Authors: Jamie Hill
She nodded.
"Not bad. Yours?"
"
I talked to my mother. They'd like to formally meet you Friday when we go to drop off Soph."
"
Whose idea was that?"
He glanced at her.
"I told you I'd arrange it once a little time passed."
"
I don't know, Rob. Damn, I wish everything didn't seem so hard between us. Why can't we have smooth sailing like Smoky and Rosa?"
"
Because they're Smoky and Rosa. They're not Rob and Maddie. Besides," he leaned in close to her, "I thought you liked having something hard between us."
She gave him a look.
"It's not always about sex, Rob. You know what I mean. Everything's so damn complicated."
"
I know," he admitted. "This deal with my parents will be fine. Take my word for it."
"
All right." She managed a little smile.
He looked around furtively and snuck a quick kiss on her lips.
"See you at home."
"
See you." She smiled, and watched him chase down Sophie and drag her off the playground. "Bye, Soph," she called.
"
Bye, Maddie!" she called back, then remembered and corrected, "I mean, bye, Miss Stewart!"
Friday after work, they packed up most of Sophie's things and got her ready to go to her mother's. She'd visit Rob and Maddie every other weekend now, until the holidays. They were sad to see her go, their tempers were short and nerves on edge.
Maddie showered and changed into a conservative blue dress that hid her tattoo and any notion of cleavage. Rob chuckled as he looked at her pulling her hair into a fresh braid.
"Wow. They won't recognize you. I'll have to introduce you, all over again."
"
Good." Maddie nodded. "A fresh start is just what we need."
"
Don't worry so much." He kissed the back of her neck. "If all else fails, we break out the big guns and you'll be a shoo-in."
Maddie looked at him.
"What are you talking about?"
He tucked his fresh shirt into his clean jeans and buttoned them up.
"You know. We'll tell them you went to Harvard and your daddy is loaded. You'll fit right in. That's their kind of people."
She turned to face him.
"I don't think so. I don't want your parents to know that."
"
Why not? I say, if you've got it, flaunt it. It'll make things so much easier."
"
Rob, I don't intend to treat my past like an ace card in my pocket, to use in case of emergency. If we tell your parents, God, who knows? They might try to call my parents or something. I can't have that!"
"
Maddie, what is the big deal? My parents are concerned about breeding and the shit that doesn't make a rat's ass to me. But if it makes them happy, then Christ! That's one less complication we have to deal with."
"
No!" she told him firmly. "Your parents will accept me for who I am now, or they won't. That's their prerogative."
He stormed around the room and pointed a finger at her.
"You were the one bitching about everything being so fucking hard for us. This is one thing that doesn't have to be hard. You're being stubborn as a mule's ass."
She unzipped the front of her dress and pulled it off. She threw the dress on the bed and slammed some drawers to find shorts and a t-shirt.
"I don't want to make things any harder for you, Rob. You and Sophie go on without me. I'm staying home."
"
My parents are expecting you," he replied loudly.
"
I'm sure they'll get over the disappointment." She kicked her good shoes off angrily and they flew against the wall. "Sophie!" she hollered. "Need any help packing?"
Sophie came around the corner carrying her last little suitcase.
"No, I'm done. I packed what you set out. Aren't you coming with us, Maddie?"
Maddie sat on the edge of the bed and hugged Sophie to her.
"Not this time, sweetheart. I'll visit with your grandma and grandpa another time. You have fun, and I'll see you in a couple of weeks, okay?"
"
Okay, Maddie." Sophie hugged her neck tightly. "I'll miss you! I love you!"
"
I'll miss you, too, Sophie Belle. I love you, too." She let the child go and stood up. She gave Rob an angry glare. "At least your daughter doesn't have trouble expressing emotions."
"
Jesus H. Christ!" He threw his hands in the air then picked up Sophie's suitcase. "If it's not one thing, it's another. But it's always something."
"
Bye, Sophie," Maddie said again. She walked in the bathroom and slammed the door. She stayed in there until she heard Rob's truck drive away. When she came out, she looked around the empty room, thinking it made her sad to be there alone. She straightened up the mess, and threw a few things in an overnight bag. She needed to clear her head, and she could best do that at her old place.
Maddie drove
toward her duplex and realized she had no food there anymore. She stopped at the grocery store for something fattening and chocolate. She passed the video rental department and noticed all the new movies she hadn't seen yet.
I can't believe I fell for a guy who doesn't like to watch movies.
Maddie picked out two DVDs to rent, and tossed them in her cart. She picked up frozen pizza, ice cream, and for the hell of it, an early pregnancy test.
At her place
, she waved to the Peabody's who peeked out the window at her. She turned on the air conditioner and put her food away. The pizza went in to the oven and the pregnancy test in a cabinet, in case Rob came looking for her.
He didn
't come over, and her phone never rang. She watched the two movies halfheartedly and cried herself to sleep.
The pregnancy test recommended dipping the stick in her first urine of the day, so she waited until the morning to use it. It turned bright pink, which the box indicated meant positive
, or
yes, foolish woman, you are pregnant
.
Maddie lay on her bed for an hour
, digesting the information. She couldn't decide if she was more happy or scared. She'd definitely be happier, if she and Rob hadn't argued the night before. But she could fix that, she knew she could. She'd have to let up on him a little bit, and maybe, just maybe, let him tell his parents about Harvard and her parents having money. The longer she thought about things, the better the spin she put on them. She was excited to get home and talk to Rob.
Chapter
Six
Unfortunately, Rob was not home when Maddie got there. The bed hadn't been slept in, and everything was as she'd left it the night before. Surprise battled with confusion and anger by the time he finally showed up. "Where have you been, as if I have to ask?" was the first thing she said to him.
He looked tired and irritable.
Waving a hand at her he muttered, "Don't start. You were supposed to be with me, remember?"
"
I didn't realize we were spending the night. Where were our reservations? Hotel Dionne?"
"
Maddie, stop it." He went to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer. He drank half the bottle with his first drink.
She mimicked him.
"Maddie, don't. Maddie, stop it. What the fuck am I supposed to think when you didn't come home last night?"
He faced her.
"Nothing happened. We just talked."
"
Talked?" she practically screamed. "Yeah, and I'm the fucking Queen of England!"
"
Well, Your Highness, we did talk. Dee had a proposal for me to consider."
"
A proposal?" Maddie screamed again. She knew, she needed to rein herself in. She knew she was over the top, but her hormones,
or something
, were raging and she couldn't stop. "So, did she present you with this proposal before or after you hopped in the sack? You can't tell me you spent the night with her, and that didn't happen."
"
You're acting like a raving lunatic," he said quietly.
"
What was her proposal?" Maddie asked through clenched teeth.
Rob dropped into the sofa and finished off his beer.
"She wants me to move back and be a family with her and Sophie. She doesn't care anymore where I work. I can do construction in Oklahoma City if I want. But we'd be a family."
"
I thought
we
were a family." Her voice was eerily quiet, even to her own ears.
"
I don't know what we are, Maddie. Besides a complicated mess. I think you're right, it's just too hard. I'm not sure I want to do this anymore."
"
I said it was hard, I never said I wanted to quit." She looked out the window, and debated with herself for one moment about telling Rob she was pregnant.
"
I'm not sure I want to quit, either. There are pros and cons to both sides."
"
Oh my God!" Maddie whirled around to face him. "Did you drive back from the city making a pro and con list? Staying with Maddie versus going back to Dionne? You did, didn't you?" She stomped into the bedroom and dragged her suitcase out from under the bed. "I
can not
fucking believe you."
"
Maddie, don't go away angry," Rob said softly.
She glared at him.
"Just go away, right? God, that's original! Did you just make that up?" She threw her clothes into the suitcase, then looked around the room, tossing everything of hers on top of the clothes. Her tears made it nearly impossible to fasten the latch.
Rob stepped forward to do it and she raised her hand to him.
"Don't! Just don't." She finally got it latched, and dragged it into the hall.
"
Maddie." His voice trailed off.
"
I can't talk to you right now, Rob. I don't think I've ever felt so—humiliated, is an understatement. I've got to get out of here." She made it to the front door before she turned to look at him. "Explain this all to Sophie, will you, when she asks about me? I couldn't begin to explain it to anyone."
"
Maddie," he said again, but she knew he didn't know what to say after that.
She walked out to her car, shoved the suitcase in the back seat, and got in the front. She couldn
't stop the torrent of tears as she clutched the steering wheel, sobbing. She knew Rob watched her from the door, and she didn't care. She hoped his heart was breaking, just like hers.
She finally pulled herself together enough to drive home.
Home
. The very word made her cry again. The duplex didn't feel like home anymore. Rob's house felt like home. Being in Rob's arms felt like home. Maddie's eyes released a fresh batch of tears as she dragged her loaded suitcase into the duplex and dropped it by the door. She couldn't unpack. She couldn't think. She lay on her bed, the TV on for noise all day, alternating between sobbing and sleeping.
The phone rang four separate times
.
It has to be Rob. No one else knows I'm here
. She ignored it.
What else is there to say?
When her doorbell rang at eight-thirty that evening, she tried to ignore that, too.
Rob was persistent, and kept ringing for the twenty minutes it took Maddie to drag herself out of bed. She glanced in the mirror as she passed it, and thought she looked like a ghost with a pale face and sunken red eyes.
Good. Let him see what he's done to me.
She threw open the door
. "What could you possibly have to say to me?"
Rob didn
't look much better. His eyes were red rimmed and filled with anguish. "I don't know," he admitted. "I just had to see you."
She motioned to her living room and stepped aside so he could
enter. She closed the front door, and took a slow deep breath. As she dropped into one chair, he sat on the edge of another, across from her. She stared at him.
"
Maddie," he began, but trailed off again.
"
You said that to me earlier. If you haven't got anything to add, I'd say we're done here."
He breathed in and out quietly
, a couple times, and Maddie flinched when she realized how handsome he still seemed. His hair fell in his face when he looked down. It was sun-bleached and golden and she could just run her hands through it. She steadied herself and made herself remember what he said to her that morning. As much as she wanted to, she was not letting him in her bed tonight.
"
I'm so sorry Maddie. I never meant for this to happen."
"
You were so concerned about Sophie, and how it would affect her, bringing another woman into your life. You didn't want us to do anything to hurt Sophie. And now here you are, turning her life completely upside down. Funny, you turned out to be the one to hurt Sophie."
He looked at her
with flat, empty eyes. "Sophie's a trooper. She's going to be happy to have her mommy and daddy together again."
Maddie scoffed and nodded.
"I guess you're right. I forgot that. So then, I'm the only one to get hurt in all this. Because, you've turned my life upside down, too. I was just starting to think that maybe we really had something together."
"
I never, ever, thought in a million years that things would turn out this way. I wouldn't have started anything with you if—"
"
If you'd have realized that you were still in love with Dionne? I guess I realized that before you did. Would you like to know how?"
He
blinked, unspeaking.
"
The night of Sophie's party on the fourth. I was almost asleep and you came to me in our bed. You were drunk and disgusting and I told you to stop, that you were hurting me. You said you'd never hurt me, because you loved me." She laughed sarcastically. "Well, you know me. I was so thrilled to hear those words, my legs popped right open for you. And while you were screwing me, you repeated it. I love you, Dee, you told me. Wasn't that special?"
A look of shock and horror
graced Rob's face. "Jesus, I'm sorry Maddie. I was so drunk."
"
I know you were. That's why I tried to put it out of my mind. I thought I could overcome it. I thought I could make you love me. I guess I thought wrong."
"
But I do love you, Maddie." Rob's eyes filled with tears.
She
stood. "Don't!" She held both hands out, as if she could keep his words away from her. "Don't tell me that now, when you're walking out of my life!" Her tears sprang forth unexpectedly. She didn't know she had any fluids left in her body. "I waited and waited for you to say those words to me. Don't you dare say them now."
He held his face in his hands and muttered
, "I'm so confused."
"
Well, hey. I can solve that problem for you. I'm taking myself out of the mix. You don't have to be torn between me and Dionne. I'm no longer an option for you."
He looked up at her.
"I deserve a man who'll love me for who I am, with his whole heart, soul, and body. You had the body part down to perfection, just needed a little work in the heart department. And who knows if you even have a soul."
Rob stood and took a step closer to her.
"Are you telling me you can just walk away from what we had? Because I've never had a woman make love to me the way you did. We had a connection, physical and spiritual, I know we did."
"
Listen to yourself, Rob," Maddie said softly. "You said
had
. You've already made up your mind, you just don't want to admit it.
You're
the one walking away. From the best thing you've ever had, and you're having second thoughts. Well, that's too bad. I hope you suffer miserably from your decision, because I know I will." She walked to the front door and opened it for him. "But at least you'll have Sophie,
and Dee
."
Rob took a step out the door and Maddie continued
, "But I'll have Mr. and Mrs. Peabody. So there's that."
H
e looked at her sadly. "Goodbye, Maddie." He appeared so grief stricken, yet he was the one who'd caused this whole mess. She could only imagine how she looked to him.
"
Goodbye, Rob." She let the door slam in his face.
She returned to her bedroom and lay on the bed. The TV
played softly, people laughed about something funny going on in their lives. Maddie wished something funny was going on in her life, but she could think of nothing to laugh about. She touched her stomach and remembered the new life growing inside her. It wasn't funny, but it was definitely worth a smile.
I
'm going to have a baby
. A part of Rob that she could keep, forever. She still didn't know when, or even if, she'd tell him. Telling him would change things between them. They'd have this connection for the rest of their lives.
She let her mind wander through various scenarios.
Rob wanting to come back to her because of the baby.
Not a good reason, but she knew she'd have him back.
Rob staying with Dionne, but wanting to be part of the baby's life.
Maddie would have to see him regularly when they exchanged the baby for visits. She could make Dionne's life hell, as Dionne had done to her, but not just for a few months, for years and years. Maddie chuckled at the evil thoughts running through her mind. She and Rob might have an affair, because he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off her. Dionne would be miserable.
Maddie
fantasized all the crazy thoughts before coming back to reality. She didn't want things that way. She wanted a man of her own, one who wanted her, and only her. She wasn't even sure she wanted to share her baby with Rob, evenings, weekends, summers, such a pain to negotiate. Maybe she'd move away and keep the baby all to herself. She didn't know what she was going to do, but she knew she had time.
Plenty of time
.
Rubbing
her stomach, she felt comforted knowing she wasn't alone. She tried to watch TV, but it all seemed so trivial. Sleep was impossible. She tossed and turned, then rose and paced the floor. She finished off a box of crackers she found in back of the kitchen cabinet. She dozed. She dreamed. She woke up crying, sweating and choked with fear. Finally, she slept.
Monday afternoon, Rosa approached Maddie outside on the playground. "I had lunch with Leonard today. He said Coop looks like hell, and he's grouchy as all get-out."
Maddie
frowned. "That's too bad, since I'm doing so well here myself." She'd spent one hour throwing up that morning, as compared with the three hours she'd thrown up on Sunday.
"
At lunch, Leonard wondered if there wasn't something we could do to—"
"
There's not, but thanks," Maddie cut her off. She thought about going to 'lunch' with Rob, the day they spent twenty five glorious minutes making love at her place.
Back when things were good. Back when things made sense.
"Where'd you go?"
"
What?"
"
For lunch. Where'd you go?"
"
Oh. The Burger Barn on 6th Street."
Maddie smiled.