Authors: Jamie Hill
The bright pink result left no doubt in her mind. She
smiled to herself, fairly sure that Rob didn't suspect anything this time. She hadn't been quite as sick, and she'd managed to wait until he was out of the house before she threw up those mornings she did. She rubbed her stomach and thought how often Rob would do that until the new life arrived on the scene. He was totally enthralled with Stacie's pregnancy, since he'd missed Sam's. Maddie knew the first thing he'd do was kiss her stomach and start talking to 'the new baby'. She enjoyed the prospect of telling him the news.
There was a knock at her door, and she said, "Come in."
Matt stuck his head in the door. "Mom says there's plenty of food, if you want to come down and scrounge for something. The neighbors have been going crazy with casseroles."
"That's nice. I'm really not very hungry. I
was
thinking a drink sounded good, but I suppose I'd better not."
"Aw, come on." He encouraged. "I thought we might get shit-faced together for old times sake."
Maddie laughed. "I never recall getting 'shit-faced' with you, big brother. You were too busy being Big Man on Campus to drink, weren't you?"
He laughed at that. "Is that what you thought? I drank a hell of a lot in college."
"How did I not know that? And how did you keep your grades up? Mine sucked when I partied."
He leaned against the wall. "I don't think you and I 'partied' in the same way. I drank. You, well, if the smell in this room after that first Christmas vacation was any indication, you were into
other
things."
"What are you talking about?" Maddie acted shocked.
"I might have asked you for a hit if I hadn't been so chicken. I was always afraid to try anything stronger than liquor."
Maddie rolled her eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about. I was a good girl."
"Yeah," he snorted. "Well, come down to eat if you're hungry. Come down to drink if you're not. I'll see you later."
She
smiled once more and he closed the door. She thought back to her first Christmas home from college, when she'd smoked more dope than at any other time in her life. She wondered if Matt was the only one to realize it. Probably not, but surely her parents would have said something if they suspected. They were not the type to let things go unspoken.
She curled up on the bed and thought about what she had to do.
What I want to do
, more precisely, because she really wanted to do it. The decision suddenly became simple. She'd borrow her mother's car and drive to Cambridge the next day.
Maddie dressed carefully on Saturday morning. She wore the stylish navy dress her mother bought her, with hose and high-heeled shoes. She applied her make-up and fussed with her hair until she thought it was perfect.
She tried to call Rob, but got the answering machine. She left an, 'I love you,' message to them all, and said she'd try back tonight. She found her mother sipping coffee in the breakfast nook.
"Good morning," Maddie said.
"You look lovely this morning! Where are you off to so early?"
"I need to run an errand. I hate to ask you, but I need to borrow your car."
"Of course, the keys are on the counter. Take the Lincoln, it's got a full tank."
"Good." Maddie took a breath and exhaled. "I'll probably be gone most of the day."
Meg looked at her. "What are you doing, Maddie?"
"Taking care of some unfinished business, Mother. I've made peace with you and Daddy, and now Matt. I have one more person I need to make peace with."
Meg stood. "Maddie, no. Don't do this. Your life is going so well right now."
Maddie chuckled. "I'm not leaving my family, Mother. I just need to see him."
"How do you know where he is? Maybe he's moved."
Maddie nodded. "Maybe he has. I'm going to find out."
"I don't think your father would approve of this, Madison."
Maddie laughed. "Please, don't start with me, Mother. I wasn't even going to tell you where I was going, except I need your car. I don't give a damn if you and Dad approve or disapprove of what I do anymore. I thought I made that clear when I moved halfway across the country."
"Oh, I think you care. You're still our little girl underneath all that false bravado."
"Let's put it this way. I was a child when Alec died. I let you and Daddy run my life for those next six months, and I regret that immensely. I still haven't completely forgiven you for some of the decisions you made 'in my best interests.' I'm trying to resolve those feelings, I really am. I need to do this today."
"I'm afraid for you, Maddie." Meg looked at her.
"I'm not afraid, Mom, and I'm not sure why you are. There was never anything to be afraid of. You just never knew that." Maddie picked up the car keys. "I'm not sure when I'll be back. Before the visitation tonight, for sure." She headed for the door.
"Maddie, keep one thing in mind. If we hadn't done what we did, your life would be completely different now. Think about that."
She looked at her mother. "I've thought about that a lot. I wouldn't trade my life for anything, but I lucked into it, Mother. It wasn't because of you or Daddy. What you did was take away my right to choose because you thought you knew best. It should have been my decision. Mine and his."
Meg turned away, and Maddie left. She got in the Lincoln and adjusted the seat and mirrors. She put on her seatbelt and sunglasses, and drove to Cambridge.
The first thing she did was drive by Nick's old house. It looked the same, but there was a tricycle on the front porch. Maddie suspected he didn't live there anymore. She took a couple of breaths and drove to Dick's Bike Shop. She parked across the street and stared at the building for a few minutes.
The main garage door was open, and someone was working on a bike inside. She couldn't see who it was, so she decided she'd just have to go ask if they knew where Nick might have gone.
She walked up to the door, and the mechanic glanced up at her. The sun was in his eyes and he squinted. Maddie stopped in the doorway and inhaled. There he sat, white tank top over black jeans, a red bandana tied around his head to keep the hair out of his face. He looked so much the same, Maddie had to touch the doorway to steady herself.
She took another step closer. "I hear a girl can get her piano tuned in this joint."
Nick stared at her, and slowly put down his tools. He stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans. "Holy Mary, Mother of God. Look who's all grown up and walking back through my door."
"Hey Nick." She stared at his face, a visage that was so familiar to her, except for a few new lines around his eyes.
"Maddie." He held his arms out to her.
She flew into them. "I'm sorry, I know you hate tears." She sniffled into his shirt.
"When did I say that? Obviously before you were dragged away from me and I cried myself to sleep for three months." He held her firmly in his arms, and she finally had to back away.
She wiped at her eyes. "Three months, huh?"
He grinned and turned away as he wiped at his own eyes.
"I can't believe how much time has gone by. You look exactly the same."
"Older," he added.
"You don't look it," she repeated.
He looked back at her. "My God, you do! I mean that in a good way, of course. You grew up good! If you would have walked into the pool hall looking this good that first night, you wouldn't have had to talk me into anything."
She smiled. "I had to do plenty of talking, if I recall."
He smirked and walked over to his desk. He started to light up a cigarette, then stopped and asked, "Do you mind?"
She shook her head, and he lit it.
"Do you have time to talk? I'm sorry for just dropping in on you."
"I have time." He nodded. "Everyone else has the weekend off for the holiday. I just needed to get out of the house."
"Did you move? I drove by the old place and saw a trike on the porch."
He pointed to a picture on his desk. Maddie looked at the little boy with sandy blond hair and a smile just like his daddy's. "Oh my God, Nick! He's beautiful."
"That's
Tommy. He just turned four."
Maddie stared at the picture again, and then looked at Nick. "Oh my God," she repeated. She glanced around. The shop looked the same, except for the picture of
Tommy and the computer on Nick's desk. "A computer. Dick's Bike Shop leaps into the twentieth century."
"This is the twenty-first century, sweetness."
"Nobody gets that joke. You're probably, like, the last business on the planet to get a computer."
He grinned. "Oh. I get it. Yeah, and don't send me any damn email because I can't open the stupid thing."
Maddie chuckled. "I won't. We don't have email
or
a computer. My husband is against technical things, big businesses and what he calls 'the corporate capitalist machine'."
Smirking, Nick sat in his desk chair. "
Your husband
. Damn, we have a lot to catch up on." He motioned to the sofa.
Maddie looked at it. "Oh my God, Nick! It's the same sofa!
Hope the FBI doesn't haul it away for DNA samples."
"They'd only find two. I haven't tuned anybody else's piano on it."
Maddie laughed and dropped into it.
"Course, there's a chocolate ice cream stain from my kid. You know how they are."
"Yeah, I do. I have three. Well, two plus a step-daughter."
"Three? Holy cow, Maddie. I'm barely surviving with one. How do you do it?"
She grinned. "I just found out yesterday I'm pregnant again. You're the first one I've told."
"No shit?" He snuffed out his cigarette. "I'm sorry. Congratulations!" He leaned over and kissed her cheek.
"Thank you. Rob's going to be very excited when I tell him."
"How come you haven't told him yet?"
"He's at home, in Oklahoma."
"Oklahoma? How the hell did you wind up in
Oklahoma? Did your parents ship you off?"
"No." She laughed. "I moved there to get away from my parents once I mustered enough backbone. They still live in the house in
Hartford. I'm here for a funeral. My brother's four-year-old was hit by a car and killed on Thanksgiving."
"I'm sorry. God, a four-year-old. That hits close to home."
Maddie nodded. "It's very tragic. But actually it's brought my brother and me back together again. My parents and I are slowly rebuilding our relationship. This is only the second time I've been back east since I moved eight and a half years ago."
"Wow."
"Mending fences with my brother made me think of the one person I really wanted to mend fences with. I hated how we left things, Nick. It's haunted me all these years."
"I tried to call you," he said. "You were never available to come to the phone."
"I'm sure." She looked away. "I was kept in seclusion for almost two months after Alec died. I didn't leave the house. I didn't talk on the phone. I went nowhere without one of my parents."
"How nice."
"Yeah." Maddie kicked off her heels and tucked her feet underneath her. "The shit really hit the fan when they contacted Harvard to tell them I wouldn't be back to finish the semester. They found out what my grades were, and that I never went to intercession or summer school. I thought my father was going to kill me."
"Did he hurt you?" Nick frowned.
"Not physically. He browbeat me into an even more pathetic human being than I already was."
"You were not pathetic," Nick scoffed.
She smiled. "Just lonely and desperate for love."
He raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything to that.
"Anyway, they went to Buckley Hall and cleaned out my dorm. I got most of my things, I think. A lot of my clothes were missing. I never knew if Zoey took them or my parents just left them there."
"I took all your stuff over to Zoey's. Did you get your jacket?"
"Yeah! I still have it. I tried it on not too long ago, and it still fits. Rob couldn't believe I ever rode on a motorcycle."
"So this Rob is a—?" he made a square symbol with his hands.
"Not at all. He's very cool. He's just a little uncomfortable with my past, mainly because he doesn't know the whole story. I've never talked about it with anyone."
He nodded. "I understand. Oh, I should mention, I didn't send your earrings and necklace to Zoey's. I kept them. I wasn't sure you'd get them."
Maddie's eyes teared up. "I'm so glad to hear that. I never knew if Zoey swiped them or if my parents kept them from me." She wiped her eyes. "The same with all my pot. Either Zoey took it, or somebody probably flushed it."
They grinned at each other. "I hope Zoey got it," he said. "That probably cost me as much as the earrings."
They chuckled, and then it got quiet. Maddie opened her purse. "I have some pictures, if you'd like to see them."