Playing Fate (Endgame Series Book 1) (20 page)

“So he didn’t just leave. He didn’t stop loving me.”

“Oh, Saylor.” Her arms pull me close. Her hands caress my back. “He never stopped loving us. He just stopped remembering how to show us.” I cry. I sob for years of confusion. Resentment. Anger. Bitterness. Despair. I cry for the man I love, the one I just learned I didn’t lose. He just lost himself. “You’ve thought all this time he stopped loving you?”

“Yes.” I sigh into her shoulder.

“I thought you knew. I don’t know if you were too young. If it was too much for you to understand. You were a little girl. I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Can you answer my question? If there had been a chance for us to be a family, would you have taken it? Given him a second chance?”

She closes her eyes. “Not unless he got help. These things aren’t that simple when you have another life dependent on you. I tried harder for you. I tried everything for our family. If he was going to continue the same path and be a detriment to your happiness, then no, I wouldn’t give him a second chance.”

“What if it wasn’t all that? What if he just made some mistakes? Was confused. Would you let him come home?”

“Without a doubt, baby. I loved him. I’ll always love him and not because he gave me you. He was a good man. He was my first love, and he had so much goodness in him.” Her answer seals my fate. Her words shred my heart. “Where is this coming from?”

“Nothing. You just helped me with a decision I was undecided in.” My fate was sealed. I had to let Deacon try. I had to let Julie know her mom. I had to let Adriane make amends.

Her eyes meet mine. I let her see everything I’m feeling. I let her feel the pain I’m drowning in. “Saylor.” I fall back into her, weeping for allowing myself to love. Not only Deacon but Julie as well. They weren’t mine. They never would be. I have to step back; I have to give Julie this chance to have her family intact. I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t.

It doesn’t matter what Deacon says. In time his anger and betrayal will fade. He’ll learn to let Adriane in. He’ll remember what she gave him—Julie. It didn’t matter the promises he made me. It didn’t matter he claimed to love me. His focus, his priority should be healing his family, and I’ll let him do that in peace.

“I think I want to come home for Spring Break.”

“I think that sounds wonderful.” She winks at me. “But let’s get through Christmas. It’s not too late. We can fly to Florida and spend a few weeks at home.”

“No, what’s done is done. We can have some quiet time here. I think it’s time I let Jack in.”

“He’d love that. Believe me, he loves you, and I knew you’d come around.”

I smile. “I know. I believe because I love Julie, just because she is Deacon’s.”

“I promise you won’t hurt forever.” I don’t put much stock in her words. I know I’m young, I know I have my entire life ahead of me, but somehow I don’t think you ever get over your first love . . . and he’ll forever be the one who got away.

“I don’t think I can come back here next year. I’ll finish this year, but I can’t, Mom. It hurts.”

“Okay baby. You’ve been strong for so long, lean on me now. Let it out.” She holds me until Jack comes back to check on us. She continues to hold me while she shushes him, thinking I’m asleep. She holds me tighter when she tells Jack I have a broken heart. She hugs me closer as she tells him everything . . . and I have to hear it over again. My heart splits further open, and it’s so fresh there is no stopping the onslaught of pain.

Only it’s not her arms that will heal me. It’s not her arms that will make me whole.

It’s Deacon.

And he’s not mine anymore.

I’m not sure he ever was.

The taillights fade as her car disappears down the street, taking a piece of my heart with her. All my plans. All my plans included her. I stand in silence, in solitude wondering what the fuck happened. I feel their presence without a word spoken.

“Where’d she go?” Caden speaks, walking to stand by my right side.

“I don’t know.”

“Y’all okay?” Mason steps to my left.

“Not even kind of.” I rub my chest. I’ve never experienced tightness like this.

I shove the envelope in my pocket and turn towards the house. I don’t know what that bitch is playing at, but I’m going to find out. “Deacon, calm down before you walk in there.” Caden won’t stop me from seeking the answers I deserve.

“Better yet, go home and let us handle it.” Mason is still trying to play superhero.

I ignore them and start walking. My phone rings, and I silence it. It starts again, and I stop, knowing something could be wrong with Julie. I can’t risk it. “Hello?”

“Deacon, what happened? Nina and Jack rushed out of here saying Saylor needed them.” My mom is frantic.

“Fucking Adriane happened!” I snap.

“She’s there?”

“And will be joining us in Colorado.” My stomach recoils.

“You didn’t.” Her tone is quiet.

“No, I didn’t. Listen, I can’t go. Julie and I will stay here.”

“No, you won’t. She will. I’ll take care of this.”

“Mom, I don’t feel like going anywhere. Saylor just left. She’s upset. I’m pissed, and I need to get to the bottom of this.”

“You will be here in the morning, and we will go as planned. Handle what you need to, but don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hang up and reach for the door.

“Deacon, you sure you want to do this?”

“You bet your ass.” I walk to the stereo, bypassing bodies, and turn it off. “Party’s over. Come back another time.” I watch everyone clear until the six of us stand . . . just like old times even though so many things have changed. “Care to tell me what you’re playing at?”

I stare down Adriane. The memories fly faster than I can bat them away. They bombard me one after the other.

The first time we had sex. It was neither of our firsts, but it was combustible. Full of meaningless desire. Nothing like I’ve experienced with Saylor. Eventually we became a couple—in label only. She fucked others, and I did, too. Adriane is complex yet simple. Her entire life the center of her universe has been . . . Adriane. She’s made no secrets about it, no qualms with the truth. She didn’t hide it and if you didn’t accept it you could move on. She grew up as part of us but somewhat on the sidelines. I can’t say there is a deep reason for it; it’s just the way she works.

The night that she told me she was pregnant changed me in ways I didn’t realize.

“Deacon,” her tears make her overdone lashes stick together. “I’m pregnant.” Her cries are silent, and more than likely fake.

“Is it mine?” Valid question.

“I swear. I use condoms with everyone else. My dad is going to kill me. We can’t have it.” My gut clenches, and an intense heat surges through my body.

“Like hell we won’t keep it. I don’t know what being a father entails, but a piece of me is growing inside of her, and she’s not getting an abortion. “We can do this, Adriane.”

“I don’t want to.” Her selfishness is shining through. “I don’t want to get fat. I don’t want to listen to the bitching of our parents. I don’t want a baby.” Her voice is nasally from all the whining.

“I don’t want you to get an abortion. I’ll do everything for the baby once it’s here.”

“Promise?”

“I swear.”

I had no idea what that meant. It has been the biggest decision I’ve made in my life, but I don’t regret it.

Julie came, and I was drenched in pride, excitement, nervousness—I had a job to do. I had to be her daddy. The best damn father there ever was. Adriane never got the parental bug, and I was okay with that. Our parents lectured us, screamed and yelled, and when it was all said and done, they came to terms with it. After she was born, things got ugly. Julie came home with my parents and me; something Adriane’s parents weren’t thrilled with. Adriane stuck to her guns about not wanting to be a mother and wouldn’t override my decision in regards to her care. She’d visit when forced, interact when her parents were watching . . . all the while biding her time.

I open the door to Adriane. “Julie’s asleep,” I inform her. It’s ten at night.

“I didn’t come to see Julie. I have these for you.” She hands me a thick, legal-sized envelope.

“What’s this?” I pry the flap off.

“I signed my parental rights away. She’s all yours.” I stare at this stranger. I know she didn’t want to be a mom, and I wasn’t forcing it, but to abandon Julie is something I never expected.

“What the fuck, Adriane?” I’m not sure what I feel. Anger. Pain. Shock. Relief.

“Deacon, we both know I didn’t want this. I’m leaving, and I don’t know if I’m coming back. My nineteenth birthday was yesterday. I have my trust fund. It’s easier for us all this way.”

“No, it’s easier for you, and it always comes down to that. What do you want me to tell our daughter when she asks? You can’t undo this.”

“Tell her the truth. I don’t care.” I can’t believe this. She’s always been shallow, but she gave birth to this baby, and she doesn’t care. “I’ve been shackled by this life too long. I didn’t want to have a baby, I don’t want to be a mother, and I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“You’ll regret this.” I’m grasping at straws. All I can picture is Julie as a young woman feeling the rejection her ‘mother’ is imparting on her. She’ll feel the void, wonder what she could have done . . . she’s an innocent child.

“No, Deacon. I won’t.” She walks down the driveway with a swing in her step . . . and it hits me—she’s fucking happy about this decision.

I’m staring at the same person right now. One without a care in the world except herself. Then she laughs. Fucking laughs. I’m in jeopardy of ripping out her vocal cords along with her windpipe with my bare hands. “I’m not playing at anything, Deacon. Emberlee called and asked me to come. I showed up and obviously in the middle of something I don’t need to be part of.”

“You asked me how Julie is doing,” I remind her. She walked up to me in the kitchen and asked me how our daughter was.

“Out of politeness. What kind of callous bitch do you think I am? Just because I don’t want to be her mother doesn’t mean I don’t care about her well-being.” Mason sucks in a breath, and I know he’s struggling to control his temper.

“And Colorado?”

“Nope. I was shocked when Lee Lee brought it up. The last place I want to be is anywhere with my parents.”

“You can go. You’ve done enough damage.”

“Deacon, that isn’t fair. This isn’t your house.” Lee Lee dares to cross me.

“Lines in the sand, Emberlee. You picked what side you wanted to align yourself with. I don’t know what your issue is, but we’re done.” Her tears are fake, and I don’t know when she turned into the manipulative bitch standing in front of me.

“You don’t mean that. Over her? You’re doing this because Saylor got her feelings hurt?” My steps halt. Caden urges me to the door.

I hear Mason growl. “We’re done, as well. I’ll find somewhere else to wet my dick.”

“Y’all are ridiculous. You were trying to replace Adriane.” She’s fucking demented.

SMACK! I whip my head in time to see Emberlee holding her face and Avery in front of her, tears running down her face, fists clenched. “Shit.” Mason grabs her waist and pulls her to us. A line has been drawn. Us five. And Emberlee. I didn’t see when Adriane slunk off, I’m just glad she’s gone.