shoulders, not really up to spending the evening out.  “I’ll run it by him.” 

“It’s bound to be amazing—make sure you guys show, okay?”  Penny smiled her most excited smile, nodding her head.  The girl disappeared and Penny turned back to the mirror, wiping at her makeup.  They had made her skin deathly pale and her eyes dark. 

“You did good today,”
  his
voice startled her and she looked up, her smile small and sad. 

“Thanks.  So did you.”  He shrugged his shoulders, taking a seat.  “
Cally
invited us to a party at Candy tonight.”

“Do you want to go?”  Penny shrugged her shoulders, turning back to the mirror.  She felt him studying her as she wiped at her makeup. 

“If you want me to go, I’ll go.” 

“You haven’t done anything since you’ve been in town.”  It was true, but she hadn’t really minded.  She wasn’t exactly sure she wanted to spend Christmas Eve with a room full of strangers. 

Then again, she wasn’t sure she wanted to spend it home alone with Tommy either.

“Then we’ll go,”
  she
heard herself telling him, though she didn’t know why. 

“Great—do you want to go straight there?  Or should we stop back home first?”  She hadn’t worn her most L.A. outfit to the set, but as she thought about it, she didn’t really care.  Penny was tired of L.A.  She was tired of the fast paced life—tired of dressing to impress and of worrying about what everyone else thought. 

“We can go straight there.  I just need to freshen up a bit and I’ll be ready to go.”  He nodded, running a hand through his hair.  Tommy, of course, needed little preparation.  He always looked his best, no matter if in a t-shirt or a tuxedo.

“I’ll give you a few minutes then,” 

She sighed as she readied herself, applying a new layer of makeup—this time trying to look livelier than she felt. 

“Ready?”  He asked as she stepped out of the trailer.  It was hard to believe Christmas was less than a few hours away as she glanced around her, the fading California sun still warm and bright.  She nodded, following him across the lot to where he had parked his car. 

“We don’t have to stay long.”  Penny nodded, hoping they wouldn’t.  Her chest filled with dread as they pulled up to the club, which she could tell was definitely not her crowd. 

The moment they walked through the door, Tommy was pulled away from her.  He wasn’t exactly protesting as the wave of actors led him across the room and Penny sighed, having experienced something similar to this at the premiere. 

Like she had done before, she mingled around the room, smiling and striking up conversations with a few people.  She was grateful when she bumped into Ryan Wilson.  “This isn’t the way I’m used to spending Christmas,”
  he
told her as they settled on a couch.  She took a drink of the beverage he had given her.  “I’m used to snow and pine trees.” 

“Same here.
  Well, except for the snow part.  We only get that
every
once and awhile.  But
definitely
pine trees. 
And lots of hot chocolate.”
  Penny agreed.

“That sounds pretty nice,”
  Penny
closed her eyes, smiling softly as she thought about Christmases past.  “Well, maybe next year.” 

“Maybe next year,”
  she
agreed again, nodding sadly. 

“So, where’s that husband of yours?” 

“Oh, he’s around here somewhere.  He was swallowed up by a pack of rabid actors—and actresses—the moment we walked through the door.”

“He usually is, isn’t he?”  Penny nodded.  “He’s lucky he has you, though.  I can tell that you really care about him.” 

Was it that obvious? 

“I do,”
  she
finally admitted, nodding her head.  She shifted her gaze down to her drink, thinking about what she had just said. 

She did care about Tommy.  Much more than she should, she knew.  But she couldn’t help it. 

Love was a crazy emotion.

“He’s a good guy, Penny.  I know he’s got a few things going on, but he’s got a big heart.” 

“Oh, I know,”
  she
told him, nodding her head.  Having this conversation wasn’t helping.  In fact, it was only serving to remind her of how hopeless she actually was.  “Hey, I’m going to run off and powder my nose. 
Any idea where the bathroom is in this place?”
  Ryan laughed, pointing her toward the stairs.  “Thanks,”
  she
told him.

She didn’t notice them on her way in to the bathroom, but as she stepped out, she turned her head at just the right moment. 

Tommy was sitting on a couch, the lighting low. 

For a moment, she couldn’t breathe. 

There, sitting on his lap, was a dark-haired girl, wearing a very revealing Santa-outfit.  She had a leg on either side of him, her hands touching his chest, the top few buttons of his shirt undone as she kissed his neck.

Penny felt the tears in her eyes before she realized she was crying, the pain in her chest overwhelming. 

And, to make matters worse, he met her gaze. 

She took off down the stairs, hurrying through the crowd, desperate for an escape.  “There you are—”

“Can you take me back to Tommy’s place?”  She asked Ryan, her head spinning. 

“Sure—is he—
”

“I just need to get out of here, Ryan.”  Ryan glanced over her shoulder, where Tommy was descending the stairs, the girl trailing behind him. 

“Yeah, no problem, Penny.”
 

She made sure she thanked him for the ride as he pulled up to the house.  The crowd of paparazzi hadn’t budged since she and Tommy had left this morning—but as she pulled up with Ryan, the flashes flared to life. 

It didn’t even matter, though. 

She was done.

She hurried upstairs, her eyes blurred with tears, dialing the number for the airport as she began to undress, taking the first flight they offered her. 

The bed was cool as she climbed into it, her tears soaking into the heavy pillows. 

It didn’t take long for the bedroom door to open.  She heard him stumble into the room.  Felt the weight of his body as he sat on the bed. 

“I’m sorry, Pen.”  He whispered.  “I’m sorry.”

She could tell he was drunk.  She remembered
he
and Graham sitting at a table, doing a round of shots. 

“Nothing happened. 
Not tonight or any other night.”
  His fingers stroked her hair lightly.  “I swear it didn’t.” 

Did that really matter, she asked herself?  Was that even the point? 

“Please talk to me, Penny.”  She sniffed quietly. 

“Merry Christmas, Tommy,”
  Penny
finally whispered, the tears obvious in her voice.  She felt Tommy lay down in the bed beside her, though he didn’t try to touch her. 

“Can’t we just pretend, Pen?” 

“I think we’ve done enough pretending.”  She told him, feeling her heart break.

He lay there quietly for the rest of the night, eventually passing out.  Penny didn’t sleep, instead waiting for the sun to rise.  The view from his bedroom wasn’t nearly as good as the view from the beach, but she took it in anyway, doing her best to let go of the past. 

She rose, packing her bag as quietly as possible.  A cab was waiting for her outside and she hesitated at the doorway for a moment, her heart holding her back. 

Finally, she turned around and hurried back to the kitchen.  She pulled a stack of papers she’d had prepared before she’d left
Ravenside
out of her bag and set them on the island in the kitchen, knowing he would find them there.

After a moment of staring at the simple band on her finger, she tugged it off, placing it on top of the divorce papers. 

It was time to let go.

Time seemed to move much slower when she returned to
Ravenside
.  The days seemed longer, the nights quieter. 

She moved out of the house and rented a small one-bedroom apartment in town.  She spent her days at The Seaside, like she always had.  Amy had started working alongside her, after Kevin and Gina had walked away.

It was nice, Penny thought, having the company. 

And it was easier to push all of her feelings deep down inside her, not having to face every day alone. 

The months passed.  Tommy didn’t call.  He didn’t write.

She’d been through it all before.

That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, of course.  No, the pain was much worse this time than it had been last. 

Before, she’d only lost her best friend.

Now, she’d lost something that had become so much more. 

Still, she went through the motions every day.  She continued on, laughing where she was supposed to laugh and smiling where she was supposed to smile.  Doing exactly what was expected of her.